Buying a Wife – Part 2


Her father gave permission for me to marry his daughter after a required one year engagement period. Once the immediate family knew we were engaged two things changed immediately; One – she was no longer just the youngest girl in the family and last on the pecking order but was addressed much more politely by her brothers and sisters while I was present. Two – my weekends were no longer mine. Every Friday evening after work, one of her brothers escorted me to her home where I would spend the entire weekend with the family, then return to my place late Sunday. This was good, it gave us supervised time together to “get acquainted” and I was allowed to buy her small gifts and flowers (never an even number such as a dozen roses, only odd) from time to time, but was cautioned by her brother not to over do it.

Not everyone in her extended family was overjoyed at the idea of her marrying a foreigner in general or an American in particular, for that matter neither was my immediate family when I told them. One of her uncles was rigorously opposed to the marriage and for a couple of months was a major pain in the ass. I learned early on from one of her brothers that he talked crap about me to her father and had a couple of his buddies investigate me during my time in country. Eventually this asshole uncle’s meddling and opposition came to a head about three months into our engagement. Him, father, a couple of her brothers and me were up on the roof drinking tea when this character started criticizing where I was living. That did it. The short context of my much-less-than-polite answer was to inform him that I really did not give two shits about his opinions, sniveling or objections to my marriage; and it would really be in his best interest to keep his mouth shut from that point forward. I also reminded him that his permission was not a requirement or wanted since her father had given his; and if that offended him, he was free to go fuck himself. End of conversation. He left pissed off and we did not see him again till our wedding day; to this day we are still not on the best of terms but can speak civilly to each other for short periods of time.

Now we get to the business part, the negotiations. In the more rural areas a bride is often bought with a bride price (not a dowry which is the wife’s family giving money or goods to the groom and his family) and arranged marriages are still commonly negotiated between the girl’s father and groom’s father. However this was directly between her father and me so we spent one long afternoon negotiating the price I would pay for her until we reached a deal. She cost what I thought was a reasonable amount in dollars (a bit over $10,000 in four installments) that was then converted into equal value of standard 24k gold coins. It is expected that the husband-to-be provides certain gold jewelry for the bride to wear and display on the wedding day. There are shops (souks) that sell nothing but this type gold jewelry; dollars are acceptable but no one argues with gold. The standard bride bracelet are made of 1 ounce gold that looks like small twisted rope in a solid circle. The gold is really soft and bends easily so cannot be worn as daily jewelry, after the wedding the bracelets are put away for safekeeping. Since the husband-to-be is the only one to buy these bracelets for the bride (and I had a year to get them) how many she wears on her wedding day is an indication of what she is worth to him. And yeah, the neighbors and family women did count how many she was wearing. Through some not-so-subtle questioning I found out that the typical village bride might wear four to six bracelets, on our wedding day I made sure that my new wife wore five on each arm.

We threw an engagement party for family, her friends and neighbors to celebrate. I picked up the tab for a small cake, her dress and shoes, and a couple of boxes of cigarettes for the men. It actually did not cost me all that much for the party since the neighbors brought the food and drinks. Someone loaned us a tape recorder and a pair of speakers so we had dance music (I did not pay for the celebratory gunfire however). The party guests divided into men and women, ladies stayed in the house and in the enclosed back yard, the men were across the street in a neighbor’s yard. Can’t say what the women were doing at the time, but the men were talking, drinking, smoking, then somebody thought it would be great idea to have a knife throwing contest. I stuck the post a couple of time by sheer chance then quit while I was ahead. The cigarettes did not last long as everyone smoked including me, the local cigarettes are short, unfiltered and strong even for seasoned smokers.

Her mother stayed mostly in the background during our engagement and said very little except, I think, to coach her daughter on how to be a wife from time to time. We went out to eat once in awhile, had family picnics and bar-b-ques, went to the beach a couple of times (she could not swim), shopping or sitting on the porch spending together. About the shopping, she had a couple of hand me down dresses from her sister to wear which embarrassed her, but she never asked me for any money or anything else. I wanted her to feel good so one day I gave her a little bit of local cash to get some new clothes for herself. Her mother went with her and they came back in the afternoon with several bags of nice new stuff. What made this event special besides seeing her happy? She had not spent all of the money that I gave her and handed what was left over back to me.

About halfway through the year, I was talking with her father in the living room after dinner when she came out of the kitchen carrying a pan of water. It is important to know that wearing shoes in the house is not allowed (to this day we take our shoes off when we come in to our house), so all I had on was socks. She put the pan of water down, took off my socks and washed my feet while her father and mother watched. Was I surprised? Damn right. I did not understand what that was all about at the time but her washing my feet kind of sealed us together, she never did it again.

As our wedding day got closer she asked me a lot about America, my family (they never fully accepted my wife for many years and treated her badly at times when I was not around), where would we live and maybe some day I could teach her how to drive my car (I did try exactly one time to do that after we were married), it did not turn out well. Do you have any idea how expensive a street light pole costs?

 

Posted in HowTo, Marriage
85 comments on “Buying a Wife – Part 2
  1. Farm Boy says:

    to coach her daughter on how to be a wife from time to time.

