Let Me Fix This — Part III


Fom here.

Dating app haters says the impersonal and laissez-faire approach to connecting and communicating – combined with the ghosting, catfishing, fake profiles and no-shows – have made more and more people anxious and incredibly stressed about searching for love online.

Not to defend the above, but the fellas have not had it so well either.  For the serious, (and often not serious), lots of attempts at initiation, few replies.  Probably they don’t meet the 100 point checklist.  Some fellas move on, others decide to try a different approach; often employing some type deception.

A growing number of millennials are also part of this trend, with multiple studies showing most hate hookup culture and online dating – which have become synonymous. They want stability and a relationship built on trust and loyalty. Substance instead of swipes.

That all sounds good; but do they really mean it?  Are they in husband search mode?  Are they wanting stability until they don’t?  One wonders how trustful one can be if hookup culture is all that one has known…
A study by Pew Research Center in 2015 found 70 per cent of online daters believe these services help people to find a better romantic match because it widens the playing field, but 40 per cent of millennials also think that dating now is harder than it was for previous generations.
There is now choice addiction, where there is always something better, something closer to matching the 100 point list just around the corner.  For those that are realistic, sure it widens the pool, perhaps leading to a better match.
So why might dating be harder now?  Lots of reasons come to mind.  One important one might be that young people really have not been preparing for it well.  It isn’t necessarily all their fault.  Nobody has explained to them that good relationships just don’t happen.  Some attitudes and behaviors are conducive to good relationships, and other care not.  Parents and other adults seem to have abdicated responsibility for cultivating what is needed.
Toronto’s Everett Delorme says he gets fed up with online dating but stays on the apps out of necessity. “I go online because it’s a way for me to meet like-minded people,” says Delorme, a 27-year-old who owns a small digital media company. “But for me and all my friends, online dating is a love-hate thing.  
We can’t live with it sometimes, but we can’t live without it either. I’ve had my fair share of horror stories, but my female friends are the ones who get the real zingers. There are men who don’t know how to communicate with women whatsoever. There is a massive disconnect. [My male friends will] ask me why they can’t get any matches and more often than not, I tell them, ‘Maybe saying something crass in the first five messages isn’t such a good idea.’”
So what is happening here?  Why are the fellas getting “crass” in the first five messages?  A big reason is that it very often is effective, showing value, negging, etc.  If that doesn’t work in a given case, move on.  An attempt at a  long drawn out set of exchanges will cause her to be bored and wonder if this fella has any worth.
This is the world that has been created, show value fast or die.
Of course, the women would say, “I would really like a clever exchange of banter”.  But what is clever?  And do they mean it anyway?
So we see a that a dysfunctional world has been created, with many people ill-suited for relationships trying to navigate it.  Many have a grab all I can right now attitude.  Probably some of that comes from trying to cope with the dysfunction.  Probably some of it doesn’t.  Saying this would be leveling with the readers.
Posted in Dating????, FarmBoy, Lies
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