The Young New Mums who are Good Old Mums

The reappearance of Molly on the blog and her apparent whirlwind plunge into marriage and children has me thinking on behalf of y’all. She lacks the time, so maybe I should offer an explanation.

It was actually planned well in advance and prepared for. She learned about it from an early age from her mum, aunts, grandmums etc. She chatted about it with her cuzzies, including my sisters, who were on the same page so to speak.

Molly had a choice of men for marriage. This advantage of choice was earned not by her, but for her by her forebears who chose good looks in their mates. It was deliberate. If you’ve been handed an asset and the formula for passing it on, you might as well use it. You were taught it when you were a girl. Now you teach it to your own.

The lessons didn’t confine themselves to the physical. Warmth, humor, good manners and respect for men were a big part of it.

Most of molly’s education was at home. Because of her milieu she formed one goal: marriage and kids. Any other occupations were just means to that end.

She didn’t flaunt her assets in public. She liked the private life. The one time she wore a bikini I warned her against it. She crossed the street anyway, to the public beach. There was damned near a riot. I saw what was going on – heads turning and “Hey mate, get.a.piece.of.that!” Yeah! Wow! FWOAR! It was roars of approval, not insult, but she ran back over the street and never wore a bikini in public again.

She did as her elders did and kept her #N for the future husband and this is where, above all else (IMHO) the training pays off: they choose him well. They stay with him for life. They see the examples of this in their grandmothers and, because they have their children young, in their living great-grandmothers and others of that generation as well. They see these women live their lives as wives to the end, and they like what they see.

And of course, there’s the pressure of the clan’s own female group think. They call it vertical (down the generations) and would rather not break the tradition and lose the many advantages that come with the clan for themselves and their offspring.

Now some of you old hands might be thinking, hang on, Cill’s mum is from that clan. He’s a fucking skite. Well fair enough. To placate y’all I can assure you that inherited beauty is not evident in my face. “It looks like you ran it through a rock crusher”, one of my mates once informed me.

Anyway, these lessons were passed down from mothers to daughters, not sons. I had my dad for my role model and I’m not complaining. Molly is doing what she always wanted to do. She and her kind are rare as hens’ teeth, a disappearing breed in the general sense and a continuing one in the particular. I wish them well.

Posted in Cill, Marriage, Molly
49 comments on “The Young New Mums who are Good Old Mums
  1. Ame says:

    i am SO happy for Molly and all your family!

    i have to admit, though … that this idea, concept, is so foreign to me that it’s like a fairy tale … truly a dream. i did not know my great grandparents, but, from what little i’ve heard, they did not treat their children well. the stories of my grandparents are not pleasant. and then my own parents (though i do have to give my Dad *some* amount of credit for trying in his old age – a lot more than any of my elders, to my knowledge, have done).

    thank you for sharing … truly an inspiration 🙂

    i’ve tried very hard to share these concepts with my daughters. while i’m not sure either will want to marry – they don’t have the dream to marry someday like i did as a little girl – they will be prepared if they ever come across a man they are willing to marry. they understand the commitment is for life, through good and bad, hard and fun, sickness and health. they’ve watched me navigate all of these – mostly the hard sides – and they understand. they also understand and practice the purity in all areas of their lives and caring for their health. we’ll see … the intense darkness of their ancestors and what they’ve seen around them counters what i’ve taught them. they will have to continue to choose, in their lives, truth over lie; may they always choose truth.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Ame says:

    btw – i share with them, often, from you men out here … often copying your comments and emailing to them.

    i know a good woman is a unicorn … but men like you who haven’t been warped by feminism seem to be rare, too. it is almost incredulous for them to imagine men like y’all in their age that they come across in their lives.

    so … i just prepare them … and teach them to prepare themselves … for ‘if’ … someday … they meet a man like y’all. i think they will, but time will tell. they are both very guarded.

    Liked by 3 people

  3. Larry G says:

    Cill, a darn good read.

    Liked by 5 people

  4. BuenaVista says:

    Camille Paglia writes and talks a lot about the demise of the multi-generational family, and the damage done to families once women are shoehorned into lifelong ‘romantic’ relationships with a single man. She suggests that women need the presence and support of adult, female relations, which also relieves the loneliness and isolation of a wife — leading her to sustain a more realistic, healthier relationship with her spouse. Her perspective is that of a working class Italian in upstate NY State. I see echoes of the virtue of clan, and virtues female mentors and confidants, in Cill’s post.

