Assortive Mating in the UMC


Over at Dalrock’s, a commenter wonders,

I would also ask who would want to marry a hard driving woman like her? She is unlikely to ever be satisfied with domestic life and I would want a wife to raise children and keep the home, not to compete with me in the workforce.

Actually, quite a few men in the upper middle class (UMC) and above do.  We are talking Doctors marrying Lawyers, Business Executives marrying Political Climbers and so on.  It apparently happens very often.  Just look at the Clintons and Obamas.

One would think that there are forces arrayed against such behavior.  Men normally do not like to be married to ballbusting unpleasant women.  It is difficult to imagine any of these women not being such.  There is the common refrain of “being man enough to handle me”; however capable a man is at handling such a woman, would he want to bother?  What is in it for him?  He probably has lots of challenges elsewhere in his life.  There is probably no need for another one.

As for the woman, she inevitably wants to marry up; equal is the best she can do.  Such are the compromises that modern women must make.

Now let us consider the “positives”.

I.  In the case of potential divorce, he is much less likely to be raped, as her income is comparable to his.

II.  She takes a big hit is prestige, much more than him if she does divorce.  The UMC for all of their liberal leanings knows that an intact family is important for raising children.

III.  Probably he will be working long hours, and won’t be at home much with his unpleasant wife.

IV.  There seems to be considerable social pressure to “make such marriages happen” and fitting in with such conventions can be good for your career in the long run.

V. With both parents being high powered, there will be lots of money for nannies, tutors, fancy schools, etc.

Now comes your turn.  What other “positives” and negatives are there here?

 

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Posted in FarmBoy, Hypergamy, Lies, Marriage, Trainwreck
134 comments on “Assortive Mating in the UMC
  1. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Farm Boy,
    The suggestion of being married to a woman with the personality of Hillary Cinton is just appalling. As you say, even if a man were capable of handling it, why would he want to?

    Another thought. Sex is a primary consideration in mariage. I don’t think these people have it. Why are they even married?

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Yoda says:

    Married they are,
    Because new social norms say they should.
    Spinsters looked upon with suspicion they are

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Yoda says:

    Actually old social norms also they are

    Liked by 1 person

  4. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Yoda,
    Putting check marks on soially proscribed lists is not a sufficient reason to marry.
    Why do women pull this stuff?

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Yoda says:

    Look at Janet Reno one might.
    What one thinks they do?

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Ame says:

    “Another thought. Sex is a primary consideration in mariage. I don’t think these people have it. Why are they even married?”

    yes they are … just not with each other.

    Liked by 3 people

  7. Yoda says:

    Is the Spinster Spector still powerful it is?

    Liked by 1 person

  8. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Yoda,
    I read that. She scares me. Ambitious eneough as an attorney for the Stae of Florida to rto railroad several people for child molestation???

    Liked by 2 people

  9. Ame says:

    “Putting check marks on soially proscribed lists is not a sufficient reason to marry.
    Why do women pull this stuff?”

    b/c women are competing with other women. those women who are most successful, though, are able to create a love/only-slightly-jealous response from other women … meaning other women love them b/c they think they’re just such a great person/friend/worker/wife/mother/etc, and they’re sooo kind, but, since she’s got that great husband and great career and making SO much money, they’re still jealous, but their jealousy is softened by their being kind and good.

    in the south, it would be in a woman’s best interest to be married to the right man, esp if she wants to progress in her career. (this is true for men, too, in the south). if she’s married, other married women won’t stress (as much) that she’s after *their* husband. that’s important.

    and while people in the south often practice their “Christian Values” with great liberality (at least in private), their public perception and reputation is very important.

    when i was in college, all those many years ago, i knew a very beautiful girl who slept around all the time and enjoyed sharing her exploits … and she attended church and bible study regularly. i asked her how she could sit in church while they taught that sex outside of marriage was wrong. she replied that she just saw it as any other sin that they preach against … gossip, gluttony, anything, so she didn’t care.

    attend church regularly in the south, contribute financially (big one), AND take on responsibilities in the church (esp those hard to find people to fill), and you’re perceived as a “good, Christian, person.” you pretty much have a ‘get out of jail free’ card unless you royally screw up … and even then, it’s only a temporary break before complete forgiveness is issued.

    it helps one in their chosen career, with their reputation, to be known as a ‘good, Christian, person.”

    Liked by 5 people

  10. SFC Ton says:

    VI UMC men aren’t much on the man scale, college educated and fully indoctrinated in the leftist bullshit ie betas who don’t know any better and easily succumb to peer pressure

    Liked by 4 people

  11. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Ame,
    After reading all that, there is a word that comes to mind-hypocrisy.
    I don’t think that I want any part of it.

    Liked by 2 people

  12. Farm Boy says:

    betas who don’t know any better and easily succumb to peer pressure

    That reminds me of my vegan niece and her fiance. He definitely fits the “beta” description. He is becoming a somewhat high powered accountant and will probably soon be in the lower UMC. She, on the other hand, is every bit of the militant vegan stereotype. She will undoubtedly browbeat him into moving to a location (e.g. Seattle, San Francisco) where she can practice her vegan religion. Actually, be priest, as she is getting an expensive vegan nutritionist degree.

    The question is: should I clue the poor fella in with respect to what is store for him? It would not be good for family relations.

    Liked by 3 people

  13. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Farm Boy,
    That is a tough question. You have enough tact and there is enough time to feed it to him a spoonful at a time. Considering that what he is headed for could result in suicide, you have to try. Naturally, your militant vegan niece is not going to like this. She can go somewhere warm.

    Liked by 3 people

  14. Yoda says:

    Coldly rational about these things these people are?

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Yoda says:

    Any “hard charging” women pleasant to be around in the long run they are?

    Liked by 1 person

  16. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    I couldn’t imagine being married to Sheryl Sandberg, the COO of facebook. I have to wonder if it shortened her recently deceased husband’s life? Wives are supposed to be nurturing and supportive. These women aren’t.

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Liz says:

    “That reminds me of my vegan niece and her fiance. He definitely fits the “beta” description. He is becoming a somewhat high powered accountant and will probably soon be in the lower UMC. She, on the other hand, is every bit of the militant vegan stereotype. She will undoubtedly browbeat him into moving to a location (e.g. Seattle, San Francisco) where she can practice her vegan religion. Actually, be priest, as she is getting an expensive vegan nutritionist degree.

    The question is: should I clue the poor fella in with respect to what is store for him? It would not be good for family relations.”

    If he already knows she is a vegan, and in the process of accumulating debt to obtain an advanced degree in vegan nutrition, shouldn’t he already know this? Grass is green, water is wet…

    Liked by 3 people

  18. Dragonfly says:

    This comment was about Tomi Lahren right? I actually really like her – and she’s only 23!! Last I heard, she has a serious boyfriend that’s a Navy SEAL.

    Liked by 1 person

  19. Dragonfly says:

    Sorry.. meant to add to that last comment: in other words, she has a truly masculine boyfriend, is used to near-constant attention from probably the top tier males interested in her, so maybe she has a different experience than the commenters from Dalrock’s have had concerning the lack of masculinity in our millennial culture.

    Anonymous Reader said something a couple of months ago that was really interesting. Basically, he said whenever he sees the typical group of millennial males at his normal hangouts, he can’t tell the difference between them and gay men, except for that he notices that they look at women that pass by (so they aren’t really gay he said). But their mannerisms, the way they talk and their general behavior, he said, was exactly like gay men.

    So… I kind of understand where she’s coming from with just stating the obvious, that there’s a major lack of old school masculinity in the younger generations these days. It DID make me cringe to hear her say it the way she did (with complete lack of understanding HOW and WHY it’s not completely those millennial men’s fault that they’re emasculated), but *parts* of it ring true sadly. It’s part of the fall-out from feminism I think.

    Liked by 4 people

  20. Yoda says:

    Metrosexual the fashion it is.
    Like all fashions, no rhyme or reason it does have

    Liked by 3 people

  21. Yoda says:

    Grass is green, water is wet…

    Love is blind.
    Ideally come to the correct conclusion on his own he will.
    Before married they are

    Liked by 2 people

  22. Yoda says:

    Who the big driver behind these power couples they would be?
    Men it was?
    Women it was?