    In the olden days this was probably a good thing, East or West. In the western world today, I would not be sure it is a good thing

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Larry G says:

    FB, totally agree with you. Remember, me getting my wife was nearly 30 years ago.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Larry G says:

    I’m thinking about writing about the post divorce year when I workred in the S Pacific, FB.

    Liked by 4 people

  4. Farm Boy says:

    LarryG,

    By all means do so.

    in addition, perhaps one on the contrast between your western ex and your non-western wife.

    Liked by 3 people

  5. Larry G says:

    oh man, FB…”contrast between your western ex and your non-western wife.” …..lemme see, a concise version for now, m’k? western ex wife, a pile of shared cold dog shit…..non-western wife I have…a sizzling steak dinner with all the trimmings just for me

    Liked by 3 people

  6. Sharkly says:

    Ame,
    I tried to leave you a comment on you site, like you requested, but unfortunately got the following WordPress Error: Sorry, this comment could not be posted.

    So, I’ll just post it here:

    Ame says: i’ve heard men often say that they like when a woman listens to him, really listens to him … and that this is often why men are drawn to the ‘other’ woman, because that ‘other’ woman listened to him.

    I’ll try to explain that from my perspective. A man can more easily communicate with and be better understood by another man. It isn’t that he needs somebody, who will not understand as well, to also listen to him. It is that women are to reverence their husbands.(Ephesians 5:33) A woman quieting herself and listening to him well, without talking over him, is both evidence of respect and reverential treatment. Men crave this missing feature of most women. Men were designed to appreciate a woman’s reverence, and they love women who treat them reverentially. Part of why so many marriages disintegrate so fast, is that most women turn off the reverence as soon as they get their husband committed to them through marriage. Suddenly he finds himself trapped with a disrespectful woman whose behavior is far beneath that of the woman he fell in love with, and thought he was marrying. He would have never married her if she had been that way before he married her. The “other woman” is likely the same trap again, but just hasn’t gone disrespectful on him yet.

    The reason why so many women can’t win their husband back away from the “other woman” is because treating him more respectfully that the “other woman” is unthinkable to them. And they’ve already burnt so many of the bridges their husbands tried to establish between them, often by rationing their reverence and by defrauding their husband of intimacy and then trading that due intimacy back to him like a whore to manipulatively demand to be paid what they want by their husband, by exchanging with him what was already vowed to him before God and witnesses.(to Have and to Hold from this day forth) The disrespect to their husband and to their own vows has been so great, that, like God, the husband clearly now sees her as a worthless polluted vessel for God’s wrath, and their Christ defying wives’ hardened hearts are seemingly incapable of repenting and becoming saved yet another time, having trampled underfoot the grace of God.

    Ephesians 5:22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord; 23 for the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, and He is the savior of the body. 24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.

    Matthew 25:45 Then shall He answer them, saying, ‘Verily I say unto you, inasmuch as ye did it not to one of the least of these, ye did it not to Me.’ 46 And these shall go away into everlasting punishment, but the righteous into life eternal.

    Keeping most men loyal is as simple as continuing to halfway behave how you won him in the first place. I can’t accept that most women are so stupid, they cant understand and do that. No, they choose to be evil, selfish, and usurping. Many people, women especially, greatly abuse their marriage relationship and then want a new one without having to ever reap the consequences of what they have sown. Well, they’ll reap it for eternity if they don’t repent, and turn from their wickedness in this life.

    Liked by 3 people

  7. RichardP says:

    @Sharkley said: … and then want a new one without having to ever reap the consequences of what they have sown.

    Because God does not punish sinners instantly, people feel it is safe to do wrong. Ecclesiastes 8:11 (The Living Bible)

    Liked by 2 people

  8. Ame says:

    Do you have any idea how expensive a street light pole costs?

    lol!

    as you well know, i love your story, Larry 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  9. https://dailycaller.com/2019/11/30/joe-biden-jill-biden-bite-her-finger/

    Now I would really, REALLY like to hear someone from the MSM explain to me how Joe Biden isn’t completely bonkers.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Ame says:

    thank you, Sharkley … that makes so much sense.

    can you please give me the link to the post where i wrote that so i can copy your comment to it?

    that’s so weird that wordpress wouldn’t let you comment … i had that same experience with another blog recently … grrr 😦

    Like

  11. Larry G says:

    Ame,
    “as you well know, i love your story, Larry”

    FYI, my lovely lady baked a pie for me this evening because she wanted too. I have a keeper

    Liked by 4 people

  12. Ame says:

    thank you, Sharkley … i posted it over there with links to here and your blog.

    i looked thru all my settings, and couldn’t find anything that would block any comments (i don’t even have anyone blocked!) … so, perhaps if you try to post a comment again sometime it will work? idk.

    it was weird b/c the last comment Stephanie left went to moderation, and she’s commented multiple times. wp gets so weird sometimes.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Sharkly says:

    Excellent posts Larry G.
    We would all be better off if we lived in a more patriarchal culture like you have described.
    I was wrote similar thoughts earlier this week:
    https://laf443259520.wordpress.com/2019/11/25/in-her-fathers-house/

    Liked by 3 people

  14. Larry G says:

    Thanks Sharkly,
    If I had not worked in her country where sanity still rules, and had she not been like she was respecting and obeying male authority I would never have considered marrying.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Farm Boy says:

    FYI — the picture associated with this post is from the Colorado National Monument by Grand Junction, Colorado

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Adam says:

    Do you have any idea how expensive a street light pole costs?

