Hypergamic Combat — Part II


Previously in this post,

Girls / young women have always been in competition with each other to obtain the perceived best man.  By social convention, in the past, this competition was often formalized and consequently muted.  In the modern world, we are seeing the wisdom of those ways; as what is being allowed in their hypergamic combat continually escalates. Elements such as clothes, in-out groups, slutty behaviors, etc. are now more accentuated than in times past.

Are there possible solutions here.  And by “solution”, I mean “a way to raise a daughter who will not fall into that trap?”  That is a good question.  And if readers have ideas for solutions, by all means post them.

But before discussing possible solutions, consider how the typical hypergamic combat all comes about.  Teen girls see other teen girls doing things designed to gather sexual attention, they decide that seems like something that they might like, and then “decide” to do it.  It is often not really a decision, rather it is something that they never really think about (i.e. not much cognitive activity here) and it something that just happens.  Besides, the other girls are doing it, especially the popular ones; and who wants to be left out.  Furthermore there is a crabs in a bucket dynamic invariably happening, where girls who deep down know that they are doing something wrong find solace in dragging others down to their level.

In schools, the above is pervasive.  Just about the only way to avoid it might be some expensive private schools (though probably not), and homeschooling.  With homeschooling, a teen does not need to marinate in it,  and can be introduced to it in small doses.  Hopefully inoculation can be the result.

On the flip side, by not slutting it up, and accumulating all of the baggage from doing so, a teen can mature into a high desirable woman.  The term desirable here needs some clarification.  It is all about desirability for marriage, not for casual sex.  Men do not want to marry sluts, especially ones with lots of baggage.  If played correctly, with training in feminine skills and virtues, the young woman might have her choice from a bevy of fine suitors.

Of course, teens are not particularly interested in impulse control.  They desire fun, and want it now.  So getting buy in might be difficult.  Since teens are not particularly cognitive yet, appealing to facts and logic might not be enough.  Though, pointing out trainwrecks might do the tricks.  Does anybody have ideas on getting a teen’s buy in?

Would this work?  I dunno.  But it is probably a better approach than just letting stuff happen.

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Posted in Dating????, FarmBoy, HowTo, Trainwreck
101 comments on “Hypergamic Combat — Part II
  1. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    I have never given much thought to raising daughters but, from having been a teenager, after puberty, peer pressure is more influential that parents. The daughter’s choice of friends is going to make a big difference.
    I have my doubts about expensive private schools. For rich parents, boarding schools are a place to send your kids and let someone else raise them.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Tarnished says:

    Though, pointing out trainwrecks might do the tricks. Does anybody have ideas on getting a teen’s buy in?

    Not letting television be their babysitter. Being honest about your own past and stupid decisions rather than pretending you’re perfect…especially since this just makes you look like you’re talking out your ass. Actually talking one on one with your kids about the pressures they face in school and online, instead of brushing them off as trivial or temporary concerns. Being an active presence in their lives, and letting them know you are available to answer any questions they might have. Understand that you aren’t their friend, but you are their confidant.

    Furthermore there is a crabs in a bucket dynamic invariably happening, where girls who deep down know that they are doing something wrong find solace in dragging others down to their level.

    Ah, but isn’t this an argument for female agency?

    I have my doubts about expensive private schools. For rich parents, boarding schools are a place to send your kids and let someone else raise them.

    That is what I’ve seen of the two in my general area, Fuzzie. Not very impressive.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    It is a difficult for a father to have any influence over his daughter post puberty in this time. The best he can do is provide a good example of wht a good man is. As for moral issues, I don’t think that he will be consulted but, he will have to help with the repercussions.

    Like

  4. Yoda says:

    Though, pointing out trainwrecks might do the tricks

    He, he, he, he
    Good pun that is

    Like

  5. Sunshine says:

    It is very important to say positive things about marriage to them on a regular basis. Tell them that it is nice to marry when you are still young and that marriage is not an impediment for a girl. She can still get post-secondary education even if she is married. She can still have fun adventures, but she will have them with her husband instead of alone. Don’t put pressure on them to parrot this back to you…just make little comments here and there to get them excited about marriage.

    I look at wedding dresses on Pinterest with my girls. They like that. The eldest said of her own volition that she thinks 20 is the perfect age to get married – and she’d like to go to college, too.

    I drop little comments here and there…”Guys pay attention to girls who act and look slutty, but they aren’t so likely to be serious about such girls.” Stuff like that.

    Tell your teenage daughter, “You don’t have to be some guy’s casual sex buddy. That’s no way to let yourself be treated. Feminism makes girls believe they’re not worth more, but only insecure girls let themselves be used like that.”

    And of course, keeping them grounded in what the Bible says about sexual morality is important, too.

    None of this is a guarantee. Girls with the best upbringing may still go off the rails because 50 years of feminism has destroyed the societal guard rails.

    Liked by 4 people

  6. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    I think Sunshine may be on to something but,it may be more subtle. If kids see their parents getting along fine, this would promote marriage very effectively. Feminism characterizes marriage as demeaning or, at best dull.

    Liked by 4 people

  7. Tarnished says:

    Tell your teenage daughter, “You don’t have to be some guy’s casual sex buddy. That’s no way to let yourself be treated. Feminism makes girls believe they’re not worth more, but only insecure girls let themselves be used like that.”

    If I had a daughter, I don’t think I’d mention the bolded portion. My reasoning would not be due to my own casual/unmarried sexual relationship, nor because some people view uncommitted sex as a trait of insecurity. In a biblical household, I can see why a parent would caution their children against such a relationship.

    Rather, I take issue with this segment because it states that sex is something a woman is “used” for or gives up, instead of mutually enjoyed and actively sought after by both sexes of young adults. This viewpoint could, inadvertently, lead a young woman to harbor transactional thoughts regarding sex, which is poisonous to marriages as well as uncommitted relations. Women should desire sex with their husbands just as much as they would with a casual partner, if not more!

    Perhaps something more along the lines of:
    “You don’t have to be some guy’s casual sex buddy. In fact, if you want to be married, it is better to do so while you’re both young. This way, you can build a life together while learning about each of your sexualities in a loving, loyal, and disease free/healthy environment.”

