Over at Jack’s, Scott wrote,

All of the women you guys hold up as examples in the sphere— Elspeth, Hearthie, Mychael had very strong dads (in Mychaels case her grandfather) who they were terrified of disappointing.

Yes, this is a thing. Or at least it can be a thing. Parents through leading by example (and more) can make this happen. In my case, I was sad that I disappointed when my marriage ended up in divorce. Nothing was said, but nothing needed to be said. So, yes it does happen, and with both sexes.

But what are the precise ingredients? It starts with leading by example. There is also the statement of rules part. These are pretty much given. I had both of these. However, I probably could have benefited more if some other things were present.

First, a bit more of an explanation of why the rules were the way that they were would have been good. With respect to the young ladies, diagraming what happens to them in their head when they have a high n could be helpful.

Second, an explanation that the world is full of people who operate from a crabs in a bucket perspective; that is, they want to bring you down to their level for whatever reason, often to make themselves feel better about themselves.

Third, the world is full of cool/charming people who act like they know how it all works, or at least how the cool people think it all should work. Very often, they have not had a real thought in their life, but have gotten by on cool/charm. Youngsters should not be enticed.

Naturally enough, much of the education above should be done at teachable moments; and without oversell. Give them the basic info, plus some conclusion. Let them fill in the rest.

Exit question: What else might a parent need to do?

Posted in Dating????, FarmBoy, HowTo
166 comments on “Disappointment
  1. Hungry Hippo says:

    The US Constitution gives sole authority over Presidential elections, to the State Legislatures.

    If State Courts or Government Agencies have infringed on the exclusive jurisdiction of their State’s Legislature, then the State Legislators need to Impeach and Remove those Judges and Government Officials, for violating the US Constitution.

    Why isn’t this happening already?

    Liked by 8 people

  2. horsemanbombadil says:

    Exit question: What else might a parent need to do?

    Consequences of their actions.

    I got to three exactly twice ever.

    You did something stupid? Unless blood is gushing or cops are on site, deal with your own mess.

    “Yeah dad, we know life isn’t fair so make it unfair in your favour”
    ‘Good, so stop whining, no one cares.”

    Liked by 1 person

  3. horsemanbombadil says:

    At 50 I am surrounded by people who don’t like the outcome of their life choices but have another 25-30 years to live with them.

    Think ahead, by 50 you are past peak physically, mentally, career, smv.
    A life event you shrug off at 30 exhausts you at 50.
    Also not much time left to save, build, invest, romance.

    Without massive effort, where your life takes you at 50 will set your last 30 years.

    Remember back to 20. Long time ago right?

    You have that much in front of you.





    Liked by 3 people

  4. horsemanbombadil says:

    Oh and btw, at 50 you are at best pitied, most likely invisible.

    Society doesn’t care…you are not the power demographic

    Business doesn’t care….you are the old timer

    Family doesn’t care…they are independent and have long given up being sympathetic

    Social/romance doesn’t care….meeting someone new for friendship or love at 50?

    Better be happy with yourself and your small circle by 50.

    No one else gives a fuck.



    Toodles again.

    Liked by 3 people

  5. horsemanbombadil says:

    Not a nihilist, just what I see boots on the ground. I just have the zfg to say it.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. This is too good to not repeat:

    Its functionally there already.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. BTW, have you seen the new GM logo.

    Imagine Nelson saying, “teh, …gay”, instead of “Ha,… ha.”

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I guess “Soul Surfer” girl is fat now?


  9. Farm Boy says:

    The hypocrisy of left-wing Big Tech companies is astounding. A day after Twitter banned President Trump “due to the risk of further incitement of violence,” the social media company let “Hang Mike Pence” trend on its platform.


    Liked by 1 person

  10. Only idiots are “astounded” by Big Tech doing whatever the fuck they want.

    Liked by 2 people

  11. Cheque d'Out says:

    Freshly freed comment from Hungry Hippo (first comment on this thread) poses a damn fine question

    Welcome Hungry Hippo, I thought that I’d previously cleared a comment from you which should mean that that one shouldn’t have gotten caught up. You need to keep to the same username and (fictitious? I neither know nor care if it is. In fact I prefer that it is) email address combination else your comments will continue to be caught up.

    Liked by 2 people

  12. Cheque d'Out says:

    Liked by 2 people

  13. Farm Boy says:

    “I swear. The entire Washington establishment is poised. They are recoiling in fear. They are cowering in fear in the corners. They are scared to death of Donald Trump. They are scared to death of you.”

    Rush then addressed Pelosi’s bizarre suggestion that she has the military on standby in case Trump wants to launch a nuclear attack. “Who are we gonna nuke?” Trump asked. “The little pot-bellied dictator, Kim Jong-un?”

    Pelosi is obviously not afraid Trump will launch a nuclear attack. So what are they afraid of? According to Rush, “They’re terrified that Trump is gonna unleash classified documents. You know, he’s got a bevy of ’em, folks. He’s got classified documents about the hoax, the four-year coup […] the four-year effort to get the election results of 2016 overturned. There are all kinds of people who broke the law, all kinds of people who are quaking in their boots. They’re worried silly that Trump is gonna unleash some of these classified documents.”



  14. Farm Boy says:

    Liked by 1 person

  15. “They’re worried silly that Trump is gonna unleash some of these classified documents.”

    Well, why doesn’t he?

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Farm Boy says:

    Supposedly it has started

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Sharkly says:

    Hungry Hippo,
    If you are asking me why the Minor League swamp creatures in the individual state swamps aren’t wanting to clear their own swamps, it is because you don’t even get to become a measly state politician if you have strict moral beliefs and aren’t dishonest about them. A man like myself could never be elected, because I might actually try to drain the swamp. You don’t even get let into that swamp without swearing allegiance to the swamp and kissing the devil’s ring. Reformers need not apply!

    Liked by 2 people

  18. Sharkly says:

    I guess “Soul Surfer” girl is fat now?

    Been surfing the Soul Food Buffet, I reckon.

    Liked by 2 people

  19. Well, colleges and workplaces are completely toxic now so no surprises. Friends? Like the TV show? Why is it just “Family” and not Met through Family? That looks genetically sub-optimal. Bars and restaurants actually increased? I think that’s the most surprising number.


  20. Sharkly says:

    This crazy cat from the UK seems to think that it is now on like Donkey Kong!
    The Insurrection Act of 1807 has supposedly been invoked by President Trump.
    He seems to think that lieutenant general Michael Flynn may soon be our Vice President.
    Woke-Pope is also supposedly going down for pedophilia. This is starting to sound like it will be of BIBLICAL proportions.
    Others on the interweb swear to this man’s credibility, but, he has a cat and a Limey accent, so should we really trust him????

    [Calls him “Leftenant General Flynn” he does]

    Liked by 1 person

  21. Cheque d'Out says:



  22. Sharkly says:

    Why is it just “Family” and not Met through Family? That looks genetically sub-optimal.

    Well, if less couples are now meeting initially as family, expect a coming demographic crash in Tennessee. I suppose there may be a birth dearth in Kentucky too. Can you see many kids out your window, KH? Besides that three eyed kid. /S

    Liked by 1 person

  23. Cheque d'Out says:

    I wouldn’t invest much trust in any ‘news’ right now. Even if the source has impeccable credentials, mate. Even a cat and the accent of a gentleman, like wot mine is.


  24. Sharkly says:

    Well Simon Parkes says that the MSM will be outright fabricating CGI video and that they are now going to be at war with us, so just shut them off, and only believe what comes from patriot sites.

    About a month ago or so, Drudgereport got so flaming Leftist that I replaced their link with a lookalike site:
    I cancelled Matt Drudge’s deviant butt. LOL Suck it Lefty.

    Apparently Donald Trump is stepping up and taking on the Luciferians. Pray for him.

    Liked by 1 person

  25. RichardP says:

    1. The Insurrection Act has been signed proclaim today’s headlines.

    To which I respond, yes – by President Jefferson in 1807. And it has been ammended / reauthorized a number of times since then.

    I have not seen all postings that are proclaiming the signing, but the ones I have read say “… has been signed”, not “… has been invoked. In other words, they are yanking your chain – in ways they won’t be able to do after January 20.

    2. The Flag is flying at half-staff over the White House today in honor of the Capital Hill officer that died. That is all.

    3. There are many things that Trump, as President, could do. If he intended to do them, they would have been done by now. Trump is working for free. He is not going to rage, rage against the dying of the light.

    4. Watch for Melania to divorce Trump in the reasonably near future.


  26. Cheque d'Out says:

    Sad story. Hankies to the ready

    Liked by 2 people

  27. Sharkly says:

    According to this Simon Parkes dude:
    Watch Mike Pompeo – As his posts get closer and closer together so the action will increase. This is code to all US patriots.

    1 hour gap – Then 30 mins – Then could go to 20 mins. & then 10 mins then 5 mins etc.
    This is what is planned.

    I can’t say it will happen today – But is the sign of the developing situation even if his messages have nothing to do with the current situation.

    it’s the time gap between them that matters not the content.


    I’m not sure what to believe, but right now Pompeo is tweeting every half hour. Fun to watch, even if it is just conspiracy kookery.


  28. Ame says:

    4. Watch for Melania to divorce Trump in the reasonably near future.

    really?! where is that coming from?


  29. Farm Boy says:

    The media have generally praised takeovers from state capitols whether that was in Wisconsin in 2011, Texas in 2013, which they widely praised. Also, the attacks of the Kavanaugh confirmation process, in which the media and Democrats actually encouraged the disruption of the proceedings there, the attack on the Supreme Court. Not to mention this entire summer of rage that we saw. The media not just coddling but enabling and supporting.

    And other people such as Democrats working to bailout rioters who took over cities, dozens of people that were killed, there was billions of dollars in damage, there were attacks on federal courthouses, federal buildings, state and local buildings, churches, businesses.

    “These are things that the media generally encouraged. It took months to get anybody on the left to condemn them and the media kept saying, ‘you have to listen to what people have to say.’” She explained. “Basically saying, if you want to be heard, violence is an appropriate way to go about doing that. That also contributes to it.”



  30. Farm Boy says:

    WA Governor who refused National Guard for Seattle’s ‘autonomous zone’ calls up Guard to protect Governor’s Mansion



  31. I’m not sure that Trump can even get pizza delivered to the WH these days, let alone try to do whatever the tinfoil hats think he’s doing.

    Liked by 3 people

  32. Farm Boy says:

    When you have the leaders of business implementing the political agenda of a political party against its opposition, that’s the definition of fascism.


