Cook with Sumo, Revisited


This essay was originally posted on SFC Ton’s blog on October 30, 2014. I’m working on some new and original content for Spawny’s Space, but I don’t have a lot of time to devote to writing these days. Also, since new faces are showing up ’round these parts, I figured a recap of my past babbling might be slightly interesting for them. Also, my ego needs a boost.

Here’s the thing – anyone can cook. You don’t need to be a professional chef in order to put a decent meal on the table. Sure, it helps, but it’s not necessary. At all. The only reason why chefs are “better” at cooking is because that is what they have been educated and trained to do, in much the same way that a professional soldier is going to be better at combat than a non-soldier.

I am what you could call an apprentice chef. I currently work at a cooking school where our purpose is not to train people to be chefs, but rather to teach folks how to liven up their own kitchens a little bit. While we provide people with all of the recipes for the dishes we show them, the more important aspect, as far as I see it, is that we teach them a set of basic principles from which to build their repertoire. Edit – I’m no longer employed at the cooking school.  The bitch who owns it fired me when she found out that I was offered another job.

If you’ve ever studied martial arts, it’s a similar process – first you learn how to stand properly, how to punch properly, how to block, how to move, etc., then you put everything together and start laying the smackdown on folks. Only in the current context, you’re laying the smackdown on people’s tastebuds.

What I intend to do with this essay is share a few basic thoughts with you, in the hope that it will aid you in any culinary adventures that you might wish to undertake. Comments, questions, and complaints are all equally welcome. Except the complaints will probably be answered with a smartass remark. I have to entertain myself somehow, after all.

To start, get yourself some decent equipment. A  properly seasoned cast iron pan, one or two stainless steel pans, a Dutch oven, and a couple of small to medium sized pots are a good place to start, and really all that you need to put out a decent meal. If you feel the need to buy some more specialized or “fancy” equipment, go for it, but for most applications, it’s not necessary unless you do a lot of baking. Certain baked goods are impossible to pull off without the right gear, such as cheesecakes, bunt cakes, and so on.

Avoid Teflon/non-stick pans for the most part. After time, the coating will start to flake off, which in turn may cause food to stick to them. The flakes themselves are pretty much harmless, but it’s visually unappealing to some people.

Also, invest in a couple of high quality knives. A 7 or 8 inch chef knife and a paring knife will cover about 95% of the jobs in a home kitchen. Again, if you find yourself engaging in more specialized endeavors, by all means, get more knives, but if you’re on a budget or just don’t have enough space, those two blades will serve you well. At my [former] job, there are [were] 3 highly talented, professional chefs who both teach the bulk of the classes (I get to teach one), and try to pound some knowledge into my thick skull. While they all have a number of specialized cutting implements, the knives that get the most use are the chef knife and the paring knife. Food for thought (yes, yes – bad pun. I know.). In addition to the knives, get yourself a couple of decent cutting boards. Wood or plastic, at least 18 inches by 12 inches, so you have plenty of room to work. I would recommend getting one specifically for raw meat, one for fish, and one for anything/everything else. Plastic boards are ideal for this sort of set up, as they come in multiple colors – red for raw meat, blue for fish, etc. Also on the subject of cutting boards, place a damp paper towel under your board before cutting anything. The paper towel with give the board a decent amount of “grip” on the counter, which will prevent it from slipping/moving around, which in turn will minimize the chances of your cutting yourself.

A food processor and an immersion blender would be the only other “essential” equipment that I would suggest you have on hand. A food processor is a blessing for large jobs of chopping, grinding, shredding, etc. and an immersion blender is just fantastic for making smoothies, milkshakes, certain types of soup, and just about anything else that needs to be pureed.

I collect recipes the way that young boys collect baseball cards (do young boys still collect baseball cards…?). I enjoy reading through them, as I get a lot of new ideas, but the important thing you need to remember about recipes is this: they’re guidelines, not RULES.

Don’t be scared. Alter a recipe to your liking. If you like one ingredient more than another, add more of it. If you don’t like something that’s in the recipe, substitute it for something else. Personally, I hate green bell peppers, so I swap in red or yellow bell peppers for the green without fail. Do whatever the hell you feel like doing; this is YOUR kitchen, after all. The only time I would recommend that anyone follow the recipe precisely is if you happen to be baking something. Baking is an extremely precise exercise that depends on the proper balance of ingredients, and I am not knowledgeable enough about the subject to understand how or why it works.

As far as actual cooking goes, specific techniques may be required for certain dishes, but generally speaking, avoid overcooking your food.