    Liked by 3 people

  5. jg1 says:

    Lefties can never leave anybody alone.


  6. Farm Boy says:

    If only there were more like Molly and her clan in the world…

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Liz says:

    If only there were more like Molly and her clan in the world…

    Liked by 2 people

  8. Farm Boy says:

    Perhaps Cill wrote the perfect post with nothing else left to add

    Liked by 2 people

  9. Ame says:

    i think we just got hung up at the previous post … it will all wander over here before long 🙂

    however, it IS the perfect post. sigh. if it weren’t that it is true for Cill, and i totally respect and believe him, i still would think it’s a dream 🙂 … a beautiful dream 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Ame says:

    Cill – Molly, and the women in your family, will not be able to comprehend this at all. But there have been a few times, over the years, i reached out to my mother and mother-in-law for help and wisdom in parenting, and each time, both women simply told me i’d be fine and blew me off. they offered no wisdom, no advice, and absolutely no emotional or physical support.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Farm Boy says:

    I wonder if that is on anybody’s bucket list: to go to San Francisco and shit in the streets?


  12. Liz says:

    I wonder if that is on anybody’s bucket list: to go to San Francisco and shit in the streets?

    Is there kitty litter?
    If so, I’m in!

    Liked by 2 people

  13. Liz says:

    Thanks so much for writing this wonderful post, Cill.
    I’m so happy for Molly and your family.
    I’ve kind of wondered how she met her man?
    If that’s not too personal to share I’d love to hear the story.

    Liked by 3 people

  14. Farm Boy says:

    A professor of literature at SUNY Old Westbury says it makes him happy when he sees poor white people on the street begging for food or money.


  15. Farm Boy says:

    Google Exec Says Don’t Break Us Up: “smaller companies don’t have the resources” to “prevent next Trump situation”

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Farm Boy says:

    The direct replication took place in Philadelphia, where we recruited 202 participants (more than four times than the original sample size of 46 used in the Science study). Again, we found no correlation between physiological reactions to threatening images (the original ones or the ones we added) and political conservatism—no matter how we looked at the data


  17. molly says:

    My big cuzzie did a post about me! Thank you ❤

    It is not always nice. We have bad luck and good luck like everybody. We need the going to get tough so we can get going! I love my kids. I love my hubby most of all. He is the most important as hubby and biologicaL father. Look after him and have a good marriage for *self* and children. Yeah I'm proud to be selfish! YO!

    Liked by 4 people

  18. molly says:

    ooops my little crawler knows don’t go near the electric jug and I had to hide it. Sooo he drags the stool over and tries to unfold it to climb up to the cupboard. He knows where I hid it! I have to go! exit stage left!!

    Liked by 4 people

  19. RichardP says:

    Darn that social conditioning that makes Molly’s little boy crawler such an explorer and a figurer out of things.


    I’ve elsewhere described that my wife and I are helping to look after a nine-year-old girl that is being cared for by her older sisters since their mom blew up the family some years back. This was her weekend at our place. Lots of trees in our yard. The leaves fall on the roof and yard. Fourth of July with fireworks is coming. Sparks and dry leaves lead to sorrow, so I’m cleaning up all the leaves, as I do every year.

    Nine-year-old wants to help. So – up the step-ladder we go with the rake. She stands on the top of the step-ladder – holds to the roof with one hand and rakes with the other. Forgets herself and puts both hands on the rake. Nope, say I. One hand on the roof at all times. I am standing right behind her to make certain she doesn’t step out into thin air. I keep her feet on the step-ladder. Process knowledge. Learning by doing, with competent oversight.

    We have to get leaves off of the garage roof. It has a very gentle slope, unlike the house which has a Cape-Code roof – very steeply pitched. I show her how I climb to the top of the step-ladder, plant my hands on the roof, then lower my knees to the roof, and start crawling. Now you do it, just the way I did it, say I. So she did. Up to the peak of the garage roof, and then sat up. Swing your left leg over the peak, so that you are straddling it, say I. So she did. Then she asks if she can stand up. I tell her that, since her feet are planted on either side of the peak, she is pretty well balanced – so OK. Very excited nine-year-old, since she can now see out over the neighborhood.