    Liked by 1 person

  33. “When you have the leaders of business implementing the political agenda of a political party against its opposition, ”

    I’m still trying to see how a business can be forced to bake cakes for fags or take pictures of lesbian “weddings”, but they can’t be forced to allow people who sell t-shirts to be able to accept credit cards…

    Liked by 2 people

  34. Farm Boy says:

    Fashion magazine Vogue is being harshly criticized by the Left because the cover photo showing vice-president-elect Kamala Harris makes her look too white.



  35. RichardP says:

    4. Watch for Melania to divorce Trump in the reasonably near future.

    Ame said: really?! where is that coming from?

    Nothing I’ve read. Just an informed hunch. I think he has embarrassed her on the world stage, where she used to be a top model. I think many lawsuits will be coming at him, and I doubt she will want to go through that. He will be a target for kooks looking to take him out. I don’t think she wants to be in the line of fire with her son. Just a few of the things that might influence her desire to stick around. You can probably think of others (like – his best days are probably behind him; she’s young enough to maybe want to stand beside someone who has some mileage left in them, etc.).

    Liked by 1 person

  36. Farm Boy says:








    Liked by 3 people

  37. Ame says:


    I think I like my little bubble … politics is too stressful. 😬

    Liked by 2 people

  38. Hungry Hippo says:

    I will try to remember which faux-email address I use in the future.

    the below was copied from a news comment, but very on point:

    We are a nation of laws, and we need to enforce the laws…..except for immigration laws. And any other laws that are politically expedient to ignore to make certain groups of people happy.

    If government selectively enforces laws. People will selectively obey them. You can condemn people for having disobeyed laws, but they are simply learning from the example of our government.

    People played by the rules, paid their taxes, voted, got people elected to congress who passed immigration laws. We expect those laws to be enforced. Then our government decided, “Nah, we don’t like those laws anymore.” They didn’t repeal them. They ignored them. Our government is losing it’s moral credibility to complain about lawlessness and violence. They looked the other way as businesses in Portland burned. They only cared when violence came to their offices.

    Liked by 3 people

  39. Cheque d'Out says:

    Hate to be proven right on this shit but this is exactly why I didn’t join Parler

    You stupid fucks·

    Liked by 3 people

  40. Liz says:

    I am going through a very unpleasant time after mom’s traumatic brain injury.
    It seems to have enhanced every horrible trait she had prior, and taken out all the good.
    She requires 24/7 care.
    I was there for a week and a half, and must go back soon.
    In the meantime she has full time caregivers in the home (this is incredibly expensive).
    She is horrible to her caregivers and I’m not sure how long this will last, regardless of the expense.
    She is physically violent (but blessedly tiny). In the past few days we’ve had to take apart a shotgun (she brandished at the door, after someone knocked), several firearms my dad left, and the kitchen knives. She talks about killing people constantly. “I stab her in the back twice!” She has delusions.
    Back when I did clinicals in nursing school, I always hated the ones behind the locked door. That’s where the real crazies were. I see identical behavior in my mother now.
    Not sure what to do.

    KH, you worked in this industry how do you get someone committed?
    Anything we can do short of continuing to hemorrhage money into the care of this horrible person?
    We’ve started with the social worker who is trying to get her a psych evaluation.
    Can you believe they never did that after a traumatic brain injury?

    Liked by 5 people

  41. Liz says:

    Our neighbor across the street has covid.
    We are now the only ones on the block who haven’t had it (as far as we know).
    I have to stop myself from knocking on their door, giving them a hug and kiss and jumping into my car. Incubation period a couple of days and a few boxes of pop tarts….

    Liked by 1 person

  42. Cheque d'Out says:

    Sorry to hear the bad news, Liz. I hope that you find a solution.

    Liked by 5 people

  43. Liz says:

    Ever hear someone scream, “Why can’t I just die and do to hell? I want to go to hell!”
    It’s a treat.
    I have been irreparably damaged from this experience. We told the boys already to put us in a home. I’m not putting our kids through this. We’re going to make arrangements now just in case.
    For folks who say, “If I get like that, just shoot me”….you’re not doing your kids any favors.
    Obviously they can’t shoot you.

    Liked by 3 people

  44. Liz says:

    One really good thing that has come of all this, Mike has come to terms with his father’s suicide. He watched his own father go through the downward spiral of Alzheimer’s and picked his own exit when his health (and sanity) were starting to go.

    Sorry for the downer, I’ll be offline for a long while. Going to lurk from time to time.

    Liked by 6 people

  45. Cheque d'Out says:

    “Sorry for the downer”
    You can lean on your friends here

    Liked by 4 people

  46. Cheque d'Out says:

    I was only spared what you’re going through because the stroke that ended my Father as a person, naturally ended his life some weeks later. He never made it home to where decisions would have had to be made. We were helped by the knowledge that he would truly not have wanted to live as he was – we all knew that, he had long made that plain.

    Liked by 3 people

  47. Not sure about the laws in Florida:


    But if she’s demonstrably a danger to herself or others (brandishing s a shotgun should qualify) take her to the ER and the doc there (or on the on-call Psychiatrist) can put a 72 hour hold on her and then get a longer commitment if she remains unstable.

    Not getting a psych consult is the fault of the MD. If it wasn’t included in the admission order set for a suspected TBI, some of that is on the hospital as well.

    I’m sure you’d agree most MDs are marginal at best these days.

    Liked by 3 people

  48. My retirement plan is to fly to Hawaii, have a real good time for a couple of weeks, and then try to swim from Oahu to the Big Island. Wish me luck!

    Liked by 5 people

  49. Liz says:

    Thanks, KH.
    We thought about Baker acting her, but from experience (Mike’s as a commander) it doesn’t seem appropriate since she wouldn’t receive treatment, just confinement. It would be a blessed reprieve though.
    She is also very manipulative (as she has always been…this trait survived it’s so wired into her hardware) and seems to be able to choose when to be a shrieking lunatic and when not to (to a certain extent). The caregiver called CIT yesterday but one of the neighbors talked it down.

    We tried to take her to the ER after four days home when she wouldn’t take any water. I thought at least they could start an IV (her oral mucosa was white she was so dehydrated).
    She has no impulse control and spends day and night walking back and forth constantly (to the toilet at night, maybe 12 times even though she doesn’t need it, I had to sleep next to her and get up every time so after many daysI wasn’t doing my best thinking).
    At the hospital she walked back and forth from wheelchair to chair, I stopped counting at 50 times the first hour. Then she got very angry about having to wait and after 3 hours stormed out. (called me a f*cking b*ch, hitting and so forth, it was quite a scene) there was no way to keep her there. The security people said there was nothing they could do.
    Now that I’ve had rest for a couple of days I can think more clearly again.
    Thank God for Mike.
    Take care, thanks again for the response.

    Liked by 8 people

  50. Another thing I just don’t understand is why people thought is was so important to be able to post Pepe’ memes that they sent pictures of their state-issued IDs to perfect strangers on the internet.

    Liked by 3 people

  51. Cheque d'Out says:

    Liked by 1 person

  52. Still calling the prison guards “police” for some reason?

    Liked by 1 person

  53. Ame says:

    Oh, Liz. I have no answers for you (wish I did) but love you and will continue to pray for you.

    Liked by 2 people

  54. thedeti says:

    I hear through various sources in the ultraconservative evangelical Christian community that Trump will declare martial law in the next few days, that we need to make sure we have sufficient food at home and gasoline in our cars to last at least 2 weeks, because something really really big is going to happen soon, etc.

    I’m with RichardP on this one. I’ll believe it when I see it.

    Trump could have invoked the National Insurrection Act. He hasn’t…. yet. He could have done several things. He hasn’t done them.

    Of course the election was stolen. Biden 81.3 million votes, Trump 74.2 million votes… that’s 155.5 million votes cast (allegedly). As of 2019 there were 255.3 million people in the US over age 18. Let’s say every one of those people is eligible to vote (they’re not for one reason or another). Let’s say that 220 million adults are registered to vote. That’s a 70.6% turnout rate. That’s astonishingly high for ANY election, and is totally unprecedented.

    Allegedly, Biden got the most votes of anyone in any presidential election, ever. More even than their god, Barack Obama.

    Joe Biden. The most votes evah.

    Are you serious right now? Joe Biden, the handpicked puppet? Biden, laughed out of the 1988 race for plagiarism before the first fucking caucus or primary even happened? Biden, who finished fifth in the Iowa caucuses with 1% of the vote in 2008? So, the first time he gets in front of a national voting audience 12 years ago, Iowa Democrats were so colossally unimpressed with this mediocre at best politician that he gets 1% of the vote, and he’s actually considered a contendah in 2020? Biden, who sniffs underage girls’ hair and hugs women inappropriately, engaging in borderline molestation and sexual assault?

    Really? In 2020, he finishes 4th in Iowa and 5th in New Hampshire, then all of a sudden, just under 3 weeks later, wins South Carolina, carrying EVERY SINGLE COUNTY in the state. Reason: Bernie Sanders was absolutely stomping the shit out of Biden everywhere, and the party powers that be said

    we gotta get the radical rank and file in line, so we gotta get Biden out there. We can’t have a scary nutcase communist like Bernie…. at least not yet. Bernie will get his social programs, but he can’t be the face of those programs. We need someone who’s not as threatening as Bernie and not as dumb as AOC….

    OK. We’ll go with Biden. He’s likeable, but he’s the most gaffe prone person we’ve EVER seen in 40 years of doing presidential elections, and he’s going senile. Even St. Barack told him “You don’t have to do this, Joe.” We’ll go with Joe, but we’ll keep him in the basement using Covid as an excuse. We can’t send him out there to say shit because frankly we can’t control him and we have no idea what stupid shit he’s gonna say. We’ll send out Kamala, an even more unpopular politician than Joe, to do some heavy lifting. We’ll march out big tech and CNN and MSNBC. All they have to do is put pictures of Trump out there and say “racist”.

    Biden then won SuperTuesday because, well, the Dem party could not have a geriatric socialist backed up by its radical wing as its nominee. At least not yet. No, this is to help construct the framework for socialism using a nonthreatening geriatric empty suit. Biden was the perfect empty vessel. No one knows what Biden believes, at least not anymore. Hell, even Joe doesn’t know what he believes. He can’t remember it from one day to the next (You know the thing!”) Biden will likely resign due to health issues after a year or so; or the socialist wing will invoke the 25th amendment using Kamala to do it.

    No, the socialists like Bernie and his minions will live to fight another day. After Biden serves out a year and Kamala serves the remainder of his term, the socialists will take power in years to come, and will give us AOC as their standard bearer.

    Liked by 5 people

  55. thedeti says:

    I’m supposed to believe that Joe Biden, a man so incredibly unimpressive that he never even came CLOSE to winning a primary until he carries every county in South Carolina in 2020 at age 77, got more votes than anyone else in US history?