I know, right? So simple that it sounds foolish, doesn’t it? Just think about for a minute, though – if you overcook vegetables, they become mushy and taste like baby food. Overcook pasta and it falls apart. Overcook meat and it becomes tough and dry.

For veggies and pasta, just bite into a sample during the cooking process, and once it reaches the point where you’re comfortable with it, then it’s done. While that may sound vague and annoying, just bear with me and try it the next time you’re in the kitchen. It will make a lot more sense then, I promise.

Meat is a little more complicated, but only a little. Invest in a meat thermometer, and you’re on your way to ensuring that you’ll never have to chew on shoe leather again. Whether you want to slice into the meat right away, or let it rest is entirely up to you.

What do I mean by “rest”, you ask? One school of thought says that after cooking, leave the meat alone for a few minutes (depending on it’s size – a steak should rest for 3 to 5 minutes, a roast or a turkey for about 30 minutes) in order to let the juices redistribute evenly. The other school of thought says that is rubbish. I tend to lean toward the “don’t rest” school, mainly since I hate waiting. *IF* any juices are released from the meat when you cut into it, just pour them over the meat or use the cut up pieces to mop them up, and eat ‘em. Problem solved.

One last point I’d like to make is season your food. You know how those granola crunching, hippie liberal pansy-asses go around screaming about how salt is bad for you? Fuck ‘em. Too much of ANYTHING is bad for you, but I can think of two damn good reasons to use salt just off the top of my head. First, the human body requires about 1500 mg (milligrams) of sodium per day to remain healthy. Second, salt is a flavor enhancer, so if you don’t use it in your cooking, your food will be bland. Bland food is an offense against the Food Gods. True story.

How do you know if you’ve used enough salt, but not too much? That’s easy – taste your food while cooking. If it seems a little bland to you, add some salt and give it another try. Add it sparingly, though. There’s an extremely fine line between maximizing flavor and over-salting your food. Also, keep in mind that salt draws moisture out of food, so when adding it to meat, ensure that you only do so immediately before you start cooking.

Well, there you have it, boys & girls. Cook With Sumo 101. If any of these tips helped you out, then my work is done. If you’re a better cook than I am and are laughing your ass right now, well…..at least I put a smile on your face. If you want to get a few more laughs at my expense, feel free to stop by my blog, and look around. Peace.

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About

Male, a little geeky, somewhat brave, extremely impulsive, occasionally introspective, and quite often sarcastic.

Posted in Fun, HowTo
99 comments on “Cook with Sumo, Revisited
  1. Yoda says:

    So how to cook a cock one does?

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Yoda says:

    Wonder if teach Moe to cook you could

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Ame says:

    LOVE!

    i love cooking … actually, let me qualify that some … i loved cooking before kids. kids, food allergies, picky sensory issues … makes me dread cooking. then i married a man who was raised eating very differently – honestly, food is probably our biggest marital disagreement.

    but i’m kinda freaky about some things … particularly raw meat. as in, paranoid about getting sick from raw mean b/c i’m paranoid about barfing, and raw meat not cooked properly will make one barf … and when not cleaned up after properly can spread those bad germies that will make one barf. sooo … i tend to over-clean after raw meat (not bad), and i tend to err on the side of over-done with meat (could be bad).

    i actually do have a question. i’ve heard that the new cast iron cookware is not as good as older … that it’s better if you can find an older one at an estate sale, etc. any thoughts, oh Master Chef Sumo?!

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Horseman says:

    How to cook tofu.

    Step 1: Throw it out
    Step 2: Grill some meat.

    Around here the heathens like their meat blue.
    “knock the horns off, slap it on the ass, and send it in.”
    “The cow ate the grass, thats my vegetable.”

    Salt is good for you. A real man sweats the excess out catching tomorrow’s dinner.

    Dont know if you get Cool Runnings spice mixes but gods are they good! Meat is good. Jerked meat is a gift.

    Liked by 4 people

  5. Ame says:

    Horseman –
    “How to cook tofu.

    Step 1: Throw it out
    Step 2: Grill some meat.”

    LOL!!! YES!!!!!!!
    hate tofu!

    Liked by 3 people

  6. Ame says:

    Celtic Sea Salt is my fav salt for cooking … but it’s strong, so one must be careful how much one uses … or so says my family on occasion 😉

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Horseman says:

    We cook to the rules of 3.

    Nothing more than 3 steps from its natural state
    cow => grilled meat
    wheat => flour => bread
    potato => vodka

    Every meal protein, greens, coloured (fruit or veg)
    e.g. chicken, broccoli, blackberries.

    Cut out sugar for a month. eat only fresh fruit for dessert. wow apricots and peaches are just as good as cake! after a while processed desserts will taste too sweet.

    and save your badness. I eat dessert like once a week but I have been known to eat a pie. not a piece, a pie.
    6-1 175 at 52.

