A Disconnect


Commenter Tarn,

Self-esteem comes from within. It is the knowledge of one’s own inherent value *outside* of what others think. As the quote above says “It is a judgment of oneself“. This is very different than external validation, which girls get in truckloads while boys get scraps. You can be told all day, every day that you’re awesome…but if you never have to make an inner judgment of said awesomeness, those are just pretty words. Boys get the other side of the coin, where nobody expressly tells them they’re awesome, but they judge themselves all the time. Hence, self-esteem.

Let us start by saying that the whole self-esteem movement was started mostly to give girls a boost.  At the time of its start, lots of women principals and administrators were on the scene, and lots of lefty education professors were spouting all sorts of stuff; so it was a perfect storm. So esteem it was.  In addition, the classroom became more “girl-learning” oriented, with lots of memorization and regurgitation.  As for the boys, well, they are on their own.

Yet here we have Tarn saying that all of that forced self-esteem, and all of the power that they have during their teens is not enough to generate any real true self-esteem.  If so, why would this be?  Maybe it is because they realize deep down that they are being paid in a debased currency.  They did not really earn their power and position.  Perhaps the ones that have weaker hamsters are the ones who cannot effectively exploit their position, and wallow in the disconnect.

Now consider the boys.  They are handicapped in school and elsewhere.  But what they do, they earn.  It has always been that way for boys.  They might not be incentivized in the right places, but they often do find places where they can earn accomplishment.  If nothing else, they work to obtain high scores in video games.

In the olden days, girls were taught domestic skills and how to be a lady.  Building and implementing these skills was an accomplishment.  It was not necessarily easy, and furthermore, it was useful.  Perhaps accomplishing this brought girls of the day true self-esteem.

Today’s teen girls really don’t seem to learn anything more than the in and outs of being in the “in-group” or being in the “out-group”.  This is not particularly impressive

 

 

 

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Posted in FarmBoy, Feminism, Lies, Uncategorized
76 comments on “A Disconnect
  1. Tarnished says:

    Maybe it is because they realize deep down that they are being paid in a debased currency. They did not really earn their power and position.

    And here we have Tarn agreeing wholeheartedly with this statement.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Yoda says:

    Praised to high heaven the girls are.
    Much power they do have.
    Surely an effect on them this does have

    Liked by 5 people

  3. Tarnished says:

    Being told, day in and day out, that “You are fantastic…just because you have a vagina!” is so incredibly idiotic. You may as well congratulate someone for being tall or male or brunette or naturally attractive. It’s not as though they DID anything. It’s just how their genetics turned out.

    Liked by 5 people

  4. Yoda says:

    just because you have a vagina!” is so incredibly idiotic.

    True this is.
    Not even real it is.
    Just a “hole” it would be.

    Liked by 4 people

  5. Tarnished says:

    Just a “hole” it would be.

    Whaaaaaat?
    Gods above, are there people who really think like that?! Do they also think a penis is just a weird, fleshy stick?!

    Liked by 3 people

  6. Ame says:

    Yoda says:
    29 April, 2016 at 12:38 am
    Praised to high heaven the girls are.
    Much power they do have.
    Surely an effect on them this does have
    =============================

    yep … it does have an effect … it fills them with empty calories, a hollow, fragile shell, that stands up to nothing.

    better for them to ‘earn’ their ‘self-esteem’ that be given empty words that are meaningless. then when it gets rough, they know from experience who they are and what they can do.

    Liked by 3 people

  7. Tarnished says:

    Praised to high heaven the girls are.
    Much power they do have.
    Surely an effect on them this does have.

    It does.

    The one group of girls swallow the empty praise hook, line, and sinker. They grow into women who believe they’re entitled to a good life and more praise simply for being born female.

    The other group will see how meaningless such “praise” really is, and will devote their lives to gaining the type based on real world accomplishments, which has true value. As previously discussed at Bloom’s blog, this can take either feminine (being a tremendous wife, amazing homemaker, and superior mother) or masculine (proving oneself adept at a career, never expecting handouts, refusing help or loans that your male friends/coworkers are denied) forms.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Tarnished says:

    I’m typing these responses outside, in the woods behind my home. It’s lightly raining and there’s thunder in the distance. I’m sitting under a willow that grew at such an angle that it’s branches make a natural lean-to, watching the small birds fly home and listening to the soft grey noise of raindrops on leaves.