    Joe Biden, who sits out 2016, because “it’s Hillary’s turn”, but in reality, it’s because he’s really not that bright or talented a politician and because he gets SOUNDLY rejected every time he steps anywhere outside Delaware, wins 4 years later?

    Joe Biden, a former vice president in front of the nation for 8 years as St. Barack The Great’s right hand man, should be a front runner, should be absolutely destroying everyone else. but comes in 4th in Iowa and 5th in New Hampshire, then landslide wins South Carolina and destroys everyone else on SuperTuesday?

    Are you serious right now?

    Liked by 4 people

  56. thedeti says:

    2016 election: 136,669,276 votes cast. Hillary gets 65.9 million; Trump 63 million. Trump wins EC handily because he carries GA, PA, MI, WI and OH in 2016.

    2020 election: 155.5 million votes cast. Trump allegedly loses GA PA MI and WI.

    I’m supposed to believe Joe Biden, a politician even more unpopular than Hillary Clinton, got 13 million more votes than Hillary did, just 4 years later? I’m supposed to believe a politician who couldn’t do any better than 4th in a primary until the powers that be put a rocket on his back and said “we just HAVE to win” got more votes than anyone else in history, ever?

    I’m supposed to believe that in a span of 4 years, there were enough eligible voters to create an increase of 19 million in votes cast?

    Liked by 4 people

  57. Stephanie says:

    Posted on the last thread (sorry out of it with sleep deprivation and homeschool) if y’all want to understand more why or how that seems to happen when Satan tries to tempt a wife.

    Wow, Liz, I knew that would be hard (Ame told me where you were), but that just sucks! 😦

    On the wife getting tempted thing, as I said in the other comment (on the last thread I think) it doesn’t happen in a vacuum. Satan seems to take advantage of a time where the marriage is particularly vulnerable.

    I used my own examples to try to help.


  58. thedeti says:

    total votes cast in US presidential elections, 2000-2020

    2000: 105.4 million

    2004: 122.3 M

    2008: 131.4 M

    2012: 129.1 M

    2016: 136.7 M

    2020: 155.5 M

    No. Just… no. An increase of 19 million, in 4 years? No.

    Though in 2004, there was an increase of 16.9 million, which makes me think there were hijinks going on there, too.

    Liked by 4 people

  59. Farm Boy says:

    As the crackdown on lockdown ‘violators’ is being amped up by the authorities in the UK, police were criticised for boasting about fining a person who they witnessed eating a kebab in their car, alone.


    Liked by 1 person

  60. Farm Boy says:

    German Chancellor Angela Merkel has criticized Twitter for banning President Trump, saying that social media networks shouldn’t have the power to decide who is allowed to exercise free speech.



  61. Stephanie says:

    At least the younger wife is honest about what is going on. I really think God honors people who are humble like that, who use their embarrassing stories, because that’s actually what helps marriages in times of spiritual peril.


  62. Farm Boy says:

    Democrats and their tech oligopoly friends are drunk with internet power. Whether Parler survives or not, politicized internet repression by tech oligopolies is making the national atmosphere more toxic.



  63. Stephanie says:

    “All of the women you guys hold up as examples in the sphere— Elspeth, Hearthie, Mychael had very strong dads (in Mychaels case her grandfather) who they were terrified of disappointing.”

    Since this is in the post, I’m not sure Scott is right that just having people they were, “terrified of disappointing,” actually worked to prevent these women from failing sexually and relationship wise. I don’t know about Hearthie, but Elspeth has admitted she failed sexually. Elspeth didn’t have a mother growing up, she had zero godly wisdom (i believe) from an older godly woman.

    In Mychael’s case, if I remember right and I could be wrong, she *didn’t* have a strong female/mother figure giving her godly advice and wisdom in her teens. And she paid dearly for that by sleeping around constantly and having a child out of wedlock etc. It was God’s grace she found Scott when she did, and even though they didn’t wait to have sex or do things, “right,” God gave them the grace to overcome tons of obstacles.

    But her fearing her (grandfather?) wasn’t something that kept her from ruining her young life, or making horrible decisions.

    The OP asks what else can parents do?

    It’s important that teen girls have a strong godly mother figure to warn them about Satan’s schemes to destroy their lives. Elspeth didn’t and failed. Mychael didn’t and really almost ruined her life except for God’s grace.

    They can focus on teaching their daughters certain truths. Use the parents’ own examples of failures or successes. Don’t lie by omission and pretend to know everything or that you did it ok or that it worked out even though you failed. Admit failures and try to help teenagers learn from how Satan works.

    Liked by 1 person

  64. Pompeo to speak live shortly


  65. Stephanie says:

    One more thing to add to that last comment of mine….

    the reason why it largely didn’t, “work,” to prevent those women from failing sexually and messing up their lives is because fear doesn’t always work as well as loving guidance and honesty does.

    Yes, there is some incentive to not disappoint a father or grandfather, but the BEST way spiritually to get daughters to want to do what’s right, is to guide them with love and honesty.

    Both Elspeth and Mychael didn’t experience that and still failed in spite of having men they were afraid of disappointing.

    A lot of the ways I have been able to avoid certain pitfalls and failures is because my mom was so honest and loving in the ways she explained those pitfalls and failures and temptations.

    Honesty is always the best way to go, especially with teens who need to know.

    Seeing an older person be honest in their struggles, it helps your kids come back to YOU when they inevitably go through their own struggles.

    Or they go back to YOU to thank you and let you know that your honesty paid off! That’s what I did with my mom, several times, to give her that honor that she deserves for the honesty she gave me that has helped my own life succeed better than it would have if I was kept in the dark.

    Liked by 2 people

  66. @Deti

    Saw that increase between 2000 and 2004 and was wondering if voter turnout was down because it was W and Gore, The Blank vs. the Plank, running that year?

    Liked by 2 people

  67. https://nypost.com/2021/01/11/former-high-school-teacher-turns-onlyfans-model/

    It wasn’t until a chance meeting with a boudoir photographer that the fire in Tillia’s soul was reignited.

    “He asked if I wanted to take lingerie or nude shots,” Tillia told The Post. “At first I was nervous. But once we started, I felt so liberated and free. I finally felt like myself again.”

    An OnlyFans superstar was born.

    She also now runs a life coaching brand that focuses on female empowerment.

    “I work with hundreds of women all over America, Australia, Europe and everywhere,” she said. “I’m helping those clients break through the shame and guilt that’s been imposed upon them for wanting to be free to express their sexiness.”

    “I knew right then and there I wanted to keep experiencing that feeling of being powerful and sexy,” she said. “And more importantly, I wanted other women to feel that way too.”

    As for any judgment she might receive for promoting “sex work,” Tillia told The Post: “I guess I’m a sex worker. But I’m not ashamed of that.”

    [Over at Jacks, talk much about this subject they do]

    Liked by 1 person

  68. Stephanie says:

    Oh something else!

    The Bible says, “My people fail for lack of knowledge…”

    Obviously as I stated, it’s not enough to just fear some father-figure. God says people also need to be taught the right knowledge, in order not to fail.

    Liked by 1 person

  69. Can anyone confirm this?


  70. horsemanbombadil says:

    Technology is great nowadays.

    Just look what they are able to do with duct tape. Or is that tin foil?

    [Canadians (such as Red Green) like duct tape they do]

    Liked by 3 people

  71. thedeti says:


    1992: 104,423,923 votes cast (3 way race, Clinton wins, but Ross Perot gets 19% of the popular vote, a fantastic showing for a third party candidate and the highest %age in history for a third party candidate)

    1996: 96,277,634 votes cast

    2000: 105.4 million votes cast

    I suppose it’s possible there was a suppressed turnout in 2000 because of Bush v. Gore but I doubt it. If anything, 1996 was a suppressed year. in 2000 it was up, but Gore was expected to win handily. The Dems are still salty about that – they believe a partisan SCOTUS robbed them of a Gore victory, and i think the Dems were absolutely determined not to let it happen again.

    Liked by 2 people

  72. thedeti says:

    Another interesting factoid:

    As of 2019:

    People under 18: 73,039,150

    People 18 and over: 255,200,373

    in 2010:

    People under 18: 74,120,666

    People 18 and over: 235,201,000

    People in the US aren’t having kids. the child population is slowly shrinking. The adult population is slowly growing. And getting older.

    Children presently are only 28% of the population.

    Liked by 2 people

  73. thedeti says:

    But wait, there’s more.

    Kamala Harris gets into the race in January 2019. She drops out in December 2019 before any primaries were held. Reasons: Unable to raise money. Unable to garner significant endorsements. Unable to capitalize on the Obama coalition. Polling that never gets above 2%.

    I’m supposed to believe that a woman who literally slept her way into the US Senate, couldn’t poll over 2% in her own party, and never actually ran in a primary, was a big help to an equally unimpressive politician?

    I’m supposed to believe Biden, who had been in the US Senate for over 30 years and a Vice President for 8 years, rocketed to popularity after coming in 4th and 5th in Iowa and New Hampshire, respectively? I’m supposed to believe Biden got 81 million votes when he couldn’t do any better than 4th in a primary until the Dem party decided they needed to hold his hand through the primaries?

    Liked by 2 people

  74. thedeti says:

    Joe Biden and Kamala Harris are two of the most unpopular, least liked politicians in the country. Their own party didn’t really want them. They wanted Bernie, Beto or Buttigieg. The election was a referendum on Trump, that’s all it was. It was a “we have to get rid of Trump at all cost, even if we have to pick someone we have never liked and let him pick someone we like even less.”

    Total BS all around.

    Liked by 2 people

  75. thedeti says:

    Have you guys all looked at pictures and video from the US Capitol demonstrations/”riots” last Wednesday Jan 6? Have you looked especially at the men?

    They don’t look like people who show up to MAGA rallies or Trump events. People who go to MAGA or Trump rallies are usually young to middle aged white men and women with a smattering of young to middle aged black men. A significant minority of them are armed at these things. Though they might not have been in WDC. They’re also pretty well groomed and dressed. No one is running around. They’re nonviolent.

    Most of the demonstrators shown on camera look like nerdling soyboy college students, or paunchy Hispanic young men, or ragtag, scraggly looking middle aged men wearing hoodies and poorly fitting jeans. They’re not well dressed.

    They’re running through the Capitol building going on attack. If the rioters felt threatened, why didn’t any of them pull weapons? Why wasn’t there more gunfire? If they’re MAGA, most of them are proficient with firearms and would know that Cap Hill police would be there, most of whom are armed and they know those police are armed.

