Over at DG’s, NovaSeeker writes,
Much of toxic femininity was reined in by nature until rather recently. Specifically, pregnancy risk, less availability of abortion, led to different behaviors across the board by women in acting out their femininity. Now, with reliable and cheap contraception and abortion, some of women’s feminine instincts, which were reined in to a significant degree naturally by the risk of pregnancy, have become de-natured and “ambient”, free in an un-natural way, which is, unsurprisingly, toxic. The reason for that is very simple, if you reflect even briefly on it.
Each sex has a “trump card”, if you will, the source of its comparative power vis a vis the other sex. Men’s trump card is size and strength with which almost no women can compete. Women’s trump card is sex and procreation — men can’t procreate or bear children, men are reliant on women’s fidelity to ensure paternity at all, and men have a significantly higher average libido than women do, meaning women have sexual “power” over men (to the extent that a man does not use his physical trump card to “take” sex — an act which is not new, but which has always been condemned).
The constraints on men abusing their physical trump card vis-a-vis women have always been enforced by other men, and were often not very highly enforced, if we are being honest, outside of pure extramarital rape. That has changed in the last century, and specifically in the last few decades, and men are now generally quite restrained in this area as compared with the past, although there continue to be men who do abuse their physical trump card with girlfriends or wives. At the same time, the natural constraints on women abusing their sexual power were removed, both by technology and social mores, such that women are now much *less* restrained in abusing their trump card than men are — and what we are seeing is that a significant percentage of women is indeed abusing their trump card of sexual power in this context. And at the same time the economic base changed to a service economy, and the family laws changed to permit easy divorce on very good terms for mothers, thereby negating, again, the male trump card of physical strength in the economic arena, and erasing any durability of marriages from the legal perspective, which thereby enhanced women’s economic and relational independence, further enhancing the freeing up of women’s sexual expression and the abuse of their sexual power trump card.
Virtually all of toxic femininity arises from this confluence between technological, social, legal and economic factors which combine to permit women to act out on the trump card of sexual power: immodesty, promiscuity, marital delay, willingness to divorce, contentiousness, catiness, female tribalism and the like. This is what toxic femininity looks like, because it involves the abuse of the female trump card of sexual power vis-a-vis men. Hypergamy unleashed (which is itself a product of the same technological, social, legal and economic factors) is yet another manifestation of this same phenomenon — it all involves taking something that is inherently feminine (desire to marry up, capacity to allure, capacity to bear children) and takes it well beyond the natural limits to be expressed in a thoroughly imbalanced way, thereby becoming toxic. So the desire to marry up becomes the endless delay of marriage to find the perfect husband, and the willingness to divorce for less than grave reasons in order to find an upgrade. The ability to procreate becomes the ability to determine which conceived life has the right to live, and who has the doom to die for his/her mother’s sexual freedom and independence, all as determined in the sole discretion of the female judge. jury and executioner. The ability to attract and allure becomes an endless arm’s race of sluttiness, resulting in women dressing as prostitutes wouldn’t even have dressed a couple of generations ago. And so on.
Despite the endless chattering about “toxic masculinity” because some outlierish powerful man abuses his status to compel or try to compel sexual access, in reality the culture is literally drowning in toxic femininity — in the excesses arising from abuses by most women (not just or mainly the high status and power outliers, but most average rank-and-file women) of innate aspects of their femininity, which are all made possible by technology, culture, law and economics which conspire to free up women in this way, to a large social consensus of applause. And it’s that applause that ultimately is the really toxic thing — applause which, we must readily admit, is often coming from men.
“all the restrictions on women’s bad tendencies have been subdued or removed, while restrictions on men’s bad tendencies have been hugely increased.”
Which is what I came here to say.
Used to be that when the occasional woman’s femininity got toxic, usually through unrestrained hypergamy, sneaking around to slut around, etc. – there were effective countermeasures in the form of hard male power, specifically, her father. Her father had broad, sweeping power and authority over his children, into which police authority would interfere for only the most egregious of violations. Same with his wife – there was no such thing as “marital rape”. The very thought of police authority having greater presence in an individual man’s home than the man’s presence himself was anathema – a married man could not rape his wife. Local authorities did not – and could not – interfere.
We don’t have that anymore. A husband and father really has no power over his family anymore. He has responsibilities in the form of paying for everything. But he has no authority to oversee anything, stop detrimental conduct, or even impose consequences for detrimental conduct. The meekest objections a man might make to a woman’s toxic femininity are met with withering criticism, condemnation, abuse, and deprivation. Wife will divorce him and accuse him of rape, domestic violence, and abuse, and have him jailed. Children will tell a teacher of spanking and physical restraint as physical abuse; of withholding of privileges as “emotional abuse”, of yelling at the kid as “verbal abuse”.
Men have literally no power anymore to handle anything in their households. Men have only that power which their wives and children consent to, subject to the appellate court of pastors, police, and therapists.
Here is today’s challenge: find something in the above explanation of how modern society/marriage works that benefits children compared to the olden ways. It will be two days until the next post here at Spawny’s; I wonder how many entries we will have.
But until we get there, let us consider how this all works out for men. Obviously poorly. How about women? Well, they perhaps benefit in some areas, for example gathering up tingles, but lose out in other areas. I am assessing it as a net negative for women. Does anybody out there disagree? If so, how?
Here comes the ultimate question. Supposedly women would have an affinity for the well being of girls, that is, to see that they received the best situation that they could. It is all about Team Woman, isn’t it? I am thinking that the answer is no. The new situation is bad on girls also. So how strong is their solidarity?