    I love my forests like Cill loves his ocean. Hope everyone else is having a likewise peaceful evening.

    Liked by 4 people

  9. Farm Boy says:

    I think that the bear is about to arrive

    Liked by 4 people

  10. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Tarn,
    You love forests? Are you sure that you are not part bear?

    Liked by 2 people

  11. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    For men, the seft respect may be the only form available. Starting with teachers, it does seem like there is a conspiracy to tear men down individually, and as a group, coming at them from all directions.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Tarnished says:

    Starting with teachers

    Interesting anecdote:
    One of my friends is a middle school science teacher. He was told by his college advisor (a very feminist woman) that men can’t adequately teach young children and that he’d essentially fail miserably at his chosen career.

    So yes, Fuzzie.
    They are starting with teachers. In more ways than one.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Tarn,
    Once again, you are a proven master at Google-fu. I love it!!!
    That was an interesting story about the teacher. Feminists want to own that profession. Do they enjoy seeing little boys doped up on Ritilin?

    Liked by 2 people

  14. Dragonfly says:

    I love this topic, my dad was really interested in this probably because he was a bit older when I was growing up in the 80’s/90’s – so he saw the self-esteem “movement?” in a different light than most of the younger parents I think.

    Um… to put it bluntly? He thought it was full of crap! I’m glad he did!! ❤

    Liked by 3 people

  15. Tarnished says:

    I think so, Fuzzie.
    It doesn’t do them any favors a lot of the time. There’s only a small segment of children who honestly *need* such medications in order to function well/better.

    My love has ADD. Not the worst case, but it is fairly noticeable. In the nearly 11 years I’ve known him, I have seen how he acts both on and off his meds. We both prefer it when he’s not doped up, hyper focused, and snappish.

    Liked by 2 people

  16. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Tarn,
    I wish that I could “like” that photo a thousand times!

    I can’t remember where among her videos that I saw it but, in one, Karen Straughan tells how she had to defend her son froma teacher who wanted to dope him up. Fortunately, the psychologist saw that he was normal and healthy.

    Liked by 2 people

  17. Tarnished says:

    I remember that one. She was so pissed, and justifiably so!

    What is with this moronic idea that kids shouldn’t be allowed to run and play and experience the environment around them? It’s how you learn as a child, not by sitting in a desk for hours on end!

    …I drove by my old elementary school a few weeks ago, as I was in the area. Wish I hadn’t, it was so depressing. We’d had a quarter mile long, absolutely gigantic wooden playground. It had castle turrets, metal tunnels, tire swings, ladders, slides, a trampoline “dungeon”, a shaky bridge, monkey bars everywhere. It was amazing. Everything a kid could want to play on.

    Gone. Just gone.
    Now there’s a single slide, a seesaw, and a 4-seat swing set. Plus a big, empty field.

    Shit.

    Liked by 3 people

  18. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Tarn,
    I can understand that. What is it with adults and their meddling? They only end up f*cking it up for kids! Bill Cosby has a routine about how they turned a vacant lot into a playground. Kids went from having cuts and scrapes to breaking bones.

    Karen Straughan would be a good Mama Bear.

    Liked by 3 people

  19. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    It is tangential to the post. Dalrock actually comes out and says it, “Respect is an even greater motivator than sex is.”

    https://dalrock.wordpress.com/2016/04/28/why-doesnt-this-28-year-old-manboy-want-to-become-respectable/

    Liked by 2 people

  20. Farm Boy says:

    The Glorious Patriarch is up late

    Liked by 1 person

  21. OKRickety says:

    Just a “hole” it would be.

    Many moons ago, a guy I knew said girls were all the same, two hills and a hole.

    I thought that was crass (as well as untrue), but sometime afterward I found out he was gay. Then it made a little more sense that he would say that.