    They’re physically confrontational with ARMED police officers. MAGA men don’t act like that. They never have.

    There is no way MAGA women are going to go berserk and run amok in a building with men. The MAGA women are going to go “nope, we’ll let the guys do that”. Most of them are responsible law abiding women who are even less prone to getting violent and out of hand and breaking the law if provoked. Most of them wives and mothers, and are not in any way prepared to go rioting, break shit, get beaten, get shot at, and get arrested. After all, who’s gonna watch the kids if they have to go to the local lockup?

    So. Yeah, The official story is this is a MAGA rally that got out of control. Yeah… I call bullshit on that. This doesn’t make sense. I call false flag operation.

    Liked by 3 people

  76. That outfit really isn’t that flattering on her, the skirt being the problem. She’s got a killer bod, but that thing is cut wrong for her.

    Liked by 1 person

  77. ’96 was Clinton v. Dole, so yeah I’ll bet that is really the suppressed year. Just under 1,000,000 increase from 92-2000 isn’t a red flag for me. Really makes that 2000-2004 jump look even more suspicious.

    Liked by 2 people

  78. Complete agreement. Reichstag Fire 2021.

    Liked by 4 people

  79. thedeti says:

    In other words, the January 6 rioters at the Capitol look like professional demonstrators. They look like BLM/Antifa trucked them in, gave them MAGA caps and a couple of Trump for President flags, and told to stir shit up.

    I’m told that the woman who died after being shot at the Capitol was one Ashli Babbitt, a 14 year Air Force veteran, married a second time, with a long history of anti Trump tweets and Facebook posts. They’ve all been pulled down now. I can read reports of those alleged posts and tweets but I can’t see screenshots. Apparently her FB and Twitter accounts have been pulled.

    Some accounts say there were Confederate flags being carried. Same kind of thing – makes me think it was a false flag rally – Stars and Bars flags are “try hard”. They’re trying too hard to look like “authentic” Trumpkins. It looks like Antifa/BLM’s caricature of Trumpkins. It’s what Antifa/BLM believes a Trump supporter would have and carry.

    Liked by 3 people

  80. Sharkly says:

    I’m the sort of person that might go to a MAGA rally. But there was no way I was going to DC just to be a sitting duck in the middle of a huge mob, and guilty by association. I could see that nothing would come of that show of popular support. The Left already knows they lack popular support, and must rule the rest of us through every means of fear and pressure they can apply. The far left is just a small percentage of people, and the rest of the left doesn’t want to riot or have a war. They’ll support the rioters, but they themselves won’t risk going to a riot.
    Apparently we’re all so cucked and emasculated that neither side has enough brownshirts to launch a war. Only the US military has the force to wage a big conflict. And they’re not really completely loyal to either side. So unless Trump uses the military, and does it soon, we’ll just muddle on into a far swampier time of continuing decline and corruption.

    Liked by 4 people

  81. Ame says:

    Thank you, Deti, for all your wisdom and knowledge.


  82. thedeti says:

    If Covid is this horrible disease that is killing old people left and right, and we can’t have people out in public because of Covid, and we have to protect our leaders…..

    Why did this country just “elect” a doddering, mentally addled, perpetually confused, and not very intelligent 78 year old white man, over a vigorous, hard campaigning, hard working 74 year old man who has already had Covid and recovered from it in spectacular fashion?

    Don’t we need our leaders to be able to handle things like this? Don’t we need our leaders to be in good robust health?

    Liked by 2 people

  83. thedeti says:

    Why is it that the only information I can find out about Ashli Babbitt is almost all from liberal left leaning news sources painting her as a total nutball, with some conservative outlets saying much the same things? Why can’t I see her FB and Twitter pages? Why can’t I see original source material? Why can’t I at least see screenshots? Why do I have to rely totally on what liberal radical “news” outlets say? Why did literally EVERYTHING original source about her go down the memory hole?

    Liked by 3 people

  84. thedeti says:

    Sorry – Ashli Babbitt was supposedly rabidly pro Trump. She was supposedly a “true believer”. She was crazily in favor of Trump.

    Why can’t I see those posts and Tweets? Why can’t I see screenshots? Why are her FB and Twitter posts down? Shouldn’t these be held up and touted as irrefutable evidence of the MAGA rally getting out of hand? Arent Babbitt’s social media posts the smoking gun, the bloody flag, that proves Trumpkins are “enemies of the State”?

    If her social media is such damning evidence of pro Trump people being criminals, then why can’t I see it? Where is it? Why can’t I see the original source material? Why won’t you people show it to me and let me see it?

    Liked by 3 people

  85. Cheque d'Out says:

    If you’re looking for sanity over here…oh dear

    It’s almost like things are being brought to a head….is this seriously supposed to be a rational response to the virus?

    Liked by 2 people

  86. Cheque d'Out says:

    Even the EU sees a problem.
    ”Germany and France are shocked over Twitter’s decision to permanently ban President Trump from the platform, with German Chancellor Angela Merkel saying through a spokesman that lawmakers should set rules governing free speech, not private technology companies.”


  87. RichardP says:

    rpg asked: Can anyone confirm this?

    Looks to be an anti-lockdown protest.



  88. Gunner Q says:

    Deti: “I call false flag operation.”

    There were definitely two groups. One video I saw, the cops stepped aside. The protestors went in and quickly started acting like they were on a tour… gawking at the artwork, following each other in a semi-orderly line, etc.

    Elsewhere: forced entry & vandalism.

    Conclusion, MAGA people were let in so they could be blamed for the infiltrated agitators. But something happened and the agitators were stopped early. Antifa routinely engages in arson, armed beatings, laser attacks on police etc. but that didn’t happen.

    My pet conspiracy theory is that “Trump supporters” were supposed to have turned Pence into a martyr for the Left after his Judas moment, but one of Pence’s guards didn’t get the memo. Assuming Pence was close to that location.

    Were the police coming up behind Ashli intending to “cut out” Ashli’s bunch? They were immediately behind the “rioters” forcing entry yet weren’t yelling any commands.

    And here’s a kicker. Ashli wasn’t just a vet. She served in the 113th DC Security Forces. Ashli was a military MP stationed in DC, then she was the point man for B&E into the Capitol building? She could easily have planned the kind of operation that I just described.


    Note that she was Ashli McEntee at the time. Divorced his ass in May 2019, remarried to Aaron Babbit in June 2019.

    Liked by 2 people

  89. Cheque d'Out says:



  90. Cheque d'Out says:

    [Wonder about this “more” I do.]


  91. Farm Boy says:

    So, the Establishment has decided to address the grievances of people who feel disenfranchised, silenced, and subjected to double standards with much more disenfranchisement, silencing, and double standards. Seems like an on-brand move for the most corrupt, unwise, and incompetent – yet remarkably arrogant – ruling caste America has ever known. Good plan – deny them the right to pick their 2024 president, clap like trained seals as corporate overlords cut off their ability to express themselves, and continue to treat their own supporters well and dissenters much, much worse. That’s sustainable. Say, let’s put out this blazing fire with this handy can of gasoline.

    Yeah, they are having fun for now. While the supine GOP is tweeting hack cliches about Muh Not Who We Are, the left is trying to tighten the noose. But we’re woke. Rasmussen puts Trump’s popularity at 51%, rising after the riots. We aren’t blaming Trump for the riots. And we sure aren’t rolling over for these bastards.



  92. Cheque d'Out says:

    Rather bracing

    [British understatement this would be]

    Liked by 1 person

  93. Farm Boy says:

    The French government has echoed Angela Merkel’s sentiment in saying it is “shocked” at Twitter’s banning of President Trump, asserting that Big Tech is a threat to democracy.



  94. Farm Boy says:

    Merkel Says Big Tech Shouldn’t Have Power to Decide Who Has Free Speech.
    Calls Twitter banning of Trump “problematic.”



  95. Cheque d'Out says:

    Stirring stuff


  96. Cheque d'Out says:

    The lyrics
    Who would true valour see,
    Let him come hither;
    One here will constant be,
    Come wind, come weather.
    There’s no discouragement
    Shall make him once relent
    His first avowed intent,
    To be a pilgrim.

    Whoso beset him round
    With dismal stories
    Do but themselves confound;
    His strength the more is.
    No lion can him fright,
    He’ll with a giant fight,
    But he will have a right
    To be a pilgrim.

    Hobgoblin, nor foul fiend,
    Can daunt his spirit:
    He knows, he at the end
    Shall life inherit.
    Then fancies fly away,
    He’ll fear not what men say,
    He’ll labour night and day
    To be a pilgrim

    Liked by 2 people

  97. Farm Boy says:

    [Rather bracing also this would be]

    Men of Harlech stop your dreaming
    Can’t you see there spearpoints gleaming
    See there warrior banners streaming
    To this battlefeild

    Men of Harlech stand ye steady
    It can not be ever said ye
    For the battle were not ready
    Welshmen never yeild

    Form the hills rebounding
    Let his warcry sounding
    Sound of all that cambridge calls
    The mighty force surronding

    Men of Harlech onto glory
    This will ever be your story
    Keep these burning words befor the
    Welshmen will not yeild

    Men of Harlech stop your dreaming
    Can’t you see there spearpoints gleaming
    See there warrior banners streaming
    To this battlefeild

    Men of Harlech stand ye steady
    It can not be ever said ye
    For the battle were not ready
    Welshmen never yeild

    Men of Harlech stop your dreaming

    Form the hills rebounding
    Let his warcry sounding
    Sound of all that cambridge calls
    The mighty force surronding

    Men of Harlech onto glory
    This will ever be your story
    Keep these burning words befor the
    Welshmen will not yeild


    Liked by 2 people

  98. Cheque d'Out says:

    To be fair to the EU, if they’d ordered the deplatforming then it would have been just peachy for it to happen.

    Liked by 2 people

  99. Cheque d'Out says:

    Oh yes. Indeedy.

    Liked by 1 person

  100. Cheque d'Out says:

    Liked by 2 people

  101. Farm Boy says:

    Leftwing Black Lives Matter Rioter, Violence-Inciter, and Fake “Journalist” Encouraged MAGA Protesters to Enter Capitol, Talked Cops Into Opening the Doors



  102. Farm Boy says:

    Parler hit back at Amazon on Monday, filing a lawsuit accusing the tech giant of violating antitrust law by cutting off the conservative-friendly social media site’s presence on the web.



  103. Cheque d'Out says:


  104. Cheque d'Out says:

    I remember believing in the scotus. Now I think that they’d best all retire, or be retired. Gutless, worthless. There’s no excuse for their lack of action that could redeem them.

    Liked by 3 people

  105. Cheque d'Out says:

    So much for loyalty. Or, at least, loyalty to her father.