    Liked by 2 people

  8. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    “Please, put a band aid on me. I promise I’ll give milk!”
    That’s rare.

    Sumo,
    Your old boss was so spiteful that she had to fire you rather than let you quit?
    That’s ego.

    Like

  9. Yoda says:

    Wonder if Moe’s Mum cook she does

    Like

  10. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Yoda,
    I bet she does. I would be careful in what you say. She knows where Moe keeps his Kauri club.

    Like

  11. Cill says:

    WARNING!!
    THERE IS AN IMPOSTOR IN OUR MIDST.

    The real Sumo would not say “my ego needs a boost”. His ego is already at full boost. That’s his default state.

    Hold on a minute. I’m having second thoughts…
    “the complaints will probably be answered with a smartass remark. I have to entertain myself somehow, after all.”

    Yep. I’m pretty sure that’s the real Sumo after all.
    “my ego needs a boost must” have been a slip of the tongue. Or, he might not have had enough shots to purify his blood at that stage.

    Liked by 3 people

  12. Cill says:

    Yeah bro, we need salt, and:

    The body continually regulates its handling of sodium. When dietary sodium is too high or low, the intestines and kidneys respond to adjust concentrations to normal.
    (http://medical-dictionary.thefreedictionary.com/Salt+deficiency)

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Cillhouette says:

    Thank you for these tips. I must shop for a meat thermometer!

    Liked by 2 people

  14. Guests says:

    Yes thank you from me too for meat thermometer tip! I’d so like to know how to do the spicy miso glazed potatoes – I suppose it is a state secret! Zat vill not stop us, ve haf vays of making you tok! 😀

    Cillhouette’s Sister

    Liked by 3 people

  15. molly says:

    Yo! Girls for Sumo (boost his ego tee hee hee)! LOL
    The men are here to watch Super Gurby Highlanders vs Chiefs tonight, we need the spicy miso glazed potatoes to serve with Cill’s homemade farm beef sausages and peas from the garden! Help Sumo help!
    (heh heh)

    Liked by 2 people

  16. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Cillhouette! Hi!!!

    Cill’s sister,
    I know vich vay you can persuade him to give up the recipe. You know how to make ze pickelets!

    Liked by 1 person

  17. molly says:

    Super Rugby I meant.

    Like

  18. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Molly! Burrito, burrito, burrito. 🐻 roll.
    He may give up the recipe for you. You asked nicely.

    Like

  19. Guests says:

    Y so very polite Fuzziewuzziebear! We do know how to make ze pikelets but we don’t serve them yet! 😉

    Cillhouette’s Sister

    Liked by 1 person

  20. molly says:

    Here’s what we’re cooking. Help yourselves!

    Liked by 1 person

  21. Cill says:

    Highlanders vs Chiefs starts in 4.5 hours. What are we going to do until then?

    Like

  22. Cill says:

    I better fetch some Cill’s Draught Down Under from the chiller. Just as well I’ve got a quad bike and trailer. 😉

    Liked by 2 people

  23. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Cill,
    You’ll need that much of it? That is a thirsty crew!

    Cillhouette’s sister,
    Keep teasing about the pickelets untill they are on their knees begging. “Vat vill you do for pickelet? Let me tink of zumsing…”

    Liked by 1 person

  24. Choicy says:

    When you 3 prettiest sheilas are together at the blog who has to come along but your outback Aussie digger like a clingy blowfly. I know I dwell on it a bit but bugger me days mate, it’s as much as a man can bear thinking about. The jokers at that party are lucky bastards mate. Hi you 3 ladies. Excuse me for harping on about it mates.

    Liked by 3 people

  25. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    “It’s as much as a man can ‘bear’ thing about.”
    Curious that you would put it that way. I kind of feel the same way.

    Liked by 1 person

  26. Choicy says:

    Good article Sumo mate. I probly have too much meat and not enough vegetables. The meat is croc, roo and most of all beef. It’s all good sunshine meat. The outback cattle don’t just stand there and eat like they do on the green farm lands, the outback stock have to walk to their food. It’s top quality meat, mate.

    Liked by 3 people

  27. Choicy says:

    Well I’m back to work. I’ll try to finish early about 6 pm my time and with a bit of luck catch you 3 ladies at about 10 pm Kiwi time. I’ll see you later, mates.

    Liked by 7 people

  28. Cillhouette says:

    Hi Choicy! I won’t still be here at 10 pm. Sorry I missed you! Have a lovely day 🙂

    Like

  29. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Cillhouette,
    The baby can’t be making you go to bed that early, can it?