    Liked by 2 people

  22. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Spawny Get,
    Well, they didn’t have permission to be there.
    Poor Hermione! Someone should feed her a sandwich!

    Liked by 2 people

  23. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    I’m sorry. I got my Emmas mixed up.
    http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000668/

    I still think that Emma Watson could do with a few sanswiches.

    Liked by 1 person

  24. Yoda says:

    My Jedi Powers still strong they are.
    Knew when Fuzzie Bear about to post I did.
    Implanted into Farm Boy’s head this knowledge was

    Liked by 3 people

  25. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Nine hudred years of training Pasawans, no one can pull the wool over Yoda’s eyes. So much repitition, knows in advance he does.

    Liked by 1 person

  26. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Sandman linked this to one of his videos. I am amazed that someone in Hollywood is distributing it.

    Liked by 3 people

  27. Spawny Get says:

    I found a new one. Yay! Only watched the channel’s trailer, but…

    The channel ‘Dick Cheesehead’
    https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCTa91dtSn1K1nNJz0fwuyTw

    promo: Femlins 2 – the new Biatch

    Liked by 3 people

  28. Sumo says:

    This “self-esteem” nonsense is obviously a cheap knock-off of “Recognizing Your Awesomeness” (RYA), the principle by which The Mighty Sumo lives by.

    The difference, of course, is that my awesomeness is evident in every action that I perform, whereas the aforementioned Special Snowflakes only feel that they should be lauded for doing, well…..Sweet Fuck All (SFA).

    Liked by 5 people

  29. Tarnished says:

    Lol, Spawny.
    Also, that channel name!

    Just a “hole” it would be.

    More like a folded accordion it is.
    Relaxes and opens during arousal it does.
    Shaped like an empty hole it most assuredly is not.

    Liked by 2 people

  30. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    I watched Femlins twice.

    Liked by 2 people

  31. Tarnished says:

    Fuzzie,

    That film looks like it ripped off Y: The Last Man but then sensationalized it and used reality TV style actors. 😦

    Liked by 1 person

  32. Tarnished says:

    I watched Femlins twice.

    You have my sympathies.

    Liked by 1 person

  33. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Tarn,
    That is the first that I have heard of “Y The Last Man”.
    That someone would distribute something that makes fun of gynocentrism is amazing. I hope that it rewards those who took risks.

    The best moment in Gremlins 2 is when one of them starts calling from a stockbroker’s office advising people to inest in canned goods aand shotguns. That was the first time that I heard that line.

    Sandman has a new video out in which he tries to correlate an inverse relation to incidence of rape and general fear of it. For my money it goes deeper. I think women are suffering from a drop in attention from men.
    Here’s Sandman’s video.

    I have no idea how to put my theiry to the test.

    Liked by 1 person

  34. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    When I watch videos on youtube, I never sign in. However, they seem to know that I am single and male. I am seeing bunches of banner ads for online dating. At a guess, these companies must be starving for male subscribers because women want them in surplus. Could it be that they have burned through all the men?

    Liked by 1 person

  35. Spawny Get says:

    Ursidae of Colour suitable fairy story

    Liked by 1 person

  36. Tarnished says:

    You should read it, bear. It’s one of the most influential graphic novel series of our time. I include it right up there next to Neil Gaiman’s Sandman and J.M. Straczynski’s Rising Stars or Midnight Nation.

    It’s similar to the link above. Only better, and with a more serious tone.

    Liked by 1 person

  37. Tarnished says:

    However, they seem to know that I am single and male. I am seeing bunches of banner ads for online dating.

    I do too, Fuzzie.
    It’s possible that the ads are demographic ones linked to those specific videos. Like when I watch MGTOW vids, I see lots of ads for dating sites (lol!). When I watch my gaming subscriptions, I see ads for upcoming videogames or for snackfoods.

    Liked by 3 people

  38. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Tarn,
    I noticed that too with MGTOW videos. The tie in for unpcoming video games and snack foods makes much more sense. *silly face*

    Like

  39. Liz says:

    “Gone. Just gone.
    Now there’s a single slide, a seesaw, and a 4-seat swing set. Plus a big, empty field.”

