There is this famous Christmas song that lots of people have decided to hate.
In fact, a Cleveland radio station has decided to ban it.
Let us consider a few lines,
My mother will start to worry
My father will be pacing the floorMy sister will be suspicious
My brother will be there at the doorMy maiden aunts mind is vicious
But maybe just a cigarette moreThere’s bound to be talk tomorrow
At least there will be plenty implied
After selling everything that was not nailed down, I left the US of A for jobs overseas and lived quite comfortably out of a single, small piece of carry-on luggage for a few years. Had a ball and life was good, I collected a bunch of stamps in my passport, made money, spent the shit out of my money, ate and rested well, I became my favorite person….
At that point I was not looking for Wife 2.0, the models I saw were hardly worth getting in to start, all well used and faded. A couple of them had new seat covers put on to hide their worn spots. One model had a mini-trailer attached and came as a package deal, if I might be interested at all…um, FUCK NO? Run, Forrest, Run!
Imagine my great shock when one day, quite by chance, I wandered into a NEW Wife Showroom. Oh my! New shiney models recently built, all on display….all came with lifetime warranties of course. The only issue being I could not read the operating manuals as they were in the new wife’s native language….
The salesman was quite polite, but firm…this was unlike a showroom in the US or Europe. There was no test driving the Wife 2.0, the odometer was at zero mileage and it was guaranteed to have had no previous owners. And Wife 2.0 had that new wife smell! Subdued but quite attractive paint job, stock wheels and ample headlights! In order to drive this model home, I was required to pay full price upfront, but it was brand new!
Looks matter, yes. But so do other features not readily apparent; this Wife 2.0 could COOK! Not just basic cooking either, but real culinary skills (as testified by my slightly expanding pant sizes). Where the old model Wife 1.0 had the idea that money came from cash trees, Wife 2.0 had no such illusions, money was something a man trades his sweat (sometimes his blood) for. Pity Lincoln, Jefferson and Washington as Wife 2.0 pinches the coins so hard the poor bastards cry….
Wife 2.0 seems to have been worth the investment, so far I’ve had 25 years of reliable driving pleasure without a single malfunction….had to fix a few things along the way of course and changed the oil on a regular basis. Think I’ll keep this one.
So, yes it does matter to him, and apparently it matters in a marriage.