    I read somewhere a long time ago that the number one cause of bankruptcy for men under 25 was hitting a lamp pole while driving uninsured.

    Larry, any chance of telling us what country she was from? I’ve lived in a bunch of 3rd world crapholes but I can’t work this one out.

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Sharkly says:

    White Guy says: Sharkly, man I feel for you, I know EXACTLY what’s it like to have a spouse that is deathly afraid of intimacy, it makes for the loneliest kind of relationship I can think of. It brings me a lot of joy to see that you are still with your boys and you are spending time with them.

    Thanks for your sympathy. I feel bad for you too. I read that BPD is pretty tough to deal with and quite difficult to get into remission.
    My wife’s Intimacy-anorexia, being a behavioral addiction, like any addiction, could be quit at any moment, and with proper therapy she could stay quit. Her brain can even be normalized through neuroplastic retraining, where she is gradually taught that intimacy is not a threat to her. I guess I’m fortunate that my wife’s condition is so easy to treat. The difficult part is just getting her to submit to treatment. Like any addict she is in denial about having a problem. She has a deep fear of being flawed and unlovable, and so she will never admit that anything that has gone wrong in our relationship could be a result of a flaw on her part. Everything always gets blamed on me, somehow I deserve every rotten thing she has ever done to me. LOL Unfortunately the churchians like to sing that same tune. Every rotten thing a wife does must be deserved by her husband. Ame said on her website: Women are easily swayed. Women – we are prone to listen to others.
    She could so easily be swayed to do the right thing if only her church wasn’t the right hand of Satan. Cheering her on to continue to be an unrepentant whore who intentionally taunts me with her disloyalty to insure that despite my unfailing love, there is no intimacy in our relationship. There are people who absolutely hate me, and yet can have a more intimate conversation with me than my wife of 17.5 years. She is emotionally stunted, or emotionally retarded. She grew up without any framework for intimacy. The only intimacy she ever saw between her parents was what they faked in public to appear normal. And she even will try to do the same. She tells the worthless counselling center that she is too afraid to be in the same room with me, to get out of joint marriage counselling court recommended on behalf of the children, but then she will ask me to sit by her at the kids school programs, in front of all the people she has been telling that she is “trying to reconcile”. My wife has spent the last 17 years telling everybody she meets that I’m a horrible husband, and if they then, after hearing her complain,agree with her, she takes that as validation of her delusion. She has to validate that she has good reason to not want any intimacy of any kind with me. Unfortunately her church is so apostate that they all give her validation against her husband, without ever even talking to me. They refuse to tell her to quit her frivolous divorce, to submit to her husband, and get the couple’s therapy that is needed to confront her issues. Who needs Satan when her church will tell her to defraud her husband and make her children fatherless, just because I won’t submit to her evil, and instead confront it with scripture. My Redeemer lives! Those cuntwipes at her church had better get on their knees and pray for the grace to find repentance before God deals with them according to their foolishness.

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Ame says:

    Couples therapy is useless. Individual therapy with the right counselor is priceless.

    Like

  19. Larry G says:

    Adam,
    “Larry, any chance of telling us what country she was from?” Sorry, no. I am deliberately concealing the my wife’s country for our own reasons

    Liked by 1 person

  20. Farm Boy says:

    ‘NEVERMIND WORKING’

    Khan was recorded by police boasting about his UK benefits could him the same amount in a day that people in Kashmir in a month.

    He said: “On jobseeker’s allowance we can earn that, never mind working for that.”

    https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/10455338/london-bridge-terrorist-usman-khan/

    Like

  21. Farm Boy says:

    After resuming the conversation, the man gave his reason for refusing to have sex with Cooper: The model still had male genitalia.

    https://www.westernjournal.com/man-accused-hate-crime-refusing-sex-transgender-male-genitalia/amp/

    Like

  22. Liz says:

    OT random bit of information:
    Just read an article about using mouthwash after a run. Apparently this will counter the blood pressure lowering effects of the exercise. It was a small study, but there have been other studies on inflammation and mouth flora and all that.
    I think we’re going to soon find that mouth flora is as complex and integral to overall health as intestinal flora. In the case of intestinal flora (as most folks know), the balance of types of bacteria is key. It influences food cravings, inflammation, and disease (for example h pylori in the digestive tract can cause ulcers, and C diff can cause infection when it takes over….usually the result of too many antibiotics). True of skin too, when propionibacterium acnes (a naturally occurring flora) takes over and inflammation results.
    So….we might not want to use mouthwash too often.
    There’s probably a genetic component as well as a lifestyle component there too (just like everything else).
    Here is a study dating back to 1999:
    https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/pdf/10.1080/089106099435880

    If anyone has any info on this, I’d be interested. I heard mouth flora has an influence on arteriosclerosis too (specifically the nitric oxide metabolism…or lack of).