  106. Sharkly says:

    Disregard my posting above of “information” from Simon Parkes. Apparently he is a certified nutjob. But he sure is getting a lot of YouTube traffic these days. Apparently people want to have hope, even if it is offered by a guy who thinks he is 2/3rds alien species. I guess this proves I’m not one of those mean specieists! You see, I readily accept people of all alien species. FWIW Simon claims his soul is 1/3 mantis 1/3 reptilian and 1/3 human. LOL But to me he is still your typical Brit. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  107. Sharkly says:

    Cheque d’Out,
    It was a good Donald Trump video while it lasted!


  108. Ame says:

    Liz, I’ve been praying for mercy for you.

    Have you thought about reading the Bible out loud around your mother, even if it’s when she’s sleeping. There’s something powerful about God’s Holy Word spoken out loud.

    You could also play it low in the background. http://www.Biblegateway.com has an audio bible that you can play – can even choose from various versions and voices.

    Liked by 1 person

  109. Cheque d'Out says:

    “It was a good Donald Trump video while it lasted!”
    Yes. I see what you mean. Well done, simple 100% human.


  110. Cheque d'Out says:


  111. Cheque d'Out says:

    The twatter ban didn’t just wake up the eu

    Liked by 3 people

  112. Cheque d'Out says:

    Hmm Fair point

    Liked by 2 people

  113. Farm Boy says:

    During that time, the National Center for Health Statistics will change the way COVID-19 deaths are reported to mirror how influenza deaths are tracked. This will cause the death rate to fall. The cycle threshold on the PCR tests will be lowered to indicate active illness and the ability to transmit the disease. According to a New York Times analysis in August and a study by Jaafar et al., this means positive tests will gradually fall to about 10% of what we see now.

    I predict it will be underreported and ignored that states that ignore the national mandates, like Florida and South Dakota, will fare just as well, if not better.


    Liked by 1 person

  114. Farm Boy says:

    Facebook says they’re deleting any content containing the phrase “stop the steal.” That should calm everyone down.


    Liked by 1 person

  115. Farm Boy says:

    Now that the election is over, Cuomo wants to re-open New York. How very strange and unpredictable!


    Liked by 1 person

  116. Farm Boy says:

    Attorney: Trump Impeachment Sets Precedent Presidents Are Responsible For Actions of Their Supporters.
    Says real impact would be to gut free speech



  117. Farm Boy says:

    Ngo has written a book about Antifa’s thuggery, called “Unmasked,” about how they target people and how their actions threaten our democracy. The book is available for preorder and is set to be released early next month.

    When Antifa received word that Ngo’s book was for sale at Powell’s bookstore, they decided to show up and demand that the local chain cease selling it all together.


    Liked by 1 person

  118. Gunner Q says:

    “Now that the election is over, Cuomo wants to re-open New York. How very strange and unpredictable!”

    They stretched it out to try and cancel Christmas, too!

    Liked by 2 people

  119. Sharkly says:

    But hopefully y’all men can see this happens and it feels very strange (like why on earth spend 2 hours helping someone he knows is married, has clearly said over and over again that I had it and could do it on my own)?

    Yeah, 2 hours straight of “unwanted” advances while shopping. Why can’t he tell how loyal you are to your husband who is out putting his life on the line everyday? I mean seriously! There is nothing you could have done to stop it. Must be awful being so sexy that unwanted attention from a “grungy” horticulturalist makes you cream your panties. If only Indiana-Zones(USDA) could tell how loyal you are to your husband whom you just badmouthed here forever publicly. How could he miss all the signs? /S

    LOL That whole story sounded like a subtle confession to me. You can’t blame other people for your own failure to flee from temptation. If you say you’re married, but yet he can smell your ripe pussy juice in the air, or see your nipples pointing, or whatever your body was doing, why would he assume you weren’t interested? That dude probably sleeps with a lot of horny housewives. In this day and age, telling somebody you are married is not the same as telling him to leave you alone.


  120. Stephanie says:

    Sharkly, I understand your contempt. I admit I don’t think I should have been wearing a tank top (it’s Texas and well over 100 at that time) but I felt completely gross and sleep deprived – not sexy at all, and women really do forget how they look sometimes. I was not out to seduce someone, but next summer I’ll try to find more modest things.

    I do think even in a better covered top, he would have still reacted the exact same way.

    My husband remarked early on in our marriage that even in my long dresses with a neckline up to my neck, he saw men noticing me when we’d be out together. He’d remark it didn’t matter what I was wearing. He even remarked that the modesty may make men MORE interested because he could see it happening sometimes in real time.

    Even in modest dresses, he would see men give me a full up and down sometimes – he’d tell me later. So just covering up has not always helped men not notice me. Although I think you’re right, it was bad decision to go out like that. I’ll have to get rid of my tank tops or just wear them at home.

    But even in winter I’ve been “hit on,” my husband has brought up that he feels like an Abraham, who even when Sarah was ***completely covered*** very powerful men noticed her and wanted her for themselves. Which was why Abraham had trouble with that, even though Sarah was completely covered from head to toe (I’m guessing her face still wasn’t?). Beauty can be dangerous in some ways, even when you’re covered like Sarah was, it’s still not, “enough,” to ward off unwanted male sexual attention and male sexual intention.

    Anyway… I’m naturally very submissive and gentle in real life, so when someone is that persistent, it’s hard for me to say no, but I DID **constantly** tell him no, I could do it on my own, etc. it was very odd.

    I forgot to add the hilarious ending that once he saw the minivan (because he even insisted on helping me get stuff to the car!!! Even though I kept telling him no and was then walking away trying to get stuff myself to the car) once he actually saw the minivan, it’s like it finally all clicked for him and I could tell (much to my relief) he was kind of horrified!! LOL

    And I forgot to add that when I went back in November because I really needed their sale on the special plants… I brought ALLLLLL my kids 😀

    I even strapped the baby to my body in the front! So you can imagine what we looked like! I was prepared!!!

    All 4 kids under 10 yrs old, PLUS a baby strapped to me, I felt very secure it wouldn’t be happening again LOL and it didn’t!

    Liked by 1 person

  121. Ame says:

    i think Stephanie’s story is very poignant in many ways.

    first, there ARE women who are always looking for male sexual attention and attraction. they work it and they know it.

    but for others of us, when it happens, even though we think we’re responding appropriately, sometimes we don’t ‘get’ the whole picture till after-the-fact. i had many of these instances in my first marriage when i was younger. i always told my husband – i don’t think he cared, much, b/c he never did anything about it even when it was from men we knew personally.

    for some reason, some women are more attractive to men after they’re married, and we women think that if we’re wearing that wedding ring, we’re protected and every man will automatically honor that.

    – – – – –

    Sharkly … there is only analogy i can make that *might* make sense to you where you are right now in your life. for years and years after my first marriage ended i thought any man who exposed himself or participated in pornography on any level was automatically like my husband. i could not differentiate levels – it was either you looked at porn and were a full-blown sex addict like my husband, or you never looked at porn and had no issues b/c you never looked at it. the manosphere has taught me differently. i’m not condoning porn, just giving perspective. i no longer hear that a man looks at porn and automatically think he’s a full-blown sex addict like my first husband.

    there are women like Stephanie, and myself to a much lesser extent over the years, who are naturally attractive to men, and regardless of what we do to thwart that, it just is. we’re generally on-guard about that, but there are times something slips in, and we’re left a bit blindsighted. even at my age i recently had a customer at work give me one of those little valentine heart candies – so ewwww and weird! in front of his wife! i don’t even know what to think about that. i threw it away and of course told my husband. and no, even if i was single there’s no way i’d ever consider him for any reason on any level! seriously … i’m too old for this!

    so while there are definitely women like your wife, there are others of us who are not like your wife and are doing the best we can, learning as we go, being open and honest with our husbands and facing our own truths. like not all men are automatic full-blown sex addicts b/c they look at porn, not all women are intimacy-anorexics like your wife b/c other men find them attractive.

    Liked by 1 person

  122. Stephanie says:

    I think, Sharkly, the point is that our marriage (no matter what my husband was psychologically going through) was strong and solid. I felt the need to tell him right after! Temptation is temptation. Part of me did think to myself that it was **insane** I was still capable of attracting someone of this caliber, and less than 6 months after childbirth! But then I dealt with those thoughts and recommitted to my husband. It wasn’t hard at all. I can completely see where that would lead and how horrible it all would be. We are so solid (which made me wonder again… why on earth does Satan still try?)

    I think if I was a bad wife, stuff like that would be a secret. Or maybe a bad wife would find ways to go see the person (alone) again.

    We were still having a great sex life before and after that, and he did work through his very odd and abnormal lashing out issues. I really think he may have PTSD from a terrible thing right before COVID, so I expect he’ll need to work through that. I’ll be there though. We’ve been there for each other at this point since 2005, since kids really.

    Then his spiritual mentor warned us that Satan was going to go after our family, and that’s when things went very strange for him on his job! But we faced it strong, together. He came out fine and even ended up with more pay (since COVID has slowed things down in the position he was in prior). We’re in a good place all around, but I expect Satan will probably try things again (and to my husband obviously too).

    Hopefully my honesty can help someone.

    Liked by 1 person

  123. thedeti says:


    I’m not necessarily contemptuous. Or surprised. This is a common thing with women, professing ignorance and shock that a man shows sexual interest in a very attractive woman dressed in revealing clothes in public.

    That story is full of red pill goodness, and you’ve been around here long enough to know what was going on. Just from reading the story and not even having been there, I know precisely what was going on. And you do too, and you knew it in real time as it was happening.

    I know you told him no, repeatedly, and he was persistent. You weren’t forceful enough, because you really enjoyed his attention and you were sexually attracted to him. Your words and spirit were saying no, but everything else was saying yes.

    I can tell you right now that if you had been clearer and more direct and told him in no uncertain terms that you did not want his help and that he needed to leave you alone, NOW, he probably would have. But you didn’t do that. Because down deep, you liked the attention. You liked the attention of a sexually attractive man, particularly when your husband was not paying attention to you.

    You are an attractive woman. If you’re built as you say you are, and dressed as you say you were, you HAD to know that would attract male attention. And since that’s the case, and we know that men are throwing quality cock at attractive women all the time, and you know that too, with all due respect, you opened yourself up to that temptation.

    He was an attractive dude, throwing attractive dick at you. And you knew it. And you liked it. It did make you uncomfortable, but it also flattered you and made you feel really good about it. You just told a story of something that happened more than six months ago, in the most florid detail, replete with granular descriptions of your body, your build, what you were wearing, the weather, where you were, the man, what he looked like, that he is EXACTLY your type, and what he did and said, and what you did and said. The event made a real impression on you – people don’t remember things in that much detail unless it was important in some way.