    When she was accustomed to how that felt, she wanted to walk, not crawl, back down the roof to me at the top of the step-ladder (a fairly gently slope). So she did. Up to the point where I asked her to sit down and scoot herself the rest of the way to me. Then she turned herself over, I helped her feet find the top of the ladder, and then the next rung down, and so on until she was back on the ground.

    Oooooh – that was scary she said. And so, you’ve learned something haven’t you, said I. 1) There are a lot of things in life that are scary. But if you learn how to do them safely, you can do them in spite of them being scary. And, because it was too good of an opportunity to pass up, I said 2) That is why it is good for children to have a mommy and daddy. Mommy tells you not to do all of the scary things but daddy shows you how to do the scary things safely. Because there will be many scary things in life when you are grown up, it is good for daddy to teach the child how to handle scary things while they are young.

    My sisters are going to be really mad at you when they find out what you let me do, she said. How are they going to know about this, that they should be mad, asked I. Ohhhhh … So maybe I won’t tell them, said she. I assume she will, just because it was an adventure of the sort she has never had before. And I assume her sisters will be all female in their response. Which will teach the nine-year-old another lesson – gaining process knowledge in the process.

    So – to those with little crawlers like Molly – the day will come when the child will need to learn to go near the electric jug, and learn to do other things that females generally don’t want their children doing. Understand that dad will be doing a good thing when he teaches the kids how to properly approach / handle / do scary or dangerous things. But you might not ever know that these lessons took place.

    Liked by 4 people

  20. molly says:

    Liz how I met him. I give you the unofficial true version coz y special! He followed me home! He staked out my pad LOL
    We laugh at it now. A ginormous man thumped on his car window and went “what are you doing?”

    The big giant took him to another man who looked even scarier than the giant.”I seen him twice outside her flat up to no good.” the giant said. The scary man stared at future hubby all over like “what would be the most satisfying way to kill this guy” (hubby told me as we laughed about it).

    Future hubby said “I want to meet her but only after speaking to her father first. If he doesn’t like me that will be the end of it. You have my word.”

    The scary man.. Cill just gave him a very hard look. After ages he said “let’s see how you handle a rod” so they went fishing and been friends since. LOL

    Liked by 4 people

  21. molly says:

    The place we met together for the first time I thought it was casual and LO! It was all stitched up behind my back! All my family knew except me! Coool!

    Liked by 3 people

  22. molly says:

    When we met together is the *official* version (heh heh)

    Liked by 2 people

  23. Ame says:

    ahhh, Molly! LOVE!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  24. Ame says:

    such a busy age for Mums! can’t take your eyes off them … we Mums have eyes in the back of our heads 😉 … but those sweet things seem to know every time we blink and take off the second the blink shutters closed 🙂

    you’re doing great, Mum! what a gift you are to your Husband, children, family, and the world!

    Liked by 2 people

  25. Ame says:

    Richard – that’s awesome that you and your wife are helping that sweet, nine year old girl. a priceless gift you two are in her life. and spending time with her, teaching her, allowing her to explore and do dangerous things safely … beyond priceless 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  26. Ame says:

    there tends to come a time for women who love children and love having babies … that in-between time when they wonder if they’re ‘done’ or if they’re going to have another baby … or when the decision has been made to not have any more children for whatever reasons … it’s a bitter/sweet season. there’s sometimes a grieving process we go through letting go of those baby years and moving forward, knowing we’ll never carry, birth or cradle another baby of our own. even though those years are busy and crazy and sleep is precious, there’s a heart-longing for them.

    however, what i learned was how much i loved every stage of their lives and how much joy being their Mama has been. i haven’t always *liked* it … i didn’t like it when they were sick or hurt or going through hard times, but i certainly *loved* it!

    and even now … my Oldest is 21, Aspie-Girl is 19, and they still bring me so much joy! i LOVE being a Mom!