    Liked by 1 person

  23. Liz says:

    https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/326259.php

    “The main finding was that the blood flow supply to the leg muscles and the lowering-blood pressure response of exercise was significantly impaired when oral bacteria were not able to use nitrate and produce nitrite,”

    Liked by 1 person

  24. Farm Boy says:


    Why, for years, did the “watchdog” press display no interest in a scandal that, if fully told, could qualify as the “story of the century,” a story that might implicate many more powerful people and government agencies than Watergate?

    https://www.zerohedge.com/political/will-epstein-story-ever-be-fully-told

    Liked by 1 person

  25. Farm Boy says:

    Six of the eight terrorist plotters who were jailed along with London Bridge attacker Usman Khan in 2012 have also been freed from prison, it has emerged.

    The nine jihadists were members of an al-Qaeda-inspired cell which plotted to blow up the London Stock Exchange and kill Boris Johnson.

    One is still in prison, another was convicted for a further terror plot and Khan is dead – leaving six back on the streets, it is believed.

    https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7743337/Two-Usman-Khans-fellow-jihadist-plotters-freed.html

    Liked by 1 person

  26. Farm Boy says:

    Prince Andrew has kept in constant contact with accused madam Ghislaine Maxwell even as they both became increasingly embroiled in the Jeffrey Epstein scandal, according to a report Sunday.

    The prince had a secret meeting with Epstein’s ex at Buckingham Palace in June — and has been talking to her throughout the escalating scandal that saw him dumped of royal duties, according to The Sun

    https://nypost.com/2019/12/01/prince-andrew-in-constant-contact-with-epstein-ex-ghislaine-maxwell-report/

    Liked by 1 person

  27. Farm Boy says:

    Judge finds that Muslima arrested in New Mexico jihad compound has “mental disease,” unfit to stand trial

    https://www.jihadwatch.org/2019/12/judge-finds-that-muslima-arrested-in-new-mexico-jihad-compound-has-mental-disease-unfit-to-stand-trial

    Like

  28. Cheque d'Out says:

    Liked by 3 people

  29. Farm Boy says:

    Do they have one with a Picatinny rail?

    Liked by 1 person

  30. Farm Boy says:

    Like

  31. For all your full-auto narwhal tusk ranged weapon needs please just see my guy in Germany.

    Liked by 2 people

  32. Larry G says:

    “For all your full-auto narwhal tusk ranged weapon needs please just see my guy in Germany.” Notice the red dot sight? That is confidence….

    Liked by 4 people

  33. Farm Boy says:

    Joe Biden seems to be making headlines for all the wrong reasons these days. First, he bit his wife’s finger for some reason while she was giving a speech. On Sunday, an old video clip of him is making the rounds on social media.

    “And by the way, you know, I sit on the stand, and it get hot, I got hairy legs that … turn blonde in the sun and the kids used to come up and reach in the pool and rub my leg down so it was straight and watch the hair come back up again. They’d look at it. So, I learned about roaches, I learned about kids jumping on my lap, and I’ve loved kids jumping on my lap.”

    https://pjmedia.com/election/clip-of-joe-biden-sharing-story-of-young-kids-rubbing-his-hairy-legs-in-the-pool-goes-viral/

    Like

  34. Cheque d'Out says:

    The worst song you’ll hear today

    Like

  35. Cheque d'Out says:

    Liked by 1 person

  36. Farm Boy says:

    A British yacht skipper’s flight to the US to help Greta Thunberg sail to Portugal has produced the same amount of carbon emissions the voyage hoped to save.

    Nikki Henderson, 26, flew to the US from Britain to sail 48-foot catamaran the La Vagabonde.

    https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7743223/Yacht-skipper-wiped-carbon-emissions-saved-Greta-Thunbergs-sail-Atlantic.html

    Liked by 1 person

  37. Cheque d'Out says:

    [None look like Brie Larson they do]

    Liked by 2 people

  38. Sharkly says:

    Ame says: Couples therapy is useless. Individual therapy with the right counselor is priceless.

    I think generally speaking “Cristian Counselling” is worse than useless, because it is anti-Christ, and yet they use the name of Jesus Christ to push their failed family-destroying Feminist ideology. I have, so called “Christian counselling” on my list of blog topics to write about, when I get the time. Trust me, my wife and I have got some really shitty and satanic counsel from various “pastors”.

    We also had one old pastor who helped us greatly. He basically sided almost completely with me, told her that her actions were evil, to knock off her crazy unfaithful shit, and that all of her demands were just manifestations of her own laziness and selfishness. She wouldn’t go back to him, but he helped our marriage greatly with effects lasting about six years, just from that one brief visit. Instead of validating her delusion, he pierced it with the sword of God’s word, and deflated her feminist balloon full of hokey grievances.

    My case with my wife is a bit unique. Intimacy Anorexia cannot be diagnosed or successfully treated just within solo counselling. The addiction will not manifest itself in the solo counselling setting. Nor is the addict usually aware of their condition or willing to volunteer and discuss any part of their behavior they might fear is abnormal. You need the non-afflicted partner there to give their observations about when the condition is present, and for the counselor to be able to possibly witness it manifesting in the interaction of the couple.

