It seems like most people in this world are rather unhappy with their relational arrangements. Single people want a partner. People with partners want a better partner, and so on. What can a person do to change their circumstance?
This issue was indirectly addressed in a post at Σ Frame: More on Relational Archetypes (2020 November 28). This post contained the following rubric, which shows different relationship structures based on who has defacto authority and the submissiveness of the woman.
It is assumed that people are more satisfied with their relationship when it fits into the Headship/Tingly Respect model. But apparently, few people ever realize this, much less actively pursue it.
But supposing that more people understood this, and if we assume that maturing people will want to migrate towards the upper left corner of the graph, then it should become apparent that Alphas would need to settle down and offer commitment, whereas Betas who want to change their repertoire would know that they need to up their Game. Likewise, women would need to look for a man that they can depend on and who can also stimulate her Tingles.
This post posed an Axiom: “The natural interaction defines the relationship structure according to which model it fits best.”
There is a corollary to this Axiom: “If you want to change your relationship status, then you have to change your interaction.”
Changing the interaction changes everything. But even if you can do the hard work of changing the interaction, you may or may not be able to change the attraction (i.e. stimulate the Tingles) all that much, especially if the woman has had a rolodex of lovers in constant supply.
So as you can see, attraction is very complicated. It does depend on the interaction, but it also depends on the individual you’re sleeping with.
I had a talk with my father once on this subject. He told me that it is 100 times easier to fall in love with a person you are sleeping with. I suppose this could be another axiom.
Furthermore, provided that you are having a regular sexual interaction, you can have the experience of falling in love with anyone who is beautiful enough to turn you on, and receptive enough to get you off (men’s version) / sophisticated enough to turn you on, and disciplined enough to get you off (women’s version).
But it’s more complicated than this. “Sex does not always equal love.” (Another axiom!)
Dad and I also agreed that if you repetitively sleep with the same person for a long while, you either start to love them more, or you start to hate them more. In the case where you start to love that person more, and they feel the same way towards you, then a monogamous relationship can be heaven. But in the case where you grow to hate each other, the relationship is set to terminate in a bitter end.
But on the other hand, having sex with someone you don’t much care for is not very satisfying either, at least, not for me. I say that because of my experience. But that is not the same as what my Dad was talking about. I think Dad was talking about something more passionate, more established over time, and more mutual.
Based on my experience, I would say Dad’s rule of thumb holds true 9 times out of 10. And I also think the sexual relationship needs to be a continual habit for love to grow. Not just a ONS.
However, I know not everyone thinks the same as my Dad and I.