    Liked by 2 people

  23. Yoda says:

    The men ever truly happy in such relationships they are?

    Liked by 2 people

  24. Liz says:

    I looked up the quote for context and I agree with some aspects of what she said.
    Boys are definitely getting less manly overall.
    But contrary to what she said, it IS the fault of women.

    We have a generation of boys raised without a healthy male influence in the home, “strong, independent” single moms and so forth. They are actively taught to be “sensitive”, and masculinity is anathema and actively discouraged and punished a good portion of the time. This is true in the media they watch, the educational institutions they frequent, the books they are required to read, right down to the long arm of the law that actively enables the cray cray and disarms the masculine. The programming/ social conditioning starts in infancy…. so how are they supposed to learn to be men?

    I watch boys all of the time from families devoid of masculine influence and they are like little people in the desert, dying for a drop of water….they absorb it whenever they can get it. But single moms relate more to daughters than sons. If I were raising my sons alone, I’d be a terrible mother to them…because I am programmed to coddle my ducks. I can’t help myself, but fortunately it isn’t my job to be the father, that’s Mike’s job.

    The only answer Tomi gives above is, “Yeah, a REAL man could do it!” Which….well, is kind of what Mike might say too, honestly…we just had that conversation this morning, when a wife is acting up he always blames the man for not corralling her properly. But I think it’s very much different when a man makes this observation than when a woman does.

    Liked by 6 people

  25. Dragonfly says:

    “when a wife is acting up he always blames the man for not corralling her properly.”

    My husband says things like that sometimes, too, although not as much as when we were first married! I think it can be hard for men to realize how just plain awful some women can be concerning disrespecting their husbands and treating them badly.

    Liz, what on earth did you do when Mike was on deployment as far as balancing parenting your boys? My husband’s schedule continues to stink (lol), and I feel like a single mom almost every evening, and my older son sees his dad only a little in the morning, and my husband works weekends. Our older son doesn’t obey/respect me the same as he does his dad… and we’re starting to argue a lot. I know I shouldn’t compare it to deployment, because that is WAY more intense, but is there anything you did to have a good relationship with your boys when your husband was gone during those periods?

    Liked by 4 people

  26. Liz says:

    “My husband says things like that sometimes, too, although not as much as when we were first married! I think it can be hard for men to realize how just plain awful some women can be concerning disrespecting their husbands and treating them badly.”

    Yeah, I think so too. He’s pretty cocky now, considering his first girlfriend was such a stupid crack. I’m sure his opinion would be different now if he’d taken his mother’s advice and married that.
    🙂

    “Liz, what on earth did you do when Mike was on deployment as far as balancing parenting your boys?”

    When he was on his longest deployments the boys were a lot younger. I was a single mom a lot of the time, too back then (now, he’s away maybe ten days a month, as compared to months away before).
    Since our oldest reached highschool he has been able to be home a lot more. His hours have always sucked, but I think just being able to be with them and do manly things some of the time helps a lot. It makes the atmosphere of the home completely different. I think in the baby and toddler stage it’s less important to have the man around a lot, but as they get older it becomes more important. Also, Mike sets the tone by giving our sons responsibility while he is away (especially the oldest, “You’re the man of the house while I’m gone” and so forth). We also have a lot of male friends which helps, too. When we lived on the military base, they were out all of the time with other groups of boys/fathers. The military base community kind of had a masculine setup (at least back then).

    “Our older son doesn’t obey/respect me the same as he does his dad… and we’re starting to argue a lot.”
    Sorry Dragonfly. 😦
    He is still very young but maybe your husband could speak to him about “being the man” while he is away, and part of being the man is to set a proper example for his brother (respecting is mother, and so forth). I’m not going to lie…it was tough when then were little. Boys are a serious challenge. If it is anything like us, it gets much better. I promise! Life is very easy now, and great. 🙂

    Liked by 4 people

  27. Liz says:

    “Boys are a serious challenge.”

    I should elaborate a little, by this I mean they are more prone to have energy, take risks, and ignore authority and so forth. That’s actually pretty healthy behavior (in the broad scheme of things) but it also makes it difficult to be a parent to them.
    I spent lots of time in the ER through the years….(huge knock on wood).

    Liked by 5 people

  28. CalloftheMGTOW says:

    Positives: Let me get back to you on this.
    Negatives: You’re married. I don’t know what other negative there are that aren’t covered by being married. If your prenup isn’t bulletproof (or even if it is in some cases) you’re going to lose the house and kids.

    Liked by 2 people

  29. Yoda says:

    A month or so ago, a new study from four respected economists argued that “positive assortative mating” — when men marry women of similar educational attainment — is a major driver of economic inequality in the U.S. Positive assortative mating could describe people of similar social status or income levels marrying, too, or any number of other things, but they examined education levels — a more stylized description of the larger dynamic is featured in Charles Murray’s book Coming Apart, in which residents of a prototypical low-education, low-income community called Fishtown now don’t mix with and marry the college-education, high-income residents of Belmont anymore. In other words, because college-educated people are more likely to marry other college-educated people than they were in past decades, economic inequality is higher than it otherwise would be, when looking at household incomes (which is what measures of inequality do).

    http://www.nationalreview.com/agenda/372038/yes-assortative-mating-helps-explain-higher-inequality-patrick-brennan

    Liked by 2 people

  30. Yoda says:

    His focus on white, non-Hispanic Americans in their prime of life repre-
    sents a methodological cue, capturing a razor-sharp picture of socio-
    demographic patterns and allowing comparisons of similar groups of people over the past fifty years. His methodology thus reveals social realities missed by the government and news media—obsessed since the 1960s with race and gender as their interpretive lenses. Only by uncovering these long-obscured truths is Murray able to establish that Fishtown is the story of the working and lower classes in America, regardless of race and gender. So while Coming Apart tells the narrative of white America, Murray claims “its message is about all of America.” Indeed, among the four categories of behaviors that his data sources measure—behaviors that he believes embody the “Founding Virtues” of the American experiment—he finds that marriage is the “the fault line diving American classes.” That’s a refreshing conclusion coming from a scholar of Murray’s standing, and especially from a self-described libertarian. Indeed, his bold defense of the United States as a virtuous republic, not simply a procedural one, sounds a lot more like Abraham Lincoln and Theodore Roosevelt than the Cato Institute or the Reason Foundation.

    In illuminating the new fault line, Murray’s numerous charts outline a growing divergence between Belmont and Fishtown on a number of marriage-related measures. While the two statistical cohorts looked remarkably similar throughout the 1960s, Fishtown underwent an upheaval in subsequent decades, as the percentages of adults who are separated or divorced, adults who were never married, and children who are being raised outside of an intact family all increased dramatically. The blue-collar neighborhood likewise experienced significant declines in the percentage of adults who are married, adults who report that their marriage is happy or very happy, and children living with their biological mother and father. While the same tremors were also felt in Belmont, most of the changes in the marriage indicators in the middle-upper class cohort were marginal.

    ces of Fishtown’s higher divorce rates and very high illegitimacy ratio. Because so few of them stay married, the residents of Fishtown will generally know nothing of matrimony’s beneficial effects in fostering self-reported happiness as well as lasting satisfaction “with life as a whole.” Nor will they see how intact families increase a community’s reservoirs of social capital and so strengthen the overall fabric of civic life. Persuaded that biological parents who remain married produce “the best outcomes for children,” and that never-married mothers, including those who cohabit apart from marriage, “produce the worse outcomes,” Murray laments that the overwhelming verdict of the technical literature is “so resolutely ignored by network news programs, editorial writers for the major newspapers, and politicians of both major political parties.” In other words, the narrow and broad elite of the new upper class.

    http://familyinamerica.org/journals/spring-2012/libertarian-who-sounds-social-conservative/

    Liked by 2 people

  31. Yoda says:

    Oops

    “When, or if, does an unborn child have constitutional rights?” asked Todd.