    Dr. Weiss says: Recovering Strategies with the Spouse
    If you are intimacy anorexic, you might be thinking, “Dr. Weiss, shouldn’t we be talking about what I need to be doing personally for recovery before I do recovery work with my spouse?” Well, you might be right if you were an alcoholic or some other type of an addict. Sobriety from withholding for an anorexic is the active initiating of emotional, spiritual and sexual intimacy toward their spouse. You may have gone to therapy in the past where the therapist, unfamiliar with intimacy anorexia recovery, asked to see you individually. Intimacy anorexics love therapists like this because they don’t make them get sober by doing the work of intimacy together with their spouse. That’s like never asking the alcoholic to stop drinking and only talking about their family of origin during therapy. It is great to talk about family of origin, but the alcoholic must stop drinking to become sober. Likewise, it’s great to address individual issues, but the intimacy anorexics must get sober by doing intimacy work with their spouse. The spouse also deserves to know if the anorexic is going to stop withholding after years of this behavior. If the intimacy anorexic completes another year of therapy but doesn’t connect, the spouse is now another year more deprived of intimacy, with intentional pain in their life.

    Weiss, Douglas. Intimacy Anorexia: Healing the Hidden Addiction in Your Marriage . Discovery Press. Kindle Edition.

    Liked by 1 person

  39. Sharkly says:

    Perhaps one of you Brits can help me out.
    I’m half English on my mother’s side, descended from your King Edward,(The first, I believe) so, I am your King!
    Anyhoo! I demand an answer: While many Brits disparage us Americans for our guns, just how does a Brit happen to be armed with a narwhal tusk? And is this really your go-to plan for self defense? If every Brit were to want to be similarly armed, would this not only further endanger the narwhals? If I return to the UK, without my arsenal of real weapons, can I count on the natives defending my regency with Fire Extinguishers, Narwhal Tusks, and other similarly bizarre instruments?

    Like

  40. Ame says:

    Liz
    9h ago
    OT random bit of information:
    Just read an article about using mouthwash after a run.

    interesting. my science-teacher sister mentioned something about this recently … don’t know if she read the same piece you did, but it was the same info.

    makes sense.

    amazing how complex and intricate our bodies are!

    Like

  41. Farm Boy says:

    so, I am your King!

    You would be a better king than Charles

    Liked by 2 people

  42. Farm Boy says:

    Here is Sharkly, whose real name is Arthur

    Liked by 1 person

  43. Larry G says:

    CdO, I am crushed by you shamelessly parading your while male privilege and lack of diversity. What happened? You were the shining beacon and were doing so well…sigh..well, ok then, back to the ReEducation Camp you go till you get the Right Think back..

    Not a heroic Female, nor Tranny, nor Homo in that meme…See any black, Indian or Japs there? Nope, nope, nope ….Oh my God! Not even a token Border Collie!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  44. Ame says:

    wow, Sharkley. i watched this video – i’m so sorry. sounds a lot like what my first husband did. Bloom also introduced me to the Madonna-Whore complex, which also fit him. idk. he was a mess and into some bad stuff 😦

    Liked by 1 person

  45. Larry G says:

    FB, another little story ready for review, “Another Day in Paradise”

    Liked by 1 person

  46. Farm Boy says:

    LarryG,

    Thanks. It is now scheduled

    Like

  47. Farm Boy says:

    Google has banned eight different adverts paid for by the Conservatives over the last month because they broke its rules, The Independent can reveal.

    https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/tory-general-election-advert-ban-google-fake-news-manifesto-labour-a9223846.html

    Like

  48. Sharkly says:

    Farm Boy,
    I was hoping you would catch the Monty Python reference.
    The clip you showed is exactly the part I was mimicking. LOL I gotta repress my subjects every now and then.
    I assume Monty Python must be part of your educational curriculum to become a socially cognizant Brit.
    Somehow I think assaulting a terrorist with a narwhal tusk should have come from Monty Python or a British Comedy, not from reality. It seems like we are all being punked, in some hilarious joke gone viral.

    Liked by 1 person

  49. Ame says:

    Yay Texans!

    Like

  50. Sharkly says:

    Ame,
    I really liked this video sample, it has been comforting for me:

    While somebody might think that a person being too busy, blaming their spouse for things, and criticizing their spouse a lot, sounds kind of normal, it is far from normal how an intimacy anorexic does it. It is like the difference between somebody repeating themselves once, and somebody who repeats themselves all day long. One is normal, the other is a serious disability that prevents a normal life.

    Liked by 1 person

  51. Ame says:

    Yes, I understand. And it describes pretty much my whole first marriage. Bloom, aka RedPillGirl, who doesn’t post much anymore, and I had this discussion some time ago either here or at her place. Can’t remember which now, because we both experienced something similar. Anyway, I fully understood exactly what he described from experience.

