From here,

As “toxic masculinity” has become a new buzz phrase, many have suggested that there is an empathy gap between boy and girls, with boys on the short side of empathy. Some suggest an evolutionary/genetic basis, while others argue that empathy is learned. This is a complex debate, but it is important to remember that kids generally reflect back the behaviors that are directed towards them. If we treat boys with less empathy, it isn’t surprising that they reflect that behavior right back at us.

So what might be meant by empathy?  Perhaps it starts with understanding needs.  With respect to boys, there seems to be lots of understanding not happening.  Much of it seems deliberate; as if punishment for boys not being what others think they should be.

So boys are pissed and confused, and act as such.

Of course, nothing described below meant to imply that girls don’t also suffer from any number of biases. Also, even the biases described below might harm girls as well as boys—double standards can harm both genders.

Well yes, the treatment of girls do have biases.  Ones that are harmful, though they are not viewed that way.  Marinating them in self-esteem is where it starts, totally feeding into the late teen and twenties when they are on top of the world (until they aren’t).  This is a disaster for all.

Yet, if society is hoping to raise empathetic boys, it needs to treat boys with a lot more empathy.

I suppose that empathic boys is a laudable goal.  Ones that can function, think and develop capabilities is probably more in line with what is needed.

Instead of dance, boys are pushed towards other sports. These sports, especially football, basketball and baseball, just happen to be the sports that have by far the highest injury rates. (Baseball has a significantly higher injury rate than softball.) It should be no surprise that when boys grow up they go on to be vastly overrepresented in virtually all the most dangerous and lethal jobs in America and are more than ten times more likely than women to be killed at work.

So here we have somebody who supposedly is trying to help ragging on sports. Fellas like sports.  If I was not on the college prep track in high school, I would have selected gym class for all four years.  It was required as a freshman, and it was the highlight of my day.  So guys (most) like sports.

Compare that with the chicks.  They really don’t like sports.  It is more of social gathering  thing.  Unless it is really competitive, then it is lesbians.  Anyway, no comparison.

As for the higher mortality rates on the job for men, well they are expected to work and they are expendable.  It has been that way for a long time.

Society has too much trouble seeing harm to boys even when the harm is there for all to be seen. This pattern holds even in the context of sexual predation. The legal system appears to be significantly less willing to protect boys from sexual predation by adults than it is to protect girls. A study of a decade’s worth of cases in the New Jersey school system concluded that when teachers have sex with minor students, male teachers are more likely to go to jail for that transgression, and of those teachers who go to jail, male teachers are given longer sentences.

Yes, we all know about this.  Part of it is because women are seen as morally pure and stuff; even when they are obviously the instigator.  It also helps if they are pretty and act sweet and stuff before the judge.

Men on the other hand, must be responsible for what they did.  It has been this way forever.  Now there is extra emphasis on this because of the power it transfers to women.

If society wants less “toxic” boys who grow into good, empathetic men, perhaps, as the song says, society should try a little tenderness. Protect boys from sexual predation with the same zeal that we protect girls and don’t tell them that they are complicit in their own statutory rapes. Don’t push them into the most dangerous sports and jobs. Don’t punish them more harshly for their infractions than girls. And let them dance.

I will settle for moral competent men.  There is a lot would go into doing this that is not being done now.  But that is for other posts.

Short answer — pay attention to their needs, but them into positions where they can succeed and grow, reward them for doing so, then reap the benefits.

Posted in Feminism, HowTo, Trainwreck
67 comments on “Misdiagnosis
  1. h0neyc0mb says:

    Separate’em ..

    All lads schooling .. by men .. to produce men ..

    And ..

    All smooth-down-unders schooling .. by smoothies .. to produce more tender up-yonder types ..

    Also .. get th’ guber-mint outta education!

    Or .. jus’ homeschool’em

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Horsemanbombadil says:

    Shocker!! Buying a gun actually takes a few steps. Whoda thunk? Fucking twats.

    Liked by 3 people

  3. Horsemanbombadil says:

    Men have empathy. We just don’t gush it for every little hangnail. Empathy means a nod and “Dude, I hear ya” is all that needs to be said.

    P.s. Talk to me about empathy when you have applied a pressure bandage to a gutshot praying the sniper fire lets up for the medic to get to you before your buddy bleeds out.

