A Husband is What is Left of a Lover


Traditional Marriage has serious problems, and yet society isn’t waiting about for solution before coming up with new ways of handling difficulties involving ancient issues.

Despite roughly 13,000 American couples tying the knot on a typical June day, the majority of marriages end in divorce, separation, bitterness, or dysfunction. Psychologist Ty Tashiro points out in his book that “of all the people who get married, only three in ten remain in healthy, happy marriages.” But my immediate data doesn’t provide a time frame for this division to occur, and I don’t have time today for deep research.

Luckily, The Internet Search is my friend. John Gottman and Robert Levenson at the University of Washington observed newlyweds interacting with each other [duration unspecified in the original]. Then the researchers sent the couples home and followed up with them six years later to see if they were still together. From the data they gathered, Gottman (and Levenson) separated the couples into two major groups: the masters and the disasters. The masters were still happily together after six years. The disasters had either broken up or were chronically unhappy in their marriages.

Still think that Seven-Year-Itch is a myth?

One issue which has to play a role according to my thinking is birth control education. The religious types have been very successful in eliminating anything other than abstinence-only programs, a plan which is demonstrably a complete failure. Even Christians like Cameron Cole, the director of children, youth, and family at Cathedral Church of the Advent in Birmingham, Alabama, are beginning to sway. “You do not have to wait until marriage to experience and enjoy intimacy,” he declares. “It is available for you here and now in your relationship with Christ and through vibrant friendships. Perhaps sex will be one of many ways that you enjoy intimacy at some point in your life.”

Yet just moving away from Thou Shalt Not EVER! isn’t alone the solution. “The declines in formal sex education we observed since 2006 are distressing, but unfortunately are part of a longer term retreat from sex education, especially instruction about birth control methods,” said author Laura Duberstein Lindberg of The Guttmacher Institute in New York in the March 29, 2016 issue of the Journal of Adolescent Health, available online.

If birth control information isn’t what it once was, what about other information that I wish I’d had when I was that age? Knowing much more about relationships would have been a great start, especially what married life was going to be like before it was too late to make any changes without suffering damage. It would have made for a much better experience in selecting a life partner.

Renowned stage actress Anne Jackson died the other day. Her obituary article offered up a tidbit which I don’t find to be a sign of a good relationship no matter how long her marriage lasted:

Ms. Jackson and her husband [Eli Wallach] acknowledged being temperamental egotists — actors, after all — and the efforts it took to make the marriage and career work. “He’d never give you a compliment for a long, long time,” Ms. Jackson told an interviewer in 1963.

“Now I give you compliments,” Wallach said.

“Oh, sure,” Ms. Jackson replied. “I say, ‘I was wonderful, wasn’t I?’ And he says, ‘Yes.’ I give him the answers I want to hear.”

Does this not turn a real relationship into a fantasy? Perhaps the entire idea of marriage in modern times is itself a fantasy?

I’ve said before that marriage is a business relationship similar to prostitution, only the prostitute too often provides the better deal over the long run. What else is one to think about Bethenny Frankel advising that women should have sex with men for business gain? Does this mean that women are beginning to see the traditional relationship in more business-like ways? That maybe men only have a limited utility in the life of a woman?

If so, this could explain what appears to be a growing trend with younger women? A recent Broadly article reports a study which found 48 percent of Gen Zs (young Americans aged 13 to 20 years old) identify as exclusively heterosexual compared to 65 percent of millennials aged 21 to 34.

Priscilla Frank, Arts Writer at The Huffington Post, opens up about the movie Grease and how Olivia Newton-John’s character Sandy affected her behavior in ways which reflect this apparent trend:

I was clearly magnetized, almost addicted [to Sandy]…in her post-makeover, sexed-up cat woman look, carefully crafted to attract the T-Bird of her affections…She was the first manifestation, for me, of that intense combination of lust, envy and inspiration that makes ladies want to please a man so badly they can’t stop desiring women.

I assume that she is referring to enticing men to desire women with this observation, but that it isn’t exactly clear I’m correct based on what follows:

I want to be Sandy to attract Danny, and yet it’s Sandy I can’t look away from….Perhaps the ubiquitous cultural obsession with feminine sexuality speaks to the fact that the purely straight girl is seeming more and more like a myth, as the satirical Reductress article “Is Everyone Super Attracted to These 6 Female Celebrities or Is This Me Finding Out I’m Bisexual?” playfully suggests.

Satire always has an inspiration from real life, and Ms. Frank doesn’t disappoint in providing such sources:

Rihanna is but one of a sea of hot babes women fantasize about fucking, but also fantasize about fucking as. Writer Tess Barker coined the term Bey-Sexual to describe the nearly ubiquitous straight girl syndrome of lusting after the Queen B. “I sometimes refer to myself as a Bey-Sexual,” she writes, “meaning that I’m such a typical straight woman I would absolutely sleep with Beyoncé. When I watch her…I am really fantasizing less about having sex with Beyoncé, and more about having sex as her.

Maybe this fantasy is a case of Monkey-See, Monkey-Do? Was Meg Ryan (as Sally Albright in When Harry Met Sally) wrong when she claimed that “all women fake it?”

Pornographic actress Jessica Drake believes that “prototypical mainstream porn…features non-representative behavior such as ‘to-the-rafters’ moaning…because these theatrical markers incite confidence and pleasure in straight men.” Writers John Corbett and Terri Kapsalis appear to agree with this, as they theorize “the representation of female orgasm” in modern pornographic films and videos “was created to address the problem of women not naturally producing a visual ‘money shot’ rather than an attempt to capture sounds that men would be turned on by.”

The original article goes on to discuss how much more often such representations are included in modern pop media such as music videos, which would likely inspire such fantasies, especially in the uninitiated female viewers.

The primal motivation for this presentation and its effectiveness could be located in our genetics. Psychologists Karen McComb and Stuart Semple found while studying communities of primates that female mating calls varied according to things like proximity to ovulation and the status of their partner. These calls attracted male primates to sexually receptive females and created sperm competition.

Psychotherapist and sexuality counsellor Ian Kerner found in a study that “women were most likely to orgasm during foreplay. Yet, their most prominent moans did not correlate with that moment of bliss. They generally became loudest during their male partner’s climax.

So this appears to me to be women not being especially honest with men during sex, for their motivations differ distinctly from those of their male partners. She has to appear to like sex with him (and she may in reality) lest she lose him and his support to another woman (like Sally Albright?) who makes him feel like he’s Bwana Dik through her vocalizations.

Let’s just say for the moment this is so. When do women get to be themselves when enjoying sex?

According to Jenna Amatulli of The Huffington Post, it just might happen in places like The Skirt Club, where “smart professional women looking for empowering exploration” can find it “in a private, safe environment.”

Skirt Club founder Genevieve LeJeune positioned the event as a place where “straight girls experiment, and bi girls find a home where they can meet other bi girls.”

It’s an empowering experience, but an “elite” one, only available to women who can afford it.

The $180 ticket also bought the privacy of a luxury apartment and a mutual understanding of “anything goes” for all attendees.

Does it help if one looks like Beyonce, or Sandy from Grease, or a Twerking Miley Cyrus? Maybe that’s how the less-affluent young women get in? Sponsored by another who is attracted to their adopted persona as Rihanna, or Taylor Swift, or Shakira, or whoever is the most recent idol of impressionable young women?

Some thoughts from original article commentors:

:A lot of “straight” women have sex with “straight” women. We all have some form of bi-curiosity in us that makes us ‘try’ different things….nothing new.
Manda Miner-Babb

I can understand straight women loving on straight women….For one thing, by the time we’re 25-30, women have learned to be more accepting and flexible than men, perhaps because men force women into compromising themselves since before they’re teens.
Michael Alapaki

One commenter who identifies as straight shares an experience when she could have tried this out for herself:

…[I] do identify as [straight], but once had the pleasure of a woman flirting with me…what was so surprising to me was how it felt exactly like a man [flirting] with me….though it didn’t go anywhere due to the fact that [I] was in a relationship at the time, [I] truly [believe] that if the timing had been right, [I] would have been happy to let things progress with that beautiful intriguing woman.
Stacey Lynn

Corrections in brackets.

Whenever something like this crops up for one gender, there is always the “sauce for the gander” response, one which rings true:

What would be the outrage and firestorm, if this same party was for men? One can only imagine. How many of these women are married, or in “committed relationships?” How many of them would freak out if they had contact with a man who participated is such an event? How many men, once “guilty” of such an indulgence, would be considered undateable by women far and wide?
Sean Keating

Glamour Magazine conducted a study of over 1000 women between 18 and 44 regarding “their own sexual identities and experiences”:

63 percent of those surveyed said they’d opt out of traditional labels like “homosexual,” “heterosexual” and “bisexual,” [and] 47 percent of women say they’ve been attracted to another woman, and of that group, 31 percent have had a sexual experience with another woman.