    Liked by 1 person

  52. Sharkly says:

    Ame,
    Two thirds of Dr. Weiss’ patients with intimacy anorexia are men and more often than not it is comorbid with some other sex addiction. Did Your first husband also have any other sexual misbehavior that he couldn’t seem to stop? You might be right.
    Just like anorexia is an eating disorder where you don’t eat. Intimacy anorexia is a sexual addiction on the far end of the sex addiction spectrum where you are addicted to withholding intimacy and sex from your “intimate partner”. Often these people will then seek out the most meaningless and anonymous sex they can find, often not even asking the other person their name, to get the sex that they have been depriving themselves and their partner of without any intimacy. Unfortunately they will seek out other people who are not capable of normal adult intimacy, and when it isn’t other sex addicts, sometimes it is children. Because children are not fully capable of being intimate on an adult level, intimacy anorexics will prefer to put them into adult roles in their life that should have otherwise been filled by an adult. When you read about these teachers, who have attractive mates, having sex with young children, I used to find it incomprehensible. Now, unfortunately, I think I know why many of them do it. Just like my wife’s mom used her emotionally as a surrogate spouse when she was very little, and caused her to despise intimacy, now my wife has boundary issues with our sons, and is no doubt causing them significant emotional harm. My youngest son, whom she has the most boundary issues with, has also suddenly gotten overweight. I was made to wonder about that being connected when White Guy pointed out what was happening to his daughter. I can tell my boys are quite stressed by her divorce, especially the youngest. He really loves me. When I talk about it sometimes I can just sense his world getting crushed, and he starts methodically responding to everything I say with “uh-huh”, even before I finish. It hurts me to see him in such hurt for no fault of his own, knowing his mother could stop being a stubborn addict and go with me to get help at any point if she cared about anything more than maintaining her behavioral addiction. Please continue to pray for us.

    Liked by 1 person

  53. Farm Boy says:

    Noname has made the announcement that she will be taking a break from performing shows and making music. Why? Because she feels her audience is too white.

    https://victorygirlsblog.com/noname-does-not-want-to-perform-for-white-crowds/

    Like

  54. Cheque d'Out says:

    Liked by 3 people

  55. Farm Boy says:

    Gratuitous images

    Liked by 1 person

  56. Farm Boy says:

    Millennials Are Fleeing Cities For Refuge From Democrats’ Disasters

    New Census Bureau data shows millennials are increasingly trading in urban life for the suburbs

    https://thefederalist.com/2019/11/29/millennials-are-fleeing-cities-for-refuge-from-democrats-disasters/

    Liked by 1 person

  57. Farm Boy says:

    Like

  58. Farm Boy says:

    Ruffalo has long been known for liberal advocacy, but it is truly remarkable to see a millionaire call for the destruction of the market system that brought him his wealth. According to Celebrity Net Worth, this actor, best known for his role as Bruce Banner/The Hulk in The Avengers (2012) and associated sequels, is worth a cool $30 million.

    https://pjmedia.com/trending/clueless-millionaire-calls-for-end-of-capitalism-says-its-killing-us/

    Like

  59. Farm Boy says:

    A residence hall employee at the University of Wisconsin Madison is on paid leave after telling residents “Don’t bring too many white students around.”

    https://www.thecollegefix.com/university-residence-hall-employee-on-leave-for-saying-dont-bring-too-many-white-students-around/

    Like

  60. Farm Boy says:

    Men and women who have the same preferences regarding a field of study still choose different majors, with men’s choices tied to significantly higher prospective salaries than women’s choices, according to a new study

    https://www.insidehighered.com/quicktakes/2019/11/27/study-women-choose-less-lucrative-majors

    Liked by 1 person

  61. Farm Boy says:

    Useful idiots

    What makes up the American Left? It is not a homogenous entity but an amalgamation of various factions now overwhelmingly dominated by its smallest and most radical element, the avowed Marxist/socialists. However, the largest group and underpinning of the movement are the credulous, patronizing and narcissistic liberals who in their naiveté believe that the enemy of my enemy, conservatives and Judeo-Christian values, are their friends. Yet those friends now control the Democratic Party and are feverishly attempting to transform this nation into a socialist “paradise” which will devour their liberal elite allies.

    https://www.americanthinker.com/articles/2019/12/the_inevitable_breakup_of_the_american_left.html

    Like

  62. Farm Boy says:

    “Somebody go out there and find me one, just *one* quote from a conservative columnist, publication, or even a blog that says what we need to do is to use Thanksgiving dinner to argue with your relatives with whom you have political disagreements. I don’t think you’ll find any. The only sentiment you’ll find from conservatives on Thanksgiving is to enjoy your family, your meal, and just leave politics aside, just for one day.

    “But progressives thrive on division.”

    http://ace.mu.nu/archives/384549.php

    Like

  63. Farm Boy says:


    Sen. Kamala Harris (D., Calif.) said Sunday that people convicted for marijuana charges should be first in line for jobs in the legalized cannabis industry, noting with amusement they had experience “selling weed.”

    https://freebeacon.com/issues/harris-marijuana-first-in-line/

    Like

  64. Ame says:

    Sharkley – yes, he was 😦 … such a tragic life. he was into bad stuff,, prostitutes. i think part of this is in My Story in the numbered posts. afaik, he was not into children. a friend who works for the fbi told me how to search our desktop for anything that might reveal that. i did; i didn’t find anything. i’m not an expert, though, and he was brilliant, so it could have been in there. or somewhere else. i told him i would be watching him and that he’d better not ever touch out kids. i learned to ask seemingly benign questions to my little girls. once, my Aspie Girl was exhibiting odd behavior, and while we were at the doc for something else, i had him ck her out. there was nothing there, so grateful. but i was hyper-vigilant and constantly aware and on the offensive.

