A bloke I know, let’s call him Mack, is a good bloke in most ways. His weakness is women. When it comes to women he’s an idiot. Lord knows he’s not the only man with that flaw. It’s damn near a universal male characteristic. Mack has it in spades.
Mack’s three marriages were all disasters. His mates tried to warn him and he didn’t listen. When Mack had on a full head of lurve nothing would hold him back.
I joined in the attempts to stop Mack’s first two marriages. My spiel prior to his second marriage was along these lines: “Mack, she is flying every warning flag under the sun. She’s a feminist. All her friends are bitches. If you want to know what she’s really like, just ask her ex boyfriends. She spent their money and two-timed them and she hasn’t stopped lying about them since. She goes through men like she’s meeting a quota. She calls herself a strong woman.” I stressed those last two words because Mack’s first wife too had been a self-styled strong woman. “If you have any self-respect left, mate”, I added, “do yourself the biggest favor of your life and kick her to the kerb.”
By the time the third marriage came along, Mack had emigrated to the USA and I hadn’t seen him for years. The third woman was twice divorced, like himself. I couldn’t be bothered warning him this time. Some of his other mates pleaded with him again, to no avail. It wasn’t long before Mack was facing his third divorce.
Although Mack’s repetition of failed marriages is completely beyond the pale, none of them by itself was as dire as some I have known. Mack’s were fairly typical – the fake commitment, the cucking, the asset-stripping, the separation from his kids, the lies, the damage to his reputation etc. His divorces were typical in their exposure of marriage as a sham. Apart from the hypothetical exception of the merciful wife, every marriage/divorce is just another orchestrated decimation of a man by a bitch in cahoots with her one-and-only soulmate, the State.
Now if I were a reader of this post with no knowledge of the history behind it, I know what I’d be thinking right now: I hope this is not heading where I think it could head… Unfortunately it is. Having recovered from his third divorce, Mack is ready to put his neck in the noose for a fourth time. I hear Woman #4 is a carbon copy of her predecessors. Most of his old mates have given up on warning him (there comes a time when the mates of a serial sucker are no longer as close as they used to be).
And to answer the question implied by this post’s title, yes, he wants me to be his best man. I have it on reliable authority; he will ask me any day now. His wedding will be a big and extravagant event after social distancing rules are relaxed. It’s possible that Mack has chosen me because I gave him his most emphatic warnings in the past. Having me as his best man could sort of whitewash his fourth attempt, so he can kid himself he has finally got it right.
Another aspect of this unfortunate case is not the least bit unusual either: Apart from his hopelessness with women, Mack is no chump. He is competent in business, a hard worker, makes the right decisions etc. Each time he was fleeced he managed to rebuild his career and wealth.
So where does his blind stupidity come from? Again it’s a familiar story: He has no concept of a future without a woman. Mack believes marriage is pre-ordained. He prays for his soulmate to come along, the one that God always intended for him. He now tells anyone who will listen that his latest woman is his gift from God after the trials and tribulations of his past. Needless to say, women are quick to play into this belief system of his. It makes him easy prey. Four times now he has “found” his one-and-only.
This is not a fault of Christianity so much as Mack’s way of applying it. And unfortunately, this “belief system of his” is not exclusively his. There are more than a few men out there who hold out for “the one”.
Should we be party to a deluded man’s recurring mistake? Should we be a knowing party to any mistake? Are we really his best man when we stand beside him at the alter, knowing full well that the wedding vows are fake? Let’s face it, “no-fault divorce” having rendered the commitment meaningless, marriage can only be a charade and “Best Man” is a pretense at best.
So assuming for a moment that the job is up for grabs, anyone for the best man?