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Spawny Get says:

    Hypergamic Combat?

    I used to play this in the arcades, think it was back in the days where any colour in the image came from coloured plastic film on top of the black and white CRT. Fantastic.

    Liked by 2 people

  9. David Foster says:

    Yet in a way, the stakes in hypergamic combat are *lower* than the were in Ye Olden Days. If you were a girl in Jane Austin’s England, your marriage…or non-marriage…would determine just about everything about your subsequent life…mistress of a fine estate with a pleasant husband, or a miserable spinster, or married to a repellent jerk with no escape possible. Today, losing in hypergamic combat at 18 or 23 or 28 still leaves lots of chances for do-overs.

    Liked by 3 people

  10. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    David,
    You bring up a point. Monkey branching was not possible in Jane Austen’s time. Lifetime hard monogamy is supposed to be a benefit to women, especially after the child bearing years. They must like the thrill of feeding their hypergamy more.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Yoda says:

    When stakes high they were,
    A slut one could be not

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Yoda says:

    Wonder if Moehau Mans Womens engage in such combat I do.

    Like

  13. Yoda says:

    Wonder if a Kauri Club involved it would be

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  14. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Yoda,
    A Kauri Club would always be good for eliciting attention.

    I would think that in days when women did not have full control of their reproductive capacity, their tactics would be very different. Also, not being able to try again via divorce would force women to be careful when selecting a mate. Finally, without the social safety net, they had to make it work.
    A lot has changed and little of it good for men with respect to women. In indulging hypergamy, the average women burns through the good will of a lot of men. Looked at collectively, most men are burned many times. Not a good situation to inspire confidence.

    Liked by 2 people

  15. Tarnished says:

    Spawny,

    I think I remember playing it in the arcades, too. Kept right in between the Mortal Kombat and Altered Beast machines… 😉

    In indulging hypergamy, the average women burns through the good will of a lot of men. Looked at collectively, most men are burned many times.

    Part of the issue with this is the very persistent myth of “Men can have sex whenever they want” that still gets tossed around. Unless they read blogs from the manosphere or have close male friends, many women are ignorant of just how difficult it is for a man to find a good partner for sex and/or companionship. It’s as though they believe most guys have a roster of gals on some sort of booty call list. I wonder if they’d be more empathic to male peers if they knew the truth, or if they wouldn’t care?

    Liked by 3 people

  16. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Tarn,
    It may be projection. It’s a whole lot easier for a woman to find a partner than a man, unless that man is very high value. The presumption is that it should be just as easy for a man. What it takes is two consenting adults. I think the high value men are very busy. You would think that they would understand , or, at least, ask. To answer your question, it’s not going to be either/or but some of each. The ones that consciously don’t care worry me. I don’t know how many there are.

    Like

  17. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Off topic but, what a remarkable story.
    http://freenortherner.com/2016/03/14/an-anecdote/
    I have to wonder if this isa portent of the furure?

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Liz says:

    Tarn: “Rather, I take issue with this segment because it states that sex is something a woman is “used” for or gives up, instead of mutually enjoyed and actively sought after by both sexes of young adults. This viewpoint could, inadvertently, lead a young woman to harbor transactional thoughts regarding sex, which is poisonous to marriages as well as uncommitted relations. Women should desire sex with their husbands just as much as they would with a casual partner, if not more!”

    Well, it’s been pretty well established that men like very low N counts (for good reason), the lower the better, in their prospective mates. So that would mean their N count is important. Which means a low N count has value. If this is true, then they are ipso facto devaluing themselves when they engage in casual sex.

    Liked by 1 person

  19. Liz says:

    The sentiment you just espoused is actually de riguer these days, in fact. With very poor results.

    Like

  20. Liz says:

    Here is the quintessential prototype thought-piece of a female who has been raised believing that sex is “mutually enjoyed and should be actively sought after by both sexes of young adults”.

    http://nypost.com/2012/11/25/nobody-marries-their-best-sex-ever/

    Good marriage? Less transactional marriage? I’d place bets the answer in ten years will be no and no.

    Like

  21. Liz says:

    Mike just got back from a trip and the guy he was flying with had an awful story (not his own, it was another pilot).
    He said there was a Captain who was a very optimistic guy, fun to be around, a little heavy-set. His wife became a bitch and wanted a divorce and he went into deep depression. She was trying to take him for everything he had. They had two kids. One of the pilots suggested he get a DNA test for his kids, and he did (secretly). Neither of the kids were his. So the trial comes and she talks about what an asshole he is. He submits the DNA test to the judge, and the judge and two attorneys all look at the results together and then turn their view toward her. She didn’t get anything (whew!).

    Flash forward a couple of years and this guy is dating and in great shape, very happy and healthy and back to living life. Unfortunately, he starts dating her again, and actually marries her again. Two months later he dies of a heart attack. The guy Mike flew with thinks she killed him, somehow. I think he’s probably right. He’d just signed the insurance forms.

    Not to dogpile, Tarn (but your comment did get me a little het up)…this is a woman who probably placed low value on her sexual interactions…just “a fun, enjoyable thing to pursue” kind of like a hobby. She also placed a low value on loyalty, and all that. These things are connected for women. These things have value. If something has value, it’s ipso facto transactional. That isn’t something that has to be taught, it is inherently true.

    Liked by 2 people

  22. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Liz,
    I’ll bet that Tarn is fast asleep, as I should be. I’ll try to answer for her. You may be working with a different definition of “transactional”. I would see it as the woman allowing sex once the man has done something she requests. That would make it conditional. I don’t think that you do this or would condone any woman doing this within a relationship.

    Heart attack? Given that he had to be healthy enough to pass his physical, poisoning sounds possible. However, I knew of someone who was tested and they couldn’t find out what it was. His family will never know.
    What a sad story! We need a bear video.

    Liked by 1 person

  23. Liz says:

    I’m sure it wasn’t straight poison, or the insurance companies would have suspected foul play. More likely it was something like a potassium overdose (that can cause fatal heart arrhythmia). Seems too big a coincidence to be…a coincidence. Very sad story.