    Liability. I mentioned a while back the boys weren’t allowed to play ball at school either for a while (the ball game was disruptive to the girls, who wanted to stand and talk in the middle of things). After a few months we got it straightened out.
    And, Yeah….if you have sons the odds are they’ll try to medicate at least one of them. I always refused that testing (the problem is if you accept testing and they classify him as (insert whatever) you’re obligated to medicate or they can kick him out of the public school system. I just worked with my kids a lot and their grades went up.

    Liked by 3 people

  40. Liz says:

    CP: “Many moons ago, a guy I knew said girls were all the same, two hills and a hole.

    I thought that was crass (as well as untrue), but sometime afterward I found out he was gay. Then it made a little more sense that he would say that.”

    Yeah, he was OBVIOUSLY gay. Everyone knows it’s two hills and TWO holes!

    (I kid) 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

  41. Liz says:

    I really do miss that silly tongue emoticon. Kind of ruins the punchline having to type “I kid”.

    Liked by 2 people

  42. Liz says:

    “When I watch videos on youtube, I never sign in. However, they seem to know that I am single and male. I am seeing bunches of banner ads for online dating. At a guess, these companies must be starving for male subscribers because women want them in surplus. Could it be that they have burned through all the men?”

    You wouldn’t believe the sorts of banner ads I get.
    I’m either a very very confusing case for the ad bots, or they don’t target very well.

    Liked by 1 person

  43. Liz says:

    Okay, read through the comments and it’s on to the topic!
    I’m going to quibble a bit with Tarn on this. I wouldn’t say that self esteem (or confidence, or whatever we want to call it) is some inherent quality generated from oneself.
    We learn what is acceptable and unacceptable via social interaction with others. Our confidence should come from some sort of accomplishment…the feedback loop is, this is acceptable/laudable/praiseworthy behavior, and here is the (social) reward.

    We kind of have a bug in social programming that started with the “everyone is a special snowflake” and “no behavior/value system is more or less productive/beneficial than any other” and is now culminating with “these (insert very counterproductive, shame-worthy value systems) are better than (insert productive, beneficial ones)”. I think the latter really took root with the internet age, the former maybe around the time Mister Rogers started singing “won’t you be my neighbor”.

    Cheap praise for no real accomplishment is exactly that…cheap.

    Liked by 1 person

  44. Spawny Get says:

    He didn’t just do ‘They live!’

    Hell comes to Frogtown.

    Sam Hell is one of the few remaining fertile men. His wedding tackle are taken as property of the female state. Wunmustardmit that it never threatened to win any awards, or no good ones anyway.

    Just discovered that there’s a sequel

    Liked by 2 people

  45. Liz says:

    That was hilarious, Swithy!
    I hope it was porn.
    😀

    Liked by 2 people

  46. Liz says:

    I recognize that actress from Conan the Barbarian.

    Liked by 1 person

  47. Spawny Get says:

    Dangerously close to being on topic; Women are Wonderful and Donald Trump

    Like

  48. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Liz,
    Good eye!

    We need more “B” movies. Not all of them are bound to be flaming turkeys.

    Liked by 1 person

  49. Liz says:

    That last video was blocked for the US, Swithy.
    (I didn’t watch the other one yet)

    I’m withholding judgement on Watership Down until I see the movie. That is one of my favorite books of all time, so I am definitely seeing the movie. It’s extremely difficult to take a concept like that and put it on the screen.
    Frankly, in my opinion the old cartoon version of Watership Down WAS very disturbing and it didn’t really capture the nuance of the book. Watership Down itself was comparatively NOT as disturbing so the next movie might actually emulate the book to a greater degree. Kind of like the more modern version of Lord of the Rings captured Gollum better than then old (very disturbing) cartoon image.
    Now, I’m not placing bets on this…Vox is likely right. But (as with most things) I’m withholding judgement until I actually view the proof.

    (a clip of the old gollum here):

    Liked by 2 people

  50. Liz says:

    Of course, reading it again…this bit does sort of tip me off that it will probably suck:

    “but give a boost to its female characters.

