Over at Dalrock’s, we find this,
Dalrock: “Geraghty offers statistics that most divorces are for reasons other than infidelity, abuse, or addiction. He then offers his personal theory on what is causing the lion’s share of divorce:”
…my divorced friends say that fighting rarely resolved an issue. And maybe that was the problem. There are four ways couples respond to conflict: he concedes, she concedes, they compromise, or it gets swept under the rug. That last option might be the easiest, but it’s a short-term solution at best. Each time you sweep a difficult issue under the metaphorical rug of your day-to-day interaction in your marriage, that rug gets a little harder to walk on. Resentments build. Eventually, the issue you’re fighting about stops being the real issue; the real issue becomes your inability to resolve any other issue.
Dalrock: “Geraghty explains that the problem of the risk of divorce can be resolved by threats of divorce. More specifically, he argues that a marriage can be improved by the wife threatening to nuke the husband out of the family if she doesn’t get her way (emphasis mine):”
The D-word can actually help a marriage full of conflict. It can be a great clarifier. Using the D-word is the DEFCON Two of marriage. (DEFCON is short for defense readiness condition, the alert state for the U.S. armed forces. DEFCON Five is the calmest, DEFCON One is the most severe, basically meaning nuclear war is imminent.) When your spouse uses the D-word, it is a screaming alarm klaxon that asks you just how much you care about whatever it is you’re fighting about at the moment.
Is it worth divorcing your wife over?
Put that starkly, most of the day-to-day problems in a marriage don’t look that bad. If you can back down from that moment, you’ve endured your marital equivalent of the Cuban Missile Crisis. John F. Kennedy’s 1963 point about the basic common links with the Soviets applies to most warring spouses: “We all breathe the same air. We all cherish our children’s future. And we are all mortal.”
So the solution is simple. Just give in to the wife. It is true, it is simple to do. It relieves stress in the short run. Perhaps that is why fellas often do it. Calm the waters and live another day.
Yet, there are several questions raised.
I. What about compromise? Is it not sometimes a game of “give and take”?
But then again, that is a 1960’s song. Things have changed since then. Which brings us to the next question
II. Why is it assumed that she is either “always right” or she should always “have her way”? Probably this starts as Dalrock suggests with the threat of divorce ruination for the husband. Of course, this is just the mechanics behind it. What is driving it? There is the concept that women are wonderful; thus what they want to do is the better thing to do. How could these virtuous beings, who care so much for the children, ever contemplate anything selfish? If you look closely, the answer is rather easily.
But perhaps the bigger reason is entitlement. They are fed near fatal doses of self-esteem as children. Then they grow up and realize what power they have over males. They are not held to the standards and rules of the days of old, or of the men that they are supposedly aping. Indulging parents give them most anything that they want.
Of course, most young men are held to standards, are not indulged, and learn that they must work to make it through life. The bible promises this; they are still held to it.
And then, of course, there are the women’s fellingz. Enough said.
Can an entitled woman ever find happiness?