One of the conclusions will come as no surprise to the majority of straight men:

…only 3 percent ranked sex as the most important aspect of a relationship.

So how do women feel about men who explore their sexuality on similar terms?

[63 percent of those surveyed] said they wouldn’t date a man who has slept with another man.

I thus concur that Mr. Sean Keating is correct in his adverse reaction to the activities at “The Skirt Club”.

I honestly don’t see things getting much better between the genders any time soon. So much in the real world, outside of the control or influence of the average sod, is working against him being successful in forming relationships. The hostility too many young women display toward young men only inspires an increase in MGTOW in response. A Greater Divide Hath No Man.

So my advice to young men is to let a woman prove to you that she’s interested in you before you commit to anything. Interest isn’t necessarily related to sex, although that isn’t a bad start. Let her date you. You will want more, just as she would if you were following a traditional path. Hold out until she delivers.

Get her talking about what she is going to provide you in trade for all of the things vital to your existence that she will demand. Get her to tell you how you are to compel compliance to your agreement if her behavior doesn’t match her words, which should be in writing and negotiated in a state of sobriety. Just be prepared to give her what you ask for. Fair IS fair, after all.

Maybe setting milestones to evaluate how you are doing before you continue is a good idea. And never let deciding it isn’t going the way you want stop you from leaving if that becomes the evident resolution. It’s only your entire life she’s messing with!

Maybe by setting up a practice of honest discussion will prevent many of the issues which separate the majority of marrieds by six years. Maybe it will cause the end of a weak relationship long before additional procreative complications arrive. Maybe the practice of using sex as a Pavlovian reward system will end, and a real sexual relationship can occur.

I’ll give Tess Barker the last word on this, for I agree with her comment about sex: “It feels good to say yes—and better to mean it.”

Billions of men -and maybe millions of dead-bedded lesbians- would agree.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The title comes from a quote from author Helen Rowland:

A husband is what is left of a lover, after the nerve has been extracted.

She had some interesting book titles.

Advertisements
Posted in Blurkel, Dating????, Lies, Marriage, MGTOW, RedPillClassroom
137 comments on “A Husband is What is Left of a Lover
  1. Cill says:

    So my advice to young men is to let a woman prove to you that she’s interested in you before you commit to anything.”

    And meantime, don’t wait for a woman to prove herself to you. There’s an icecream’s chance in hell of that happening. Forget them and get on with your life. Don’t waste your time on a fruitless quest for something that’s unachievable and is probably worthless anyway.

    Accept that they regard you as second rate, at best. In their eyes, other women are better, animals are better, alien lizards are better. Plan your future for a life without women, a future in which you will be a lot better off financially and have a lot more freedom. They validate themselves by demeaning you. You’re better than that, better than them. They don’t give a hoot for you. Stop giving a hoot for them.

    The men who listened to this advice have done much better than the life of misery in which women would have had them live.

    If you can’t stop pining for them, at least do yourself this much of a favor, and think this: I’m not going to give them the satisfaction of demeaning me any more. Eventually you find yourself wondering what the hell you ever saw in them in the first place.

    Liked by 4 people

  2. SFC Ton says:

    all girls are two tequila shooters away from a girl on girl experience

    Liked by 2 people

  3. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    This is how sick things have gotten? That women can only see attraction in other women because the mainstream media reinforces it?
    Back to the cave to scratch my head.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Cill,
    The whole time spent reading your comment Mooy’s spirit kept rebutting it. Sadly, there aren’t may like her.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    A thought occurred to me some years ago, long before I found this corner of the internet. All of Apollo’s temples have been torn down and all that remain are Aphrodite’s.
    The ancient Greeks never thought much of Aphrodite.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Yoda says:

    Kind of weird shit those women are.
    Wonder if realize this they do.
    Or too busy “discovering themselves” to notice they are

    Liked by 3 people

  7. Yoda says:

    “Mooey” sounds like a cow it does.

    Liked by 2 people

  8. Ame says:

    fuzziewuzziebear says:
    18 April, 2016 at 2:05 am
    This is how sick things have gotten? That women can only see attraction in other women because the mainstream media reinforces it?
    Back to the cave to scratch my head.

    i’ve heard of stories where girls are targeting hetero girls to intentionally turn them bi. they develop deep friendships with them and then insist that b/c they ‘love’ each other, the girl is now lesbian.

    how sad … i will always love my girl bff’s, but i have never had an ounce of ssa for them or any other female. why does my love for my female friends have to be intentionally twisted to be something it isn’t? probably b/c of my age, but my brain just cannot go there.

    it is true, though, that females compete more against each other than they do over men or anything else. it has been disturbing to me to hear mammas intentionally dress their preschoolers to look sexy … and then stating, ‘She looks sexy!” (as though that’s a good thing) … while all the other mothers and girls get on the same bandwagon … “Oh, she IS sexy! How adorable!” girl grows up thinking dressing sexy to be attractive to other girls is important.

    Liked by 3 people

  9. Liz says:

    “Get her talking about what she is going to provide you in trade for all of the things vital to your existence that she will demand. Get her to tell you how you are to compel compliance to your agreement if her behavior doesn’t match her words, which should be in writing and negotiated in a state of sobriety. Just be prepared to give her what you ask for. Fair IS fair, after all.”

    Hm. I’m not sure I agree Blurkel. I guess, it might sound good but I think there are practical limitiations apply this to a real life relationship situation.
    What are we talking about here? If it’s “this is what I need are you out or in?” that’s reasonable I think.
    But the above description kind of reminds me of the “quality” business thing that was all in vogue a while back.
    In the real world, she should show you, not talk about it.
    I’d actually say it’s a bit of a red flag if she can offer a list of demands and so forth. I’d think she was a practiced grifter. Real people (at least, real women) don’t communicate this way. I’d look for consistency in behavior, and just overall kindness/ helpfulness and so forth.

    Liked by 4 people

  10. Yoda says:

    Moehau Man Womens act this way they do?

    Liked by 1 person

  11. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    This post has opened a can of worms for me. It’s as if I have to accept bisexuality from women. That, and a few other things, it’s as if they have the dominant postion and they are telling me, “Take it or leave it”.

    Liked by 4 people

  12. Yoda says:

    I have to accept bisexuality from women. That, and a few other things, it’s as if they have the dominant postion and they are telling me, “Take it or leave it”.

    Society should accept this not.
    How it could ever be healthy and justifiable one can see not

    Liked by 4 people

  13. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Yoda,
    It has even affected my appetite. Normally, I am always hungry.

    Liked by 3 people

  14. Yoda says:

    If women have lots of time to look at other women, then busy enough they are not

    Liked by 2 people

  15. Farm Boy says:

    Spring is here. Bears should rejoice

    Liked by 2 people

  16. Yoda says:

    This post has opened a can of worms for me

    Perhaps eat them you should.
    Or give to Moe one might

    Liked by 3 people

  17. Ame says:

    it was around 2005, in the midst of my ex moving out, getting a divorce. i was at a friend’s whose middle school daughter was sitting outside with us, just talking. i made the comment, “I just cannot do men!” what i was saying is that there was nothing in me that wanted to turn around and start dating or even think of dating. her daughter looked at me really weird, so my friend explained to her daughter, “What she means is that she doesn’t want to date men right now, NOT that she’s into women.”

    and that even had to be explained?!

    Liked by 4 people

  18. Cill says:

    Fuzzy, men should not expect or wait for individual exceptions. The man/woman thing is so broken, realistic men should put it out of their minds when it comes to the lives they envisage for themselves. It should not even feature as one of the possibilities. Men don’t need women any more than women (according to them) need men.

    I actually suspect that men who go cold turkey have a better chance of encountering the worthwhile woman but it’s anecdotal and still only one-in-a million. It’s not a realistic thing to plan for.

    Of the young blokes who’ve looked up to me, the ones who took my advice have done far better than those who didn’t. They’ve also done far better than their contemporaries outside of my acquaintance. Inevitably, most of them have seen my interaction with the atypical women, and I doubt that it impeded their decision to go MGTOW. If anything, it opened their eyes to what an atypical woman is, and the contrast exposed typical women as unrealistic prospects for viable partnerships.

    Liked by 4 people

  19. Cill says:

    It’s not that the atypical women are so brilliant as that the typical women are so dismal.

    Liked by 3 people

  20. Yoda says:

    Damn with faint praise one does

    Liked by 3 people

  21. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Yoda,
    Perhaps I could go fishing with the worms?

    Cill,
    You have a point. Every roll of the dice is new. So, what has happened before is just as likely to happen again.
    I don’t think that modern women will regret later. They will find a way to blame men, as usual.

    Liked by 2 people

  22. Cill says:

    “only 3 percent ranked sex as the most important aspect of a relationship”

    Go MGTOW, or forever hold your piece.

    Liked by 3 people

  23. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Cill,
    I saw that too. Something is wrong, very wrong.