    But hopefully y’all men can see this happens and it feels very strange (like why on earth spend 2 hours helping someone he knows is married, has clearly said over and over again that I had it and could do it on my own)?

    Come on Stephanie – who do you think you’re talking to here? You’re not talking to Blue Pill fucks who just found Roissy. OF COURSE we can see this happens. We men study, in excruciating detail, how and why this happens. I’ve been the guy following a chick around like a lost puppy, hoping for attention, just like Tennis Pro. I know what he was doing, I know how he was doing it and I know why he was doing it. And you do too. This wasn’t the first time this has happened.

    And you’re not a babe in the woods here either. You know what happened and why, and how you responded to it. So do I, and I didn’t even have to be there or see any of it. Girls know this stuff from about age 13 on, from the time they develop breasts. And you should have been on guard for it.

    But it’s strange that some semi-celerity kind of man would suddenly notice me, and then seem to pursue me **so hard** in a time where (again) my husband wasn’t on point spiritually.

    No, it’s not strange at all. Men are noticing you all the time. I bet this episode isn’t the first time this has happened, and it probably will not be the last. I know that it has happened before. I know exactly how this episode went down. I know why it went down the way it did.
    And you do too, and you should have been on guard for it, because you KNOW all kinds of dick is getting tossed your way all the time. Every woman knows it, and attractive women ESPECIALLY know it.

    I really don’t mean to give you a hard time here. But it just looks like you’re feigning ignorance about this and are perplexed that it happened, when you’ve been around here long enough to know it would happen and why.

    Liked by 3 people

  124. thedeti says:

    I can also say that if Tennis Pro had been a poindexter instead of a Chad Thundercock, you would have been much, much more direct and blunt and forceful with your “no”. It would have been HELL NO GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME RIGHT NOW YOU ARE BOTHERING ME AND YOU NEED TO LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE RIGHT NOW.

    At that moment, about six white knights would have swooped in and told Mr. Poindexter to step the fuck off and get off the premises.

    But you didn’t do that, because he wasn’t poindexter. He was Chad. And you liked his attention.

    Liked by 1 person

  125. Larry G says:

    Spot on target, Deti

    Liked by 2 people

  126. Sharkly says:

    Hopefully my honesty can help someone.

    There is no contempt towards you. I’m sarcastic trying to make my response humorous for others who might read it as well.
    I made no comment about how you were dressed.(Please send skimpy tank-top photos to receive spiritual evaluation)(just kidding, Please don’t) My only criticism’s are that you need to take personal responsibility for yourself, if a man is giving you unwanted attention for two hours straight in a place where you aren’t forced to be. There are ways of ending that.

    While you may not believe it, poor old Sharkly still sometimes deals with situations that could get out of hand, as well. Some women get pretty forward too. A couple years ago a young hottie at work was asking me too feel the birth-control implant in her arm and then was loudly proclaiming in the lunch area that I was gay because I said I wouldn’t sleep with her. I heard through a female coworker, that I had really hurt her feelings and upset her, because I wouldn’t do her. Apparently she felt entitled to any man she wanted. Often if I’m in a situation where a woman is straying into dangerous territory, or I sense myself being tempted, I just take a potty break, or go do my job, or go get coffee, or do something to remove myself from the situation. Surely the place where you were at, had a bathroom, you could have escaped to. And if he stood outside of the women’s bathroom waiting until you came back out, you could have then told him that he was making you uncomfortable.

    Lots of married women will cheat. According to the pick-up artists, when a woman announces that she has a boyfriend or a husband, that is a milestone for them, in that it indicates that the woman is already thinking about cheating. Even if she isn’t thinking about giving in to the temptation, she is at least thinking that the danger is there, and that the thought is in her head. Plus the boyfriend/husband objection is considered like a sh1t-test, that they need to brush past, showing that they are not afraid of the competition/comparison. So if you kept objecting that you can’t, only because you have a husband, some pick-up artists will view that as you getting close to giving in.

    I’m not assuming that you’re the same as my wife. I’m evaluating your story and telling you that, as an individual, it is your responsibility as a Christian to flee from evil/temptation. The Bible says that wise people do that. And I also think you should try to reverence your husband. It goes without saying that he is human and a sinner and has faults. It is enough for you just to say that your relationship was strained, or something, without making him sound like a mental case, even if he truly is hanging by a thread. Your public criticism of him will not likely help your relationship.

    Yes Satan will target you when your relationship is strained. Even Sharkly seems to somehow get hotter to all the women, when his wife is exposing him to temptation. 😉 I don’t know how I could get any hotter, but somehow I do. LOL But I take responsibility for my ability to flee from temptation/evil. I know I can’t depend on today’s loose ladies to resist me. I’ve got to reject their advances. I don’t have to be mean about it, just clear. And for a man, when I reject women, it seems to usually heighten their attraction. Whereas men aren’t usually attracted by signals of rejection. But, claiming that you have a husband is not a rejection of them, it is just a challenge, an objection for them to work around.

    Liked by 1 person

  127. Ame says:

    reading Deti’s and Sharkly’s comments makes me think we women always need an escort like in older days! it makes so much sense when y’all put it so clearly, but when we’re in the midst of it, we just don’t see all of that.

    for example … Sharkly said, “According to the pick-up artists, when a woman announces that she has a boyfriend or a husband, that is a milestone for them, in that it indicates that the woman is already thinking about cheating.”

    i would never have figured that out on my own … and if i did, i would never think a man would direct that towards *me.* especially when i was younger.

    we just don’t think like men. we don’t understand how men think. we don’t truly understand men’s sexuality. we know ours, mostly, kinda, well, depending on the woman and our age and our experience and who we’ve had in our lives to teach us things, but we don’t really understand it all in the same detailed ways that men do.

    perhaps this is why, even now, i feel so vulnerable when i’m out and about alone, but even taking a baby with me, or a young child, or anyone, makes me feel more protected.

    Liked by 1 person

  128. Ame says:

    i remember one of the things i loved about getting engaged when i was 19 and having that ring on my finger was that i felt protected from other men b/c i was taken.

    what Sharkly’s saying is that women are actually more vulnerable when we’re taken. u.g.h.


  129. Sharkly says:

    No, I’m not saying that you are more vulnerable to attempts by men when you’re married. I’m just saying that marriage doesn’t ward off thirsty fools from enticing you to cheat, and Satan also wants that.

    Proverbs 6:32 One who commits adultery with a woman is lacking sense;
    He who would destroy himself commits it.
    33 He will find wounds and disgrace,
    And his shame will not be removed.
    34 For jealousy enrages a man,
    And he will not have compassion on the day of vengeance.
    35 He will not accept any settlement,
    Nor will he be satisfied though you make it a large gift.

    God actually explains that married couples are less subject to temptation when they are not denying each other sex. (1 Corinthians 7:5)
    And marriage is God’s remedy for people burning with sex drive, so that they don’t end up burning for eternity.

    If it weren’t for satanic delusions like Feminism, marriage would provide any normal well adjusted man or woman with sexual fulfillment. Not that they might not want more, but that their mate makes every reasonable effort to satisfy them.

    Liked by 1 person

  130. Stephanie says:

    No, this man was not “exactly,” what I’d be tempted by. I’m very hard to tempt in general. Even as a teen I wasn’t attracted to most of the celebrity men you saw on TV (I can only think of one who I actually noticed attraction to). I’m a hard case for Satan, I’ve noticed that over the years… I get more attracted to the character of a man overtime. I thought it funny afterward in part because I thought Satan must have thought I’d be super into Plant Man… there was zero physical attraction until after we had talked for a long time. And even afterward, it was very easy to tell my husband because I had zero desire to act on anything.

    The reason why I can explain in such detail, is because it was yes, flattering but also horrifying at the same time. Mostly it was a surreal experience I couldn’t believed happened (and don’t think it happened on it’s own, because I’m Christian, I believe Satan coordinates these things). I want to use it as a learning experience for other women.

    When I wrote up there that he was annoying me and that I had several moments where I felt the whole thing was very annoying that he was intruding into my alone time, that was truth.

    At least God saw everything, including into my own heart. El Roi means, “the God who sees me,” and I know He saw everything. He can see into my own heart to know that when I was not attracted to this man for a long time, that that was true.

    And He saw all the moments I tried to get away, and that this man sometimes followed me (which I did write above). Should I have been more direct? Probably, but in general, I’m not used to having to be direct with men and I was very weak from sleep deprivation and exhaustion (from months at that point). This really was something that’s never happened (especially in this way) before. I thought talking about my husband and kids would help, so I did that a lot.

    I think y’all forget that I’ve been married since 20… and have had children usually with me most of the time since 23. Usually I have the kids with me, so no, weird things like this don’t just happen to me. I’m not in the workforce. Before kids it was more frequent. But this doesn’t’ just happen, and when it does, it’s very rare. If men notice me, they aren’t this aggressive about it and don’t other me like this.

    El Roi, the God who sees me, saw that I was afraid when I felt my own body experience something like sexual chemistry against my will. God saw me when I felt fear because suddenly I realized this was a (spiritually) dangerous situation to be in. And God saw that I didn’t leave long after that (waited to make sure my tree information was logged which took about 30, into their records because he actually filled out the forms wrong and then had to do them again (!!), but I did leave as soon as I could after getting my things).

    I think the details overlooked are important. El Roi, the God who sees me, saw that I was severely sleep deprived for months at that point. This baby is much harder than our middle two (our first was hard but that was 10 years ago).

    Scientifically, when the brain is sleep deprived, we know the person’s brain is similar to a drunk person’s, so effectively, my brain was, “not all there,” or “drunk.”

    I don’t think it’s fair to condemn someone whose brain is not in the correct decision-making mode or all there, or scientifically, “drunk,” for making the wrong choices. Choices that I can see clearer now, but that I didn’t think about or even realize that day. God saw how sleep deprived my brain was that morning/day, God saw how confusing it all was and how I felt like some kind of zombie and was very annoyed and felt fear with the experience of sexual chemistry. It did surprise me. It shocked me it was happening at all. El Roi saw I was surprised and shocked at my own reaction against my will.

    El Roi, the God who sees me, saw that I was only able to get away from our household once a week, for a short timeframe, and felt very trapped with all our kids (who I do love so much!), without any help at all due to Covid, shouldn’t be ignored. God saw that for months I was basically trapped inside, very very sleep deprived and I had a huge incentive to try to push through and get my stuff that day, regardless of this man’s intervention. I knew I wouldn’t get another chance until the next week or possibly even longer. I believe that God was able to, “see,” that getting out of the house felt like desperation for me, and that I was very mission minded.