    Red rag..er, flag dat.

    Liked by 2 people

  51. Dragonfly says:

    “I always refused that testing (the problem is if you accept testing and they classify him as (insert whatever) you’re obligated to medicate or they can kick him out of the public school system. I just worked with my kids a lot and their grades went up.”

    Liz, you’re such a good mom! ❤ My parents really failed in this area with my brother… they medicated him way too soon and too young – he probably didn't need it at all. And those chemicals have been proven to make those men have more problems with depression later on in life, and major lack of motivation! My brother has always resented/regretted being medicated like that – he blames it for a lot of things (I mean, he was so medicated that he had almost no personality – it was like child abuse).

    Yea, I'm going to follow your advice, and reject any directions to "have them tested." Our schools are so against boys it makes me angry.

    Liked by 2 people

  52. Dragonfly says:

    What is with the black hearts?? lol

    Like

  53. Dragonfly says:

    Ok … now it looks red lol….

    ??!!!!

    Like

  54. Dragonfly says:

    Another random thing….

    Liz, our youngest has just started tantruming recently… it is hilarious! He was so easy and so sweet and laid back and kind of quiet… lol, I actually love seeing him express himself more when he’s upset. But wow! Tantrum-central now!

    Liked by 1 person

  55. Liz says:

    “Liz, you’re such a good mom! ❤

    Aw, thanks Dragonfly. 🙂
    I’d like to think so…but of course it’s easy when I’m only providing selective examples here.
    I’ve messed up many times as a parent.

    “My parents really failed in this area with my brother… they medicated him way too soon and too young – he probably didn’t need it at all.”

    This is a big thing because they’ll try to convince parents it’s in the child’s best interest…and they’ll say you’re a bad parent if you don’t oblige. It’s especially difficult for parents who are both working and don’t have the time to spend with their kids (pretty much every dual income upper middle class couple I know has at least one child on the medication…three couples I know each have three children, and they’re ALL on ADHD meds…and the moms are on anti-depressants of course).

    I think it’s all individual to the child. I’m not going to claim medication is NEVER an option, but you know your children better than anyone. I do believe that paying attention/concentration and so forth is a skill that must be learned. This is true of everyone and is not evidence of any inherent problem with the child (to quote Uncle Buck, “I don’t want to know a six year old who isn’t a dreamer or a silly heart, and I sure don’t want to know one who takes his/her student career seriously!”)

    “And those chemicals have been proven to make those men have more problems with depression later on in life, and major lack of motivation! My brother has always resented/regretted being medicated like that – he blames it for a lot of things (I mean, he was so medicated that he had almost no personality – it was like child abuse).”

    That’s awful. 😦 It truly IS child abuse. But people don’t know what they don’t know. And they trust the “institution” to tell them what’s best for their child. I run into this with a LOT of things associated with medicine in general.

    “Yea, I’m going to follow your advice, and reject any directions to “have them tested.” Our schools are so against boys it makes me angry.”

    It makes me angry, too. You’re a great Mom Dragonfly! 🙂 You have to be your child’s advocate. And HURRAY about the testing (go with your own judgment ultimately of course). Please tell everyone you know.

    Liked by 2 people

  56. Liz says:

    “And HURRAY about the testing

    I meant hurray about telling the NO. LOL in case that was misunderstood (I wrote that oddly).

    Liked by 1 person

  57. Liz says:

    “And HURRAY about the testing”

    Because they will try to sell it to parents, “Let’s just get your son tested to see…”
    Few people realize that this could ultimately give them no options.

    Okay, with those clarifications I’m off the net for the day.
    Hope you all have a great Friday. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  58. Liz says:

    Meant to copy and paste the next bit “Please tell everyone” rather than the hurray bit again, above. Good grief.

    Liked by 1 person

  59. My brother truly has ADHD but when a doctor put him on meds that turned him into a zombie my mom decided after one day that the meds were worse than the hyperactivity and she never gave them to him again.