    Like

  30. Cill says:

    They’re all too busy cooking and serving us with beer, Fuzzy. My sister’s baby is still en ventre sa mere

    Liked by 1 person

  31. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Cill,
    I thought that would be no handicap to baby influencing his mother’s schedule.
    They’re all cooking? Making you memorable food?
    I am so jealous!

    Like

  32. Spawny Get says:

    Happy St George’s Day
    http://www.timeanddate.com/holidays/uk/st-george-day
    No need to stick a leek up yer arris, disembowel a sheep and eat the bits you took out, dye your beer green, etc

    Liked by 1 person

  33. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    A Christian saint who served in the Roman Army in North Africa as a junior officer. Honor to him!

    Like

  34. Sumo says:

    i’ve heard that the new cast iron cookware is not as good as older … that it’s better if you can find an older one at an estate sale, etc.

    I’ve never heard this before. That doesn’t make it untrue, it’s just not an opinion anyone has ever shared with me. It could be something as simple as a company produced substandard pans, and an unsatisfied customer decided that all “new” cast iron pans were inferior to the “old” ones.

    Regardless, if a pan is properly seasoned and cared for, I’m thinking that everything will be all right.

    Liked by 1 person

  35. Choicy says:

    I think the Kiwis watched the Chiefs game and will be watching the next game – the Western Force vs NSW Waratahs being rugby nuts. The Force are my home team although I’m not a rugby nut (Aussie Rules Football for me, although Rugby Union is a good game). Rugby Union is a bloody good sport to watch but a bad game to play mate.

    Are you here my Kiwi mates? I’m not going to wait up for those kiwis, sport is important to them mate and they are good. When it comes to competition Aussies are a bit defensive about those kiwis who for a small population punch way above their weight. Little brother across the Tasman mate.

    Liked by 1 person

  36. SFC Ton says:

    i’ve heard that the new cast iron cookware is not as good as older….

    seems like way to broad of a statement and the general everything sucks these days thinking. I see this with cars, even if cars are better then ever

    Liked by 3 people

  37. Yoda says:

    The students were protesting a speech by Breitbart’s Milo Yiannopoulos, a controversial conservative firebrand and self-described “dangerous faggot.” “While our administration may not care about the safety of trans students, multicultural students, and survivors of sexual violence, we, the students will unite to prove that we do care, and say NO to Milo’s bigotry,” reads the Facebook page for the protest.

    But when Schow went to the protest, she was met with fierce resistance from an adult woman, who demanded she stop filming and go inside with her. “Excuse me, are you kidding me?” she says when she realizes she’s being filmed by a smart phone, threatening to call the police

    “There are certain regulations the university is guided by,” the woman can be heard saying in another video posted to Twitter. “We are not just providing a room, we’re providing also a safe speech for everybody who works or studies on this campus.”

    Schow went on to tweet that the woman did call the police, but in true poetic justice she was escorted away instead of the rep

    http://www.mediaite.com/online/journalist-hassled-outside-of-american-university-protest-were-providing-a-safe-space/

    Liked by 3 people

  38. Yoda says:

    Republican State Rep. Earl Ehrhart, who chairs the influential Georgia House Appropriations Subcommittee on Higher Education, filed the lawsuit along with his wife, alleging the federal government violated the Administrative Procedure Act when they issued a “guidance document” that included onerous new regulations for schools to follow. If schools fail to abide by the Department’s Office for Civil Rights’ ever-changing guidance, they risk losing federal funding.

    http://www.washingtonexaminer.com/state-legislator-to-sue-the-federal-government/article/2589294

    Liked by 1 person

  39. Yoda says:

    Obama told Britain today that it would have to ‘go to the back of the queue’ if it leaves the European Union, then tries to negotiate its own trade deal with the United States.

    A US-UK trade agreement is not going to happen ‘any time soon,’ Obama said during a joint news conference with British Prime Minister David Cameron.

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3553788/Obama-flies-Brexit-storm-President-faces-furious-backlash-downright-hypocritical-decision-tell-British-voters-stay-EU.html

    Liked by 1 person

  40. Yoda says:

    About Chelsea,

    She looks like an animatronic robot in Disney’s least popular attraction, Hall of People Who Look Like Webb Hubbell.

    http://ace.mu.nu/archives/362998.php

    Liked by 1 person

  41. Spawny Get says:

    All hail the glorious barmy one
    Obama Boasts In Britain: I Saved The World Economy As President

    President Barack Obama boasted of his legacy during a town hall in Britain, asserting that he single- handedly saved the world during his presidency.