    Oldest does online college and just began a really good online job, and i’m so freakin proud of her! i love that she has me edit all her college papers – it gives me a way to keep up with what she’s doing. it benefits her, too, because she’s dyslexic and misses simple things. but she’s an excellent writer. also, she has a LOT of the good of her Dad’s personality in her, and it’s such a joy to read and see that! i also edited her Dad’s papers in college many years ago, so that always brings back the good memories for me, and i get to share those with her, and she gets to know more of the good sides of him. beautiful all around 🙂

    the only age i have not liked is 3. wow. 3 was a super challenging age for both my girls 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  27. Farm Boy says:

    She said the organizers anticipated a protest and were prepared to launch a counter protest, so she and her fellow moms decided to attend the event and document it, instead.

    “We didn’t talk to any of the kids, we didn’t harass anybody. We were polite,” Meagher said. “I saw kids that looked like they were ten,” and those kids asked confused questions about the explicit materials around them.

    Meagher was most horrified by the chest binder raffle. The “Teen Pride” event raffled off 8 chest binders to young girls. Girls who identify as masculine use the binders to flatten their chests to appear male. The binders may cause serious harm, such as lung damage


  28. Farm Boy says:

    ‘Morally Bankrupt:’ Joe Biden Blames Trump for Obama Immigration Policies


  29. Farm Boy says:

    While discussing immigration laws, Democrat Speaker Nancy Pelosi commented, “in terms of interior enforcement…what’s the point?”


  30. SFC Ton says:

    I wonder if that is on anybody’s bucket list: to go to San Francisco and shit in the streets
    I always made it a point to shit in mosques and what not so I have that one covered


  31. Farm Boy says:

    The results are in: she only wanted to try that hot new restaurant.
    A new study published Friday in the Society for Personality and Social Psychology journal found that a quarter to a third of heterosexual women have gone on a date with a guy they weren’t interested in — just for a free meal.

    “Foodie calls,” can happen when money’s tight, the grocery store is out of a favorite frozen meal, or a must-try entree is just too extravagant to justify — when the tab comes out of your own bank account.

    Two studies, the first conducted with 820 women, and the second with 327, asked participants if they ever engaged in a plate for play: 23% of the women copped to it in the first study, 33% in the second.

    The researchers — Brian Collisson, Jennifer Howell, and Trista Harig of Azusa Pacific University and UC Merced — also noted that the woman who felt dating for food was socially acceptable were more likely to exhibit the “dark tria”” of personality traits. That’s “psychopathy, Machiavellianism, and narcissism” for those without a PhD in psych.


  32. Farm Boy says:

    U.S.—The 347 Democratic presidential candidates currently running announced Monday their new plan to attract voters to their platforms: simply to dangle stacks of cash over their heads on a fishing line.

    At every rally and campaign event, Democrats running for president will dangle bags or bundles of cash above undecided voters, hoping to lure them to the polls to vote.

    “Rather than compete on ideas, we will resort to blatant bribery,” said Bernie Sanders after proposing giving $1.6 trillion to college graduates. Sanders then pulled out a fishing pole and began teasing his audience. “Whooa, gotta be quicker than that!” he said, laughing as audience members tried to jump up and grab the cash. “You almost got it that time!”

    While speaking to an LGBT rights organization, Elizabeth Warren cast out a line with a $20 bill on it and skillfully reeled it in, jerking it from side to side as potential voters lunged after the cash. “$50 million is up for grabs!” she yelled. “You get $50 million! And you get $50 million! Everybody gets $50 million! But you gotta follow the fishing line all the way to the polls, people!”

    Liked by 2 people

  33. Farm Boy says:

    Trump’s accuser just said most people think of rape as “sexy”

    — Cameron Cawthorne (@Cam_Cawthorne) June 25, 2019


  34. Farm Boy says:

    When the teacher allegedly told the class that a website was “old fashioned” for having only two gender options available, the teen spoke up to tell him that, biologically speaking, there are only two genders: male and female; anything else is a “personal” identification. That was enough to get the student booted from class. In a now-viral exchange, which was secretly taped by the student, the teacher rehashed the issue with the teen in a classroom alone, chastising the boy and telling him he needs to keep his opinions in his “own home.”


  35. Stephanie says:

    Loved this post!!!! Was very comforting and refreshing to read that y’all’s family was this way.

    Liked by 2 people

  36. Stephanie says:

    Ame said, “btw – i share with them, often, from you men out here … often copying your comments and emailing to them.”

    Yes, some of the comments are worth their weight in gold!!! Very sad some of you men aren’t going to write books! I’ve tried to tell Deti he should, he won’t though!

    Liked by 2 people

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