    Liked by 2 people

  60. Tarnished says:

    I’m going to quibble a bit with Tarn on this. I wouldn’t say that self esteem (or confidence, or whatever we want to call it) is some inherent quality generated from oneself.

    I would also says it’s not inherent. If it was, then both boys and girls would have healthy amounts of it and FB wouldn’t have posted this topic or the original one.

    We learn what is acceptable and unacceptable via social interaction with others.

    True, to a point.
    For example, society generally says that a 45 year old male or female who deliberately doesn’t have a spouse and children is selfish, lazy, and antisocial. It is up to said individual to either allow or disallow their self-esteem/confidence in themselves to be affected by this assertion. I choose not to, as do friends I have irl and online, because we know that we have worth outside of creating a family. Other men and women might take it to heart, and lose some of their sense of personal value.

    Our confidence should come from some sort of accomplishment…the feedback loop is, this is acceptable/laudable/praiseworthy behavior, and here is the (social) reward.

    Yes.

    We kind of have a bug in social programming that started with the “everyone is a special snowflake” and “no behavior/value system is more or less productive/beneficial than any other” and is now culminating with “these (insert very counterproductive, shame-worthy value systems) are better than (insert productive, beneficial ones)”.

    Yeah. I don’t agree that all cultures/beliefs/value systems are created equal. They’re definitely not.

    Liked by 3 people

  61. Very true Liz re value systems. It’s like everything BUT traditional values are ok anymore. If you have traditional values you are shamed for being a hater/uptight/close minded etc. it’s all out of whack.

    Liked by 4 people

  62. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Liz,
    I hope that you have a good weekend!

    Dragonfly,
    I wasn’t aware there was any evidence of adverse long term effects. If there were, drug companies would not be happy.
    I am sad for your brother.

    Bloom, YAY for your Mom!

    Tarn,
    When SSM had her old blog. Her post on childfree couples attracted the worst drive-by comments. Promoting family formation was one of her top concerns.

    Liked by 3 people

  63. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Maybe I haven’t read enough Dalrock but, when he says, “This has gone too far.” It got my attention.
    https://dalrock.wordpress.com/2016/04/29/the-ultimate-affront-to-cartoonish-chivalry/

    Liked by 2 people

  64. Tarnished says:

    When SSM had her old blog. Her post on childfree couples attracted the worst drive-by comments. Promoting family formation was one of her top concerns.

    That’s sad, Fuzzie.
    Even if you disagree with someone’s stance on X, there’s usually no reason to be an ass about it.
    What tone did her post take vs that of the commenters?

    Liked by 1 person

  65. Tarnished says:

    It’s like everything BUT traditional values are ok anymore.

    A lot of traditional values are good for families and general society, though. :/

    Liked by 1 person

  66. Tarnished says:

    My brother truly has ADHD but when a doctor put him on meds that turned him into a zombie my mom decided after one day that the meds were worse than the hyperactivity and she never gave them to him again.

    Good for her, and thank goodness for him! Some medications just give you worse complications than the ones they’re meant to correct. I love the commercials with the paragraphs of fine print:

    “Warning: May cause coughing, itchy throat, watery eyes, urinary incontinence, sneezing, loss of libido, loss of hair, loss of your favorite dog, blindness, anal leakage, and meteor showers.
    Do not mix with alcohol or other depressants. Or stimulants. Or grape juice. Do not take if you’re pregnant, an insomniac, drink more than once a year, or enjoy breathing.”

    Liked by 2 people

  67. Sumo says:

    society generally says that a 45 year old male or female who deliberately doesn’t have a spouse and children is selfish, lazy, and antisocial.

    Adjusted for age, I get 2 out of 3. Not too shabby, if I do say so myself. 😉

    Liked by 2 people

  68. Yoda says:

    A new post there is

    Liked by 1 person

  69. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Tarn,
    It was provacative, but mildly so. It is her position that choosing to be childless is going against what nature wants.

    Liked by 1 person

  70. Tarnished says:

    It may go against what nature “wants”, Fuzzie, but I don’t think many people take nature’s wishes into account when they make major life choices. *grin*

    Liked by 1 person

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