    “Saving the world economy from a Great Depression — that was pretty good,” Obama bragged when asked by a student in London what he wanted his legacy to be.

    He recalled that when he visited London in 2009, the world economy was in a “freefall” because of irresponsible behavior of financial institutions around the world.

    “For us to be able to mobilize the world’s community, to take rapid action, to stabilize the financial markets, and then in the United States to pass Wall Streets reforms that make it much less likely that a crisis like that can happen again, I’m proud of that,” he said.

    Obama also touted his Iran nuclear deal as “something I’m very proud of” asserting that he successfully stopped their nuclear weapons program without going to war.

    He griped that everybody forgot about his efforts in stopping the Ebola crisis, saving “hundreds of thousands of lives.”

    “I think that I have been true to myself during this process,” Obama said, insisting that the things he said while running for office “matched up” with his presidency.

    Coincidentally, from the comments

    “Narcissistic Sociopath.” Symptoms include:

    1. Having an exaggerated sense of self-importance
    2. Expecting to be recognized as superior even without achievements that warrant it
    3. Exaggerating your achievements and talents
    4. Being preoccupied with fantasies about success, power, brilliance, beauty or the perfect mate
    5. Believing that you are superior and can only be understood by or associate with equally special people
    6. Requiring constant admiration
    7. Having a sense of entitlement
    8. Expecting special favors and unquestioning compliance with your expectations
    9. Taking advantage of others to get what you want
    10. Having an inability or unwillingness to recognize the needs and feelings of others
    11. Being envious of others and believing others envy you
    12. Behaving in an arrogant or haughty manner

    “I think that I have been true to myself during this process”
    Spoken like a true empowered wimminz

    Liked by 3 people

  42. Yoda says:

    How much being a chef pay it does?

    Like

  43. Yoda says:

    Wonder how to make “spotted dick” I do

    Like

  44. Sumo says:

    You would need to find a cute little Yodette with a bad case of the clap for that, Master.

    Liked by 1 person

  45. Yoda says:

    Jodie Foster said she’s tired of people oversimplifying the issue of gender equality in Hollywood, declaring that there isn’t some major plot in the industry “to keep women down.”

    http://m.washingtontimes.com/news/2016/apr/22/jodie-foster-tired-of-the-woman-thing-theres-no-bi/

    Liked by 1 person

  46. Yoda says:

    Glorious Patriach familiar with “spotted dick” he would be.

    Like

  47. Yoda says:

    Apparently having good grammar or correcting someone else’s grammar means you are a racist and experiencing yet another form of “white privilege.” At least that’s what The Guardian’s data editor, Mona Chalabi believes. Chalabi also thinks grammar rules were created by wealthy white people and can be ignored by minorities without facing any criticism:

    http://newsbusters.org/blogs/nb/melissa-mullins/2016/04/23/angry-brit-correcting-grammar-racist-classist-and-censorious

    Liked by 1 person

  48. Guests says:

    Spawny
    Kia ora koutou
    Cool little Guests account, eh. Saves me using the boss’s gmail account. I was thinkingh of opening up a Tom the Maori account with my face in the avatar to scare you fellas.
    I’m glad you liked The Dead Lands. Rated R for brutal bloody violence. That’s the truth bro.
    The Chiefs beat the Hurricanes at the Wellington Cake Tin last night. That’s all I can remember of last night.

    Cheers bro

    Liked by 3 people

  49. Farm Boy says:

    It is good to hear from you Tom the Maori. Welcome

    Liked by 1 person

  50. Guests says:

    Farm Boy

    Kia ora rawa atu

    Many thanks.

    Liked by 3 people

  51. Yoda says:

    Tom the Maori,

    Friends with Moehau Man you are?,

    Like

  52. Guests says:

    Yeah bro. He is my boss and godfather of my son. He is Whanau.

    Liked by 2 people

  53. Guests says:

    Ka kite ano
    See you again bro. The boss is waiting to take me home.
    poroporoaki

    Liked by 3 people

  54. Yoda says:

    Liz “evil twin” this is

    Liked by 4 people

  55. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Good to hear from you, Tom!

    Yoda,
    It would be a very stupid protester who would pick on Ashe Schow.

    Jodir Foster wants more money. She doesn’t care why.

    Spawny Get,
    It will be a long way to next January. In the meanwhile, it appears our President is going to do hie utmost to embarrass the country he represents and serves.

    Liked by 3 people

  56. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Yoda,
    May we see “Liz goes fishing with her son” again?

    Liked by 2 people

  57. Spawny Get says:

    Spotted Dick has much to recommend it #shoutyourstatus

    Liked by 1 person

  58. Spawny Get says:

    It’s a real winter warmer, especially with custard.