    Liked by 2 people

  24. Ame says:

    “only 3 percent ranked sex as the most important aspect of a relationship”

    that explains why they’re so bitchy.

    Liked by 4 people

  25. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    The only way to turn this around is for women to stop seeing men as chumps. That means that men will have to stop being chumps for at least two generations.

    Liked by 3 people

  26. Well it had to happen sometime, same sex couple asked about getting married at my place. The one gal was a Navy jet mechanic, her spouse was a tattooed blonde. Since the blonde already had a spouse ID card, I figure they already tied the knot legally? Strange times….

    For the record I have never had the slightest interest in being bi. But I remember in my 20s being one of the only women in my workplace (all in their 20s) who hadn’t “experimented” w it in college.

    Liked by 4 people

  27. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Bloom,
    You can’t turn them away. I am reminded of that bakery.

    As for the bi-s, on OkCupid they would at least have the courtesey to write back. Nothing ever came of it but, for that, they showed some respect.
    I did catch something on the home page there once. A bi woman had changed her profile to say she was only going to write men from then on. They wrote back.
    Nice to know that it wasn’t just me.

    Liked by 3 people

  28. Liz says:

    I mentioned a while back that a friend’s daughter had to quit the volleyball team because she was the only non-bi girl on the team and there was serious pressure on her to be bi. Pretty gross. I think it’s just part and parcel to all the promiscuity stuff (highest teen pregnancy rate in the nation at that highschool).

    I think women often do this to excite the guys. It’s like anal…at one time it was obscure and even most hired professionals wouldn’t do it. Now, it’s pretty much standard(ish). I’m sure just about every prostitute does anal and is also bi (unless they have other specialty acts).

    Liked by 5 people

  29. Liz says:

    Kind of a funny anecdote (this topic brings it all back):
    When I was in nursing school, sometimes we performed procedures on each other (shots, IVs, and stuff). One older nurse told me to never volunteer for anything, because she once got roped into being the tester for a breast exam (we didn’t perform that procedure, fortunately).

    But I mentioned this stuff to Mike at the time. One day after taking an IV test to qualify for inserting IVs, I was really excited because I was the only one with a successful first stick, and the girl was a REALLY hard stick with very small invisible veins. So I called Mike on the way home (he was in his car at the time too).

    I said her veins were really small and it was difficult to get the catheter in and yadda yadda.
    I guess he didn’t hear the first part (that this was an IV test), because after a while I could tell by the questions he was getting kind of…er, excited. Turned out he thought I was talking about inserting a urinary catheter into a nursing student. LOL!

    Maybe you had to be there. 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

  30. Mrs. Yoda says:

    For nine hundred years, no girl on girl action I have done.

    Liked by 4 people

  31. SFC Ton says:

    The 1st time Ton Spawn’s mamma came to visit she showed up while I was detailing my bikes. I helped her get her stuff in the car then went back to cleaning my beloveds. She asked “what can I do to help” then helped. Small acts like that are a pretty good sign but as I always say a man should bang 30+ bitches before he thinks about a LTR and he’d be better off with a 100 or so. At that point women ain’t a mystery anymore and you can judge for yourself which one you want to keep around

    and when you do keep one around make sure you keep her qualifying herself to you. Never say “I love you for all times” or any such dumb shit. better too…. if she throws down her best moves in bed and you say “yea I’ll keep you around for a few more days” as her reward.

    and also as I have state most girls bi act is as Liz says to get extra attention

    Liked by 3 people

  32. Liz says:

    Just read the link to the Gottman (and Levenson) study that separated the couples into “masters and the disasters” groups. It was interesting…seemed to combine elements of the Leaders Eat Last (the bit on hormones related to longterm trust and contentment as compared to short term spikes), and also elements of the Tipping Point/ Outliers author. The last could predict within a very great degree of accuracy whether or not a couple would be happily married ten years later by only observing their interaction together for five minutes during the honeymoon phase. This also alligns with what I mentioned above regarding observation rather than the question and answer bit.

    Liked by 4 people

  33. Liz says:

    Just to add, I don’t understand the association with “lack of” sex ed and problems we are currently seeing. In my opinion, nothing could be further from the truth. Information has never been more abundant, ubiquitous, easily accessible. I’d say the mass ubiquity of porn has changed the face of society to a MUCH greater extent. What was once pushing the envelope is standard behavior now. No one needs a school marm to explain this, all the kids need to do is turn on their laptop.

    Liked by 4 people

  34. Liz says:

    If you want to compare trends with teen pregnancy rates and birth control classes I think that’s mistaking cause and effect.
    We can observe this in the world at large and see the same trends. “Progressive”/liberal places have lower teen pregnancy rates (and pregnancy rates in general, for that matter).
    My mother in law (and mother) are both atheists, and they don’t fuck. It’s not a religion problem either.

    Liked by 1 person

  35. BuenaVista says:

    I’d say most women (60-70%) contemplate, or practice, bi- behavior of some sort. This includes kinky spinoffs (virtual bi- behavior: sex shows or porn). I suggested to one of my psycho girlfriends that she should pick out a junior partner to be a sister bride, mostly in jest. She was keen, though. We discussed which of her friends we’d select. Unfortunately she had another psycho episode before we took action. I have some other primary data and anecdotes, but whatever. I’d say that the percentage of women who want to play with women, for a variety of reasons, is about as common now as girls intrigued with Daddy Erotica. But bi- is PC, daddy erotica is not and has to be practiced in secret (out of sight of the peer group females).

    The 3% figure (only 3% of women consider sex central to a relationship) is bullshit. I’d say that it reflects commentary from women who loathe their men, as well as PC compliance (“I’m a deep and spiritual person, not some hussy with wet undies.”). And of course, the lesbians who set the tone for the feminist movement. Since it’s PC to dress any female over the age of 5 like a hooker, that hardly correlates with a near-unanimous diminunition of sexual desire. Nor does the fact that women are the largest consumers of porn by dollar value (romance lit) suggest disinterest in Hawt Sex. Similarly, I’d say it’s also not PC for women to admit an interest in anal (too much submission), but I’ve never met one who did it who didn’t require it. Require it: as in complaining if she didn’t get more of it. Mrs. Smith would sulk, and Dr. Gyn-Onc … jeez louise, she knows her anatomy, and is an amazon to boot.

    I’ve never watched porn, of course, but I have heard about it second hand. What I’ve heard directly contradicts the usual feminist commentary Blurkel quotes: most porn actresses actually *don’t* make a lot of noise or offer a lot of verbal play. The ones who do, I’ve heard, generally just kill the buzz when they do try to talk. But it’s good to hear, again, that what little does exist is there just because men are so insecure.

    I’m having drinks tonight with Professor Friendly, the one who has already explained that she’s on a mission to come out of her heterosexual closet. It must be stressful, being an adult and not knowing what you really want in life. I think this is going to be an interesting, but truly weird, conversation. I know I’m sounding flip, but there is a serious side to this: her confused state, her ongoing divorce from a surgically altered woman, her casual admission of her intentions: this is mainstream, status-accruing behavior now. IOW, she likely thinks most of my opinions and practices are the weird ones. Perhaps they are.

    Liked by 4 people

  36. Liz says:

    Remember the movie Chasing Amy, BV (have you watched it?).
    I’d bet a good deal of money that professor friendly isn’t just experimenting with heterosexuality for the first time.

    Liked by 2 people

  37. BuenaVista says:

    Only two of the six females in the link Blurkel provided have even borderline feminine chins. Look at those pictures and cover the top half of their faces. You could easily be looking at carefully-assembled tranny.

    Like

  38. BuenaVista says:

    Never saw Chasing Amy.

    I’m only meeting her in the interests of my social science research, of course. (Well that, and I need more people to talk books and design with.)

    I have a very strong suspicion that she has decided I might be Transition Guy. This is a small town and she has already pumped my friend with the lounge for my bio. (Her texting was torrential over the weekend, I cancelled one date to do field work, and she immediately said, “What about tomorrow?”) I also have a very strong suspicion that a retired lesbian de facto feminist prof would have zero problem — in the event of regrets of one sort or another — making a false assault accusation.

    I liked being married, until I had the real rules explained to me at law. One didn’t have to wander through this Fellini movie of a SMP.

    Liked by 5 people

  39. SFC Ton says:

    I remeber a report some time back that could predict a couples success rate. Something about women who turn into their man or away from but cannot recall any past that

    Like

  40. Liz says:

    If you decide to heads up, it has Ben Affleck in it.
    I can’t remember whether it was good or not…I think I liked it, but then again I liked the first Matrix movie too at the time.
    But I strongarmed the kids into watching the Matrix recently (“Come on, it’s a pop cultural reference, you’ve got to see it”). That was a mistake.
    “Did you really think this was a good movie, Mom?”
    No, not anymore I don’t.