    Thanks for the bear video. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  24. Liz says:

    ” I’ll try to answer for her. You may be working with a different definition of “transactional”. I would see it as the woman allowing sex once the man has done something she requests. That would make it conditional. I don’t think that you do this or would condone any woman doing this within a relationship.”

    I think Sunshine was exactly right about what to tell her daughter. A girl who engages in casual sex is ruining and devaluing herself, and allowing herself to be used.

    Liked by 1 person

  25. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Liz,
    So, taking too much potassium as a mineral supplement can do as much? Given that angle, there must be a million ways to do someone in. That would be next to impossible to test for and prove in court.
    Yikes!

    My personal view is that sex isn’t casual. I am still trying to wrap my head around what drives the PPPs that Cill writes about.

    Liked by 2 people

  26. Liz says:

    “I am still trying to wrap my head around what drives the PPPs that Cill writes about.”

    It starts out with them being taught (either directly or indirectly) that sex is a fun, casual, empowering thing to do and not to attach much importance to it.

    Liked by 1 person

  27. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Liz,
    What gets to me about the PPPs is that every guy is only a one time shot for them. What are they going to do if they hit it off and would like to see each other again?
    Seeing each other again would be my preference. Am I weird that way?

    Liked by 1 person

  28. Liz says:

    It’s not weird to want to see someone you like again. From what I understand, the PPP culture is a hookup culture. Folks “hit it” when they barely know each other and there isn’t much conversation. They think there is something wrong with men who would value them (they don’t value themselves).
    I’d stay away from women like that. Far far away.

    Liked by 2 people

  29. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Liz,
    I’ll take your advice. I still can’t wrap my head around their thinking though. Maybe because I am a boy, I see the search costs as prohibitive. 😛

    Liked by 2 people

  30. BuenaVista says:

    Promiscuous women don’t bond, and thus they don’t know how to sustain a relationship over time (because they bounce out of them so easily, in search of “better”). This is very, very apparent in the SMP with women over 40. The career singles, obviously, don’t know their N and find the notion that it matters insulting. They’re also genuinely confused as to how their outlook and behavior militates against their stated objective (romantic stability, monogamy, that little thing called love).

    A divorced woman whose marriage lasted a decade or more is usually a polar opposite, and she’ll understand how to be a companion at the table and on the street, even if she’s a virtuosic harridan behind closed doors (and she’s not likely to be the latter).

    I’ve never seen a sex-positive career-girl singles-scene-stealer who transitioned into contented partner. I’ve also never met one who didn’t think she could flip a switch and accomplish just that — provided she met “the one.” There’s no conception that being a LT partner in a committed relationship is a skill as well as a pleasure, or that life’s habits tend to intrude on even our best intentions.

    My adult daughter lives the high life these days in Manhattan (fashion junior exec for a European house). She was raised to be sexually reserved and conservative, which was amplified because she started school in second grade at age five — she was 2-3 years younger than her classmates, and went to college at 16. Now I wonder if she doesn’t find it quite challenging to swim in the SMP while being, at heart I believe, some version of the SAHM that was her mother. I usually only hear about her dating travail when things go south, and then briefly (e.g., she was dating a NYT reporter 8 years older — who dumped her over the Christmas holidays, with a text message).

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  31. BuenaVista says:

    Black widows like Liz’ example are score-settlers. Their vindictiveness and aggression really have no bound if they consider themselves unfairly denied, unfairly rejected, unfairly revealed (e.g., the DNA reveal). The State and the culture approves and supports them in these efforts.

    Of course, sad cases like the pilot enable them as well — deluding themselves into thinking that someone finally loves them just for who they are, converting some grievous prior injury (injuries) to blissful acceptance.

    Liked by 2 people

  32. Tarnished says:

    Fuzzie’s response in my absence was correct. I was cautioning against the usage of sex as a literal transaction. When women see sex as something to be “used”, it becomes a tool. I think our friend Blurkel has done enough posts on this subject to show just how damaging this is. Hence, my comment regarding making sure one’s daughter never thinks of sex in such a way, since it can lead to her having manipulative thoughts like the women in Blurkel’s life (as well as numerous others).

    If you read my comment again, Liz, I said nothing about N count at all, but I did, specifically state that a woman should desire sex with their husbands, even more so than they would have with a casual partner. Once again, building off the fact that so many wives/ex-wives of manosphere bloggers apparently saw sex with their husbands…men they should love and therefore actively want to be intimate with…as a chore, or something they could just lay there and (wait for it) be “used” for while they starfished and made grocery lists in their head.

    That’s why the next part of my comment was thus:
    “You don’t have to be some guy’s casual sex buddy. (My admittance that the majority of men care about N count.) In fact, if you want to be married, it is better to do so while you’re both young. (As it has been shown that the strongest marriages are between virgins, like the community Bloom talks about.) This way, you can build a life together while learning about each of your sexualities in a loving, loyal, and disease free/healthy environment. (Once again, establishing that for pro-marriage women and their men, it is not necessary to have notches under their belts, and they shouldn’t give in to societal pressures that say you *need* sexual experience before your wedding day, and that there actually are benefits of neither of you having partners beforehand, like basically a 0% risk of STDs.)” I may be pro-MGTOW, but that doesn’t mean I think that nobody should get married…just that the foundation needs to be strong.

    The thing I still don’t agree with is that a woman who engages in non-marital sex is “allowing herself to be used”. The adolescent/teenage/young adult years especially involve a flood of hormones and body changes that essentially awaken the reproductive systems of both boys and girls. Unless there’s a problem or they are asexual, people of this age span are going to start craving sex and physical pleasure. It’s not like boys are horny and girls are just existing in a physically “innocent” state until they’re 19 or something.

    Is it smart to engage in premarital sex if you eventually want marriage?
    For the most part, no.