    El Roi, the God who sees me, saw that not even my mom was ever able to come to help us after March. So God saw that I was all alone, suffering from extreme sleep deprivation at that point for months.

    You can claim I should have known better and had more self-awareness even in those circumstances I get it, the contempt from some, it does amaze me though, the lack of compassion and the eagerness to condemn and accuse someone who is being honest and trying to help another woman to see her own vulnerability.

    I wanted to share the other side to give more clarity as to what kind of situation this woman is in, but unfortunately I don’t think it’s capable of being understood here.

    Liked by 2 people

  131. RichardP says:

    @ame said: reading Deti’s and Sharkly’s comments makes me think we women always need an escort like in older days!

    Not only an escort, but a veil.

    My wife has never been able to keep what she is thinking off of her face – whether they be thoughts of contempt, or thoughts of “come get me”. I don’t remember whether it has been here, bloom’s place, or Dalrock’s place, but there have been a number of conversations over time where guys have asked questions about how to tell if a woman is in her ovulation phase. I’ve never had a problem with knowing that with my wife. She has a particular look, a particular smile, a particular way of moving that I soon came to recognize as her “come get me” look that is only there when she is ovulating. She smiles, and moves, etc. at other times, but there is a distinct difference between that and what happens when she is ovulating. Over time, I’ve come to understand that not all women give off that vibe in the particular way she does. But I’ve come to recognize the same basic look, smile, way of moving in other women. And I find that triggers the same response in me that it does when it is my wife I am looking at.

    I can’t imagine that this is a binary issue – they either emote the way my wife does or they do not emote at all. There may be other routines done by other women that I am not familiar with and so don’t recognize them just because I’ve not been their husband so that I could come to recognize that routine. I imagine that would not be true of someone who was very sexually experienced with many different kinds of women.

    A woman like my wife who has trouble keeping what she is thinking off of her face is going to be very visible to those males experienced with these kinds of things. (Hence my comment about a veil, in addition to being clothed head to foot. The clothing does little good for any man that knows how to read the face of an expressive woman. The non-expressive woman could probably go naked and not attract attention.)

    iirc, Stephanie said she was feeling particularly lonely / emotionally abandoned by her husband during that time (if I’m wrong, then nevermind; I’m not going to go back and look). If true, and if Stephanie is anything like my wife in the expressive-face department, she was probably broadcasting quite effectively the turmoil inside her. Almost from the beginning of Stephanie’s story, I wondered if the Indiana Jones of Plants picked up on Stephanie’s emotional state and need for someone to “see” her. Stephanie told the story from the point of his sexual interest in her. I wondered if he saw it from the standpoint of helping the pretty but sad-looking girl feel better about herself because he paid her some attention.

    Stephanie can weigh in on that if she wants to. But, from this distance, I’m not sure she can tell which angle he was coming from then, particularly given her emotional state at the time (feeling lonely / emotionally abandoned by husband). How can one properly interpret anyone’s motivation when in that frame of mind.

    Anyway, deti laid out the thoughts that I had upon reading the stories. Except for one.

    Everyone is responding to what was going one with Stephanie then. I think the fact that she provided so much detail is an indicator that something is going on now. It is not easy for the sweet young thing to let go of being the ingenue and embrace being the mother of four very young children who need homeschooling and wife of a man in a dangerous job right now. Don’t take that as snark. I’m being very serious. We all have a need to be seen and appreciated. I think that is a particularly difficult truth for those like Stephanie who attracted more attention in her youth than some of the rest of us probably did.

    This is going to sound corny, but I mean it sincerely: if Stephanie was feeling / is feeling the need to let folks know that she can still attract the attention of desireable men, I can’t think of a safer place to tell that story than here. Where everybody knows her name.


    Liked by 1 person

  132. RichardP says:

    Stephanie had not posted when I wrote my post. I’ve not yet read her post – but there may be some things there that make my post irrelevant. If so, then let my post be irrelevant.


  133. Larry G says:

    Stephanie, this situation with the Plant Man….I do not recall if you said before that you told your husband about the encounter or not…if you did, what was his reaction?

    El Roi was standing with you, Elohim shomri (God Who Protects) also

    Liked by 1 person

  134. Ame says:

    60m ago
    @ame said: reading Deti’s and Sharkly’s comments makes me think we women always need an escort like in older days!

    Not only an escort, but a veil.

    lol! probably so.

    i think it’s easy, from a distance and (sometimes) in hindsight, to say how we women should respond in a situation like Stephanie found herself in – and to think we should have known better, done better, done anything differently.

    it’s a whole different thing for us to be in the middle of it, finding that it’s escalating in some way, and then to try to figure out how to get out of it. even with this customer at work that gave me that stupid valentine heart candy (are they already selling that stuff?!) the other day … really, i have no idea. so i’m kinda creeped out about it. i think i treat him like all my other customers. sheesh.

    do any of us like knowing we’re (still) attractive to the other sex? sure. but it’s still weird. we think we’re doing everything we can to protect ourselves, then something like flower-man comes out of the blue to drive around a plant nursery.

    reminds me of a story a friend about ten+ years older than i told of when her daughter was a toddler. mom was of the generation that thought children should be taught scientific names for body parts or they’d be confused later in life. mom was a nurse, too, so daughter was used to hearing these things. after some previously embarrassing incidents in public, mom prepped daughter before going to the grocery store and gave her the long list of things we shouldn’t say (shout out!) in public, including vagina, penis, breasts, etc. they had got through the whole grocery store and were in line to check out when daughter looks up at the woman next to them in line and shouts out, “You’re fat!” mom was horrified! fat woman laughed and said it was true.

    but the point is … no matter how well we try to prepare and cover all the bases, things happen. sometimes it’s the perfect storm. and thankfully, God is bigger. Stephanie told her husband and took all four of her kids back the next time. it’s not wrong that she found him attractive. it’s not wrong that she found herself in a situation that escalated and found her floundering b/c what she thought should work didn’t. actually, nothing was wrong about any of it.

    Stephanie’s point is that satan knows our vulnerabilities, and even the best of us find ourselves in sticky situations. thankfully Stephanie has a wonderful Husband and, bonus, a great Mom, to share these things with. she doesn’t keep them hidden in the darkness.

    so, men, you already know this … pray over your women. you men are a covering for your women and children. Lord knows we get ourselves in pickles of situations and need help 🙂


  135. Ame says:

    Richard –
    This is going to sound corny, but I mean it sincerely: if Stephanie was feeling / is feeling the need to let folks know that she can still attract the attention of desireable men, I can’t think of a safer place to tell that story than here. Where everybody knows her name.


    love this 🙂


  136. tb20driver says:


    it’s human to like positive attention, especially from someone you find attractive in one way or another.

    if the attention didn’t matter to you or made you feel good about yourself, you would not have mentioned it to your husband. bragging about being desired it is also just being human.

    having kids around you does not make a woman less attractive to men. some of the most attractive women i have seen lately, have had their kids with them when shopping.

    Liked by 1 person

  137. thedeti says:


    your last post stating that Plant Guy wasn’t really your type doesn’t square with this:

    I actually felt the sexual chemistry at that point and got scared! I could tell my body was sexually attracted to him (I’m not sure if men can pick this up, but my body just reacted against my will)

    You also said in your last post

    The reason why I can explain in such detail, is because it was yes, flattering but also horrifying at the same time. Mostly it was a surreal experience I couldn’t believed happened (and don’t think it happened on it’s own, because I’m Christian, I believe Satan coordinates these things). I want to use it as a learning experience for other women.

    Horrifying, and therefore full of drama and excitement – which we know women all love. But, it wasn’t really horrifying, because nothing bad was ever going to happen to you. If Plant Guy had decided to make serious moves, there were women and white knights everywhere. It FELT horrifying, but it wasn’t ACTUALLY horrifying. It FELT unsafe – and women love the feeling of danger, without it being actually dangerous. That’s why they love fucking men they don’t know very well – because modern society has eliminated all the danger from it, except for herpes and HIV, and those can be medically managed to the point of asymptomaticity. It feels dangerous, but it isn’t really dangerous.

    I don’t think it’s fair to condemn someone whose brain is not in the correct decision-making mode or all there, or scientifically, “drunk,” for making the wrong choices. Choices that I can see clearer now, but that I didn’t think about or even realize that day.

    I’m not condemning you. I’m explaining what really happened and why. Your brain was fine. You weren’t “drunk”. What you described is how women act when they get flattering, exciting attention from an attractive man. You were in full possession of all your faculties.


  138. Ame says:

    Deti –

    I’m not condemning you. I’m explaining what really happened and why. Your brain was fine. You weren’t “drunk”. What you described is how women act when they get flattering, exciting attention from an attractive man. You were in full possession of all your faculties.

    with all due respect, and much is due and given, it is very hard to explain Mommy-Sleep-Deprivation with a new baby, much less the 4th with three other little ones, compounded by all the very real stress of covid19, Stephanie not getting the normal physical help from her Mom – or anyone else – when she has a new baby due to covid19, having a very high maintenance baby, and then all the extreme stress her husband was under at that time, and homeschooling, and other things she does not talk about publicly that i know were going on at the same time.

    there is scientific proof a new mommy brain does not function at optimal levels – i’m not a sciency person, but i know that data is out there.

    so, no, she was not in full possession of all her faculties, and no, her brain was not ‘fine.’

    however, i do not doubt that, had flower-boy been a creepy sort of man, she would have reacted differently. yes, we do react differently to men based on their sexual attraction and status.

    It FELT horrifying, but it wasn’t ACTUALLY horrifying. It FELT unsafe – and women love the feeling of danger, without it being actually dangerous.

    yes, and no. when in the state Stephanie’s brain was in at the time, perception, reality, and being able to process safe and unsafe were all skewed.

    was she in any real danger of this man kidnapping her? no.

    her danger was in her mind, in her heart. it was the beginning of the temptation. as is written:James 1:14 But each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires and enticed. 15 Then, when desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, brings forth death.”

    this is where Stephanie was … at that beginning where she was tempted and satan wanted to draw her away, but she staunchly resisted, so the death was immediate.

    her whole point, if i interpret her correctly, is to share that this kind of temptation does happen to women. to share one of the ways it happened to her. to share how satan exploited a very difficult time her in life by dangling a forbidden fruit in front of her, and how she resisted, and why she resisted.

    – – –

    what you’re sharing, that is so helpful, is the technical side to why a woman would react to a man like flower-boy.

    the kind of fear that you’re talking about didn’t really exist b/c she wasn’t afraid for her life or fear of danger from him b/c he wasn’t creepy to her. a creepy man would have brought about a different kind of fear than the one she described, which i explained above.