    Back to the topic (sort of), teenaged girls watch porn now…it’s ubiquitous. The few unfortunate times I’ve inadvertently found myself at a Swinger’s party it was pretty obvious women were putting on the show for the men (and NOT their husbands either). At one time (about 12 years ago) I used to joke that we could put a stop to terrorism in the ME by innundating them with booze and porn. Well, I’ve heard second hand from folks over there that when they did house sweeps (Iraq or Afghanistan…one of those hellholes) everyone was watching porn on their home computers. Of course the computers they’ve confiscated from Muslim bad guys all contains lots of porn too. I guess porn can’t cure the world. Maybe they need more fainting goats.

    Liked by 5 people

  41. BuenaVista says:

    Gottman’s dependent variable, if I recall, is verbal and nonverbal deference and respect. Not slavish deference, just the ability of both members of the couple to listen without competing, without snark, without distraction — and with evident interest. This insight fit my own back-testing model and underlies my belief that “kindness and respect” are two of the three elements of a healthy relationship. What’s so weird is that simple kindness and respect have been engineered out of mainstream female behavior.

    I was having a glass of wine at my favorite lounge and a hefty matron, who had already collided with the ugly truck, with her 30-something daughter in tow, lumbered over. They were both smashed.

    “Who are you?” the matron asked. She eyed me suspiciously. I smiled and ignored her.

    “Hey, are you single?” she asked. The daughter looked to be on the verge of blacking out.
    I didn’t reply. I don’t like to talk to drunks, at least when I’m sober.

    “Hey, hey. Would you like to meet a great, eligible woman?” So, she was pimping out her daughter. The lady didn’t realize, I suspect, that I was her (the mother’s) age, or that her daughter was 20 pounds overweight, which is not a great combination with being blotto drunk.

    So this continued for a while (“What do you do? Did you cheat on your wife? My daughter is a good girl she was just married to an abusive (aren’t they all? I thought to myself) man and he cheated on her! What do you do what do you do what do you do?”

    “Well, what I do is as little as possible” I finally said.

    “You’re not very friendly, you won’t do!”

    “Lady, I’ve been interrogated by professionals. Good luck with your search.”

    “I need to find a good man for my daughter. It’s sure not you!” She complained to the lounge owner, my friend, that I had a “bad attitude.”

    Mainstream behavior.

    Liked by 6 people

  42. Liz says:

    Can’t remember is I linked to this one yet:
    http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2016/04/10/german-army-forced-to-lay-down-weapons-due-to-overtime-limits/

    The German military was forced to lay down weapons due to “overtime limits”

    Now we know how to defeat the Germans! 41 hours of continuous combat.

    Liked by 4 people

  43. Liz says:

    If this topic interests anyone I’ll add that
    I’d like to laugh more heartily but can’t because:
    1) These are our allies
    and
    2) We aren’t that far behind them….closer than most folks realize, with the ART system. ARTs are Reserve people who have civilian status (this includes people who fill combat roles, like pilots). They are in the GS system, and they have unions and fill out time cards, and don’t do overtime unless well compensated (which requires prior approval). With the RIF (reduction in forces) and the TFI (total force integration) they are combining the Reserve and active duty. Doesn’t take much time to noodle on that one to figure out where that could lead.

    Liked by 3 people

  44. Yoda says:

    Explains much this does

    While the traits listed [being rigorous and punctual, speaking grammatical English] may simply be regarded as positive traits for success in the modern world, Dr Heather Hackman described them as traits chosen and emphasised to favour whites to the detriment of non-white groups, who are forced to assimilate ‘white’ traits such as good discipline and goal orientation or else be left behind. Hackman’s solution, then, is to train teachers to move away from all these aspects of ‘white privilege’ in education. She routinely touted the benefits of collective assessments (measuring student learning at the class level instead of determining whether each student knows the material), as well as eliminating all school grades entirely

    http://davidthompson.typepad.com/davidthompson/

    Liked by 3 people

  45. Liz says:

    Our old college roomate (Mike’s and mine) is coming to visit for a few days. I haven’t seen him in about 15 years. He flies for United now. Have to get to work cleaning the house so I can represent, yo!

    From Pimpin’ Ma Puta the latino version of Pimpin’
    “Time to clean the house Leeza, you lazy! Dis barrio ain’t gonna clean itself…”

    Liked by 3 people

  46. Choicy says:

    BuenaVista Do as I did and take one for the team (when I porked a PPP mate). Give us a report as well. Do this for science, pork the bi and poast a post on the experience mate.

    Liked by 3 people

  47. Liz says:

    LOL
    Couldn’t stop my paws from hitting that like button, Choicy.
    I do want to read that report.

    Okay, now lazy Leeza puta gonna really really get to work, company’s a comin’

    Liked by 4 people

  48. Choicy says:

    Cillo “forever hold your PIECE”. Sean Connery said that in which movie mate?

    “Go MGTOW, or forever hold your piece.” HAHAHA! It took me a minute to see it but you can be a witty bastard Cillo.

    Liked by 3 people

  49. Liz says:

    From Dalrock’s link:
    ““How do we destroy the family?” she came back.
    “By destroying the American Patriarch,” they cried exuberantly.
    “And how do we destroy the American Patriarch?” she replied.
    “By taking away his power!”
    “How do we do that?”
    “By destroying monogamy!” they shouted.
    “How can we destroy monogamy?”

    Their answer left me dumbstruck, breathless, disbelieving my ears. Was I on planet earth? Who were these people?

    “By promoting promiscuity, eroticism, prostitution and homosexuality!” they resounded.”

    Mission accomplished, ladies.

    Liked by 3 people

  50. Ame says:

    at the end of the Alpha Game link, he did post some hope: (http://alphagameplan.blogspot.com/2016/04/the-decline-of-america-is-not-accident.html)

    How do we defeat them?

    1.Embrace monogamy
    2.Support and sustain power of the American Patriarch
    3.Embrace the role of the American Patriarch
    4.Rebuild the family
    5.Restore the culture

    ————————————————————————————————————————

    very sadly, Dalrock is absolutely correct here:

    “What Millet’s co conspirators couldn’t have imagined back in 1969 was how eager Christian conservatives would be to assist them in their destruction of the family. Instead of fighting back, conservative Christians jumped on the anti father bandwagon with a zeal that even makes the liberal elite uncomfortable.”

    Liked by 3 people

  51. SFC Ton says:

    LOL BV
    Woman; “what do you do for a living”
    beta reply: “I am a …..” whatever his job is
    Alpha reply; “as little as possible”

    Her response tells a man what she is after.

    I also like answers such as “burden on society” “near do well” “lion tamer” and of course y’all have all heard me talk about stuff like mid level henchman in the direct action department of an international organization bent on world domination for fun and profit.” “part time race car driver and amateur tattoo artist” works. And gets laughs if she’s seen that movie

    On to a more serious point; men like BV, myself and I suspect Cill and our Patriarch don’t have to do much because we manged our lives well. Women don’t generally get that. I think because being alone in heir own heads is pretty scary to them. Which is why they love drama, facebook etc etc

    ————————–

    How do we defeat them?

    1.Embrace monogamy
    2.Support and sustain power of the American Patriarch
    3.Embrace the role of the American Patriarch
    4.Rebuild the family
    5.Restore the culture

    What a load of horseshit. None of that worked to stop the onslaught of progrssives, why would it would successfully defeat them?

    Liked by 3 people

  52. Spawny Get says:

    Too many stupid, self hating, guilty for original white sin people out there. Too many others feeling entitled to cash in. Can’t fix that. It’s going to have to burn down. Popcorn, beer and marshmallows on sticks…stock up now.

    Liked by 4 people

  53. Spawny Get says:

    You’d have to be green to believe this. Perhaps one of the non-men of this blog might care to comment?
    http://www.breitbart.com/london/2016/04/18/green-party-scraps-women-non-men-transgender/

    Liked by 3 people

  54. Ame says:

    Ton –
    “What a load of horseshit. None of that worked to stop the onslaught of progrssives, why would it would successfully defeat them?”

    touche. so … what is your ‘prescription’?

    Like

  55. Yoda says:

    Green I am.
    Believe it not I do

    Liked by 4 people

  56. Yoda says:

    Actually Verde I would be

    Liked by 4 people

  57. BuenaVista says:

    I’m going to steal “burden on society.” It’s catchier than:

    “Collect beer cans ‘longside the road.”

    I can’t stand these wallet biopsy question. When I was a productive member of society, and still blue pill, they *still* rankled me, as dumb as I was. So I started driving a 25 year-old Volvo wagon instead of my 911, and the action ratcheted up. Thus began my education … and look at me now! I can hotwire a 10-ton tractor and go left and right for 18 hours.

    Other good questions deserving of mockery:

    “Where did you go to school?”

    “Where do you live?”

    “Which neighborhood in Tokyo?”

    “Do you get along with your mother?”

    “Are you friends with your ex-?”

    “Is that Paul Stuart or did you have it made for you?”

    “An airplane? Like a jet?”