    he blamed me for all of it. every bit of it. he would tell me it was the consequences of *my* choices all the time and whenever anything bad happened.

    he also refused to believe Aspie-Girl’s diagnoses despite her being diagnosed by the best in their fields and continuously blamed me stating it was all discipline issues. he continuously pushed her beyond her ability to handle things causing multiple, endless problems.

    i had another blog during this time, but i had to delete it when he sued me for custody. i so wanted to keep it and back up all my posts, but i didn’t want there to be anything that could be misconstrued in any way that could hurt my kids, and he would have found a way. times like this i wish i still had a copy so i could share it with you and other parents going thru similar things, but it’s long gone now. i’ve searched back up places and can’t find it there. i had a computer friend help me delete it all when he sued me, so it’s gone.

    i’m so sorry about your boys; i KNOW how heartbreaking it is to watch your children go through such devastating stuff and being so helpless to stop it. continue to pray over them, as i know you are. write journals for them referencing things going on in their lives and how you’re praying for them and care for them. i also love the video idea … send them videos often – this gives them something to hold onto, it gives them you, an anchor, in their stormy seas of life. do they have cell phones? if not, can you get them cell phones without her confiscating them? this is one of the times i’m a huge advocate for children having cell phones so the safe parent can continually be in contact with their kids.

    make the most of your time together, even if it’s simple and seemingly benign. having boys, i’ve heard that teaching them things like camping, survival skills, self-defense skills, MMA, things like that, empower them. give them mental strength and ways to mentally process and escape in healthy ways.

    be very careful what you share with them. you don’t want them to ever have to wonder if it’s okay to tell their mother things. that’s too harsh a burden for kids. i never told my girls anything that, if they told their dad, it would *not* be okay. i went to extremes with this. now we’ll talk about those things, but i was very protective of them in this way when they were little. their brains are not developed yet, and it’s too much.

    and continue fighting for them.

    iirc … the divorce is not final? can you then have more time with them? do everything you can to get as much time with them … can you get primary custody? idk what you have to work with, but fight for everything you can, as i’m sure you are. even if it seems benign right now.

    i’m so deeply sorry y’all are going thru this. i truly do know. my girls’ dad got so bad i began praying for *his* protection b/c there were people who wanted to take him out to get him to stop hurting our girls, it was that bad. my Oldest developed neurological issues and still has large blocks of memory she’s lost. we’ve chosen to see these things as their ‘stuff’ … that everyone has something, and this is their ‘something,’ so we’ll face it and deal with it and move forward, continuously fighting. there are many who believe God finally said enough and took him out. my girls even came to that conclusion themselves, independently, without any input from anyone else. he was that bad. he was hurting them that much, relentlessly, without any relief, ever, and doing so in the name of God, using bible verses to back up his behavior. i can’t even articulate how bad that time was, how harsh, how devastating, how bad, how intense.

    as the parent, it’s exhausting, gut-wrenching, heart-breaking, overwhelming beyond anything you can conceive. have spent hours and hours on my knees and face pleading, begging, crying out to God on behalf of my children.

    yes, his weight is most certainly related. my Nutritionist said that one of the ways our bodies handle stress is in the fight-flight mode. in the old times when fighting, say, a bear, your body didn’t need certain functions, like the digestive functions, when fighting for your life, so it’s like your body re-routed all energy into fighting for your life. in the same way, it does that under great stress, so systems like the gut system are shut down to fight the ‘bear’ of life. also, adrenals process stress, but when they’ve been taxed with no relief, they can’t restore themselves. all this affects the thyroid. and all this affects how our body processes weight gain and loss. (Stephanie or Liz can explain more of the science part of it – i just lump it all into ‘sciency’ and ‘body’ things 😉 ).

    so, when your kids are with you, you’re going to have to do a lot of things. you’re going to have to be the anchor, safe parent. that means they’re going to unload and vomit all the bad all over you. this is good b/c they NEED to get it out, but it’s going to break your heart. you have to just buckle up and take it b/c they need you. you’re going to have to give them healthy ways to process all this hell. you need to also give them other things to think about.

    in these situations it’s good you have all boys (or all girls) in that you can do all boy things … take them camping. teach them how to build a fire, build shelter, shoot a gun, kill a rabbit and cook it. teach them how to forage for food. teach them safe and unsafe plants and bugs and all that stuff. teach them how to fish and clean a fish. teach them how to fight – how to throw a hit and take a hit AND when it’s appropriate to do so. they need to feel empowered. the NEED to feel like they can protect themselves if they ever need to. the NEED something to hold onto. and you can give them this. they NEED you to give them these things.

    and yes, i will continue to pray for you and your boys, and for White Guy and his girls.

