Feminists asked women to refuse to smile on International Women’s Day. By withholding their smiles they’d be withholding their labor as a kind of emotional strike. Hmm. Let’s take that concept a little further… Women unburdened by emotion… Women in an emotion-free state? Unemotional women? No, that would be taking it too far. Women would cease to exist.
Be that as it may, a smile strike would be far too easy for your regular feminist. It would require no change from her. A resentful scowl is her default state. Her face would smash like a battle-ax through a Kerr’s Pink if she attempted a genuine smile.
What about when she laughs, I hear you ask. Okay, I’ll concede that derisive laughter is a favorite weapon of the feminist. However, the contortions of her facial muscles when laughing are less suggestive of mirth than of outrage, or a cattle prod rammed up her fundamental orifice.
Not only is smiling a form of hard labor, it’s a way for men to discriminate against women in employment as well:
“the fact that women are required to generate traditionally feminine emotions while men do the opposite furthers the idea that certain occupations are ‘for men’ or ‘for women.’ Thus, being a flight attendant becomes seen as a ‘natural’ job for women, given the expectations of nurturing attached. Meanwhile, being a pilot or an air-traffic controller may not seem such an obvious fit.”
All that emotion is a heavy burden on the hapless smilers. Service jobs are the “emotional proletariat“, don’t you know. Women, they say, are likely to be over-represented in jobs where pleasantness is expected.
Male employers are not the only ones to blame. Surely we, the customers and clients, the great male unwashed, share responsibility for this outrage. Don’t we tend to react favorably to the smiles of the waitresses and bank tellers? Aren’t we thereby reinforcing the oppressive convention of The Smile?
Next time I go shopping I’ll think twice about returning the smile of that cute checkout operator at the hardware store. I shudder to think of the emotional load I have brought down on her over the years. She obviously has felt compelled to remember me and swap banter and once… (my fingers are almost too ashamed to type this) once she even felt obliged to ask me out on a date! My God I’m an oppressive bastard.
We, the great male unwashed, are also at fault with our unfavorable reaction to the smile’s opposite: the scowl. There’s no escaping the conclusion that we are reinforcing the popularity of smiles and unpopularity of scowls not only in the service sector but across society at large. We must stop this. Now.
You women on this blog, I’m not letting you off the hook either. Stop being more pleasant than the average. You’re raising the bar too high. Stop placing other women under the intolerable emotional strain of raising their game to your level. In solidarity with the sisterhood, heed the following rules. Men too. All of us. Repeat after me:
Cill’s New Rules for Combating THE SMILE
- When a woman smiles at you, lift your lip in a sexist sneer.
- When she is pleasant to you, give her the middle finger
- When she asks you out, guffaw in her face.
- When a waitress says “Enjoy”, reply “Only if I want to, you controlling bitch.”
- When a flight attendant says “have a nice flight”, reply “Not if the pilot’s a woman, you cow.”
- When a nurse leans over you and asks “Are you comfortable?” retort “Not with that cleavage in my face, you trollop.”
- When a shapely shop assistant asks “Is there anything else I can help you with, sir?” reply in an evil tone of voice “Why yes there is, but I don’t believe it’s on your job description… Mwahahaha”
Those rules would wipe the smiles from their faces and cure them of pleasantness. Apply those rules, and we will free women from the emotional slavery of The Smile. And if ever our resolve starts to flag, let us wish badness upon women. Think Sexism. Think Islam! Think Feminism FFS! Then go back to living by the rules with renewed zeal.