    And on and on. Like men do this shit.

    ***

    It’s raining and all I did today was clean my kitchen and overshare on this blog.

    Liked by 6 people

  58. Ame says:

    “I can’t stand these wallet biopsy question.”

    I love to ask people questions … I love to try to find questions they’ve not thought of before. actually, I’ve been told i’m too inquisitive. when my beloved niece was about four, she once said to me, “Auntie Ame! You ask too many questions!”

    so … if willing … what have been / would be … some great questions one has / could ask you to get to know you? are there questions you like to ask of others?

    Liked by 1 person

  59. Ame says:

    SFC Ton says:

    18 April, 2016 at 9:03 pm

    “what do you do for a living”

    when I tell people i’m a SAHM, those who are feminists just cannot hide themselves. they always have to make it into something ‘better,’ more ‘grand.’ I tell them I don’t compete with that stuff. then they look at me weird. whatever.

    Liked by 4 people

  60. BuenaVista says:

    I inquire about things other people wish to talk about, and do talk about. That is Emily Post courtesy: Never talk about yourself, turn the conversation to the other person. This is also how you succeed in business and the arts.

    Due diligence of strangers to ascertain their financial fitness or whatever is disgusting. But most women respect no boundaries. Sometimes even a four year-old notices it. I suppose it’s so common, because as Ton noted above (“I’m a CEO!”), men go along to get along. Most men tremble at the prospect of throwing up an emotional revetment and laughing at the intruders. So they deserve their isolation, I guess, all they’re doing is making everything harder for us holdouts.

    Liked by 5 people

  61. Ame says:

    “I inquire about things other people wish to talk about, and do talk about. That is Emily Post courtesy: Never talk about yourself, turn the conversation to the other person. This is also how you succeed in business and the arts.”

    i teach this to my girls.
    i like finding out what interests another person … the part they like to talk about. i always learn something. conversation is much easier when it’s about them. sometimes i think i’ve over-done the part where other people’s stuff is not theirs & to leave it alone b/c, to have conversations like this, they have to care in some part about the other person. i’m also always amazed at how talkative people can be. their stories told, when someone actually shows interest and cares, often break my heart.

    “Sometimes even a four year-old notices it.”

    touche. in my defense at that time, she was going through some really hard stuff, and i was keeping her a lot to help her mom. i was very concerned about how she was really doing … and as i didn’t have kids yet, i was learning about 4yo’s. i stopped when she told me to. i’ve since learned the best way to have deep conversations with kids is to spend lots and lots of time with them. they need long periods of ‘warm-up’ time … then, when they feel safe, they just start talking on their own.

    “But most women respect no boundaries.”

    agree. when my girls were little, i’d teach them to honor someone else’s ‘no’ … of course, it mostly pertained to their sister as that’s who they were around most of the time … but if someone didn’t want to share or help or do or talk or whatever, they were to honor the ‘no.’

    Liked by 2 people

  62. Cill says:

    Spawny, your link 10:11 pm.

    We are non-women, me old mate. (in case you didn’t know).

    Man, Non-woman, I just love to see the fembots at each others throats. It will be interesting to see how it pans out in the decades to come. Gay men non-women are a lot more intelligent than feminists.

    Liked by 4 people

  63. Cill says:

    ” men like BV, myself and I suspect Cill and our Patriarch don’t have to do much because we manged our lives well”

    You’re right in my case, except I had a fair bit of good luck.

    Liked by 3 people

  64. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Liz,
    Are you afraid that overtime restrictions might lead to this?

    On a more serious note, I saw an interview with a shipyard worker a long tije ago. Employers were very careful to avoid paying overtime until Dec. 7, 1941. After that, they turned the taps wide open.

    Liked by 2 people

  65. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Spawny Get,
    Was that the Green Party attempting to be relavent? That was the most miserable fail I have seen in a long time. That may be the pinnacle of fail for this decade.

    Liked by 3 people

  66. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Ame,
    You would thing that vox Day’s idea of putting society back to right in the wake of what feminists have done would be the reverse of their actions but, that is too logical. They are going to crash and burn leaving a big mess in their wake. Then, we get to repair it.

    Liked by 3 people

  67. Sumo says:

    Re: questions in general, I tend to answer in the most smartassy manner possible. For example, last week I needed to book a couple of hours off so I could help a friend with a job. When asked what I was going to be doing, I responded with “They need a wheelman and some muscle.” I received a couple of odd looks, but I also got the time off that I needed.

    Much like Ton’s “mid level henchman in the direct action department of an international organization bent on world domination for fun and profit”, what I said was the truth. My friend had a food styling gig, and as she doesn’t drive, she asked me to chauffeur her around. In addition, she’s 4 months preggo, so she can’t lift the heavy food products and camera equipment. Ergo, wheelman and muscle. 😉

    Liked by 4 people

  68. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Off topic. Dianan Davisson is calling for repeal of anonimity for rape accusers for a very sound reason. They are colluding to perpetrate a fraud on the court through false testimony. It wsould be less likely to happen if their identities were known. It’s not enough for them to put Jian Ghomeshi through the miil, they have now targeted a photographer.

    Liked by 3 people

  69. SFC Ton says:

    We make our own luck Cill

    Liked by 2 people

  70. SFC Ton says:

    Ame its violence or the end of our way of life

    Liked by 1 person

  71. Ame says:

    SFC Ton says:
    19 April, 2016 at 2:00 am
    “Ame its violence or the end of our way of life”

    can you explain that a bit more?

    Liked by 2 people

  72. Ame says:

    fuzziewuzziebear says:
    19 April, 2016 at 12:42 am
    “Ame,
    You would thing that vox Day’s idea of putting society back to right in the wake of what feminists have done would be the reverse of their actions but, that is too logical. They are going to crash and burn leaving a big mess in their wake. Then, we get to repair it.”

    Fuzzie – how do you see the timeline on that?

    Liked by 1 person

  73. SFC Ton says:

    not on Spawny’s blog

    Liked by 3 people

  74. Choicy says:

    Ton youre right he did make his own luck . It was hard work and ace engineering and an honest reputation, good timing, good judgement and good choices that did it mate.

    Liked by 4 people

  75. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Ame,
    Predictions for the future run the whole gamut. What I hope for is that, one day, some feminist somewhere will do something galactically stupid and, on that day, they will lose all credibility.
    There is someone I respect who thinks that the status quo will stay in place indefinitely.

    Liked by 2 people

  76. bookooball says:

    When a man takes the red pill, he realizes the only way he can go is his own. There is more of a chance than you think. Certainly more than an ice-creams chance. I’d say about 20%… Those aren’t bad odds. Risk taking makes you attractive. Once you have her attention, it’s pretty easy to keep it. The hardest part is getting past the social programming that makes her resist pair bonding, once that Rubicon is broken and she biologically pair bonds her insecurity works in your favor instead of against it. It’s as simple as,”are you a man that another women would fuck?”

    I can attest from real world experience. I plucked an “empowered goddess” from matriarchal hippie commune and she blossomed into a loving, supportive mother of my children.

    All it takes is a little game.

    The truth is

    Liked by 1 person

  77. Liz says:

    Our visiting friend retired from the Air Force a couple of years ago.
    The subject of sexual assault claims in the USAF came up and he said his last base had a sexual assault awareness interpretive dance routine.
    I thought folks might appreciate that one.
    They were actually required to watch a bunch of dancers in leotards perform an improv dance brandishing streamers to raise awareness about sexual assault.
    He said when he saw that he “knew it was over”. He likened it to standing in Berlin and watching the Mustangs fly over.

    Liked by 2 people

  78. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Liz,
    It wasn’t over until they raised a big red flag on the Reichstag.
    I can see his point though. While it is so obvious to all of us, why is our government going down this road?

    Liked by 2 people

  79. Liz says:

    “It wasn’t over until they raised a big red flag on the Reichstag.”

    Maybe officially Fuzzie. But it was “over” enough for him to punch out.

    He flew heavies and worked a lot with the Army in very unpleasant places. Really interesting hearing his stories.

    Liked by 3 people

  80. Liz says:

    He had some about Hillary too (he also worked with contracts, and was really surprised the State Department approved some of those military transfers to countries we shouldn’t trust, alligned with Bill getting a million dollars or two for giving a speech out there. He thinks that’s what will get her, not the classified stuff.

    Liked by 3 people

  81. SFC Ton says:

    The state department is… bizarre
    Its some CIA/ SOCOM hybrid with hippies calling the shots. Contracts pay well and chicks get all lubed up when they find out your work at the State department

    Large numbers of women will not lay down arms in the battle of the sexes unless physically forced into it. How many women do y’all know who will admit they fucked up? Yea not many.

    Liked by 3 people

  82. Ame says:

    “Large numbers of women will not lay down arms in the battle of the sexes unless physically forced into it. How many women do y’all know who will admit they fucked up? Yea not many.”

    truth. sad, but true.

