For whatever reason, be it that parents spoil them more, the extra attention from boys, the massive doses of self-esteem inflicted upon them, girls just seem to expect more for others and the world. My friend Joe has three girls. We were discussing how to make it so they would not turn out to be entitled.
So what are the roots of entitlement? Well, it is expectations derived from past experience, without understanding exactly where all of the experience came from. Parents need to work to provide that experience, civilization needs to exist for that experience to happen, etc. Kids typically just don’t understand this. In my case, growing up in some poverty, this was all intellectually understood at an early age, and internalized. I am not sure exactly how I learned it, probably by watching my parents work and realizing what that meant. I also understood history, what civilization is, and where it came from.
Joe suggested that the first step is not to spoil them. The second step is to be consistent about not giving into whining/melt downs/ etc. Step three is to make them understand the context of their experience; that is; it comes from somewhere else, a place that might be fragile. A parent might get sick, a recession might happen, etc. Of course, this explaining should be done gradually and at opportune moments, where learning can be illustrated by real-life examples right in front of their face. Step four is to explain that they should appreciate what they have. They might desire more, wish for more, and if older, work a job for more; but in the end they should not be so focused on what they don’t have that they don’t appreciate what they do have.
Further ideas are welcome.
Addendum by Deti:
Entitlement in girls comes from girls’ ability to use soft power and wiles to get men to do what they want, and from men giving in. That simple, in my opinion.
It is essentially girls saying:
to parents: Give me what I want or I will whine and cry and bitch and pout until you just give in. I will not shut up until you give me what I want. And you will give me what I want just to shut me up. Until the next time.
to boys and men: If you give me what I want, I might have sex with you. It’s a definite that if you do not give me what I want, I will not have sex with you. (This works with bottom 80% men.
With top men and men in power, it is “I will have sex with you, please give me some of what I want. If you don’t, I’ll settle for the sex and call you an asshole later. I will accuse you of sexism and unfairness and will shittalk you to other people.”
This is how feminism accomplished so much. Sexual favors in exchange for cash and prizes. That, and an illusory promise to the bottom 80% of men that women would have commitment-free sex with them. “See all that poon the hot dudes are getting? Well, give us feminism, make it easier for us to work and get jobs, and that’s what YOU will get!!”
To politicians, it was “Give us money, “equal opportunity” laws, and anti-sex discrimination laws, or we will call you unfair, accuse you of sexism and misogyny and hating women. We will primary you. We will vote you out and replace you with people who do what we say. Oh, yeah, and we will not have sex with you and we will tell all our friends about what mean poopyheads you are and they will not have sex with you either.”
Note that the above is simply a more refined version of whine, cry, bitch and pout. Instead of sitting in a corner crying loudly and screaming, it is more threatening and restrained, but it is still, at bottom, whining, crying, bitching and pouting.
Anti- sex discrimination laws were intended to stop the bottom 80% of men in the workplace from trying to cash in on what the hot dudes were getting. They were intended to stop the bald, smelly fat dudes chasing their secretaries around their desks. Don Draper got to continue doing his thing.
To husbands, it is “you WILL do what I say, or I will not have sex with you. I will accuse you of attempted rape if you do approach me for sex. I will make your life a living hell until you divorce me. I will divorce you, have the family court judge ram a spike studded baseball bat up your ass (unlubed), you will be living in your car for the next year, and you will never see your children again.”
To everyone, it is “Give me what you have. Give me the power and authority you have, but don’t dare tell me I have to be responsible. If you don’t give me what you have, I’ll call you unfair. Unfair is unAmerican, because America is supposed to be fair. If you try to hold me responsible, I’ll call you unfair, sexist, misogynist, and a woman hater. And no one will have sex with you.”
TLDR: Women’s entitlement comes entirely from “Give me what I want, or I will throw a tantrum until you do. Give me what I want, or I will call you names and ostracize you and refuse to have sex with you until you do.”
That’s what feminism is: “Give me what I want or I will bitch and whine and cry and pout until you comply with my demands.”
We are seeing more and more women acting like children. Remember “I WANNA GO TO THE LAKE!!!!” Girl? Remember all the videos of women throwing punches at men and men pushing them down, and the women crying and whining? Remember the video of the woman crying and throwing a tantrum because her husband is videoing her throwing the tantrum?
1960s and 70s style picketing, agitating, sit-ins, and “female strikes”?
“Give me what I want, or I will bitch and whine and cry and pout until you comply with my demands.”
“Give me what I want, or I will not have sex with you. If you give me what I want, I might have sex with you.”
Modern feminism is only a little more refined. Gloria Allred, Gloria Steinem, NARAL, NOW, etc. All are essentially saying “I WANNA GO TO THE LAKE!!!!” except in more restrained terms.
“You men must give us what we want. If you do not, we will call you names. We will accuse you of unspeakable hate and evil against women. We will make it so you cannot hold a job and cannot be in public without being harassed and pilloried. We will keep doing this until you give us what we want.”
Where we are today is women still saying “because I am not getting what I want, I will whine, cry, bitch and pout until someone gives me some of what I want.”
Women not getting same pay despite fact that they get FMLA, don’t work as hard as men and take time away from their careers for childbearing and child rearing (which is time that women want to take and do take whenever they can)? “Men are sexist misogynists! Waah! I won’t have sex with you! INCEL! ”
Women being expected to get results the same as men when women do work? “You’re not being fair! You have to give me special accommodations! Sexist! Misogynist! INCEL!”
Women not getting sex when they want? “You just don’t like fat/skinny/cute/not cute/plain women! Sexist! Misogynist! INCEL!”
Women being fucked and chucked? “You’re just insecure! You lied to me just to get sex! You have to give me the relationship I want, when I want! Sexist! Misogynist! INCEL!”
Women not getting the relationships they want? “Where are all the good men? Waaah! I am entitled to marriage, now! Sexists! Misogynists! INCELS!”
Women growing older and still unable to get married? “Men are just insecure assholes who won’t grow up and marry me! Waah! I am entitled to marriage, now! Being attracted to younger, hotter, tighter women is wrong, sexist, and misogynist! They are just bitter, small-dicked losers who can’t get laid! Sexist! Misogynist! INCELS!”