  139. thedeti says:

    there is scientific proof a new mommy brain does not function at optimal levels – i’m not a sciency person, but i know that data is out there.

    Fair enough, Ame, but “New Mommy Brain” looks, sounds, and behaves suspiciously quite like Sexually Attracted to Attractive Man Brain.

    If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck and quacks like a duck…..

    Liked by 1 person

  140. Ame says:

    lol! i get it, Deti, i truly do 🙂

    but sometimes . . . that duck is a drunk duck 😉


  141. Ame says:

    Sexually Attracted to Attractive Man Brain

    i think the base truth is that we’re all sexually attracted to more than one person. for those of us who care to honor God and our spouse and our vows, we choose to stop the progression of that attraction.

    we cannot eliminate all the men/women we’re attracted to on this planet, and we cannot live in a bubble, fearful of ever leaving home for fear we’ll run into a situation like Stephanie did. that’s crazy.

    but there are things we can do … like …
    – accept the reality that i’m human and sexually attracted to a certain kind of person.
    – minimize or eliminate all possible encounters we’re aware of.
    – have a plan in place for when it does happen.
    – when it does happen, tell your spouse right away … or a trusted friend if you’re single.


  142. Ame says:

    Sexually Attracted to Attractive Man Brain

    another poignant reality here is that Stephanie is attractive to men other than her husband, and the more she works to maintain her attractiveness to her husband, the more that makes her attractive to other men – regardless of how attractive she feels at any given moment.

    in this story, Stephanie did not *feel* attractive, so she didn’t think she was attractive. she was dirty, grunge-yard clothes, sleep deprived, no makeup, messy hair, and didn’t *feel* pretty. therefore her brain didn’t even think she needed to protect herself from the possibility of another man being attracted to her.

    in reality, Stephanie was still very attractive to other men.

    this is a hard thing for women to ‘get’ sometimes, especially since we don’t totally get male sexuality. we can technically read what males respond to, but we’ll never be men, so we won’t get it. and this is where husbands and fathers and brothers need to step in and tell us to change what we’re wearing.


  143. tb20driver says:


    “in this story, Stephanie did not *feel* attractive, so she didn’t think she was attractive. she was dirty, grunge-yard clothes, sleep deprived, no makeup, messy hair, and didn’t *feel* pretty. ”

    That’s because women focus on the stuff, instead of on the person.

    to men if you are cute or attractive, the wrapper is irrelevant

    Liked by 2 people

  144. tb20driver says:

    regarding the above comment, the “the just f’d” or “hot mess” look, can be very alluring!

    Liked by 1 person

  145. RichardP says:

    Don’t want to overstate the point, but I do want this point to be visible.

    1. re. “Drunk” from sleep deprivation and feeling lousy from lack of husband’s attention:

    Given that we don’t respond to “what is”; we respond to “what is perceived”, and given that being “drunk” and feeling lousy from lack of husband’s attention inhibits our ability to perceive properly:

    2. I wonder if what Stephanie reports as sexual attention from flower guy was really just an attempt by him to make a pretty girl feel better by him showing her some attention. (I do understand a large part of Stephanie’s point was about her physical response to him, and what she did about it, and not his physical response to her.)

    3. Or – Stephanie says that sleep depriviation can affect the mind the same way that being drunk can. So, flower guy maybe saw some signals that she might be drunk, and shadowed her to make sure she didn’t bump into stuff and knock things over or otherwise damage the products for sale. That could at least partially explain his continued attention to her in spite of her protesting that she could handle things herself. No offense meant to Stephanie, but that is what drunk people say (I’m not as drunk as some thinkle peep I am.) Friends don’t let friends drive drunk. Friends don’t let friends walk through the merchandise drunk and knock over the product, etc.

    4. We weren’t there, so we cannot know. Stephanie was there, so she could know. But drunk folks have notoriously bad memories of how things went down while drunk. My larger point is this: Stephanie could have perceived the situation properly, or she could have been drunk from sleep deprivation, etc. But not both.

    No one can do it all. We all have our limits – beyond which, if pushed, we lash out in some way, or simply break down. Lots of folks are discovering the truth of that in this season of Covid and government lockdowns. Add to that the stress of homeschooling 3 children plus an infant, and a husband earning money by putting his life on the line, literally, and we have the potential for breakdown. Sharkly was correct in stating that Stephanie could have referred to her experience with flower-guy and her stressed husband in much less detail, and we still would have gotten her point. The fact that she didn’t makes me think this is a signal that all is not well right now – in Stephanie’s sense of her ability (or inability) to continue handling the load that has been placed on her. It is that to which I refer. I am not insinuating that she is coping by having affairs of the heart or skin, or that she is feuding with her husband.

    Given the new reality of the world of health and politics, I think folks who need to vent here should feel welcome to do it.

    Liked by 3 people

  146. RichardP says:

    tb20driver said: the just f’d” or “hot mess” look, can be very alluring!

    Especially on the Amy Schumer types, right …


  147. tb20driver says:


    guess you ignored the cute or attractive part. lol

    Liked by 1 person

  148. Stephanie says:

    “I do not recall if you said before that you told your husband about the encounter or not…if you did, what was his reaction?”

    I told him immediately after, I even texted him while it was going on, telling him I was getting away asap (while waiting on the tree papers to be filled out).

    We have a relationship where we tell each other these things, we always have.

    One time he had a younger coworker (very cute and tiny) JUMP on him with her entire body wrapped around his :O :O :O !!!!

    She was ridiculously flirty and his body responded getting turned on even though he did not at all want to be, or want her. He’s frankly disgusted in a way with the kind of women he works with.

    He told me about it that same day. He was shocked, disgusted and embarrassed his ody reacted to her etc. All at once. So he understood me when I told him what had happened with Plant Man. We have regularly shared anything odd with each other… it’s normal for us and we’re not threatened by these things. When he told me about this younger woman, I laughed because it was just so inappropriate! I wasn’t worried **at all** about losing him, and he likewise was not worried **at all** about me wondering off on plant adventures around the world with Plant Man. We’re very solid and part of that is because we’re so in sync we tell each other everything.

    He still sometimes brings up that his younger coworker did that… he’s still, maybe a year or two later, shocked by how awful it was.

    Recently, he told me she’s divorced now. Poor lady! She shouldn’t be literally JUMPING on other women’s husbands with her entire body!


  149. Ame says:

    1h ago

    “in this story, Stephanie did not *feel* attractive, so she didn’t think she was attractive. she was dirty, grunge-yard clothes, sleep deprived, no makeup, messy hair, and didn’t *feel* pretty. ”

    That’s because women focus on the stuff, instead of on the person.

    to men if you are cute or attractive, the wrapper is irrelevant

    you know … for us women … this is one of those things where we can technically know this is true, but emotionally we don’t ever get it. i know there are times my Husband thinks _____, and i’m thinking, “Absolutely not! He’s lying! I look terrible!”

    i think this falls into us women just not getting male sexuality and attraction 🙂

    how we *feel* about ourselves determines what we *think* is true about how we’re perceived. obviously, we often don’t know the truth about ourselves 🙂


  150. Stephanie says:

    “The fact that she didn’t makes me think this is a signal that all is not well right now – in Stephanie’s sense of her ability (or inability) to continue handling the load that has been placed on her.”

    Richard, we are going through another period of extreme sleep deprivation and exhaustion. Baby #4 is waking up 5-6 times each time, several nights in a row. My mom won’t come until after she gets both vaccines so that realistically could be months to another year of no help. And allergies on top of that (pounding headaches with loud kids LOL) ugh! It is a lot. It probably is too much, but … we can’t grow weary of doing good….!

    Spending time doing landscaping is amazing though! I have bougainvillea’s that are exploding in the most vibrant hot pink blooms, and almost 6 feet tall (4 of them in a row) in front of house as an accent piece.

    And a wall of light blue plumbego plants in the back, fixing to put a white arch with pink trumpet vines climbing up over it this spring. The backyard, where we spend a lot of time, is becoming an oasis.

    No word from the young wife though, so I’ve backed off to let her think. I think it’s good she was so receptive and said she needed to hear the truth from someone. So prayers for her would be good!

    Liked by 1 person

  151. tb20driver says:


    “One time he had a younger coworker (very cute and tiny) JUMP on him with her entire body wrapped around his :O :O :O !!!!

    She was ridiculously flirty and his body responded getting turned on even though he did not at all want to be, or want her. He’s frankly disgusted in a way with the kind of women he works with.”

    Amazing how our minds sometimes conflict with our internal wiring and our bodies.

    If anyone has a problem with how our bodies respond in these instances, I suggest that they take it up with the creator.

    Liked by 1 person

  152. Can you give me the skinny on the bogus bar mitzvah says:

    I would just like to introduce myself here. It is my first time posting on WordPress. However I often silently read this blog space and very much enjoy the contributors topics and opinions.

    I think it all comes down to our own relationships with the life lessons we are taught and I will try my best in brief to explain what I mean by this in relation to a parent a child’s communication and hopefully indirectly contribute something note worthy to the discussion.

    “All of the women you guys hold up as examples in the sphere— Elspeth, Hearthie, Mychael had very strong dads (in Mychaels case her grandfather) who they were terrified of disappointing.

    Yes, this is a thing. Or at least it can be a thing. Parents through leading by example (and more) can make this happen. In my case, I was sad that I disappointed when my marriage ended up in divorce. Nothing was said, but nothing needed to be said. So, yes it does happen, and with both sexes.”

    – Older people don’t want to change at there age. You the parent have told your offspring what you thought and they wont forget that. It does not mean you want to control there lives it is just you would have liked to have been able to tell them that you have had these experiences and wanted to tell them what you would have done knowing the things you do now that you have kids of your own. But it is about what they want to do. Your only upset cause you hope they will learn from your mistakes and you cant give them what you want to. Your children will make decisions you don’t like and you will have to get over it. You’ve got your sons or daughters love. It is not as though you wont support or believe in there choices they want to make you proud just much as you want them to make you proud. Remember that cause if you hurt your children chances of having these feelings and experiences they will never forgive you and you wont forgive yourself. Keep your head and don’t think what might or might not happen it is the principle of your views and they know you cant change your views of whats right or wrong over night. If you want there respect have your principles and stick to them. Lead the way by example you have had more share of life experience than them and throughout there life they will come to value your advice and wisdom. But when they come to make mistakes that you warned you will be there even though you should not have to be but you will be there for them and they will learn a lesson but for the most part you will be wishing they prove you wrong and this will be equally important.

    Liked by 2 people

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