Like weeds in a garden, articles about hordes of awesome single women continually pop up. Here is the latest,
After looking into the mating preferences of more than 5,000 men and women by way of survey, researcher and biological anthropologist Helen Fisher, PhD, writes that we are seeing a “Clooney Effect” in this country-a nod to the recent marriage of America’s favorite bachelor, actor George Clooney, to human rights lawyer Amal Alamuddin. According to Fisher’s numbers, men desire smart, strong, successful women; 87 percent of men said they would date a woman who was more intellectual than they were, who was better educated, and who made considerably more money than they did, while 86 percent said they were in search of a woman who was confident and self-assured.
Well yes, this is what men are supposed to say to answer such questions. It is the politically correct thing to do and does not cost them anything to say it. In reality, natural inclinations, combined with experience, say otherwise.
I am lucky to be surrounded by some brilliant women—verifiable “catches.” Gorgeous women my guy friends always ask me about. I have also watched these same smart, independent women struggle in bad relationships or fly solo for extended periods of time, despite their best efforts to land a good guy. So, what did this mean? If 87 percent of men were actively looking to couple with them, why were they still single?
There are probably a few things happening here. First, these women probably have 421 point check lists that lots of fine guys can’t (and don’t really want to put in the effort to) meet. Second, the fellas look at these women and immediately alarm bells start ringing — HIGH MAINTENANCE. Third, from a truly objective measure, these women are usually not as awesome as they are portrayed to be. Fourth, because they can’t find willing guys who meet their 421 point check list, they go for the tingles; often ending up like this lady.
So yes, there are lots of reasons as to why were they still single.
I began floating casual questions by the guys in my life to try to gain a better understanding: “So, like, what’s your type?” (I was breezy about it, I swear.) As one of my male friends put it, the general consensus was: “The smarter and more successful, the better! There are no limits.” I’d then hear about a doctor, nearing thirty, who was about to give up on dating because she didn’t feel like men valued her brains.
Here is no doubt a case of projection. She would value brains, so why doesn’t he? Obviously, she believes that this is her most important attribute. Intelligence might be fine, but unless it is tempered with feminine and appearance qualities, it is no sale to the fellas. Even with those qualities, it might still be no sale, as thoughts of potential power struggles dance in his head.
Men are not so much threatened by such women, it is just that they will not be good fits. Either he will have to work extra hard to maintain frame, or he will lose control of a marriage to her; with the consequent loss of respect from her, followed by her contempt and then messy divorce. Even though many men can’t articulate this reasoning, it is what it is; deep down they understand it.