    Liked by 1 person

  83. Tarnished says:

    all girls are two tequila shooters away from a girl on girl experience

    If that, Ton…
    Though this likely is a great way to tell the straight-but-attention-whoring “bisexuals” from real ones.

    Cill,
    Like Choicy, I enjoyed your “Hold your piece” bit above. Very chuckle worthy. 🙂

    It’s as if I have to accept bisexuality from women.

    No, you shouldn’t have to, Fuzzie. If a potential partner being bisexual makes you uncomfortable, then they are not for you. If that’s a hard boundary for you, then so be it. One shouldn’t be shamed for having a preference for a 100% hetero partner.

    when my girls were little, i’d teach them to honor someone else’s ‘no’ … of course, it mostly pertained to their sister as that’s who they were around most of the time … but if someone didn’t want to share or help or do or talk or whatever, they were to honor the ‘no.’

    We need more parents like you, Ame. Respect for personal boundaries is lacking in a lot of young women from what I’ve seen and experienced. For some reason, a lot of the college age folk in my area are what I call “hug greeters” who, instead of using handshakes when they first meet you, they give “deluxe” hugs…arms wrapped fully around you, light squeezing, some rubbing of your back. I don’t know if you’re aware, but I’m haphephobic, so yeah. This doesn’t go over well with me. When I apologize and step away from male hug greeters, they usually understand and will do a handshake or fist bump instead. Only rarely will I meet a guy who insists on invading my space and hugging me despite my repeated “No”. But females? They take it as a personal affront. I get frowns, angry words, and oddly, the “argument” of But We’re Both Girls So It’s Okay! Um, no? It doesn’t matter if you have a pussy or a dick…I still don’t want you to touch me without me knowing you for a while. :/

    I always appreciate it when boys and girls are obviously raised to respect someone else’s boundaries. Kudos to you, Ame.

    Liked by 4 people

  84. SFC Ton says:

    all girls are two tequila shooters away from a girl on girl experience

    If that, Ton…
    Though this likely is a great way to tell the straight-but-attention-whoring “bisexuals” from real ones. …..
    Darl… I mean Tarn 😉

    Yea…. I went out with Ton Spawn Production Facility last night with the intent on hitting on girls with her. We saw three worth the time, all way under 30. All three flirted back, with one having that I cannot believe I am doing this but I am doing this anyway look. All were young and petite. High value sort. As I have said before, women want to be caught up in the whirlwind of emotions and what not. I’m pretty good at doing that

    I am an expert at weeding out the attention whores and the real ones; which doesn’t mean much beyond I don’t get caught up in the hype

    Liked by 1 person

  85. SFC Ton says:

    Ame, I think it would be fair to say I am the master of the sad but true comments.

    Liked by 4 people

  86. Tarnished says:

    Responses to the post:

    Was Meg Ryan (as Sally Albright in When Harry Met Sally) wrong when she claimed that “all women fake it?”

    Gods above, I certainly hope so. If a woman keeps faking her orgasms, she’s essentially teaching her partner the wrong way to push her buttons. What’s the point of that?

    Despite roughly 13,000 American couples tying the knot on a typical June day, the majority of marriages end in divorce, separation, bitterness, or dysfunction. Psychologist Ty Tashiro points out in his book that “of all the people who get married, only three in ten remain in healthy, happy marriages.”

    Exactly. Which is why I don’t agree with the concept of Marriage Length = Marriage Success. Just because you are still wed doesn’t mean you’re in a good marriage. It just means you’re not divorced.

    If birth control information isn’t what it once was, what about other information that I wish I’d had when I was that age? Knowing much more about relationships would have been a great start…

    I’m always amazed that the schools I attended in NY had incredible Sex Ed courses in 7th thru 11th grade, but we never had Relationship Ed. Don’t get me wrong, I’m very thankful for the sexual and anatomical knowledge that was shared with us. It definitely helped and answered many questions. But shouldn’t there be something for kids to take regarding the other side? 😕

    Does this mean that women are beginning to see the traditional relationship in more business-like ways? That maybe men only have a limited utility in the life of a woman?

    I think many women already do, and have been. Which I still find to be impossibly sad.

    “I sometimes refer to myself as a Bey-Sexual,” she writes, “meaning that I’m such a typical straight woman I would absolutely sleep with Beyoncé. When I watch her…I am really fantasizing less about having sex with Beyoncé, and more about having sex as her.

    Had to read this more than once, because it just sounded so frickin weird. Getting turned on by the idea of having sex…as a totally different person? Never heard that one before. When I’m sexually attracted to a man or a woman, it’s because I’m imagining the pleasurable things I’d do *to* them, not *as* them. I wonder if this confusion is why more young women identify as bi? Makes more sense than an actual rise in female bisexuality, imo.

    …in modern pornographic films and videos “was created to address the problem of women not naturally producing a visual ‘money shot’ rather than an attempt to capture sounds that men would be turned on by.”

    So…are they saying that modern women who moan or cry out during orgasm are only doing so because they are mimicking porn they’ve previously watched? Lolololol. Yeah, ok.

    women were most likely to orgasm during foreplay. Yet, their most prominent moans did not correlate with that moment of bliss. They generally became loudest during their male partner’s climax.

    This is also hella weird to me. I’m all for being empathic to your partner’s emotional and physical states, but this just takes it to an entirely different, strange level…

    Let’s just say for the moment this is so. When do women get to be themselves when enjoying sex?

    When they have a partner who doesn’t confuse real sex with mainstream porn, and the woman herself doesn’t either.

    So how do women feel about men who explore their sexuality on similar terms?
    [63 percent of those surveyed] said they wouldn’t date a man who has slept with another man.

    Okay, that’s…interesting. I would wonder what the reasoning behind that is. So it’s ok women to be bi, but not men? Ugh. Double standards. 😠

    Liked by 2 people

  87. Tarnished says:

    Darl… I mean Tarn😉
    👍👍👍👍

    I am an expert at weeding out the attention whores and the real ones; which doesn’t mean much beyond I don’t get caught up in the hype

    Good to hear.
    Wouldn’t have expected anything else.

    Yea…I went out with Ton Spawn Production Facility last night with the intent on hitting on girls with her.

    Sounds fun. Do you do it just to keep “in shape”, or are you + your ladies all poly when it comes to other women?

    Liked by 1 person

  88. Ame says:

    Tarn –
    thanks. i mess up a lot, which my girls would be glad to tell you about … but i also get it right sometimes, and they’d be even more eager to tell you about that.

    we call it a ‘space box’ … that we each have our own space box, and we need to stay in ours and out of others. this is challenging for my youngest with her asperger’s with people she knows. she’s always on our heels, literally. i continually have to teach her respectable distances. but she’s appropriately distanced with strangers and acquaintances and anyone she doesn’t know well. my oldest hates to be touched by anyone other than her sister or me or her close friends – as in, don’t even touch my arm with your finger. she has very long hair, so lots of people come up and try to touch her hair – she’s got that glare saying, “Leave me alone or i’ll get violent!” look down 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  89. Ame says:

    well, Ton … it is good to know our strengths and our place in life 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  90. Liz says:

    The youngish friend of ours (the one with the recent girlfriend bar-video experience) was over last night, too. He was extoling the virtues of “boring” girls. This was extremely funny stuff. He said he only dated one “boring” girl but he has never forgotten her. She “made him cookies” and “chose wine because she liked the label” (to me this sounds like a perfectly reasonable idea…just quoting him).
    He called her up years ago, “but she won’t call me back. Because a boring girl never makes the same mistake twice”.
    It was funny because he typically chooses cray cray (if there’s one chick in the bar with a GPS tracking anklet that will be the one he wants).
    I think he was hinting I am very boring. LOL!
    I couldn’t agree more.

    Liked by 3 people

  91. Ame says:

    Liz says:
    19 April, 2016 at 11:02 am
    “Our visiting friend retired from the Air Force a couple of years ago.
    The subject of sexual assault claims in the USAF came up and he said his last base had a sexual assault awareness interpretive dance routine.”

    interpretive dance routine? for sexual assault awareness?
    i have no words.

    Liked by 3 people

  92. Liz says:

    “i have no words.”

    I know, right?
    Our tax dollars at work.

    Liked by 4 people

  93. Tarnished says:

    this is challenging for my youngest with her asperger’s with people she knows. she’s always on our heels, literally. i continually have to teach her respectable distances. but she’s appropriately distanced with strangers and acquaintances and anyone she doesn’t know well.

    That’s good. Many of the severely autistic and Downs syndrome customers I had at my previous job were very touchy-feely, not just with product but with people too. I didn’t mind them so much, mostly because I knew they were just trying to show affection and/or interact with the world around them as best they could. Young kids get the same leeway. Skin-on-skin contact bothers me the most, so I usually wear long sleeves and pants 98% of the time anyway. (Because it’s easier to do that than cry about my “victimization” by touchers. Whodathunkit? 😉)

    Lol. Your other daughter sounds like me.