    Liked by 4 people

  4. Liz says:

    Good video, Horseman.
    I remember had a conversation a little over a year ago with a bunch of women (and these were generally “conservative” women) on the subject. I try not to talk politics in my personal life, but this was kind of unavoidable.
    I tried to explain how guns are sold. The background checks, and so forth.
    One asserted there was a “gunshow loophole” (this is a common canard)….she said gunshows sold firearms without background checks. I asked her if she had ever gone to a gunshow? Blank stare, then an admitted, “no”.
    Well…I explained, I’ve never seen a gun sold at a gunshow without a background check. And Mike has bought a whole bunch of firearms from gunshows.

    Liked by 3 people

  5. BuenaVista says:

    For me, this topic is unusually rich and nuanced.

    For me, the term “empathy” is bawdlerized (secondary meaning: to distort, to misstate) by people who think “sympathy” is too mundane.

    However, to be “empathetic” in my glossary is radically different than “sympathetic”.

    Sympathetic means to care, be compassionate, group hug, air kisses, lalalala. For any man with a spine, sympathy is for fucking losers, and girls who won’t remember your name next year.

    Empathy is the capacity to identify, via direct and personal, or direct and observed, experience what another human is, or has experienced. It represents a visceral connection.

    Sympathy is usually accompanied by paragraphs of spewed words. And, of course, hugs.

    Empathy is exhausting and signalled with a few incisive words. Or just a look. Empathy is very rare. Empathy, improperly managed, will consume your interior life, your equanimity.

    I was loaded one night on this blog and made the mistake of relaying a personal experience I had when I was overseas. Thankfully, Spawny deleted it on my request. Very embarrassing for me to publish that stuff. But anyway, The Ton offered a comment after my discussion, which he concluded, “Yeah, don’t get caught, legit, they’re gonna run a train” or some such. We know how he talks. That is empathy: Informed insight, informed sympathy, if you will.

    My surgeon friend (GynOnc, she operates on dying women) once called me late one night, drunk on her ass, and laid out her secret belief that she was an “empath” — a vehicle to understand and absorb the pain of her patients. She attributed her success as a surgeon to this spiritual, immeasureable capacity. Honestly, I’m not convinced. She’s a very effective surgeon, which means she is a bloodless, ruthless instrument of science. I would never trust her with a secret. If my wife were ill, I would wish she operated, but I’m sure they would never be friends. But each of us is alone, so none of us should really offer such opinions.

    Sympathy: care, concern, compassion. “Give me a hug.”

    Empathy: “I know man. You can handle it.” Knowing silence.

    Woof! Woof woof!

    Liked by 5 people

  6. BuenaVista says:

    Gunshows are dealers with product on card tables. As Liz notes, they’re all FFL’s (federal licensees) so they run the standard background check.

    It is possible to buy a gun from an individual at a gunshow, just as it is possible for me to sell a gun to someone I met via the classified ads. In that case, no background check.

    I’ve never met an individual seller at a gunshow. I’ve never met anyone who would sell a gun privately to anyone remotely hinky. My standard is not to sell privately unless the guy has a CCW (concealed carry permit). Other guys have the same reserve.

    Kamala Harris was spouting off this week about people buying guns over the internet with no background check. This is 100% fantasy. All internet sales are completed at a third party FFL who runs the standard background check. And she is running for president, people, that’s how much she knows about a top 5 issue.

    Liked by 3 people

  7. BuenaVista says:

    So, back on topic, the moron who wrote the Forbes story FB quotes thinks boys need more hugs and air kisses. Then they’ll be more like girls. And, fuck me with a spoon.

    Society would be transformed overnight if boys were offered respect and a patient ear. Instead of ritalin and a new iPad and a parade of teachers, moms and nannies telling them to be what they’re not.

    Liked by 4 people

  8. Adam says:

    Sympathy: care, concern, compassion. “Give me a hug.”

    Empathy: “I know man. You can handle it.” Knowing silence.

    That’s the ironic thing about the quoted article; boys are empathetic while girls are sympathetic. Bugger me, a journo who doesn’t understand English. However could it have happened?

    Liked by 5 people

  9. Sumo says:

    Buying a gun actually takes a few steps.

    I’m going to be purchasing my first firearm in the near future. Contemplating said impending purchase makes me wish I knew anything about firearms.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. b g says:

    And now for something entirely different:

    Liked by 1 person

  11. These boys didn’t need hugs:


    When young male elephants approach sexual maturity, they go through a phase called “musth,” where testosterone floods in at up to 60 times the usual levels, making them highly aggressive, irritable and dangerous. This usually lasts a short time — but not for the Pilanesberg Park males: They entered musth earlier and stayed in it longer, much, much longer. Instead of weeks, their frenzies lasted months — in one case for “as many as five months,” reports J.B. MacKinnon. Why were these episodes happening for so long? Why weren’t they un-happening?