    Leaning on her interpretation of the law rather than staking out a personal and moral position on the question, Clinton denied the personhood of unborn children while seemingly conflating transient legality and timeless morality.

    “Under our laws, currently, that is not something that exists. The unborn person doesn’t have constitutional rights,” said Clinton, seemingly or inadvertently acknowledging that unborn children are persons.

    http://www.dailywire.com/news/4619/clinton-unborn-persons-dont-have-constitutional-robert-kraychik

    Liked by 2 people

  32. Tarnished says:

    Spinsters looked upon with suspicion they are

    True. A single woman over age 30, who is not divorced or with children, is still seen as an oddity at best and a husband-stealer/feminazi lesbian at worst. Neither relatives nor strangers understand the concept of Alone 🚫 Lonely or Desperate.

    Liked by 3 people

  33. SFC Ton says:

    There are all manner of tough sonofabitches in the usa
    however they don’t generally run in the umc circles.

    Liked by 2 people

  34. SFC Ton says:

    LOL Tarn, about the time my folks got use to my bachelorhood I moved two women into my house and had a child out of wedlock…. I can probably feel you pain on that front

    Liked by 2 people

  35. Tarnished says:

    I moved two women into my house

    I’ve always wondered about that…did they move in together because they were friends and both attracted to you? Or one after the other?

    Like

  36. BuenaVista says:

    A man is a product or service to women in this cohort. That’s what they mean they say, eg, ‘He’s the total package!’

    When it turns out he’s a human, they just go for a warranty claim in court and at CPS.

    Ever heard a guy call a woman ‘the total package?’

    Liked by 5 people

  37. Tarnished says:

    Ever heard a guy call a woman ‘the total package?’

    Yes, I’ve heard it from both sexes, albeit rarely. It’s not a common phrase in my area, I suppose. My guy has also referred to me as such in a joking way* but you’re probably talking about people who are saying it seriously.

    Edited to add:
    Although it is rare to hear the “whole package” comment that BV describes, it is unfortunately quite common to hear women say “I love my boyfriend/husband, but…” followed by an extremely negative trait or exaggeration. Like today, when one of my coworkers said “I love my boyfriend but he’s fucking retarded.” When asked why, she said “Because he left the top of the ketchup bottle off when he put it back in the fridge.”

    All I could think was, wow. So that’s what it takes to make someone “retarded” nowadays? Ugh.

    *He cheekily says “You’re the whole package, Tarn!” to which I always reply “Yeah, complete with lots of extra issues.” 😉 😛

    Liked by 3 people

  38. Spawny Get says:

    “Basically, he said whenever he sees the typical group of millennial males at his normal hangouts, he can’t tell the difference between them and gay men, except for that he notices that they look at women that pass by (so they aren’t really gay he said). But their mannerisms, the way they talk and their general behavior, he said, was exactly like gay men.”

    I see this on US tv, not all kids. The latest example was the dreadlocks kid.

    Has the kid got any self respect? Any testosterone?

    Liked by 2 people

  39. Spawny Get says:

    I’m not saying that it’s just a US thing, just that’s where I see it most noticeably.

    I guess it’s what you should expect from kids with no masculine role model and plenty of male shaming from all the figures in authority over them.

    Liked by 4 people

  40. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Spawny Get,
    Not only the male shaming, which is constant, but,the threat or reality of being pumped full of Ritalin on the word of his grade school teacher.
    This society has gone so gynocentric that it is going to attempt to do away with men.

    Tarn,
    Not only women over thirty but, men over forty. Women get furious over men over forty who have never been married. He is not anybody’s draft horse.

    Liked by 6 people

  41. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Once again, that dreadlocks kid was so fortunate that he had a buddy recording. Who knows how it would have turned out if he hadn’t? Booted out of college or in jail?
    Has it gotten so hazaedous for men that they should travel in pairs?

    Liked by 3 people

  42. Tarnished says:

    This society has gone so gynocentric that it is going to attempt to do away with men.

    Every one of the guys I know who teach for a living say the same. Middle school, high school, private tutoring…doesn’t matter.

    Women get furious over men over forty who have never been married. He is not anybody’s draft horse.

    I wonder if this includes any of the involuntarily single women over 30? Or maybe it’s mostly them…?

    Liked by 1 person

  43. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Tarn,
    That observation was taken from a guy whjo saw it as women in general not liking bachelors.

    Feminism has taken over education, especially a t the lower levels. They simply can’t relate to boys. These “people” have eliminated recess.

    Liked by 3 people

  44. Spawny Get says:

    I don’t need to tell porkies about my being divorced, I am. But if I’d never been married, I’d not hesitate to claim I’d been married some time ago, but didn’t see any point in talking about it. It’s nobody else’s fecking business. Same for virginity.

    Liked by 2 people

  45. Spawny Get says:

    When asked about what ended my marriage, my default answer is; She turned into her mother. The only downside to this answer became apparent when the woman who asked the question was taking a drink when I answered. She sprayed a mouthful of water over me as she started to choke with laughter. Conversation moved on to fresh pastures.

    Liked by 5 people

  46. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Spawny Get,
    The “turned into her mother” is an excellent response. It stops further inquiries in their tracks.

    Liked by 4 people

  47. Yoda says:

    If turned into her mother she did,
    age fast she would have

    Liked by 1 person

  48. Yoda says:

    That observation was taken from a guy who saw it as women in general not liking bachelors.

    Unhappy they are,
    because not directly supporting a woman he is not?
    Or not providing prestige to a woman he is not?

    Liked by 2 people

  49. Yoda says:

    Anger also include 40 something divorced and unremarried men it does?

    Liked by 1 person

  50. Spawny Get says:

    Fuzzie, it is the truth about what happened. Yoda, not physically but mentally. Everyone knows that women turn into their mothers physically, nobody had done me the solid of telling me that it happens mentally too.

    Liked by 3 people

  51. Yoda says:

    So how many of these marriages, the woman in charge she is

    Liked by 1 person

  52. Spawny Get says:

    “Anger also include 40 something divorced and unremarried men it does?”

    Can’t say that I’ve noticed either way. Saying, “Tried it, didn’t like it, not doing that again” with a Resting-IDGAF-Face* seems to send a message quite effectively. I have a DILIGAF hat in reserve, but have yet to need it. People are mostly wary of intruding in such issues as they can blow up in their faces.

    In actual fact it’s all old news to me, the scar tissue is old and solid. I just don’t care to talk of it because it’s a complicated subject that I have no interest in unpacking. I’m not angry about it, it was nearly twenty years ago.

    *looks like RBF but is manly as all hell.

    Liked by 4 people

  53. Spawny Get says:

    Yoda, her mother was in charge of her marriage. I told my fiance long before the marriage not to be like her mother because I was not like her father. I guess she needed to find it out herself. I’m a surprisingly honest person except when I think that the issue is none of your business, at which point I’ll play with you openly or otherwise. She should have known that I was deadly serious. Could have saved a lot of trouble for a number of people.

    Liked by 3 people

  54. Dragonfly says:

    “but I think just being able to be with them and do manly things some of the time helps a lot. It makes the atmosphere of the home completely different. ”

    That’s true! And it does change the atmosphere of the home! He’s so much more fun than I am in a lot of ways… he’s started taking our son rock climbing in the evening on one of his off days. It’s a school night, but they’re able to get back at a reasonable hour so it actually works out. And my son LOVES it so much… definitely a very “manly” thing to do alone with his dad. Over Spring Break my husband bought a nice sized tent and they camped out in the backyard – another manly thing I would never have thought of doing. So yes, I need to focus on these things and remember to be grateful he’s so involved.

    “We also have a lot of male friends which helps, too. When we lived on the military base, they were out all of the time with other groups of boys/fathers.”

    Wow!! Envious!! That’s awesome! I think we could pull something like that off with a couple of friends from church, but it definitely isn’t like an already set-up community. How awesome that it was like that! We’ll have to reach out more and maybe get other officers and their families together for BBQs and parties.