    Liked by 3 people

  94. Tarnished says:

    Liz,

    I laughed when I read about that interpretive dance crap.

    Besides, since it’s interpretive, what if someone got it “wrong”? I’d go up to the directors of it afterwards and say “Man, that dance about saving the environment was awesome!” just because. 😈

    Liked by 3 people

  95. Ame says:

    Liz says:
    18 April, 2016 at 3:39 pm
    “If you decide to heads up, it has Ben Affleck in it.
    I can’t remember whether it was good or not…I think I liked it, but then again I liked the first Matrix movie too at the time.
    But I strongarmed the kids into watching the Matrix recently (“Come on, it’s a pop cultural reference, you’ve got to see it”). That was a mistake.
    “Did you really think this was a good movie, Mom?”
    No, not anymore I don’t.”

    been there done that w/my own kids and different movies i remembered as good, only to show them to my kids and have them bug out after just a few minutes 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  96. I’m here but for once can’t think of anything to add! Lol. The day is young…

    Liked by 4 people

  97. BuenaVista says:

    A trite observation, I know, but the only problem with working for State is that from time to time you have to pretend that you work for a government that is responsive to national preferences and objectives. They consider themselves “above” the demands and direction of the nation they represent.

    Since I know the woman who set up and ran the Benghazi compound, and I know that a hot combat zone is usually not perceived to be a great opportunity for State Dept. cultural exchanges and visa processing, Ton’s remark that it has a bastardized CIA/SOCOM element seems about right. Though I’m not sure why a comparative literature graduate is useful in that context.

    Too bad career CIA people are cubicle-hugging memo-and-resume-polishers. You folks would be amazed, I suspect, at its institutional mediocrity. I suppose there remain some legit cowboys, but the sections I know (management and analysis) sustain people who are unemployable in any organization that prizes intelligence and innovation. It’s just another jobs program, or a Post Office with fancy satellites, so far as I could tell. This is borne out in Director Brennan’s recent comment that the CIA is not in the business of stealing secrets, but is totally down with advancing the cause of “diversity” here at home.

    Liked by 3 people

  98. Ame says:

    Tarn – special needs and little kids do get a pass on a lot of things. although, the older the person, the more uncomfortable i am, even if they have special needs.

    kinda funny body-things story about my aspie girl (since you’re a nurse) … she’s been overdue for labs. when my girls were preschoolers, i was holding my youngest while she was having blood drawn, paying attention to her, when a nurse came in and took out my oldest b/c she was about to pass out (feel-bad mommy-moment 😦 ). then, moments later the nurse drawing youngest’s blood stopped b/c she, too, was starting to pass out. i had worked so hard to make body-things normal for my girls, and then this – both passing out at the same time. but it changed everything. both my girls now hate, HATE needles and lab work. my aspie reacts pretty violently to it, although, as she gets older, i’ve been able to help her train her brain a bit more to handle things better that she is negatively reactive to.

    anyway, i took her in yesterday and had lab work. she’s super intelligent and, although her memory recall is sporadic, she does remember EVERYthing. and, she’s also always been highly articulate, way above her age. so she’s on the table and freaking out. sitting up, crying that she’s about to pass out then lying back down – back and forth, back and forth. the anticipation is the worst for her. i told her she needed to get off this hampster wheel, plug in her ear buds, turn her music up loud, and think of something else. to which she said, “MOM! you KNOW i’m Asperger’s and I get HYPER-FOCUSED on things! I CAN’T HELP IT! It’s who I am!” i think she even started referring to aspie articles.

    i finally told the PA we just needed to get it done.

    that ‘i can’t help it, it’s who i am’ thing is not a card she’s always allowed to play. but her engine was super high, and you could tell by her eyes she wasn’t able to receive any input. i have to find ways to kind of ‘shock’ her brain out of those places. the PA held one hand tight. i blocked the nurse w/the needle and blood on her other side and leaned way in and kept her eyes focused on me, rubbing her hair, talking smoothly. before it was done, she was finally able to get her focus again and calmed down saying, “I’m okay now, Mommy. I’m okay now. I’m going to be okay …”

    eye focus has always been challenging for her. telling her to ‘look at me’ never worked. when she was little i began saying, “Find my eyes.” that works for her. it seems to target a different area of her brain that she is responsive to.

    Liked by 2 people

  99. Ame says:

    the saving grace w/my youngest is she has super easy veins like mine. oldest has veins that are tiny and hide and are super hard to find. so glad it’s this way and not switched. oldest can handle it even though she hates it b/c she’s neurotypical and has been taught to just suck it up. if youngest had the hard veins, i think i’d need some serious drugs everytime we had to do this stuff!

    Liked by 2 people

  100. Tarnished says:

    (since you’re a nurse)

    Don’t know if this was directed towards Liz or not. She’s the only nursing career commenter here, I think.
    I am a warehouse worker/sales rep in the gaming industry. 🎮🎲

    although, the older the person, the more uncomfortable i am, even if they have special needs.

    I don’t have a problem with age or sex. For me, it’s if they’re significantly larger than myself and are prone to tantrums.

    Liked by 2 people

  101. Tarnished says:

    That does sound difficult, Ame. Are your kids at least all teens by now?

    Liked by 2 people

  102. Tarnished says:

    Btw, Blurkel, when your computer is back to working properly again, I had some advice for you regarding the topic of your last post. Please email me when you’ve got a moment.
    Tarnishedsophia@hotmail.com

    Good current post as well.

    Like

  103. Ame says:

    BV –
    “Too bad career CIA people are cubicle-hugging memo-and-resume-polishers. You folks would be amazed, I suspect, at its institutional mediocrity.”

    my first husband was super freakin smart. he worked in upper corp levels, but he was able to relate to people on any level, from the ceo to the janitor. he traveled all over the world and worked with lots of different kinds of people. he was a very interesting man.

    one of his all-time fav sayings: “All I’m asking is for people to do their job. Just do their job. I’m not asking for anything special. Just do your job.”

    sad how we live in a world of mediocrity where simply doing one’s job, and doing it well, are rare … at every level. where’s the pride in that?

    i wonder that life is just too easy. people don’t seem to have anything real to fight for, to live for, so they’re focusing on stupid stuff that, if they were working everyday simply to eat, they wouldn’t have time for.

    Liked by 2 people

  104. Ame says:

    Tarnished says:
    19 April, 2016 at 3:47 pm
    “That does sound difficult, Ame. Are your kids at least all teens by now?”

    my oldest and step son are both 18 and graduate this year.

    my aspie/youngest is 16.

    ————-

    i knew Liz was a nurse, but i thought you were one, too. my bad.

    Liked by 1 person

  105. SFC Ton says:

    Naw Tarn we were proving a point.

    Liked by 1 person

  106. SFC Ton says:

    It is not useful BV. When the State department wants to hire someone real world useful they bring on contractors. ie dudes like me. Otherwise they hire the politically reliable.

    and that is not s complement. CIA pretty much works that way too

    Like

  107. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Tarn,
    I have to agree with you, there is a lot of weirdness out there.

    I can see how women would be less respectful of your boundaries than men. I don’t have any trouble believing youe when they get miffed for being put off.
    I have the feeling that it goes deeper. Men are brought up to respect boundaries.

    Ame,
    Maybe Liz has an idea to get your kids over the fear of needles. Then, again, maybe not. Animals hate going to the vet too.

    Liked by 2 people

  108. Liz says:

    “Maybe Liz has an idea to get your kids over the fear of needles. Then, again, maybe not. Animals hate going to the vet too.”

    The only things I can think of are what she already mentioned. Distraction, and don’t let her watch the needle. Probably the main thing is to get a person who is a good stick (if they are fishing around for the vein, it’s not going to be a pleasant experience).
    That’s really surprising the NURSE started to pass out while drawing your daughter’s blood, Ame. 😦

    Liked by 3 people

  109. Tarnished says:

    Naw Tarn we were proving a point.

    Ah, okay.

    I have the feeling that it goes deeper. Men are brought up to respect boundaries.

    Strangely, the only group of men who have consistently *not* been respectful of my No’s are all Latinos. I’m unsure if it’s a coincidence related to my area, or if it’s a “machismo” thing, but it doesn’t happen with blacks, whites, or Asians.

    Like

  110. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Back in the days when you could let dogs run free, I had a friend whjo wrote appointments on a blackboard. “Fido to the vet Wednesday afternoon.” Fido was nowhere to be found that Wednesday afternoon.
    If it matters, they can read. Don’t let them fool you.

    Liked by 4 people

  111. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Fido could also open a sliding glass door. While that is not that remarkable, what is, is that he possessed the courtesy to close it after himself.

    Liked by 4 people

  112. Liz says:

    Latinos are much more “touchy” and “kissy” than a lot of other cultures.
    Italians are, too.