    That’s when elephant scientists had a suggestion. In ordinary herds — where there are lots of big, older, respected male bull elephants around — when a teenager goes through his wild phase, he will get slapped down by a larger, older male. The younger male will attack, and when he’s beaten … something chemical happens …

    Says J.B.MacKinnon: “After standing down to a dominant bull, the rush of hormones in the younger male stops, in some cases in a matter of minutes.” The cue to turn off the testosterone comes from getting bonked. So biologists suggested reintroducing a group of elders into Pilanesberg.

    Six older elephants arrived, did what oldsters do to rambunctious youngsters, and not long thereafter, says MacKinnon, “the killing of rhinoceroses stopped.” The verdict: The young elephants went wild mostly because there were no older elephants around to keep them in check.

    Liked by 5 people

  12. Liz says:

    I’ve never met an individual seller at a gunshow. I’ve never met anyone who would sell a gun privately to anyone remotely hinky. My standard is not to sell privately unless the guy has a CCW (concealed carry permit). Other guys have the same reserve.

    Mike always uses a go-between (a licensed seller) to sell his guns. They do all the paperwork and background checks and so forth. They take a cut (something like 50 dollars). Essentially at the point of sale they buy if from him and sell it to the buyer. It’s well worth the 50 bucks, since he is no longer liable.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Cill says:

    Hello FB. I done a draft for the queue.

    Liked by 2 people

  14. RichardP says:

    re. b.g.s link to These Are The Days (thanks for that btw):

    This, in the comments section at that link:

    To my darling wife, 42 years together seemed like 42 minutes. I miss you so much. W3 tried our best, you fought like a champion but we just couldn’t match brain cancer. I pray you are so very happy in heaven. I am heartbroken without you. I pray that all we believed in that we will be together forever when I get there is true. If so no more good-byes ever.

    Sympathy: Oh, I’m so sorry for your loss.

    Empathy: Oh man, that sucks. Been there. Done that.

    Had a very good friend who contracted, fought ferociously, and died of, brain cancer. Have another friend right now who is in the process of dying from same. I can empathize with husband here. Those who have never been through this can only sympathize.

    viva la These Are the Days. They are. So use them well.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Stephanie says:

    We found out from a genetic test that our 4th baby is going to be a ….. BOY!!!!! So my husband’s given me THREE boys and one girl! I always wanted three boys when I was a little girl – not sure why exactly but it sounded perfect. Anyway… we’re excited for this new baby boy!

    Just wrote a quick post answering an email/hate mail thing about some of my previous comments on duty sex…


    Liked by 3 people

  16. Liz says:

    That is so awesome Stephanie.

    And I think 3 boys is perfect too! 😉

    Liked by 2 people

  17. Stephanie says:

    Somehow I don’t think the emailer will like it… LOL 😀 😛

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Stephanie says:

    You’ll have to give me lots of email advice, Liz!!!! Like… will they play nice together (our boys play fight/sometimes real fight but they get over it fast)… but will three throw them off in the dynamics? I love the idea of another boy… and the ages are kind of spread out so not sure how it’s going to be like.

    4 children… I’m really happy!

    Liked by 2 people

  19. Cill says:

    Boys don’t need dancing. They need positive masculine role models in their lives.

    Liked by 5 people

  20. Ame says:

    Empathy is exhausting and signalled with a few incisive words. Or just a look. Empathy is very rare. Empathy, improperly managed, will consume your interior life, your equanimity.

    BV’s whole comment there is excellent.

    this part is very true and something i’ve had to learn and have to discipline myself on continuously. i think i mentioned once that “Now Discover Your Strengths” by Gallop, book i read when it first came out many years ago, showed my top 5 strengths, in order, are Empathy, Harmony, Developer, Maximizer, and Positivity. Empathy does wear me out. i have to force myself to compartmentalize it. i also have to rein it in as it can get me into situations with people i don’t want to be in – the other person may perceive my interest in them is not what it actually is.


  21. Ame says:

    Society would be transformed overnight if boys were offered respect and a patient ear. Instead of ritalin and a new iPad and a parade of teachers, moms and nannies telling them to be what they’re not.


    what i find interesting is that there is a premise that boys/men do not have empathy … b/c they don’t express it like women? whatever.

    i’ve found boys and men to be very strong in empathy, but (from my understanding – correct me if i’m wrong) they’ve learned to compartmentalize it b/c they learn that if they don’t, it can/will get them into a whole lot of trouble.