    So basically… I need to just accept that it’s going to be “hard” or difficult like anything good in life is, and try to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Aww thanks Liz ❤

    Liked by 4 people

  55. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Yoda,
    I think that they would cut some slack for divorced men. It’s the never marrieds that they are leery of.
    As for resources or prestige, don’t they go hand in hand? I don’t think that it is an either/or question.
    In how many of these “power couple” marriages is the womqn in charge? I would say nearly all. He is there to enable and advance her.

    Liked by 3 people

  56. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Dragonfly,
    Shift work is hard on marriages. Firemen have the same problem. From what you say, your husband is doing his best.

    Liked by 4 people

  57. SFC Ton says:

    I’ve always wondered about that…did they move in together because they were friends and both attracted to you? Or one after the other?…..Tarn

    Short version

    Meet Girl #1 at a Poly lifestyle event. Mutual friends made the introduction. She blew me off, I banged some other chick and then she meet me Monday before I left town

    The other chick was a package deal. Meet this military girl who had a girlfriend…. dumped the one bitch for being a bitch, kept the other

    Moved Girl#1 into my house 1st, Girl #2 after she got out of the military. Lestwise full time. She use to work 48 hours on, 48 hours off, alternating her off hours between her place and mine.

    LOL the Girls qualify their love for me all the time. Like “I love Ton, but damn he is an asshole” what they are really saying is “I love Ton because he is an asshole” but they cannot really say that

    Liked by 3 people

  58. Yoda says:

    Glorious Patriarch,

    Ex wife realize what she was doing and not care she did?

    Liked by 1 person

  59. Yoda says:

    UMC women ever view men in non-exploitive manner thy do?

    Liked by 2 people

  60. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Yoda,
    I keep reaching back to memories of my mother when you sat, “UMC women”. I think they are playing a role. Tking advantage of their husbands is a part of theat role. After seeing what their mothers get away with, their children have to be put off reproductively.

    Liked by 2 people

  61. Dragonfly says:

    Fuzzie, to me, it’s not hard on our marriage, I’m more worried that it’s hard on our kids.

    Liked by 4 people

  62. Dragonfly says:

    My husband and I try to read books together, and ever since we read a book by James Dobson, Bringing Up Boys, back in 2011, I think I’m probably too sensitive to it. It was about the terrifying problems boys have growing up in single mother homes, I think it’s just in the back of my mind whenever something feels like it’s going wrong. That book was a real eye-opener for me on how important fathers are for boys.

    Liked by 3 people

  63. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Dragonfly,
    You reminded me of somethig I noticed in my brother and his wife. When I vidited them and the kids were smal, every decision they made centered around the kids. It’s how it should be.
    It’s good that you understand how important dads are to kids. I get the feeling that few people do.
    He sounds like a good Dad.

    Liked by 3 people

  64. Ame says:

    Spawny –
    “Everyone knows that women turn into their mothers physically, nobody had done me the solid of telling me that it happens mentally too.”

    unless they make a conscious decision not to. i did not want to turn into my mother, so the first thing i did was work on forgiving her. it took ten years. then i was willing to have my own children.

    it’s been a continuous series of conscious choices, but as my therapist said ten years ago when i was trying to justify my parents’ behavior by stating that they, too, had been abused: “Ame, you were abused by your parents, but you don’t abuse your children.” and that was it. it’s a choice.

    Liked by 5 people

  65. Ame says:

    Ton –
    “Like “I love Ton, but damn he is an asshole” what they are really saying is “I love Ton because he is an asshole” but they cannot really say that”

    my husband and i have a similar conversation, where he ends it by saying, “That’s why you love me!” he’s right 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  66. Ame says:

    Dragonfly –
    “Fuzzie, to me, it’s not hard on our marriage, I’m more worried that it’s hard on our kids.”

    your husband is not withholding his time or love or authority from his sons, so your worry is invalid. let it go. and don’t listen to how other fathers are spending ‘x’ amount of time with their sons. and definitely do not compare the amount of time other fathers spend with their sons compared to the amount of time your husband spends with his.

    he sees them once a day? for dads who travel, this is not the case. he has one night a week to spend doing man-stuff with his sons? that’s a lot more than some fathers are willing to give.

    your son is arguing with you? ask your husband how to handle it, and then do what he says.

    it’s so hard when they’re so little … and you have all these ideas and dreams and hopes of what it’s supposed to ‘look’ like. and then there are all these stories of how screwed up boys get from xyz.

    but from what you’ve shared, your husband knows how to be a man and acts like one. he knows how to teach your sons to be men and does. he gives them the time he has freely. so he’s doing all he can do with what he has. let it be enough. choose not to listen to the stories. choose not to compare your life to anyone else’s.

    your worry, in this case, is actually a sin, imho. that worry seeps through how you mom your boys and unconsciously reflects poorly on their dad. stop.

    choosing and learning to stop worrying is HARD. pray yourself through; you can do it!

    Liked by 3 people

  67. Ame says:

    Ton –
    “I moved two women into my house and had a child out of wedlock”

    i’ve never ‘met’ online or otherwise anyone (that i know) is in a poly relationship – ingriguing. curious – assuming the mom of the child is still one of the two living in your house … wondering if the other woman, without a child of yours, is jealous of the mom.

    how does the balance work … chores, time spent with you, time with the child, how they get along with each other. you don’t have to answer … i’m just curious (and known to ask too many questions sometimes, or so my kids and niece tell me 🙂 )

    Liked by 1 person

  68. Spawny Get says:

    Oh Ton is more phenomenon than simple man…the description of la vie chez Ton* should be entertaining to watch.

    (* life at Ton’s place)

    Liked by 2 people

  69. Tarnished says:

    “Like “I love Ton, but damn he is an asshole” what they are really saying is “I love Ton because he is an asshole” but they cannot really say that”

    my husband and i have a similar conversation, where he ends it by saying, “That’s why you love me!” he’s right

    Lol! That’s probably because neither Ton nor Ame’s husband are “real” assholes. More that they just don’t put up with any bullshit. My guy isn’t an asshole, either real or of the Ton variety, but I will call him a jerk sometimes, just like he’ll call me a dick. It’s all in fun though. 😉

    Liked by 2 people

  70. Tarnished says:

    Oh Ton is more phenomenon than simple man…the description of la vie chez Ton* should be entertaining to watch.

    New reality show: The Ton Phenomenon. It’ll have just one episode, because the cameraman will have inadvertently pissed of Ton and end up with a broken camera and face. 😛

    Liked by 3 people

  71. Tarnished says:

    I’ve never ‘met’ online or otherwise anyone (that i know) is in a poly relationship

    I know 1 poly family, which isn’t surprising given the area of NY I dwell in…honestly, it’s almost strange I don’t know more. It is similar to Ton’s, with one guy and 2 women (though a very different orientation than his own given that it’s the women who are married).

    Liked by 1 person

  72. Tarnished says:

    “Everyone knows that women turn into their mothers physically, nobody had done me the solid of telling me that it happens mentally too.”

    unless they make a conscious decision not to.

    Oh, goodness yes. Having a healthier diet and exercising can do wonders in that regard!

    I did not want to turn into my mother

    There’s no way I *could*, unless I sustained a severe personality altering head injury in a car crash or something. I’m rather the black sheep of the family, in that they all have X core traits and mine might as well be Q. A lot of it comes down to them being the type who can’t be arsed to do things for other people unless it benefits them in some way. If anyone in my family *does* help you, either with labor or finances, rest assured that it’s only so they can cash in the favor at a later date. Learned a loooong time ago to just not accept help or non-holiday gifts. :/
    Whereas if *anyone* here said “Tarn, I really, truly need help” I’d be in my car or wiring money as soon as it was possible.

    it’s been a continuous series of conscious choices, but as my therapist said ten years ago when i was trying to justify my parents’ behavior by stating that they, too, had been abused

    As far as I have ever been able to figure out from my own research and questioning of other family members, neither my father or stepfather had ever been abused, much less in the ways they visited upon me. Sometimes, people really are just monsters, despite the normalcy they portray on the outside or to the community at large. But even if they *had* been…that does not give the right to continue the cycle. There is always a choice. For some it’s difficult because their minds say to “get their’s this time” because it was taken from them in the past. Others have it far easier, and think “holy crap, what was done to me was horrible, I’d never put a new person in that situation”.

    But the choice is there in both instances. It is up to the individual to make the right one. Either you embrace your empathy or let it die.

    Liked by 3 people

  73. Spawny Get says:

    “can’t be arsed to do things”

    Can I claim the glory for spreading this form of bon mots tp the colonials?

    The Glorious Patriarch is doing his happy dance.

    Liked by 2 people

  74. Liz says:

    ““We also have a lot of male friends which helps, too. When we lived on the military base, they were out all of the time with other groups of boys/fathers.”

    Wow!! Envious!! That’s awesome! I think we could pull something like that off with a couple of friends from church, but it definitely isn’t like an already set-up community. How awesome that it was like that! We’ll have to reach out more and maybe get other officers and their families together for BBQs and parties.”

    In the military you have to form a community really quickly because people arrive and leave so frequently, so I think that makes everyone a little more involved (at least, the people living on base). In your case it would probably be better because your kids could have the same circle of friends for years and kind of grow up together (assuming you don’t have to move like we did). Of course, that has its disadvantages too. If there is a bad apple influence in the miltiary community, you won’t have to be around them very long. 🙂

    “So basically… I need to just accept that it’s going to be “hard” or difficult like anything good in life is, and try to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Aww thanks Liz❤

    Try to enjoy this time too, though. You will look back at it fondly, even with the challenges.
    🙂 I DO think you’re right to be concerned about family time, and all that.
    If Mike were still on active duty I think our kids would be different. He was gone too much. Plus, the moving every year and a half or so was hard on them (some of our moves were during the middle of the school year too, it was awful). That and our decision that I should to stay home has made a huge difference for our family.

    ❤ Back at ya, Dragonfly! 🙂

    Liked by 4 people

  75. Tarnished says:

    UMC women ever view men in non-exploitive manner thy do?

    Again, comes down to empathy. Do you see the other person as an individual being with their own inherent value, emotions, goals, dreams, flaws, and physical autonomy…just like yourself?

    Then congratulations! You have attained the baseline of decency as a human!

    Liked by 4 people

  76. Tarnished says:

    Can I claim the glory for spreading this form of bon mots tp the colonials?

    I was grinning like a fool whilst typing that particular phrase, wondering if you’d notice. I’m sure you’ve said it before, but it was only fresh in my mind this morning due to a British commenter on the Undertale reddit using it (speculating if Toby Fox “can be arsed” to create another new patch giving players more info on the character of Gaster without the need for datamining).

    The Glorious Patriarch is doing his happy dance.

    Like Snoopy’s supper time dance this is?

    Liked by 1 person

  77. Spawny Get says:

    “Like Snoopy’s supper time dance this is?”

    That was the image that I had in mind

    Liked by 2 people

  78. Yoda says:

    Perhaps Tarn be arsed into doing some posts she could.
    So Tarn, on behalf of everyone, arse you I do

    Liked by 5 people

  79. Tarnished says:

    Totally off topic, but I’m so excited about it:

    I’ve nearly got a new job! 🎉🎊🍻

    Already passed the physical test portion of it for the warehouse side of the work, and my new employer already knows I’m going to be the most gaming-knowledgeable person on staff (since I actually *play* everything they carry, unlike 90% of the current staff they have who know just enough to sell it). It’s an hour commute, but I actually get health insurance, a 401k option, base salary $2,500 more than I’m making now, weekends off, 12 vacation days a year, and the sales side has 4% commission.

    Gods above, but this will be so much better for me at this point in life. 😊Wanted to share it with my friends here.

    Liked by 7 people

  80. Tarnished says:

    arse you I do

    Are we at least splitting dinner and a movie first?

    Liked by 3 people

  81. Yoda says:

    Not seeing “Batman vs. Superman” we would.

    Liked by 3 people

  82. Ame says:

    Tarn – “Gods above, but this will be so much better for me at this point in life. 😊Wanted to share it with my friends here.”

    congratulations!

    Liked by 3 people

  83. Liz says:

    That’s awesome, Tarn! Good luck and congrats.
    😀

    Liked by 3 people

  84. Tarnished says:

    Thanks, everyone. I’m so excited to start, but unfortunately it won’t be til May (warehouse should be completed by then, lol). Very raring to go, though!

    Not seeing “Batman vs. Superman” we would.

    That’s cool. I’ve seen it twice already. 😉

    Liked by 2 people

  85. Tarnished says:

    We should just go see Civil War when it comes out, instead. 👍
    Sadly, I haven’t seen too many of the trailers for it, but I’m guessing they’re going to frame the Winter Soldier for something to create demand for the Superhero Registration Act. Otherwise, they’d have to introduce Speedball and the New Warriors like in the comics, and they’d only be there for like 5 minutes.

    Like

  86. Ame says:

    Tarn –
    If anyone in my family *does* help you, either with labor or finances, rest assured that it’s only so they can cash in the favor at a later date. Learned a loooong time ago to just not accept help or non-holiday gifts. :/

    gosh … i can totally relate … there was nothing done for me that didn’t have a ‘price.’

    “Whereas if *anyone* here said “Tarn, I really, truly need help” I’d be in my car or wiring money as soon as it was possible.”

    pay pal has been great for that. i’m able to be a part of a fb group where we help each other out. i’ve not met them in person, but have had not problems sending money or other things to help. humbly, i’ve received help, too. one time, in particular, after my ex died and our grief was so overwhelming, i received a huge ‘care package’ from amazon from one out there. we were having some body things in the house, and i just couldn’t pull my mind together to figure out what we needed. she didn’t just suggest things to help, she bought them and had them delivered.

    “As far as I have ever been able to figure out from my own research and questioning of other family members, neither my father or stepfather had ever been abused, much less in the ways they visited upon me. Sometimes, people really are just monsters, despite the normalcy they portray on the outside or to the community at large. But even if they *had* been…that does not give the right to continue the cycle. There is always a choice. For some it’s difficult because their minds say to “get their’s this time” because it was taken from them in the past. Others have it far easier, and think “holy crap, what was done to me was horrible, I’d never put a new person in that situation”.

    But the choice is there in both instances. It is up to the individual to make the right one. Either you embrace your empathy or let it die.”

    you are exactly right. as you well know, perpetrators don’t take responsibility for their own stuff and often pass the blame to their victims. it just took such a long time for me to reject that blame. my ex was the most masterful at placing all the blame on me for everything.

    i’ve read some on your blog … gosh, girl, so sorry for what you’ve been through. kudos to you for not passing that on but rather choosing to help others instead. admirable.

    Liked by 3 people

  87. Ame says:

    Liz gives wise advice.

    “Try to enjoy this time too, though. You will look back at it fondly, even with the challenges. 🙂 I DO think you’re right to be concerned about family time, and all that.”

    it is amazing the fondness with which i look back on those days. they make me smile a lot.

    yes, do be concerned – concern being more mental, not emotional. objectively evaluate the balance regularly … thinking through it without emotion as much as possible. even doing this out loud with your boys so they can learn how you make logical, objective decisions.

    worry, though so natural (and i’m guilty here, too – my girls will be the first to tell you), worry is emotional, and your kids will pick up on that. worry often causes us to make reactive choices rather than proactive choices. and it often prevents us from thinking clearly.

    Liked by 4 people

  88. Liz says:

    Off topic anecdote about the differences between men and women aging.
    I had lunch with a friend the other day. She’s 45, and told me she was traumatized because she had just received the “Kohl’s 55” discount. Kohl’s has a discount for folks 55 and over.
    Guy at the checkout: “We can’t forget your 55 discount, ma’am…” he said, ringing it up.
    She was in stunned silence.
    (as a side note, I have to wonder why any store like that would offer a 55 discount. It’s frequented by women mostly. At any rate, I told Mike that story and he said, “I’d be happy if they gave me a 55 discount. Where is this store?” 😛

    He really would be, too. LOL!
    (he just turned 46, but in truth he looks a lot younger. We just bought a truck recently and after he signed the papers and everything they got to talking and asked him how long he’d been military. He said 23 years and they kind of looked at him and the one guy said, “Are you serious? How old are you?” they were truly shocked.
    I tell him I like to try to age him though. I want to be mistaken for the younger second wife.
    Hee hee 🙂

    Liked by 4 people

  89. Tarnished says:

    gosh … i can totally relate … there was nothing done for me that didn’t have a ‘price.’

    Yeah, it is a very fucked up way of dealing with people and just looking at the world in general. I’ve very little time for people who are like that, if I can avoid them.

    you are exactly right. as you well know, perpetrators don’t take responsibility for their own stuff and often pass the blame to their victims.

    And sometimes they do it in ways that really any halfway rational person would question. Like saying it’s a little kid’s “fault” for developing early (as in my case) or “being available” or “not saying No strongly enough” as some of the cases on Toysoldier’s blog point out. Disgusting.

    it just took such a long time for me to reject that blame. my ex was the most masterful at placing all the blame on me for everything.

    It sounds as though you have a good therapist though, and are now more clear headed about it. Good for you.

    i’ve read some on your blog … gosh, girl, so sorry for what you’ve been through. kudos to you for not passing that on but rather choosing to help others instead. admirable.

    It kinda is a choice, but to make the opposite it’d be *more* difficult. Like Cill, some of us have what seems to be increased empathy, borderline shared-feelings. Hurting others would hurt me too. It stains you…I don’t know if that makes sense? Tough to describe.

    Re: Liz’s anecdote

    I wonder how much of this increased aging is in part due to facial expressions? I’m 32 soon but get confused for a college senior a lot by customers. My FwB is a year older than Mike, but people always think he’s an early-greying guy in his late 30s. Both of us smile and have happy, jovial personalities whereas we notice that a decent amount of people our ages tend to have resting bitch/grumpy old man faces walking around.

    Maybe happier people look younger?

    Liked by 1 person

  90. Liz says:

    “Maybe happier people look younger?”

    I think it has something to do with cortisol levels. High cortisol levels age you. Cortisol levels go up under stress, and so forth. Some people have high levels of stress and still look young, but they deal with stress better. I’ve read studies on that, long ago…they took people with stressful lives and compared their age and looks, and then asked them how they would rate the stress level in their life. The ones who self-rated lower stress tended to be younger looking. This didn’t necessarily reflect reality…people who self identified as high stress in actually might not have much real stress in their life, and vice versus, people who said their lives were pretty good and not highly stressful might be in a much more comparatively stressful situation. What mattered most seemed to be what they self identified as, rather than reality. It was interesting…can’t remember where I read it, it was years ago.

    Night schedules and chronic fatigue also raise cortisol levels.
    And then there’s the be-all-end-all that is just good genetics. I think that one is pretty key.
    🙂

    Liked by 3 people

  91. Ame says:

    Tarn –
    “It kinda is a choice, but to make the opposite it’d be *more* difficult. Like Cill, some of us have what seems to be increased empathy, borderline shared-feelings. Hurting others would hurt me too. It stains you…I don’t know if that makes sense? Tough to describe.”

    totally get that. every bit of it. makes perfect sense.

    ===

    happier people probably do look younger … just smiling lightens one’s countenance 🙂

    Like

  92. Yoda says:

    Not seeing “Batman vs. Superman” we would.

    That’s cool. I’ve seen it twice already.😉

    it suck as much as people say it does?

    Like

  93. Yoda says:

    ndeed, the shifting declarations of sexual violence push the bureaucracy to ever more draconian levels. “Very rapidly, the consent line shifted again in many places to make enthusiasm a requirement of consent itself–anything less than enthusiasm is sexual assault,” Suk and Gersen argue.

    Institutions of higher learning are nearly requiring that anything less than a woman’s enthusiasm for sex constitute a violation of her consent. This mentality explains why John Doe’s girlfriend went to the cops, and why George Mason expelled him. It also explains why actress Lena Dunham admitted that she never considered her college sexual encounter “rape,” until long after the fact. What defense can a man have if a woman’s regret is enough to condemn him of sexual assault?

    OCR can get away with creating such a climate of fear, because technically its draconian rules are mere suggestions. If the organization had gone through the normal rule-issuing process, “unfair aspects could be challenged as a violation of due process requirements of the federal Constitution or as arbitrary and capricious,” Gersen and Suk explain.

    https://pjmedia.com/blog/the-federal-governments-sexual-reign-of-terror-on-college-campuses/?singlepage=true

    Liked by 1 person

  94. Yoda says:

    Devoured by her own monster she was,

    A university student was threatened with being thrown out of a meeting after being accused of violating “safe space” rules – by raising her hand.

    Imogen Wilson, the vice-president for academic affairs at Edinburgh University Students’ Association (EUSA), spoke out against safe space rules becoming “a tool for the hard left to use when they disagree with people”, following the incident last week.

    Ms Wilson, 22, was subject to a “safe space complaint” over her supposedly “inappropriate hand gestures” during a student council meeting.

    “Safe space is essential for us to have a debate where everyone can speak, but it can’t become a tool for the hard left to use when they disagree with people.”

    According to the association’s rules, student council meetings should be held in a “safe space environment”, defined as “a space which is welcoming and safe and includes the prohibition of discriminatory language and actions”.

    http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2016/04/03/student-accused-of-violating-university-safe-space-by-raising-he/

    Liked by 1 person

  95. Yoda says:

    Arsed this question somebody did

    Scientists programmed a human-shaped robot to ask volunteers to touch it in 13 different places.

    While some of these requests presented no difficulties, people were hesitant to touch ‘private’ areas including the robot’s ‘buttocks’.

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-3524039/Would-touching-robot-turn-People-aroused-asked-place-hands-intimate-areas-machines-study-finds.html

    Like

  96. Yoda says:

    Students at the University of Michigan called police the other day — because someone had written Donald Trump’s name in chalk.

    No arrests were made. The episode is part of a nationwide trend of Trump supporters writing pro-Trump messages on sidewalks, stairs, and other surfaces at college campuses, where fainting fits are sure to ensue.

    When they could get no relief from law enforcement, the University of Michigan students took it upon themselves to erase the offending messages — including “Trump 2016,” “Build the Wall” and “Stop Islam” — while fighting through feelings of betrayal.

    One student complained that there should be a special emergency number to call in such cases — one wonders how often students are really going to need recourse to an unwelcome-chalk-message hotline — and said that the administration’s inadequate response “perpetuates these really racist and hateful stereotypes that turn into violence and turn into students of color feeling unsafe on campus

    Rarely before have a few scribblings been so traumatizing — and written not even in ink or paint or some other difficult-to-remove substance, but in the same chalk used to mark out hopscotch courts and write temporary promotional messages about sorority mixers and student theatrical productions. That chalk messages can be considered tantamount to a physical threat captures the crisis of free speech on campus perfectly.

    What has become known on social media as “the chalkening” demonstrates how some college kids can’t be exposed to the simplest expression of support for a major presidential candidate without wanting to scurry to the nearest safe space. By this standard, a “Make America Great Again” hat is a hate crime waiting to happen. It’s not clear how any of these students can turn on cable TV or look at the polls for the Republican nomination these days without being triggered.

    http://www.nationalreview.com/article/433649/donald-trump-chalkening

    Liked by 1 person

  97. BuenaVista says:

    Anyone have a suggestion for a RP blog where girls and incels don’t ramble on and take over and tell us how ‘they’re not like that?’ And reduce the discussion to Mr Rogers Neighborhood?

    Liked by 2 people

  98. SFC Ton says:

    #1 there has to be the understanding jealously is natural but because you feel “x” doesn’t mean its legit or that you should act on it. That applies to all feelings

    We didn’t really have the jealously issues you’d think. I talked a little bit about how I arranged things to limit conflict over at my place but the big source of jealously centered around IQ differences and working outside the house. Girl #2 is a joy but not smart. Over time she learned I value her being home more then Girl#1’s pay check and what not….. deprogramming the modern feminist bullshit which had her thinking she is some how lesser because she stayed home and learned how to mange our domestic affairs. That is love in action.

    Probably all seems more complicated then it is but at one point I spent a lot of effort managing our time together. We grew out of it. The Girls have their own relationship. We no longer have scheduled one on one time, and they spend more time together as a couple then I spend with them and what not. We do have some hobbies/ events the other doesn’t enjoy/ have in common(Girl#1 and I are learning to ride horses, Girl#2 fears horses, enjoys working out more and working on bikes, trucks etc with me) they do all the girly shit together and without me.

    Domestic chores…. kind of breaks down into who doesn’t mind what. I do most of the cooking. Girl#2 does most of the prep work. She loves learning to do new things. Everyday sort of things. I fucking hate doing dishes. They clean up and do laundry, maid comes on Wednesdays. We all pitch in with Ton Spawn, but Girl#1 is the primary care taker. We are back to working on creating Half Ton so we’ll see how that works out when the time comes.

    The Girls love me but I am hard to live with so they are pretty happy when I take off for a couple of days. Mostly they call me asshole because I tease them non stop. Last night they put on a hell of a text/ photo show to get me to come home early. I stayed out later and they know it. When they do big things right I tease them and say they are lying, no way a pretty little things can do XYZ. I heap praise on them when they do small things well and in generally treat them like little girls. ie asshole

    Liked by 1 person

  99. SFC Ton says:

    That would be my place BV. When/ if I get to writing again I’ll probably go with no lady comments or only allow simple direct questions, no debate etc from women

    Something like that

    Like

  100. BuenaVista says:

    Ya, I keep checking it.

    Like

  101. Liz says:

    OT side note for firearms owners, in case anyone here is interested and/or unaware:

    I’ve been told that In June the laws are supposed to change so now is a VERY good time to get a gun trust, to get in under the wire.

    Liked by 2 people

  102. Tarnished says:

    Anyone have a suggestion for a RP blog where girls and incels don’t ramble on and take over and tell us how ‘they’re not like that?’

    What’s wrong with incels? 99% of incels are men, many of whom have been fed propaganda regarding what most women find attractive in men. Their complaints are valid, imo.

    Liked by 2 people

  103. Liz says:

    I’ll add a link:
    “New Gun Trust Rules Published and Will Be Effective June 28, 2016

    http://www.ammoland.com/2016/01/new-gun-trust-rules-published-and-will-be-effective-june-28-2016/#axzz44ybEmg1H

    Liked by 2 people

  104. Liz says:

    And (another side note) thankyou to whoever edited my post above and turned the black hearts into red ones.
    I didn’t intend to send a black heart. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  105. Yoda says:

    Wonder if ever happy these UMC women can be.
    Wonder if care if they are happy they do

    Liked by 2 people

  106. Tarnished says:

    Wonder if ever happy these UMC women can be.

    Depends on what they believe is happiness. If one’s concept of it is based on status and materialism, then it is likely to be fleeting since something/someone “better” is always going to come around.

    Another question might be whether they know what it means to be content.

    Liked by 1 person

  107. Ame says:

    SFC Ton says:

    5 April, 2016 at 6:18 pm

    thank you for taking the time to answer; I appreciate it.

    I would think the stronger the leader, you, is, the better it all works.

    ===
    “but the big source of jealously centered around IQ differences and working outside the house. Girl #2 is a joy but not smart. Over time she learned I value her being home more then Girl#1’s pay check and what not….. deprogramming the modern feminist bullshit which had her thinking she is some how lesser because she stayed home and learned how to mange our domestic affairs. That is love in action. ”
    ===

    i can easily see that.

    ===

    “ie asshole”

    or, perhaps … survivor. or is asshole more masculine?!

    Liked by 1 person

  108. SFC Ton says:

    The other an o sphere trend I see picking up steam if men who married unicorns talking about how Game/ Red Pill etc is bullshit. #1 I think they are full of shit #2 if they are legit you’d think such men could look at the other women around them and and put things togther

    Like

  109. SFC Ton says:

    … survivor. or is asshole more masculine?….

    I think terminology changes. douche bag is the shit-bird you cannot trust etc, asshole is a man who isn’t a nice guy( blue pill etc) but isn’t a douche bag either; or douche bag is untrustworthy etc an asshole isn’t shy about his self interests but won’t fuck you over either

    if that makes sense

    Liked by 1 person

  110. Dragonfly says:

    Ame, thank you for your advice, I think you’re right that it’s invalid in the long-run, he’s the most amazing dad I’ve ever seen. It’s my older son that actually sometimes cries at night and tells me that it’s not fair (he compares the time he gets with his dad to other kids… he’s extremely smart, more like a 10 year old rather than an average 5 year old!).

    “your husband is not withholding his time or love or authority from his sons, so your worry is invalid. let it go. and don’t listen to how other fathers are spending ‘x’ amount of time with their sons. and definitely do not compare the amount of time other fathers spend with their sons compared to the amount of time your husband spends with his.”

    I totally agree, it’s more that I have to constantly try to get him to focus on the positive time spent with his dad, and try to get him to not cry at night. I think maybe he uses it as a manipulation trick sometimes, because it always seems to only happen at bedtime, but then I think that maybe he’s validly feeling hurt by it. So it’s a constant balance.

    Liked by 4 people

  111. Ame says:

    Dragonfly – that’s really hard 😦

    have you talked to your husband about this? perhaps he can address it with your son?

    just gonna throw some thoughts out there, cause when our babies cry like that, it breaks our momma’s hearts. keep or ditch anything; you know your family best.

    idk if this will help or apply. when my Oldest was 1, I met my bff who had a son the same age. we then went on to each have another – she has 2 boys; I have 2 girls. her boys both have asthma, which was serious when little, her oldest son had a serious dairy allergy – as in, milk could not even touch his skin. her youngest had this weird reflux thing where he’s just barf. my youngest has her special needs, and in kinder my oldest developed an anaphylactic allergy to fire ants (lovely in texas where we cohabitate with the suckers!). so when my girls would complain about their stuff, i’d teach them that everyone has ‘something.’ youngest has her stuff, oldest has her allergy, friend’s oldest son can’t have ice cream (BIG for little kids), youngest son had barfing thing. I taught them that whether or not we could physically see other people’s stuff, we all have something.

    so while other little boys’ dad’s might be home at night, there’s something else hard that hurts them, too, that they have to deal with.

    wonder if recording your husband on your phone singing a nighty-nite song, prayer, words from daddy, etc, to play for your son JUST at bedtime … wonder if that might help. perhaps even your son could then record something for daddy that you could send to him.

    another thing I did when my girls were little and dealing with all the bs from their dad … I created imaginary characters for them that I would use to interact with them. for my oldest I created ‘Handy.’ Handy was just my hand that I would move like a puppet using a silly voice, but it was amazing how she could tell Handy things that she couldn’t tell me … and it was amazing how therapeutic that was for her. (gosh, i miss Handy – we had so much fun w/Handy!) youngest’s was the Monster of Igamore, I think. seemingly silly things that made huge differences at those tender little ages.

    I deal w/my Youngest w/emotional stuff all the time (it’s draining). idk if this would relate w/boys or not. but one thing I have to do with her is take both her emotions and mine out of it. it looks something like, “I know that hurts you, and I’m sorry. but this is how it is, and I know that it’s hard, but God made you smart enough to deal with this. so, this is how we’re going to deal with it …”

    Liked by 3 people

  112. Dragonfly says:

    Our crazy dog and the baby (he has two ear infections today, but he’s STILL a sweetie!)

    Liked by 4 people

  113. Ame says:

    SFC Ton says:

    5 April, 2016 at 10:34 pm

    … survivor. or is asshole more masculine?….

