Whether originally wanted or not, motherhood becomes one defined by sacrifice. It has to or it simply won’t work. You lose a lot in the way of your body, your dreams and your wants. But you do it day in and day out because you know that leaving a legacy doesn’t happen in one glamorous moment but in the slow, consistent and often messy work of shaping and teaching the next generation.
Marie Claire recently ran an article giving voice to women who have failed to get that. Mothers who regret their children having ever been born and genuinely think they might be living better, more meaningful, possibly more exciting lives without these extra humans dragging them down. They’re just sure their lives would be marked by career accolades and fancy travel destinations rather than midnight bed wettings and worn-thin yoga pants.
It is difficult to understand women who regret having children. This is what women have lived for forever. It gives them happiness and fulfillment. As for the other side, the fancy trips, clothes, etc. — much of it is really a form of the apex fallacy.
But we’re blaming the wrong group for the disappointment and the frustration. It’s not the kids who are at fault for “ruining” their mother’s lives. You can instead thank a feminist movement that has failed women.
Now we are getting somewhere. Yes this is true. Motherhood with respect to Feminism is at the bottom of the list as to what women should do. Often, they are downright hostile to it.
Why should they be hostile to bringing the next generation into the world and raising them to adulthood? Especially when it is so satisfying to women? To ask the question is to answer it. Women must be kept in the dark as how fulfilling this endeavor is. Moreover, any desires in women with respect to having children must be suppressed; for if one does not, then one is not a member in good standing with the Feminist Group. Being cast out of the group is the worst punishment for women.
But why? The simple answer seems to be that miserable women want to make other women miserable. Then they can have a big group and “feel all groupie and stuff”. Does anybody else have a better explanation?
Addendum by Deti
I dunno, man. The only women I’ve ever “met” who are “child free” and loving it, who do not regret never having had kids, are online.
Every woman I’ve ever met who didn’t have kids deeply, deeply regretted it. Her childlessness was, and is, one of the greatest pains of her life. They always describe it as an emptiness that can never be fulfilled. And they are never truly happy, joyful, or even content. They are irresistibly drawn to motherhood. And their inability to have kids for whatever reason rips them to shreds.
But this is only when you get them alone and if you really know them well. Outwardly, to the “world”, they love life. Life is great. Lots of disposable income. Lots of time and money to do whatever I want with hubby. Will get to retire early and travel.
What is going on here a lot of times, is women just waiting too long thinking they can do the “family thing” when they’re 38. And of course many times they can’t do that and that all leads to the usual disappointment, frustration, etc.
But there are some women who do not want kids. There are some women who really should not be mothers. And the candid admission of some women that they don’t want kids and of some women who had kids and shouldn’t have, is a result of our society’s moving toward maximum individual freedom. Which is itself a result of our society’s material and financial prosperity.
The fact that I’ve not met women who don’t want kids and shouldn’t have kids doesn’t mean those women don’t exist. I am sure they do.
It’s often said that motherhood makes women “grow up”. There seems to be truth in that. There’s one woman I know from school, from years back. She and her husband have been together 15 years. They have no kids. She had PCOS, couldn’t get pregnant, her husband said “eh I don’t want kids anyway”, she said “WHAT WHAT WHAT!!” But stayed with him. She really wanted to be a mom. She’s 48 now. She is one of the most selfish, self centered, self absorbed women I’ve ever known. It really is All. About. Her. All the time.
Would having children and raising them, made her grow up and focus on people other than herself? Don’t know. Maybe. She was the youngest of four kids. her mom was fucked up – suffered from bad depression. But her mom always seemed to make it work, at least until she died of cancer.
That’s what I think, anyway.