    Liked by 3 people

  22. Ame says:

    KH – that elephants link is powerful.


  23. Ame says:

    Congratulations, Stephanie!!!!! that is one blessed baby boy to get to grow up with you and Patrick as parents!

    Liked by 1 person

  24. Ame says:

    another Dad story . . .

    i’m talking to my dad everyday and really enjoying it. i think it gives him something to look forward to, but i’m also enjoying it a lot, too.

    yesterday we were talking about my new job and what it’s like to start a new biz like these guys are doing when he shared this little story.

    “The most important question anyone ever asked me. I had just made my first sale and come back to the office where I was working for someone else when another guy said to me, ‘Now the only question is: What are you going to call your new company?'” and then my dad said to me, “And the rest is history.

    he worked his butt off for many years. there were some very lean years, only one vehicle for a family of six, skimpy meals, but he grew that thing and sold it a few years back for several mil or so.

    now he has a custom made pool table upstairs where he invites his buddies over a couple times a week to play and have fun.

    all because one man asked him that one question, “What are you going to call your new company?”

    Liked by 2 people

  25. RichardP says:

    Ame is demonstrating the truth of this cliche: The future hasn’t happened yet. It’s ours to invent. Just because something was one way in the past doesn’t mean it has to stay that way into the future.

    Liked by 2 people

  26. Farm Boy says:

    Democratic presidential candidate Kirsten Gillibrand said she’s “still angry” that some of her family members voted for President Trump in 2016.



  27. Farm Boy says:

    The would-be robber tried to stab the clerk with a screwdriver, and the clerk wound up roping him. When police arrived, they had to cut the stickup man loose because he was tied so tightly, WFAA reports.

    The clerk told police he is a cowboy from West Texas.


    Liked by 1 person

  28. Farm Boy says:

    Some people born in able bodies feel as if they were meant to have disabilities. How should the medical community be responding?



  29. Farm Boy says:

    One of my favorite shows on HGTV involves people building homes out of shipping containers. It’s the newest craze after “tiny houses” to hit the yuppie crowd. It seems like every Silicon Valley brat is building one of these things. They’re very hip and trendy.

    But it’s not good enough for immigrants in England who are asking for free housing. In that case, shipping containers are garbage.

    ‘This is a place for animals – not for human beings.’


    Liked by 2 people

  30. By telling them they’re crazy and locking them up until the meds kick in.

    Liked by 3 people

  31. Farm Boy says:

    The media are in the business of “reporting” whatever it is that their masters tell them to say. They are communication whores. The only difference between journalists and hookers is that the latter plies an honest trade.


    Liked by 1 person

  32. Cheque d'Out says:

    A major figure of the soft left back in the Maggie era lays out some truth in a lefty forum of today

    Liked by 3 people

  33. Farm Boy says:

    Marcotte: Republicans Want to Take Your Birth Control

    Why? Because they “don’t want women to have it”. That is the latest nonsense from Salon’s Amanda Marcotte, anyway. And we’re the fear-mongers!


    Liked by 2 people

  34. Cheque d'Out says:

    Oh. This explains much about the current fires

    Liked by 2 people

  35. That’s bad enough, but then y’all combine it with another word you — and only you — use in this particular way: “Political.” The way y’all use it invariably means “left-wing.” E.g. when an aging, suddenly thunder-thighed pop tart — Taylor Swift, say — starts lining herself up to be a Very Serious Artist, y’all insist on calling her songs “political,” by which you mean “SJW boilerplate plus a drum machine.”



  36. This is the only Tay-Tay I’ll officially recognize:

    The new pod-person version is a non-person to me.


  37. Stephanie says:

    Empathy should be something children learn growing up… just through interacting with their siblings you’d think. We had an example of that just this morning!

    The boys were playing with their legos and building things at the kitchen table, and their sister wanted to join in, but being 2 and just entering her, “terrible twos,” it seems, she refused to listen to her oldest brother’s telling her to play a certain way – to respect their nice lego toys.

    So a baby gate was put up so the boys could continue playing together (happily!) and their sister was relegated to the rest of the house. She has to learn to respect their toys, or not get to play with them… to me that seems like a small aspect of empathy on her part she’ll no doubt develop by age 5.

