A colleague and I were talking yesterday, and among other things she was going on and on with pride about how all her friends say they love how she’s so bold, and sassy, and speaks her mind.
After she finally finished, I simply replied, “Yeah, but guys don’t like it.”
The look of shock on her face was priceless, and the idea that her behavior was working against her with men was obviously something she had never considered.
Finally, she stuttered something about how no guy had ever said anything like that. A brave man in the midst offered, “Why would they when they could just withdraw?”
Let us explore why men withdraw. There are many angles.
First, we should get this notion out of the way, “Men are afraid of bossy/sassy/moxie types of women”. They really are not much afraid of then; as they don’t really like them. In my case, I don’t like broccoli. I am not afraid of it; I just avoid it. Same with such women.
Commenter Alan Kardec stated,
Sassy is most likely a Sh*t Test aimed at everyone, men and women alike … but I’ve rarely seen it aimed only at men, it seems to be used as a way of maintaining a momentum of advantage in groups of women too. It’s a way of getting inside your OODA loop and disrupting it.
Yes, there is probably much truth there; it is a compensation mechanism. It maybe works with the gals, but it is a turn-off for the fella (at least long term). After all, who want to be shit-tested all of the time. But wait, there is more, Alan Kardec further states,
I suspect that Bold and Sassy is a defense. It uses the fact that few will fight back when it’s coming from a woman and it works like a force field. Sooner or later many get carried away with the power of being able to dish it out without having to take it.
So we have a brassy shit testing woman, who no matter what the guy does to counter the shit testing, will go on shit testing; because that is what she does. A fella can not win. Best to withdraw.
In small doses, brassy women might be fun. Or perhaps better stated as exciting. Maybe in a superficial way. The behavior might attract some fellas in a public setting such as a bar where some resulting fun may be had. Perhaps because of this, women might believe that they have hit on a winning strategy. In short, it isn’t. At least not for the long term. Guys instinctively know that in the long run (with its many serious settings) such behavior will cause trouble. Most know enough to stay away.
Perhaps such a woman has other redeeming qualities that fella likes. He might be wondering if she could be a long term bet. He considers if he could change her into something less brassy. Then he comes to his sense, and realizes that it is all probably a foolish proposition. She is that way because of some combination of nature and its “working for her”. It would be a poor bet to hope to change her. The natural response: withdraw.
In fact, there really is no reason for a man not to withdraw; unless he desires a small dose of it for excitement. After which he withdraws.
In short, for the gals, it is a losing strategy.