    But if you don’t want to get married, or you make a poor decision, or you’re going to actively seek a husband who doesn’t care if your N is 2 or 3 on your wedding day…I don’t think it is good to tell girls they were “used”. This is the type of language that helped create the idiotic “rape culture” fanaticism we see nowadays. If a woman engages in casual or non-marital sex, I for one am going to assume she did so because she was horny, just like men engage in/attempt to engage in casual or non-marital sex because they’d *also* like to get their rocks off with someone other than Rosy Palm. Again…women have agency and should take responsibility for their actions.

    The girl made the choice to have sex. She wasn’t forced into it, or “used”. If she was, then *that* is actual rape. I just want to steer away from the puritan concepts of pedestalizing women as being sexually “wholesome” and “pure” when we are most assuredly not, and to stop demonizing men as being “users” and “only capable of thinking with their dicks”.

    I want to note that this comment isn’t being written in a miffed or defensive way though. I just think maybe Liz read it before she had coffee? 🙂 😉
    Or maybe I wasn’t as clear as I could’ve been?

    For what it’s worth, Fuzzie, I don’t understand hookup culture either. Casual sex, where you get the “slam, bam, thank ya ma’am” treatment of each other is just weird. To not know someone at least for a few weeks prior to having sex with them is high on my “ick” list, as is never seeing them again. Sex is a highly intimate action, the physical embodiment of the caring relationship you have with another person. To treat it as the PPPs and the boys who lay with them do…it’s not what I’d call normal or good. I think it cheapens sex for both of them, honestly.

    Liked by 2 people

  33. Liz says:

    Sorry, I still disagree Tarn. I don’t think we are going to see eye to eye on this one.

    Asserting to your daughter that she should not let herself be used as a casual fuck buddy in no way promotes the rape culture meme. It’s wise, and parents for generations have held that view and it produces the best results for longterm success. A teenager doesn’t necessarily know she will marry one day but teaching her to place a high value on her sexuality will place her in a better position. And, again (probably the reason your response gets me so het up) at present society is 180 out from that view and I think that has led to these problems. Girls think they are being “sexually free” and “finding pleasure” and so forth. THEN they find that this doesn’t give them the fulfillment the media and friends and (even sometimes family, in ghetto culture) have indicated it should and then they feel used. They don’t have to be taught to feel that way, it’s part of their internal hamster. The reason the advice NOT to be that person is so important.

    I’ve posted on Blurkel’s topics, too. That is nowhere near the same thing. Because he is married ergo made an agreement (aka a transaction) that ipso facto means she has agreed to be loyal and supportive, which includes having sex with one’s husband (in a manner that makes him feel desired and loved and appreciated).

    Like

  34. Liz says:

    Tarn: “If you read my comment again, Liz, I said nothing about N count at all, but I did, specifically state that a woman should desire sex with their husbands, even more so than they would have with a casual partner.”

    But desire isn’t negotiable. And I think (and lots of sphere input has backed this suspicion) that desire and contentment for one’s spouse is pretty proportionate to the number of “casual partners” one has had.

    “Once again, building off the fact that so many wives/ex-wives of manosphere bloggers apparently saw sex with their husbands…men they should love and therefore actively want to be intimate with…as a chore, or something they could just lay there and (wait for it) be “used” for while they starfished and made grocery lists in their head.”

    Yeah, often because they’d had so many casual partners to compare him to, and they didn’t think sex was an important part of marriage, it was just something you did with casual partners until she found a guy with enough money and right hobbies that was kind of more friend than lover. Which is a recipe for marital dissatisfaction.
    That’s all I’ll say on the matter. But we’ve been here before.

    Liked by 2 people

  35. Re the ppp, I am not totally sure what drives that. My college roommate would have one night stands and such. She would claim it was because she was “liberated” but even when she went in w a no-strings mentality, she almost always got attached or would be hurt later when the relationship went nowhere. I tried to explain to her why women are biologically geared to bond after sex (even to a disastrously bad match) so women aren’t naturally wired for casual. The few who truly are, either have done it so much that they have broken that ability to bond or perhaps were molested as children and responded to that w promiscuity (I think this may have been why my roomie acted like she did, she hoped these guys would fall for her after sex.) she finally after many years met her current husband and we’ve lost touch, but I have wondered if she’s been able to stay faithful bc toward the end she was almost behaving like a sex addict, seeking a validation “fix” with the ons business.

    Liked by 3 people

  36. Liz says:

    Here’s thing, too. Women like the one you just described, Bloom, are EXACTLY the types to make a fake rape claim. It isn’t the ones who place a high value on their sexuality, it’s the ones that promote the casual lifestyle and then “feel used”. It’s not the feeling used that’s the problem. That’s the symptom, from making poor choices and cheapening themselves.

    Liked by 2 people

  37. Re teens and sex, I agree Liz. I remember more than one guy breaking up w me bc I wouldn’t and I am still glad I didn’t cave bc in those cases it would have been just to try and keep him rather than I actually wanted to. The boys seemed to have a much higher sex drive at that time than I did. One of them got another gal who would pregnant at 17, I was so glad that wasn’t me!

    Liked by 1 person

  38. Liz says:

    Every woman at the base here who has made a false rape claim (which is every rape claim here so far) was exactly that type of person.

    Liked by 1 person

  39. Oh and those other guys who broke up w me bc I wouldn’t, I am quite sure none of them were interested in anything serious. So yeah, they would have been “using me” w no intention of anything more. I think most gals expect the sex for commitment exchange in some form. Tarn I know you have mentioned you aren’t like that, but I think most females are geared to link sex to long term commitment and feel “used” if it doesn’t go there.

    Women who try to use sex to snag a guy could be projecting, assuming guys bond bc of sex? But it seems much easier for a guy to truly have a “hit it and forget it” mentality than a gal. (Not all men do that, I am speaking in general)

    Liked by 2 people

  40. True Liz, I could see that re: false rape claims. My roomie never accused any of the guys of taking advantage later, she knew it was always consentual, but she would be sad when a guy didnt follow sex w commitment. I could see how a women could twist that into motive for a false allegation, anger and the accusation as a way to “get even?” (I am not saying doing so is ok in any way btw, just trying to imagine how it could happen.)

    Liked by 2 people

  41. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    The problem with the false accusers is they will never admit to being false. That does make it hard to drill down to the bottom of it.
    I think that a lot of women believe that giving a man sex will cause him to bond. If they want the relationship to continue and he wants to bail, she will be disappointed.

    Liked by 2 people

  42. I was dating, engaged, then married and off the market most of the time she was going thru all this so she just thought “I didn’t get it” bc I wasn’t single. We went on a vacation together after my divorce (we lived in different cities so only saw each other rarely by that point) and in the one week we were in Mexico she slept with THREE guys. Yuck! She figured naturally I’d want to “live it up too” but I said, “ummm no, you go ahead.” I was actually pissed at her bc we were supposed to be on a friends vacation after my having just been thru a really bad time, and she spent way too much of it chasing strange guys. It grossed me out. She met her now hubby shortly after, and yes they slept together immediately but he was a retiring player looking to settle down so I guess the timing was right?

    Liked by 1 person

  43. SFC Ton says:

    Again what we see is the same old mostly failed advice

    Liked by 1 person

  44. Tarnished says:

    I think most gals expect the sex for commitment exchange in some form. Tarn I know you have mentioned you aren’t like that, but I think most females are geared to link sex to long term commitment and feel “used” if it doesn’t go there.

    Fair enough. I agree with this statement.

    Women who try to use sex to snag a guy could be projecting, assuming guys bond bc of sex?

    Seems likely. They probably never were told/realized how the majority of women and men are wired differently in this regard.

    I think that a lot of women believe that giving a man sex will cause him to bond. If they want the relationship to continue and he wants to bail, she will be disappointed.

    This is true in many, many cases Fuzzie. You’d think the sheer amount of advice columns discussing this topic would be a clue…

    I remember more than one guy breaking up w me bc I wouldn’t and I am still glad I didn’t cave bc in those cases it would have been just to try and keep him rather than I actually wanted to.

    This is what I’d tell women to avoid. Caving in to demands/requests for sex from uncommitted partners just to try and make him stay is foolish and will not accomplish that goal anyway. I am glad you held your ground, Bloom!

    …I have wondered if she’s been able to stay faithful bc toward the end she was almost behaving like a sex addict, seeking a validation “fix” with the ons business.

    Also an astoundingly bad reason to have sex.

    Sorry, I still disagree Tarn. I don’t think we are going to see eye to eye on this one.

    That’s ok, Liz. We don’t have to agree on everything. It would be weird if we did! I do think we agree more than it seems, and we’re talking around each other some, but I could be wrong on that.

    Liked by 2 people

  45. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Bloom,
    Three guys in one week while on vacation? A bit much.

    Liked by 1 person

  46. Yoda says:

    Again what we see is the same old mostly failed advice

    Which advice specifically mean you do?

    Liked by 1 person

  47. Yoda says:

    Every woman at the base here who has made a false rape claim (which is every rape claim here so far) was exactly that type of person.

    Perhaps write guest post about this you should

    Liked by 2 people

  48. Tarnished says:

    Three guys in one week while on vacation? A bit much.

    That’s putting it mildly, Fuzzie. I would be hard pressed to keep any respect for anyone who goes through sex partners like that.

    Liked by 1 person

  49. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Even James Bond is not that busy.

    Guest post from Liz about that would be a good read.
    Please, Liz

    Like

  50. Yeah I agree fuzzie, a bit much! Blech! 😖 At one point she had picked up this guy at breakfast and he came by later in the day to our room, they started getting naked and taking photos on their cell phones, I think they wanted me to join, I was like “no way I am out of here, I’m going to get a margarita and sit on the beach!” So they shagged. We saw him later that night and it was akward. We kept running across him over the next few days and she was down in the dumps bc he took it at face value, just a shag, and she was all “why doesn’t he like me?” Blah blah. I was just like, ” ah Jeeze, give it a rest!” It was NOT fun. I was super annoyed.

    Liked by 2 people

  51. Yeah three in a week… I really do think she was a sex addict, or something.

    She came on a trip w her now husband shortly after they met. We all went out to dinner and then suddenly they were just gone. I realized they were getting it on in the bathroom! So I paid my part of the check, was headed out, when she came chasing after me. I told her I was sick of it and left. We kept in touch after, I was in her wedding, but I was honestly kinda done w her and the sluttiness stuff. I mean it was like every time we did anything, she’d hook up w some guy and expect me to just hang out waiting… Nah. I do hope her marriage is going ok and that she’s finally happy. Odds are against it but..

    Liked by 2 people

  52. I sound really fuddy duddy, huh? Ah well, the whole “girls gone wild” just wasn’t my thing.

    Liked by 1 person

  53. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Bloom,
    It’s not that you are a fuddy duddy but, your two styles are incompatible. In your place, I would feel the same. It is curious that the guys didn’t come back for more. Could she have somehow been filtering out the guys who would?

    I have heard that getting a girl out of town can loosen up inhibitions. They are in the company of strangers, so there are no witnesses to remind her later.

    Like

  54. Tarnished says:

    I sound really fuddy duddy, huh?

    Lol. Hardly, Bloom.
    Your friend just sounds like a rude bitch though (sorry).

    I mean, really! Getting it on with random dudes while you’re in the room…without letting you know ahead of time so you could be somewhere else? Having spontaneous sex in a public bathroom…while other guests are still waiting for you at the table?

    Holy crap. Even if I didn’t think she was stupid for expecting commitment from some guy off the street, I definitely still think she was super impolite and narcissistic.

    Liked by 2 people

  55. Tarnished says:

    They are in the company of strangers, so there are no witnesses to remind her later.

    Idk Fuzzie…Bloom’s friend seemed pretty uninhibited even *with* people she knew being in close proximity. Though she seems extreme, so maybe she’s a special case? Hopefully?

    Like

  56. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Tarn,
    I am the cinnamon roll. If you say that she is extreme, I”ll take your word for it. You do have it right about not respecting Bloom.

    Like

  57. @ Tarn yeah, I bet it sounds that way, and maybe she is and I just never thought of it like that? She is otherwise very caring, sweet, etc. so she was an otherwise good person, except for the guys and sex thing!

    Liked by 1 person

  58. @ fuzzie I think she was for sure filtering out the guys who were/would have been available. She had a thing for the non commitment types. They’d blow her off, call here here and there, leave her hanging. Knowing what I know now via the rp, she had it hard for the dark triad alpha type! And them for her, at least in the moment. She’s quite good looking, probably an 8 or 9. 5’10”, slim, Brazillian, with a killer bikini bod, long dark hair, etc.

    Liked by 1 person

  59. BuenaVista says:

    Bloom, the smart-set single girls all trumpet their travel adventures. They’re all going to the same places, where they take the same pictures. Then they mimic Erica Jong’s advice (in re: zipless fucks).

    Like

  60. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Bloom,
    You have given me some stuff to mull over. I do have a definite feeling she was self sabotaging for long term somehow.

    Like

  61. Tarnished says:

    That’s sad how different an addiction can make her act, Bloom. 😦

    Liked by 1 person

  62. BuenaVista says:

    I think the NYPost story Liz links is F.I./blue pill disinformation, in two ways.

    1) It advances the Sheryl Sandberg AF/BB strategy as a mature and thoughtful life strategy. It celebrates the hallway-sex lifestyle, then celebrates the “marry the doofus with an Audi” lifestyle. It ignores what the dynamics of those relationships are like after just five years (derision, boredom, perhaps infidelity).

    2. It advances the feminist idea that a good husband is a passionless, boring, neutered and dull servant. Better advice would be “Find a guy who isn’t a pussy, is protective of you, and won’t take any shit — from you or anyone else. If other men respect him, figure out why, and do the same.” But feminists warn: never settle down with someone you cannot control, threaten with emotional, legal and financial ruin, and sexually control.

    Really, the idea that smart women should marry dull limpdicks is just another representation of the feminist idea, which is “Women should always hold all the relationship cards.”

    I never met a man who regretted not marrying his “best lay.” I never even met one who worried about it. There’s something truly juvenile about wishing — simultaneously — for a family, financial security, and apocalyptic sex.

    My ex-wife was not my best lay. In 23 years, however, there wasn’t a single instance of what we’ll call … well, in 23 years, I never asked for or received a rain check. Combat hypergamy leads to women discussing with national newspapers their terrible dilemma: the guy who’s paying their bills and generating their offspring, is not James Deen! How could this be! BFD.

    Liked by 2 people

  63. Liz says:

    “Even James Bond is not that busy.

    Guest post from Liz about that would be a good read.
    Please, Liz”

    Aw, thanks Fuzzie. 🙂
    But a real post would require some details and I really shouldn’t elaborate about what goes on at the base. At least, not more than I do…and honestly I’ve probably already said too much too often.

    Liked by 2 people

  64. Dragonfly says:

    “Two months later he dies of a heart attack. The guy Mike flew with thinks she killed him, somehow. I think he’s probably right. He’d just signed the insurance forms.”

    OMG Liz. It’s very possible, there are many ways that biologically, leave little to no trace…. I don’t know why, but we learned these things in upper level grad courses, and the professor warned just how easy it was to kill someone like this.

    Like

  65. Dragonfly says:

    “Asserting to your daughter that she should not let herself be used as a casual fuck buddy in no way promotes the rape culture meme. It’s wise, and parents for generations have held that view and it produces the best results for longterm success. A teenager doesn’t necessarily know she will marry one day but teaching her to place a high value on her sexuality will place her in a better position.”

    Yes, this is very important for people with daughters. And it’s true that men seem to respect this, even if it’s not placed in a religious viewpoint.

    Liked by 1 person

  66. @ BV guess I missed my chance to be a “cool kid.” Ah well, I have no regrets! Otherwise Mexico (Tulum) was amazing, I’d like to go back sometime!

    Liked by 1 person

  67. Dragonfly says:

    “Because he is married ergo made an agreement (aka a transaction) that ipso facto means she has agreed to be loyal and supportive, which includes having sex with one’s husband (in a manner that makes him feel desired and loved and appreciated).”

    I really do think all adult relationships are transactional… it doesn’t sound particularly romantic, but it just makes sense logically that each partner is giving and getting something that benefits each other and fulfills the marriage.

    Liked by 2 people

  68. Dragonfly says:

    “I think they wanted me to join, I was like “no way I am out of here, I’m going to get a margarita and sit on the beach!” So they shagged. We saw him later that night and it was akward. We kept running across him over the next few days and she was down in the dumps bc he took it at face value, just a shag, and she was all “why doesn’t he like me?””

    Wow Bloom, that is just awful… it’s sad to me that women like that don’t understand that they’re just letting themselves be used for a casual “shag.” What on earth did she think would come of that??? A week long “fling?” And how is that supposed to be fulflling??

    What if she fell in love with him? All this would do is bring unnecessary pain into her life.

    Liked by 3 people

  69. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Liz,
    I see your point.

    BV has pointed out the paradox for women in modern marriage. They want to control the marriage through the man and, yet, they will have no respect for a man they can control.

    Bloom,
    Better to go to a resort with your sweetie than a gal pal.

    Liked by 2 people

  70. Yoda says:

    Busy like Curisant this thread was.
    Now like Degoba it is

    Like

  71. Yoda says:

    Much unknown there is,

    According to Stern, Montague and a female student developed a relationship that led to their sleeping together in Montague’s room four times in the fall of 2014.

    What is in dispute is the fourth occasion. According to the statement from Montague’s attorney, Montague and the woman had consensual sex and then went separate ways. The statement said that later that night, she reached out to him to meet up, returned to his room voluntarily and spent the night in his bed with him. However, the woman stated she did not consent to sexual intercourse, while Montague said she did, the statement said.

    “Only two persons could have known what happened on that fourth night,” Stern said. “The panel chose to believe the woman, by a ‘preponderance of the evidence.’ We believe that it defies logic and common sense that a woman would seek to re-connect and get back into bed with a man who she says forced her to have unwanted sex just hours earlier. And yet the Dean accepted this conclusion and ordered Jack to be expelled. His decision was then upheld by the Provost.

    “We strongly believe that the decision to expel Jack Montague was wrong, unfairly determined, arbitrary, and excessive by any rational measure,” Stern continued. “Yale has been oblivious to the catastrophic and irreparable damage resulting from these allegations and determinations. The expulsion not only deprives Jack of the degree which he was only three months short of earning, but has simultaneously destroyed both his educational and basketball careers.”

    http://www.cnn.com/2016/03/14/us/jack-montague-to-sue-yale/index.html

    Liked by 1 person

  72. More on the former college roomie, when we were in college she wasn’t as bad as what I describe above, which was over 15 years and many failed serial monogamy/ons/casual/ect. experiences later. It seemed to increase gradually in her early 20’s, getting worse late 20’s, early 30’s were bad, she was about 37 when we went to Mexico and it was at the peak. It seemed she got more desensitized and bolder as the experiences (and N count) grew. I suspect that may be the way it goes much of the time, crossing more and more boundaries and what was on e “risqué” soon became ” the old black.”

    In Mexico she really shocked me, her boldness, almost predatory approach. Very brazen. I tried to tell her Guys like that, short term, but you are blowing the chances of a serious longerm. After sex she would get very clingy and neurotic, which also scared the guys off. It was a bad scene 😦

    Liked by 2 people

  73. Tarnished says:

    I think that a lot of women believe that giving a man sex will cause him to bond. If they want the relationship to continue and he wants to bail, she will be disappointed.

    Something to note:
    I’ve been talking to my guy about this topic today, and he disagrees with some points/agrees with others. The 2 of us are on the same page in opinions, fwiw.

    He recalled two girlfriends in college that, immediately after having sex for the first time, said “I love you”. And really meant it. He gently let them down, because in each instance they’d only been in the relationship a short period (2 weeks and 3+ weeks, respectively). As he explained, he did care about them since they were dating and had shared intimacy, but it was waaaay too soon to be using serious phrases like that. Not surprisingly, these gals became very clingy/possessive and the relationships didn’t last much past that. Neither were virgins, but it seems they both fell prey to the idea of sex = commitment.

    My personal view is that sex isn’t casual.

    Fuzzie, If we are defining “casual” as “PPP culture” aka completely random sexual pickups, then even my FwB has never engaged in this. I’m his 13th partner, yes, but every one of the previous 11 were girlfriends that he was/had attempted to seriously date. The single ONS he had wasn’t some random gal either…they were in the same social circle, had college classes together, and studied in the same group. It just so happened that one night they both had an itch and felt safe/confident enough with each others company that they slept together to scratch it.

    I asked him if he’d ever consider(ed) doing what the PPPs do and have sex with someone he knew absolutely nothing about, and he gave me a look like I was insane. He thought this was probably an excellent way to get an STD or (nowadays) have the woman claim it wasn’t fully consensual. He has said before that if he were to ever get back into the open dating pool, every new partner would have to sign a Contract of Consent with at least 2 witnesses.

    Sadly, I don’t think he was joking.

    Liked by 1 person

  74. Probably pissed them off as much as scared them off? Anyway… It was no bueno!

    Liked by 1 person

  75. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Yoda,
    The Montegue/Yale lcomment made me realize that women have a problem with consent. It takes two consenting parties to enter a relationship. Women can’t just give men sex and presume that it’s going to be “happily ever after”. Thsi whle false rape thing may be a power grab in which only women can dump men.

    Liked by 2 people

  76. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Bloom,
    What you have to say about your old roommate is pretty revealing. She got lucky in finding someone to marry her. I don’t know if women are prepared to hear it but, the carousl is not a good idea for them.

    Liked by 3 people

  77. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Tarn
    I think a lot of girls are trying to use sex as a toll to lock down commitment. It’s not working.
    It may be the while some men may pump and dump, a lot of men won’t . Your sweetie sounds more like the long term model.
    That is good!
    I can see why he is nervous. It is getting beyond ridiculous.

    Like

  78. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    This photo is going to be a great meme. It may even stand as a comment on the times.
    http://captaincapitalism.blogspot.com/2016/03/how-not-to-get-women-in-stem.html

    Liked by 1 person

  79. Farm Boy says:

    http://www.washingtonexaminer.com/fcc-commissioner-something-changing-in-america-about-the-first-amendment/article/2585434#.Vua5eNPXqQQ.twitter

    Ajit Pai, the son of immigrants from India, grew up in Parsons, a city of 10,000 in rural Kansas, before going to Harvard University and the University of Chicago for law school. His parents came to the United States with “about $10 in their pockets, a willingness to work very hard, and a belief in the American Dream.” . . .

    It seems to me that something is changing in American society, and particularly on college campuses. There’s the old saying that I may not agree with what you say, but I’ll fight to the death for your right to say it. That kind of ethos is increasingly rare.

    That poses a special danger to a country that cherishes First Amendment speech, freedom of expression, even freedom of association. I think it’s dangerous, frankly, that we don’t see more often people espousing the First Amendment view that we should have a robust marketplace of ideas where everybody should be willing and able to participate.

    Largely what we’re seeing, especially on college campuses, is that if my view is in the majority and I don’t agree with your view, then I have the right to shout you down, disrupt your events, or otherwise suppress your ability to get your voice heard.

    That’s something, I think, that poses a danger to what I call the culture of the First Amendment. The text of the First Amendment is enshrined in our Constitution, but there are certain cultural values that undergird the amendment that are critical for its protections to have actual meaning. If that culture starts to wither away, then so too will the freedom that it supports.

    Liked by 4 people

  80. SFC Ton says:

    the always repeated and regularly unsuccessfully advice tropes are

    peer pressure and who her friends are
    something about TV and media influence
    teach her to value her body/ sex etc
    point out train wrecks/ bad examples etc
    marry young
    lite tap dancing on the pill and easy divorce

    and thats as far as I care to read the same ol same old

    Women are ruled by tingles and fear. Want your daughter to do right? Hit that balance of fear and love… Biblical fear as in fearing God is the beginning of wisdom. As fathers we should be feared as well as loved. Machiavellian for sure but its really an extension of the red pill advice of mission 1st. Your child rearing mission is not about warm feelings but about creating adults that honor your forefathers.

    When my daughter was in jr high I caught her wearing something inappropriate. I snatched her off the side walk, took her into town to the nearest ghetto and told her the next time I catch her dressing like a whore I will drop her off here and she can live like a whore but she will never embarrass the family name like that again. No yelling etc just the certain knowledge of what will happen. Thing was, she wasn’t as poorly dressed as the girls in her class, but I drew the line. She learned I valued the family name more then any amount of warm fuzzies

    a few weeks later she began asking me which outfits were ok to wear, something that still occurs today as a married woman of 28.

    The soft sell from men rarely works. As in near on never

    The above often repeated advice is the feelz good beta way and if the way of the beta worked well there would be no man o sphere

    Liked by 1 person

  81. Here here re the first amendment! I find this trend toward freedom of “acceptable” speech only very disturbing.

    I think this disrupting rallies biz is too. Imagine what the press would say if trump supporters were attending Bernie or Hillary rallies and trolling? Would those candidates be blamed for the inevitable scuffles?

    Liked by 4 people

  82. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Bloom,
    Thety are afraid of Trump. It’s because he’s not part of the political establishment and he doesn’t owe political favors.
    As for shutting events down, this has been common in acedemic setting for years. It has finally spilled over into politics. It does worry me because it’s censorship, conhtrary to free speech, and contrary to free assembly.

    Liked by 4 people

  83. Yoda says:

    The ripple effects of the German voter rebellion against Merkel’s open-door immigration policy will rapidly be felt across the continent. It will not matter much that the Chancellor has tried to modify it after the fact, reaching out to Turkey and seeking ways to slow down the migration inflow, with NATO and the EU looking for joint solutions to strengthen the borders. If anything, the public rejection of Merkel’s policy has reinforced the sense that her leadership has failed to grasp fully the complexity of the nearly thirty-year-old European Union—especially the enduring strength of the national identity politics of its newer members and the ultimate insularity of state interests in the United Kingdom, France, and Spain. Today, regardless of how Germany ultimately adjusts its immigration policy, the amount of damage done to the EU’s cohesion by Merkel’s initial open door policy will endure. It has already reinforced an increasingly nationalized approach to managing immigration by individual member states, while feeding the European public opinion’s growing anti-Brussels sentiment.
    The anti-Merkel vote in Germany also casts in a different light the early decision by Viktor Orban of Hungary to build a fence across his country’s border, and, more recently, the refusal by France to take in more migrants, the ongoing resistance in Poland to the mandatory resettlement quota system advocated by the EU Commission, and the Macedonian government’s decision to close the country’s border completely. Likewise, the creeping de facto reintroduction of national border controls across the Schengen Zone is but the latest reaffirmation of what was once derided in Berlin, Vienna, and Brussels as the “Orbanization of Europe.” This was, in hindsight, at least on the border question, a prudent if clumsily executed effort to manage the flow so as to stay attuned to the public mood in the European Union and to preserve individual states’ absorption capacity. Whatever one thinks of Orban’s questionable economic and foreign policy priorities, he correctly anticipated the public’s resistance to the current wave of MENA migrants.

    http://www.the-american-interest.com/2016/03/14/merkels-twilight-begins/

    Liked by 4 people

  84. Yoda says:

    From above link this is

    There is one enduring lesson from Angela Merkel’s big political defeat this weekend that bears repeating on both sides of the Atlantic: This is what happens when you don’t listen to your citizens.

    Liked by 2 people

  85. Yoda says:

    Protesters went up on stage right next to Sen. Ted Cruz at a Second Amendment rally in New Hampshire moments ago.

    http://insider.foxnews.com/2016/01/12/video-anti-gun-protesters-storm-stage-ted-cruz-rally

    Like

  86. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Canada has traditionally been very open to immigration. They are the world’s second largest country with a population one tenth that of the US. Even they are out of patience with this.

    Lauren Southern is in Vancouver BC, who got more than their fair share of people from Hong Kong before it reverted to China.

    Like

  87. Spawny Get says:

    The money shot starts at 28:30 ish (25:00 for a little context), or maybe…da da da!!!…listen to it all

    Liked by 1 person

  88. Spawny Get says:

    Sad, sad news
    http://www.breitbart.com/tech/2016/03/15/university-of-missouri-board-upholds-melissa-click-firing/

    The University of Missouri’s Board of Curators upheld its decision to fire an assistant professor whose run-ins with student journalists and the police during race-related protests last fall drew widespread attention, the university system said Tuesday.

    The board found that Melissa Click’s appeal “brought no new relevant information,” the university system said in a statement. The curators unanimously reached the decision Monday during a closed session. A spokesman for the curators, John Fougere, said Click stopped being paid Tuesday.

    “We consider this matter now closed and are moving forward as a university and as a community,” the statement said, adding that it believes that Click was “treated fairly throughout this matter.”

    Click, whose February firing came a month after she was suspended, issued a statement vowing to “continue to fight” the curators, saying their actions “violate university policy and set a dangerous precedent.” The American Association of University Professors has backed Click and said it was investigating the process leading to her firing.

    Liked by 2 people

  89. Farm Boy says:

    There is a new post

    Like

  90. Farm Boy says:

    The woman on the cover of the video at 6:49 pm is most unappealing

    Liked by 2 people

  91. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Yoda,
    About that last photro, what the heck???

    Liked by 1 person

  92. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    She needs to bo back inside WalMart and buy either pants that fit or suspenders. There is nothing to prevent her pants to falling around her ankles. It’s unsafe.

    Like

  93. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Spawny Get,
    That was a great video from Stefan Molyneaux.
    As for Melissa Click, it would not be a surprise if she sued. That a professional orfanization is supporting her is more than a little bit of a shock.

    Liked by 1 person

  94. SFC Ton says:

    Slut shaming, girl mags suck and the thing about fathers (sort of/ sort of missed the mark) were the only useful tips in that article. 30% is a failing grade, right?

    Like

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