    Like

  65. Ame says:

    Sharkley and White Guy –

    i also think it’s important for you, the safe, anchor parent, to have a support group around you. this is something you need to create, and it needs to be men only. men with whom you can trust, with whom you can talk things over, and men who will hold you accountable and pray for you.

    this was one of the first things i learned when things began to get really dicey. as a woman, i kept a support group of women whom i emailed regularly, shared what was going on, who held me accountable and questioned me, whose advise i listened to and heeded, and who prayed for me.

    this is really hard and big stuff, and it’s too much for any one person, so it’s good to have several in your group. they will each have different strengths, and you can ‘rotate’ who you depend on so it’s not too much for any one of them.

    i made the effort to call one someone every day, but i rotated that b/c it was too much for any one person.

    the group of friends i had was around ten women – that’s what worked for me. they weren’t all local, and they changed some over time as it drew out for sooo long. some left, others came in. i needed to be sensitive to what they were going through and could handle, too.

    there were a few who were there consistently, and one in particular who has continued to pray for us, even now.

    this will break you, over and over, because it is breaking your kids. you need people who can help you up and keep you moving forward … people who can slap you around a little when you need it and tell you to straighten up, put your boots back on, and get back out there … people who won’t allow you to live in pity when you’re beaten up and don’t think you can take one.more.step much less one more breath.

    this was doubly important for me b/c i had absolutely no family support, and the church turned on us; my friend group was all i had.

    Like

  66. RichardP says:

    Ame – did you look for stuff from your old blog on the Wayback Machine?

    https://archive.org/web/

    Liked by 1 person

  67. Ame says:

    yes, and i couldn’t find it there. searched again … still not there 😉

    i deleted it in 2008, so idk if that was before wayback? it was orginially hosted on blogger.

    Like

  68. Someone mentioned the latest Peloton Bike ad up above. This guy had the same take on it I did.

    Look I don’t want to be “The Peloton Ad Guy” anymore but the newest commercial about the vlogging 116 lb woman’s YEARLONG fitness journey to becoming a 112 lb woman who says “I didn’t realize how much this would change me” is just ri-god-damn-diculous. Come on.

    https://www.businessinsider.com/peloton-holiday-commercial-is-sparking-hate-confusion-from-watchers-2019-12

    Liked by 1 person

  69. Ame says:

    lol! my Husband was saying the exact same thing last night!

    Liked by 1 person

  70. Farm Boy says:

    London Bridge jihad murderer Usman Khan was at Cambridge University Friday, attending a prisoner rehabilitation conference, when he suddenly decided to demonstrate the effectiveness of the “deradicalization” process: Khan stabbed Jack Merritt, 25, to death at what the Daily Mail called a “prisoner rehabilitation conference that paired jailed killers with students and held creative writing workshops.”

    https://pjmedia.com/trending/nothing-to-worry-about-london-bridge-jihadi-was-safely-deradicalized/

    Like

  71. Farm Boy says:


    U.S.—A fun new “Greta on the Shelf” doll will watch you every day and fly back to the UN each night to report your climate sins to the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change.

    The doll is equipped with eye sensors programmed to detect activities that are harmful to the environment.

    “Greta sees you when you’re sleeping, she knows when you drive your SUV to the store instead of taking public transportation,” the manufacturer said. “She knows if you’ve been bad or carbon-neutral, so be carbon-neutral for goodness’ sake!”

    One couple in Portland proudly displayed their new doll and lectured their children on the true meaning of Christmas: fighting climate change. “We’re gonna play a fun game for the holidays this year — try to be good little carbon-neutral children, or Greta will tell on you!”

    “How dare you!” the doll chanted as the kids of the household left the door open while the heater was on. “You have stolen my dreams and my childhood.” The doll then blasted off toward UN headquarters using its jet engines to report on the naughty children, who will receive coal in their stocking. They will be snitched on again, however, if they burn the coal for warmth.

    Greta is programmed to detect activities including these:

    Leaving the light on when you exit a room
    Leaving the fridge open
    Driving an SUV
    Parents participating in illicit activities that may lead to the creation of more humans
    Using a plastic straw instead of sticking your face in a beverage and slurping
    Forgetting your reusable grocery bags at home
    Getting a cut-down Christmas tree
    Getting a carbon-heavy plastic Christmas tree
    Turning on any electric appliances
    Using the heater instead of rubbing two sticks together for warmth

    Children have responded enthusiastically to the doll so far, saying things like, “Mommy, I’m scared,” and “Make the bad girl go away.”

    https://babylonbee.com/news/fun-new-greta-on-the-shelf-will-track-your-climate-sins

    Liked by 2 people

  72. Farm Boy says:

    LONDON—Parliament announced Monday the installation of new narwhal tusk surrender bins throughout the UK after a citizen was seen attacking an austere religious scholar using one of the deadly weapons.

    Citizens are to return their dangerous narwhal tusks to the anonymous surrender bins immediately.

    “Don’t make a fuss — surrender your tusk,” said MPS Commissioner Cressida Dick in a passionate plea for Londoners and those in other UK cities to surrender their sharpened tusks. “We have seen the damage these can do when a peaceful member of the religion of peace is just trying to spread his peace in peace. We must make London safe again by giving up all our mammalian tusks to the government.”

    Dick also reminded citizens that elephant tusks, rhinoceros horns, and porcupine quills are all dangerous, deadly weapons that just might get up and attack somebody on their own. Citizens are encouraged to take their sharpened animal horns that they are forced to defend themselves with in the absence of guns, knives, and any other pointed objects, and drop them in the bins, “no questions asked.”

    “If you see something, mate, by Jove, say something, cheerio,” she said.

    https://babylonbee.com/news/narwhal-tusk-surrender-bins-installed-throughout-UK

    Liked by 2 people

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