    Anyway…. we were kind of hoping for another girl so that the numbers would be balanced out 2 boys and 2 girls, but God must want us to have another boy!! 😀 ❤

    And our boys are very happy about that lol 😀

    Liked by 3 people

  38. Ame says:

    Farm Boy
    Marcotte: Republicans Want to Take Your Birth Control

    Why? Because they “don’t want women to have it”. That is the latest nonsense from Salon’s Amanda Marcotte, anyway. And we’re the fear-mongers!

    because … the sensible people want more crazies running around?! seriously?!

    Liked by 1 person

  39. Ame says:

    we like to watch The Voice, and on the last? season she performed in the last episode. i don’t keep up w/her, so i was SHOCKED by how much weight she’d gained and how much she’d changed.


  40. Ame says:

    Officers said they spotted all six seniors engaging in carnal capers.

    carnal capers?!

    Liked by 2 people

  41. Farm Boy says:

    The next “news” outlet to lose its collective mind is NBC News where we now learn the absurd, unscientific “news” that “heterosexuality just isn’t working” because it is nothing but “global oppression.” No, really that’s what NBC reported. The way human beings reproduce is now nothing but political “oppression” as far as NBC News is concerned.



  42. Cill says:

    My countrywoman Lisa Carrington wins the K-1 200 metres, her 7th World Championship gold over the last 8 years, to add to her 2 Olympic golds. She won the sprint by 2 seconds. She’s a calm quiet person. What a champ.

    Liked by 3 people

  43. It’s sad because she seemed kinda normal for a long time. Turns out she’s just as nutty as the rest.

    Liked by 1 person

  44. Farm Boy says:

    pointed out that socialists have, since their inception, used sex as a tool to attack the Judeo-Christian religions and to sexualize children. In a related post of a few years ago, I traced the long effort of the socialist movement in this country to intervene in the family unit, inserting government (Leftist government) in loco parentis to strip sex of its moral and ethical dimensions for children. What began with the avowedly socialist Margaret Sanger in the early 20th century became part and parcel of the radicalized Third Wave feminist movement of the 60’s



  45. Farm Boy says:

    Gratuitous images


  46. Farm Boy says:

    With Google’s homegrown menaces squelching our freedom of expression, damaging our reputations and livelihoods through slimy and secretive blacklists, and hampering our ability to do honest research — not to mention mining student data in schools by tethering children to Google apps/email/Chromebooks and holding their academic progress hostage to Google’s high-tech leash — who needs foreign enemies?



  47. Liz says:

    I ran into TRB again at the coffee shop across from Tiny Town.
    I couldn’t pick her front side out of a lineup, but I recognize that backside.
    And the hostility.
    “Excuse me” she said.
    (as though I don’t know what she’s really saying is, “excuse me…I don’t want to injure anyone with my bottom. It’s very firm. Tee tee!”)
    Running up the mountain again tomorrow, damnit.
    …unless I forget, or wake up late. Or something.

    Liked by 1 person

  48. Farm Boy says:

    Who is TRB again?


  49. Liz says:

    TRB= Trail Running Bitch


  50. Farm Boy says:

    News for Liz the Cat

    VATICAN CITY—In a sweeping statement Tuesday, Pope Francis announced his belief that all cats across the world are Christians. Although pundits frequently acknowledge the Pope’s progressive policies, Catholic scholars are calling this a “truly unprecedented” move.


    [Enroll in catechism classes Liz should]

    Liked by 2 people

  51. Farm Boy says:

    “Obama, 2008: ‘When you spread the wealth around, it’s good for everybody’

    Obama, 2010: ‘At a certain point, you’ve made enough money’

    Obama, 2019: ‘I’ll take the $15 million Martha’s Vineyard mansion on 29 beachfront acres'”


    Liked by 1 person

  52. Liz says:

    Farmboy, who is the Asian woman in these images? I’ve seen her quite a few times and have always wondered. Is she a politician’s spouse?


  53. Liz says:

    [Enroll in catechism classes Liz should]

    That’s a good one! 😆

    Liked by 1 person

  54. Farm Boy says:

    Farmboy, who is the Asian woman in these images?

    I don’t know, but she does look good

    Liked by 1 person

  55. Sumo says:

    Farmboy, who is the Asian woman in these images?

    I want to say that it’s Fan Bingbing, but who knows for sure? Everyone knows that all of us Asian types all look the same.


    Liked by 2 people

  56. Farm Boy says:

    So you are all good looking then?

    Liked by 1 person

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