The biggest blind spot I see with women 30+ is they don’t understand the huge gulf that exists between professional singles and someone who’s been part of a real couple. Ordering dinner is a cinch: a quick check to confirm and I order for both of us.
Or a great compliment for a small thing. My ex-Gf and I were early risers and I would ask, night before, “Ok, what time out the door?” And at 5:30 am I’d be sitting in the entryway, dressed showered packed. Car warming. Once she said, “I love the way you are always ready to *move*.” And she compared me to some actor action hero. Professional singles have no idea how the smaller things, day to day over time, consistently applied, add comfort and value to a relationship. It’s just rando with them.
Why yes, there are a different set of skills required for long term relationships compared to flings. Undoubtedly, there are huge swaths of people who have never even considered such a notion. Which is unfortunate for all. But then, nobody has ever explicitly told them, as fathers, mothers, aunts, uncles, churches, etc. for no apparent reason seem to have mostly abdicated in this regard. Perhaps, they know that they can not compete with the modern, if it feels good, do it message.
A basic problem with this message is that it teaches people to only operate in the short term. With lots of dopamine and exciting hormones flowing in the short term, there is a masking effect of with respect to what is important in the long term. When things become a bit less exciting, and people start reflecting on what the other person in the relationship has/has not done, often they come up wanting. More reflective people might consider their own behavior, and find it wanting also. In any event, it might be best to just find somebody new and exciting such that the wash of chemicals can cover everything up again. A fine example of this would be out Yellow Hat Lady, Emily Hart. She all but admits that this is her strategy. Consider her latest videos here and here. Assess how well it has worked.
Skills/behaviors that work better in relationships typically start with not pissing the other party off. Probably they touch something deeper inside, often little at a time. There is seemingly an accumulation effect, where such behaviors repeated over time add up to something much more. Furthermore, there are undoubtedly many such behaviors that can/do operate this way. I leave it to the commenters to what such skills/behaviors these might be. There are probably common themes, manifesting itself differently in people. So how does it all work?