    Liked by 1 person

  59. Ame says:

    Sumo –
    just ordered a 12″ lodge cast iron skillet. been wanting to for a long time but just never got around to it. but you motivated me to finally just get one!

    what are some of the best and worst things to cook in cast iron?

    Like

  60. Sumo says:

    Best thing to cook in a cast iron pan? Ribeye. 😉

    Liked by 2 people

  61. Sumo says:

    How much being a chef pay it does?

    I’d say that it pays peanuts, but 1) we don’t do Thai food, and 2) the head chef’s fiance is allergic, so we can’t keep any type of nuts on hand.

    Liked by 2 people

  62. Ame says:

    yum! and my husband will definitely like that, too.

    and … i learned something new:
    “Have you ever been cooking meat, and had it stick to the surface when you try to flip it over? The reason for that is simple – the meat ain’t ready yet. When it is ready, it will release itself from the cooking surface, and then you can flip it. True story.”

    True story – i’d never heard that before!

    Thank you oh Mighty Chef Sumo!

    Liked by 2 people

  63. Ame says:

    Sumo –

    are there things that people generally buy that you think should be made homemade?

    Liked by 1 person

  64. Sumo says:

    Absolutely – ketchup, mayonnaise, salsa, guacamole, barbeque sauce, bread, biscuits, pizza, pasta, french fries….. 😀

    Liked by 2 people

  65. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    FOOD!!!! I am salivating!

    Liked by 1 person

  66. Ame says:

    well, okay then! recipe links? 🙂 🙂 🙂

    french fries we always do homemade here.

    so you never buy those things yourself?!

    Like

  67. SFC Ton says:

    Narcissistic Sociopath.” Symptoms include:

    1. Having an exaggerated sense of self-importance; it is not exaggerated when you are is important as myself
    2. Expecting to be recognized as superior even without achievements that warrant it; all of my achievements are legendary, especially the ones you’ve never heard of
    3. Exaggerating your achievements and talents; it would be easier to divide by zero then exaggerate my achievements and talents.
    4. Being preoccupied with fantasies about success, power, brilliance, beauty or the perfect mate; who need to fantasize about such things when you are as brilliant and handsome as myself?
    5. Believing that you are superior and can only be understood by or associate with equally special people: there is no one as special as I
    6. Requiring constant admiration; not a requirement but admiration is a natural response to pure awesomeness
    7. Having a sense of entitlement;is it an entitlement to have rose petals scattered before me as I walk? No but I appreciate the small things in life
    8. Expecting special favors and unquestioning compliance with your expectations; I’m only doing them favors by allowing them to do me favors
    9. Taking advantage of others to get what you want; most people lead lives of insignificant boredom. The best part of their sad little day is getting me what I want
    10. Having an inability or unwillingness to recognize the needs and feelings of others; others have a need to serve me so I let them. I am very generous
    11. Being envious of others and believing others envy you; of course everyone is envious. Pure awesomeness is a rare gift
    12. Behaving in an arrogant or haughty manner; I’m very humble given how important I am

    That list reminds me of my pit bull.

    Liked by 3 people

  68. SFC Ton says:

    all but three prices of my cookware is cast iron; unless you count the crockpot. Then its 4. Everything else is cast iron

    Like

  69. Yoda says:

    He is my boss and godfather of my son.

    Christen him with a kauri club he did?
    Keep you supplied with cod pieces he does?

    Liked by 1 person

  70. Yoda says:

    Women are increasingly turning their noses up at the 2016 election, including Democratic women despite the likelihood that their party’s nominee will be one of them, according to a new Gallup survey of the gender gap in those closely following the election.

    Women have never paid as much attention to the current race as men, but Gallup found that the attention gap has expanded in recent months.

    Once just two points apart, in February, the gap is now 13 points and is seen in both Democratic and Republican ranks as men continue to be engaged in the election dominated by news coverage of Republican Donald Trump.

    http://www.washingtonexaminer.com/gallup-women-have-checked-out-of-2016-election-hillary-no-draw/article/2589365

    Liked by 1 person

  71. Yoda says:

    Fuzzie Bear,

    Found this picture I did,

    Liked by 2 people

  72. Yoda says:

    Fuzzie Bear,

    Liked by 2 people

  73. Yoda says:

    Probably the bear just likes the fish

    Liked by 3 people

  74. Yoda says:

    Interesting this is


    Suicide rates in the United States have soared to a 30-year high, with the most striking surge among middle-aged women and white people, according to federal data released Friday.

    http://nypost.com/2016/04/22/the-number-of-middle-aged-whites-killing-themselves-has-soared/