    Liked by 2 people

  113. Tarnished says:

    What, you mean teachers and custodians who work at 5am could see a large group of student protesters standing outside their building & shouting demands as a potential threat? Nah…couldn’t be…

    https://toysoldier.wordpress.com/2016/04/19/turning-the-table-on-safe-spaces/

    Liked by 1 person

  114. Tarnished says:

    That’s what I thought, Liz. Still doesn’t mean they should be deliberately “hard of hearing” when a direct No is used or follow a person who steps away from them, though.

    Never met any Italians in my area…most of the foreign workers are British and German. No problems there, lol.

    Liked by 2 people

  115. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Tarn,
    I saw that somewhere else about Ohio State. It is past time that someone stood up to these disruptive people.

    Liked by 1 person

  116. Tarnished says:

    From Fuzzie’s link:

    “BuzzFeed missed its revenue target by approximately 32 percent in 2015, making less than $170 million against a target of $250 million. It would seem that articles like “18 Cats Who Are Beyond Pumped For Taylor Swift’s New Album” might not have been as popular as investors thought.”

    No shit…

    Liked by 4 people

  117. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    A most quotable quote, Tarn. Would that I could “like” a few extra times!

    Liked by 2 people

  118. Ame says:

    Liz – no, it wasn’t the nurse … my daughter who was having blood drawn began to pass out, so the nurse stopped drawing the blood. so BOTH my girls were passing out at the same time. I felt terrible … worst mommy of the year moment 😦

    Like

  119. Ame says:

    Tarnished says:

    19 April, 2016 at 8:32 pm

    “That’s what I thought, Liz. Still doesn’t mean they should be deliberately “hard of hearing” when a direct No is used or follow a person who steps away from them, though.”

    Latinos generally do not have a sense of boundary … they live in each other’s space and don’t think twice about it. Definitely cultural. But when they’re not at ‘home,’ they should be aware that others are not like them, or at least one would think!

    Liked by 2 people

  120. Tarnished says:

    But when they’re not at ‘home,’ they should be aware that others are not like them, or at least one would think!

    Truth. The 2 who were longtime customers eventually settled for gently pulling my hair + a fist bump. Unlike your elder daughter, I don’t much mind people touching my hair, because I don’t really “feel” it…being that it’s dead and all. Hands are safe, too.

    I felt terrible … worst mommy of the year moment😦

    Nope. That particular award goes to my current stepmother, who “couldn’t handle” her son/my little half brother crying while getting his kindergarten shots, and leaving him in the room alone with the nurse. I had to go in and hold him instead. *That’s* pretty sad if you ask me.

    So I don’t think you have to worry about being a bad mom, Ame.

    Edited to add:
    This was many, many years ago.
    Not recent. Said bro is now 22.
    Still suck-tastic of her though.

    Liked by 2 people

  121. Liz says:

    “Liz – no, it wasn’t the nurse … my daughter who was having blood drawn began to pass out, so the nurse stopped drawing the blood. so BOTH my girls were passing out at the same time.”

    Ah, sorry I misread. 🙂
    I wouldn’t worry about it…if it is common for them to pass out though, you might want to ask them if your girls could lie down for the draw (next time). Some of the phlebotomy chairs lean back. And make sure they are hydrated. It certainly does NOT reflect poorly on you as a Mom! It’s just a vasovagal response to anxiety. Some people are more prone to it.

    Liked by 3 people

  122. Ame says:

    Tarn – that is suck-tastic of her. i’m terrible, TERRIBLE, with body things, but I’ve never abandoned my kids, even when sick … and let me tell ya, I do NOT do sick! I totally freak out. (if it’s tummy things, my husband will do the honors, now – he gets so many bonus points for that even I can’t count that high!)

    the only person I intentionally un-friended on fb was a woman who abandoned her kids. I have zero tolerance for that.

    what a gift you are to your brother. i’m the oldest of four. the youngest and I were talking about the effects of our parents on me. we were ‘raised*’ by the same parents, but they treated the younger three MUCH differently than I. anyway … can’t remember what it was, but she said something about not having the same experience … and I told her it was b/c she had me. I had to step in for my mother daily. she actually prided herself that her nine year old could do the laundry, put meals on the table, clean the house, take care of my 3 younger siblings. she thought that was awesome. the upside … they didn’t have some of the same abandonment experiences b/c I was there for them whereas no one was there for me.

    *raised used very loosely here. they were the legal-aged adults in the house I grew up in.

    Liked by 2 people

  123. Cill says:

    “Latinos are much more “touchy” and “kissy” than a lot of other cultures.
    Italians are, too.”

    Well in my case, touchy-kissiness can have its perils. A mere touch to my scalp can have far-flung consequences.

    Liked by 4 people

  124. Ame says:

    Liz –
    “And make sure they are hydrated.” … hadn’t consciously thought of that – good advice. it’s a ‘duh’ thing, but I had not thought of it. I always have something for her to eat and drink afterwards, just hadn’t thought of extra water before.

    yes, we have to let her lie down … b/c she cannot sit up … and so she can have someone on either side to help her. it’s an ordeal, for sure. I am so grateful for this staff who willingly handled her so well; not everyone has the patience and tolerance for such – which I totally understand. she’s a ton of work.

    “vasovagal response” – AHHH! had not heard of that before! that makes total sense. i’ll share it with them … but then i’ll have to teach them not to take advantage of it 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  125. Tarnished says:

    The similarities in our lives continue to amaze me, Ame. I’m the oldest of 6, all half-siblings from one parent or the other. And yeah, it is very weird how parents trot out the fact that you, as a youngling, take on adult responsibilities when they don’t. Like we’re show horses or something. 😕

    Cill,
    So I take it you’re a big fan of hair play and scalp massages… 😉

    Liked by 2 people

  126. Ame says:

    “Latinos are much more “touchy” and “kissy” than a lot of other cultures.
    Italians are, too.”

    “Well in my case, touchy-kissiness can have its perils. A mere touch to my scalp can have far-flung consequences.”

    HA! and they’d deserve it!

    interesting … I had neighbors from Lebanon, and while the women greeted me with a kiss on the cheek, the men didn’t. they had decorum for male-to-female greeting which was appropriately different than that of female-to-female greeting – and for which I was deeply grateful.

    Latinos, though … not. and … generally … they do not bathe regularly and use a ton of cologne to cover up their bo. it’s just … ewww.

    Liked by 1 person

  127. Liz says:

    I have a history of passing out too (not with my patients though!).
    Last time I had a big needle in my knee. The doctor was drawing out fluid from a meniscal tear that created a bulge. I thought I’d watch…hey, shouldn’t bother me this should be really interesting…
    Within a few minutes it was “lights out”.

    Liked by 3 people

  128. Cill says:

    “Cill,
    So I take it you’re a big fan of hair play and scalp massages…”

    You joke with me, Tarn. We both know you do 😉

    Liked by 3 people

  129. Ame says:

    Tarnished says:

    19 April, 2016 at 10:18 pm

    “The similarities in our lives continue to amaze me, Ame. I’m the oldest of 6, all half-siblings from one parent or the other. And yeah, it is very weird how parents trot out the fact that you, as a youngling, take on adult responsibilities when they don’t. Like we’re show horses or something.😕”

    me, too … although, while comparisons of bad are a waste of time, my heart breaks and weeps for what you’ve been through and remember 😦

    like show horses … wow. yep. my parents would call from time-to-time (when I still took their calls; I don’t anymore) just to get enough info to ‘brag’ about to others in the event they were asked. after all, it doesn’t look good when you have nothing to tell others about your kids b/c you don’t know them and don’t care.

    when I confronted them on the sexual abuse, which was optional but I decided to try, I did it through email. my mom replied saying that i’d been brainwashed in all these exotic ways by my psychologist. denial is such a warm blanket – makes one feel all fuzzy about themselves.

    the one thing I will say i’m thankful for … my parents did not divorce until we were all well into adulthood. I did not have two houses to go back and forth between. it would have been disasterous b/c neither cared. both were and are selfish and self-serving.

    Like

  130. Ame says:

    Liz –
    “I have a history of passing out too (not with my patients though!).
    Last time I had a big needle in my knee. The doctor was drawing out fluid from a meniscal tear that created a bulge. I thought I’d watch…hey, shouldn’t bother me this should be really interesting…
    Within a few minutes it was “lights out”.”

    that’s actually encouraging to me. and how amazing that you can care for others so selflessly when it bothers you so much personally.

    Liked by 1 person

  131. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    About toching and feeling, bears are very sensitive about their ears. Molly is the only one I trust to figuratively rub them.

    Tarn,
    You’re a good sister!

    Tarn and Ame,
    I am sorry yu had sucktastic parents.

    Liked by 1 person

  132. thedeti says:

    @ BV:

    ” wallet biopsy question”

    Spot on.

    Like

  133. Yoda says:

    A new post that is

    Like

Comments are closed.

%d bloggers like this: