Now for whatever reason it may be, dance tends to attract more women than men and over the years, I’ve of course befriended several female students. They vary in ages anywhere from 24 to 60, but the one common trait they have is they are typically (though not always) single. And while not always, most of them took dance class half incented to perhaps find a guy.
But what is becoming a more frequent phenomenon is a question these girls ask;
“Where are all the guys?”
I never paid much attention to this, as it has always been the case that men just eschew dance classes, but it wasn’t until an older dance student of mine perhaps refined the question a bit and made it more pointed. It wasn’t so much “Where are all the guys,” as much as it was;
“I just get the feeling there aren’t any men anymore. Not just in dance class, but where are all the men from all the various social activities? They make up half the population, but I can’t find any single guys to date. They can’t all be married, even my female friends are running into this mysterious disappearance of men. Do they like stop trying after a while and just stay home?”
And that’s when I realized what she was asking.
“Do you mean, do men give up and don’t bother trying to find women any more?” I clarified.
She said, “Yes. So do they?”
“Yes” I answered.
She was somewhat surprised at my response. She said, “so they just give up? They don’t go out anymore? Don’t they want to find somebody? Anybody?!”
“Yeah, more or less.”
“That’s crazy! How do they ever expect to find anybody?”
I replied, “Well…they don’t.”
Regardless, the point was her reaction surprised me in return to see this was that shocking of a revelation to her. I always thought it was kind of common knowledge, men do indeed give up after a while, but apparently it’s not.
My divorce was over a decade ago. I was married for just a few years. Before that — nothing. As you can see, I am used to having droughts of decades. Being a strong INT, I never really needed a woman, and with the modern crop, it was relatively easy to say no.
A few years ago, I got an email. Somebody had left a message at my long unattended profile on an online dating site. I logged in and checked it out. I thought: “Well she seems to be really interested, I will see what she is like”. We went to a local eatery and she told me her story. Then I told her my story, with its long droughts. She was flabbergasted. She said that she could never tolerated such a long period without a guy. “How could you live without a woman” she wondered. In her case, she was recently divorced and wanted to find a man as quickly as possible because she effectively could not live without one.
I wonder how common this attitude is with women. Do they need men? Do they expect men to have the same need? Apparently the woman in Captain Capitalism’s story did. Are they totally at loss for words when they learn that guys don’t operate like that? How many of them do learn?
As for my date, she had lots of baggage and the relationship never really started. The clincher was when she wanted to get it on on the first date.