    Like

  75. Yoda says:

    To the dogs she did go

    F ormer rebel Tory MP Teresa Gorman left an estate of £2.8 million and a last request to have herself immortalised as the topless figurehead on a replica of Charles Darwin’s ship HMS Beagle.

    http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2016/04/24/late-mp-teresa-gormans-last-request-was-to-be-immortalised-in-a/

    Like

  76. Yoda says:

    wonder who in Downing Street briefed Barack Obama’s team on the wording of his friendly warning to the British. Somebody obviously pointed out that the population of this country retained a quaint obsession with the Second World War, and would therefore treat any reference to the glorious dead as irreproachable. So the President invoked the European graves of those American servicemen who died to protect – well, what exactly?

    “The tens of thousands of Americans who rest in Europe’s cemeteries are a silent testament to just how intertwined our prosperity and security truly are.”
    –Barack Obama

    I thought it was the democratic values and reverence for national independence that Britain shared with the US. Did Mr Obama have any sense at all that what he was now urging the British electorate to accept was precisely the surrender of those sacred principles of democratically accountable government and self-determination for which the combined American and British forces had made their ultimate sacrifice?

    http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2016/04/23/why-should-we-take-advice-from-a-president-who-has-surrendered-t/

    Liked by 2 people

  77. Farm Boy says:

    Spotted dick is a British pudding, made with suet and dried fruit (usually currants and/or raisins) and often served with custard.

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spotted_dick

    Liked by 1 person

  78. Yoda says:

    The wife of a Tennessee high school football coach slept with one of his underage players, according to authorities in Knoxville.

    Kelsey McCarter, 26, carried on a sexual relationship for nearly a year with a student at South-Doyle High School, according to a seven-count indictment handed down by a grand jury in Knox County

    The boy was just a freshman when the sex began in February 2015, and was a sophomore football player by the time the affair was discovered in late December.

    http://m.nydailynews.com/news/crime/wife-tenn-football-coach-busted-sex-underage-player-article-1.2611738

    Liked by 1 person

  79. Yoda says:

    Hillary Clinton amusingly accused fellow wealthy politician Donald Trump of living in a “bubble” during an interview that aired Sunday on Univision.

    http://freebeacon.com/politics/hillary-clinton-donald-trump-lives-bubble/

    Liked by 1 person

  80. Sumo says:

    so you never buy those things yourself?!

    Didn’t say that. The question was “what should be made as opposed to bought”. I buy a lot of things that I could absolutely make myself, but it’s simply more convenient and/or practical not to.

    Mayonnaise is a good example – making mayonnaise is kind of a pain in the ass; while I think it tastes better, I don’t always have time to make it, and when I do, it only lasts for a couple of days before it has to be used or discarded. Commercially produced mayo is made with preservatives (GASP!!! Chemicals!) that ensures that it can live in the refrigerator for a significantly longer period of time. So, if I want a sandwich, I can just grab a bottle from the fridge and go, instead of spending 20 minutes making a bloody condiment. 😉

    Liked by 2 people

  81. Cill says:

    Salt, white pepper, mustard, flour, tea is all I buy in on a regular basis. No canned or packet stuff. I make my own butter, otherwise I don’t eat dairy food except occasional cheese. Don’t use cane sugar.

    Liked by 1 person

  82. Yoda says:

    A new post there is

    Like

  83. Ame says:

    Sumo – what spices, seasonings, do you ALWAYS have on hand, other than salt.

    Like

  84. Tarnished says:

    Just think about for a minute, though – if you overcook vegetables, they become mushy and taste like baby food.

    Warning: Following story may cause Sumo to cry
    Growing up, my current stepmother boiled all of the veggies she fed to me and my siblings. And not just lightly boiled…Boiled into vegetable oblivion. As in, she’d give us small bowls of peas or corn, and we’d say “oh, so it’s pea soup/creamed corn tonight?” but no. It was literally just mushy as fuck. I still don’t eat brussel sprouts, because all I can think of is how I’d have to gulp down a cereal bowl worth of soggy, smelly, miniature cabbages every damn weekend. Blech!

    That being said, I very much subscribe to the Sumo School of tasting veggies and pasta as it cooks to determine it’s Ultimate Completion Level. 👍

    LOL!!! YES!!!!!!!
    hate tofu!

    Awwww. 😦
    Well, I guess it was finally time for our opinions to differ, Ame. I enjoy tofu immensely, but limit my intake to only using it in 3 meals a week. It really does become the mainstay of lazy vegetarians otherwise. Plus, too much can disrupt your body’s ability to absorb calcium…Not good.

