They aren’t thinking at all about these young adult Christian women (chaste, modest, not fat, etc.) as to whether they have the kind of personality traits to make men more attracted to them. It’s **not** enough to just be quiet, kind, sweet, chaste and Christian and young. I know sometimes the manosphere makes it seem that way because it’s full of age 35+ men, but it’s just not. It CAN be enough if maybe you’re hot enough that guys will still go after you even if you’re quiet, but ***usually*** guys that age want women who have a more social/outgoing personality and are more direct (like Stefan admits what hooked him so well).
When I think back to college which wasn’t that far off for us, the girls who had a really hard time that WEREN’T fat or really unattractive, were the ones who were just there and quiet and really not that outgoing. The ones that hid their personalities due to shyness had a very hard time, they may still not have even found husbands (and they’d be 30 now). I knew two black sisters (twins) in our Christian college group that were just so attached at the hip (they should’ve been split up for their own good so they could find a guy easier) and they were much too quiet and shy to be noticed when there were that many *other* girls there snatching up men like popcorn. They weren’t fat at all, they were definitely modest and chaste, and sweet, but they had a huge disadvantage in being so shy/introverted. Their parents probably wouldn’t have thought of them as shy or introverted though, they were successful pre-med students. But **in comparison** (competition really) to the other girls in the group, they had a significant disadvantage in finding a husband or even boyfriend.
There were a plethora of other girls like that too I think, that were just a little too quiet and didn’t know how to really talk with guys in a way that was interesting. When there are other girls competing with you for snagging a husband, having that kind of disadvantage is far more significant I think.
The old school book I have that my mom gave me from like the 1920’s advice about girls dating and finding a husband, it explicitly goes into how young women need to develop the ability to talk to men their age or older, engage them, flirt and develop a personality that is (in the author’s own words) “fascinating.”
“Fascinating” is a pretty big deal. Even in the 1920’s they weren’t saying that it would be easy to snag a husband if you were mediocre in conversation and personality with guys. So this isn’t something new really with our gen Y problems… men have always been drawn more to young women who could captivate them and fascinate them with their personality. The book actually goes into that, citing authors from prior centuries describing the women who captivated them.
I honestly think the girls that had a hard time thought they just had to show up and be sweet, chaste, modest and Christian, and somehow draw men their own age to them. 40-50 year old men might recognize their value, but young 20’s Christian girls are not interested in older men like that. The young men (who are still kind of shy about who they like at that young age as well) really appreciate a girl who is more outgoing and has a personality and who can instigate the conversation with a shy man or brave man.
The onus is on the bloke with respect to most everything. To succeed he must have resources, be accomplished, good at conversation, not afraid of approaching, etc. What does the sheila need to do? In the modern day, the answer is basically nothing. she does not even really need to look pretty. She can behave in most any manner she likes, be sassy, reject blokes for pleasure; nothing really matters.
In times past, sheilas were expected be adequate conversationalists. After all, they supposedly valued relationships, and being good at conversation was part of that. As were other traits like graciousness, not engaging in gossip, etc. When put together in a nice package, these led to putting a bloke at ease when meeting for the first time (and subsequent times). If young girls spent a fraction of the time that they spend on social media developing these skills, later life for them would be so much better. So short answer — being your natural feral self is not enough.
I am not sure about the “fascinating” stuff mentioned above. I think that blokes are not really interested in fascinating conversation with women. Perhaps they more interested in conversation that flows and makes both sides feel at ease. Conversation that can lead to learning more about the other, toward building a relationship (once again, that is what the sheilas supposed want and are good at).
To summarize, in the modern day, blokes work to prepare and then take all of the risk; sheilas just sit there. Think about that.