    I think terminology changes. douche bag is the shit-bird you cannot trust etc, asshole is a man who isn’t a nice guy( blue pill etc) but isn’t a douche bag either; or douche bag is untrustworthy etc an asshole isn’t shy about his self interests but won’t fuck you over either

    if that makes sense
    ==========

    Ton – you make perfect sense … i’ll have to share the way you wrote this w/my husband. he’ll definitely appreciate it.

    Like

  114. Ame says:

    Dragonfly!

    OH.MY.GAWASH!!! he’s ADORABLE!!! brings back such sweet, sweet memories. thank you for sharing that.

    love it – the dog on the sofa and the kid on the floor – perfect 🙂

    double ear infection … ahhh, poor baby. (poor Mommy, too)

    Liked by 3 people

  115. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    This may be better than a bear video. I think Tarn opened this up by referring to Snoopy dancing.

    Liked by 2 people

  116. Dragonfly says:

    Thank you Ame, – that is a great idea, the recording thing. That might really be a game changer for us, so thank you! And this is so true:

    “so when my girls would complain about their stuff, i’d teach them that everyone has ‘something.’ ”

    Yes, I’ve used that before, and it does at least teach him that everyone’s going through *something.*

    Sorry we’re annoying you, BV… lol.

    Liked by 3 people

  117. Tarnished says:

    Dragonfly,

    Your comment above made me remember something from my own childhood. I was 7 when my mom married my stepfather and nearly 8 when we went to live with him at his house. They shared the master bedroom and I was put by myself in a bedroom on the other side of the house…it wasn’t a mansion, but it was large enough that it meant 2 hallways, the dinning room, the sunroom, the foyer, *and* the kitchen was between us at night. Though I’d never been afraid of the dark, it was a big difference from living with my grandparents, mom, and uncle with our rooms all within the same hallway.

    Needless to say, bedtime went from being very safe-feeling to incredibly lonely, and I began to have night terrors. They got worse when I was stressed or sick, kinda how my sleep paralysis does nowadays.

    While 5 is young for such issues, do you think your son could be experiencing these or even just regular nightmares related to missing daddy (translating into subconscious fears of losing daddy)? I’d ask him in very general, non-leading terms if he hasn’t been having nice dreams. It could be that he only cries at bedtime because that’s when he’s most mentally stressed/vulnerable.

    Liked by 4 people

  118. Liz says:

    “It’s a beautiful day in this neighborhood,
    A beautiful day for a neighbor.
    Would you be mine?
    Could you be mine?…

    It’s a neighborly day in this beauty wood,
    A neighborly day for a beauty.”

    🙂
    In my defense, I did try to mix it up with some gun stuff.
    (and more seriously, I do hope firearms owners here are up on that….
    we just got a gun trust with the Jag)

    Liked by 2 people

  119. Tarnished says:

    I think the idea of making a recording of dad’s voice for the little guy to listen to is fantastic. Maybe make it a long recording, like of a favorite storybook, so he can fall asleep to it. That way, daddy’s voice will be picked up subconsciously, and hopefully create good dreams of family times when everyone is together!

    Liked by 3 people

  120. Tarnished says:

    I appreciate your link about the guns, Liz. My guy and some of our mutual friends have firearms. It’s good to be in the know about these changes.

    Liked by 1 person

  121. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Liz,
    Would you explain the need for gun trusts? I have never considered an alternative to individual ownership.

    Dragonfly,
    Not having Dad around at bedtime may be only a part of it. I think he will settle down. Loved the video but have never seen a dog eat an apple. 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

  122. Liz says:

    Fuzzy: “Would you explain the need for gun trusts? I have never considered an alternative to individual ownership.”

    I’d never heard of a gun trust until recently, Fuzzie.
    As I understand it, trusts offer legal protection from potential future laws which may ban the possession or sale of the firearms. So, for example, if I own a firearm that is legal at present, the trust protects us (and our progeny) from prosecution if the laws change, by grandfathering it in.

    Liked by 3 people

  123. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Liz,
    I don’t know. That one would try to protect against a government bent on circumventing the Second Amendment by calling attention to oneself seems counterproductive.
    Did you know that, in Switzerland, there are women’s groups trying to get all weapons stored in armouries? At present, every adult male is in the Army reserve and keeps his weapon at home. It has been this way since forever.

    Liked by 2 people

  124. Dragonfly says:

    I’m so sorry you had night terrors, Tarn! He doesn’t seem to have those, and his room is very close to ours and the baby’s. Sometimes he does have nightmares though, but not often thank goodness! Night terrors are traumatic for kids 😦 so sad you had them.

    That’s an even better idea, Tarn, about the storybook – I’m sure my husband would love to do that! Aww thanks!!!!! **hugs**

    Liked by 4 people

  125. Dragonfly says:

    Fuzzie, he eats anything – it’s kind of scary. But dalmatians apparently need a special diet of no purines so that they don’t get kidney stones… and those little green apples are great for treats when he’s being really good. He eats healthy 🙂

    But yea… we can’t give him a bowl because he’ll just destroy it/eat it. He destroys and eats literally anything if we let him. In the video, he’s on a leash lol… I have to keep him on a leash when he’s in the house so that he stays calm. He gets to run like crazy outside though. But he is really good with the kids! 🙂

    Liked by 4 people

  126. Tarnished says:

    You’re so welcome, Dragonfly. I hope whatever you come up with works. It’s so important for younglings to know they have parents who love them, even if they aren’t around all the time. 👍

    Liked by 4 people

  127. Tarnished says:

    And this may sound weird, but weighted blankets can make both kids and adults feel safer and help ease sleeping troubles. You can get them online, or in specialty kid stores. I recently got a 15 lbs one for myself (about $70 online), and I rest much better now. Again, don’t know if this would help your little man, but figured it can’t hurt to tell ya. 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

  128. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    He really is good with kids. The video demonstrates that. It’s good that your hudband is not a fireman. Otherwise, the dog would be going to work with him. Better that he stays at home. 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

  129. Ame says:

    Tarnished says:
    6 April, 2016 at 2:40 am
    “And this may sound weird, but weighted blankets can make both kids and adults feel safer and help ease sleeping troubles. You can get them online, or in specialty kid stores. I recently got a 15 lbs one for myself (about $70 online), and I rest much better now. Again, don’t know if this would help your little man, but figured it can’t hurt to tell ya.”
    ===============

    Tarn is replete with great ideas for you, Dragonfly!

    weighted and/or warm blankets are amazing. you can just put two or three on his bed and see how that works. make sure they’re not tucked in tight, though, so he can move around. i like it cold in the house so i can sleep with the blanket and comforter – makes me feel safe. and i also put a thin, old t-shirt over my eyes with essential oils on it (obviously optional). it makes me feel safe.

    weighted blankets are often used with Sensory kids/adults. Sensory Integration Disorder is something you can look up online. there are sites with very very cool products for SID – funandfunction dot com is one – idk anything about them – just googled places.

    also, along those lines, underarmor clothing helps with that for some kids – the tight feel on their body makes them feel safe.

    LOVE the idea of a long book and falling asleep w/daddy’s voice. one daughter would fall asleep to classical music when she was little.

    ===================

    Tarn – boo on night terrors. sleeping at night has been a long-standing challenge for me; hence why i can be seen lingering around different places at night while my sweet husband sleeps next to me.

    Liked by 2 people

  130. Yoda says:

    A new post there is

    Like

  131. Liz says:

    “That one would try to protect against a government bent on circumventing the Second Amendment by calling attention to oneself seems counterproductive.”

    There’s no filing requirement, Fuzzie. It’s not like registration. A gun trust private, so the advantage is to cover one’s backside just in case (rough example, imagine you have to use that weapon for defensive purposes and end up in the clink yourself for ten years because the barrel of your shotgun was a half inch too short).

    “Did you know that, in Switzerland, there are women’s groups trying to get all weapons stored in armouries? At present, every adult male is in the Army reserve and keeps his weapon at home. It has been this way since forever.”
    Doesn’t surprise me (the other half of my family is Swiss, but I haven’t visited in a while and don’t keep up with the politics). I’ll bet they will change their tune as the rest of Europe starts to fall.

    Liked by 2 people

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