    Jerked meat is a gift.
    I’m sorry to say that this comment made me laugh for a solid minute. As Bloom would say, I’m a prevert. 😉

    Ton, Ton, Ton…
    What else is there to say, except to congratulate you on your newfound humble personality? 😀

    I really am disappointed I wasn’t here for the spotted dick jokes.
    Woe is me!

    Liked by 3 people

  85. Ame says:

    Tarn – i don’t fully agree with my husband or any of my kids. you’re in good company 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  86. Tarnished says:

    Ha! Love the positivity in your comments, Ame.

    Liked by 2 people

  87. Sumo says:

    what spices, seasonings, do you ALWAYS have on hand, other than salt.

    Umm…..all of them….? 😛

    I took a look through my cupboards just to answer this question – oregano (Greek & Mexican), thyme, rosemary, paprika (smoked, sweet smoked, Spanish, Hungarian), cayenne, chili powder (ancho, guajillo, chipotle), cumin, coriander, marjoram, turmeric, allspice, nutmeg, cinnamon (powdered & sticks), Chinese five spice, cardamom (powdered, green pods, black pods), cloves (whole & ground), saffron, white peppercorns, black peppercorns, pink peppercorns, powdered ginger, fresh ginger, garlic powder, garlic salt, onion powder, celery salt, white sesame seeds, black sesame seeds, star anise, dried basil, white vinegar, apple cider vinegar, balsamic vinegar, rice vinegar, and persimmon vinegar.

    And yes, I have salt, too – kosher salt, sea salt, Maldon salt, smoked Maldon salt, Persian blue salt, Hawaiian red salt, and Himalayan pink salt.

    That’s just the cupboards, mind. In the fridge I have miso, mirin, Japanese soy sauce, sweet soy sauce, Worcestershire sauce, and something called Maggi.

    Liked by 2 people

  88. Tarnished says:

    Holy spice rack, Sumo…

    Liked by 2 people

  89. Tarnished says:

    and something called Maggi.

    I’m currently imagining how said mystery condiment ended up in Sumo’s fridge:

    Cashier: Well, looks like you cleared us out of everything, sir!

    Sumo: Perhaps…wait!
    *strikes manly pose*
    What is that?!
    *points to container of maggi*

    Cashier: Oh, that’s…uh…well, it’s a…um

    Sumo: *strikes another manly pose*
    Cease your unskilled babbling, culinary ignoramus! Does it go on food?!

    Cashier: …yes?

    Sumo: Give it to me.

    Liked by 2 people

  90. Sumo says:

    I don’t “strike poses”, I just stand there and allow my overwhelming awesomeness to, well….overwhelm.

    Maggi is a seasoning used in Indian cooking. My friend and occasional workmate is a fantastic Indian chef, and I’ve taken to cooking stuff I’ve learned from her.

    Liked by 3 people

  91. Tarnished says:

    I don’t “strike poses”, I just stand there and allow my overwhelming awesomeness to, well….overwhelm.

    Shhhh, Sumo. I already know that. I was just going for comedic effect. 😉

    Maggi is a seasoning used in Indian cooking. My friend and occasional workmate is a fantastic Indian chef, and I’ve taken to cooking stuff I’ve learned from her.

    I looked it up immediately upon completion of my theatrical masterpiece above. Was honestly a little disappointed that it wasn’t something incredibly rare, like crushed Tibetan mountain berries harvested solely by specially trained sugar gliders…

    Liked by 2 people

  92. Ame says:

    “I don’t “strike poses”, I just stand there and allow my overwhelming awesomeness to, well….overwhelm.”

    which is even MORE awesome when you’ve got food you’ve prepared … overwhelming awesomeness, overwhelming awesome food. the amazing chef Sumo must surely have his pick of females, if there are any worthy to be found!

    Liked by 1 person

  93. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Yoda,
    Thank you for finding the “Liz with her son” photos. I could have done without the panda ine. Who needs to be reminded?

    I wonder how people at Black Lives Matter will respond to that post about middle aged white suicide rates skyrocketing? They will probably have q party to clelbrate.

    Liked by 1 person

  94. Cill says:

    Fuzzy, the SJWs as well, with their endless caterwauling about white privilege.

    Liked by 2 people

  95. SFC Ton says:

    cayenne, pink salt, garlic, peeper corns, Old Bay, Zatarans Blackening seasons

    There is no such thing as good Indian food. Even the shit in India is fucking horrible.

    Liked by 1 person

  96. Sumo says:

    LOL. We’re going to have to agree to disagree on this one, Nii-san. 🙂

    Like

  97. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Cill,
    There is something sick about people who take pleasure in the misery of others. While some of us may talk about it, I doubt that we do.

    Like

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