Oprah Winfrey is apparently running It’s Not You, It’s Men, a series of “discussions” regarding sex and relationships aimed at women.
Among other things she’s promoting is the fallacy that once-a-week sex means that a couple is happiest. Said fallacy is backed by a study issued by the Department of Psychology, University of Toronto Mississauga. One respondent to this article -clearly female- said, “Ditching the husband in your late 30’s also helps with easier orgasms!”
Another piece of “advice” offered via Oprah’s media empire has a woman, actress Tisha Campbell-Martin, telling her husband that while they love each other, it isn’t enough for her. “I want you to like me…I want to be your girlfriend.” The post doesn’t explain in any detail what this means in practice, or what it does for their sex lives. But it makes her look like she’s trying to work on her relationship.
Interestingly, the series also presents an opinion that women aren’t going to like much: “Men are endocrinologically designed to cheat.”
“Sociologist, sexologist and professor” Eric Anderson posited that “Monogamy is not the normal expectation across the world — monogamy never has been a normal expectation across the world. It is a new invention.” Can you hear distaff teeth grinding over that assertion? How DARE he try to excuse men not coming to heel to their owners – er, wives?
“Professor” Anderson’s solution to this issue isn’t going to play well with women either: “I want to teach society to accept that alternative relationship types are viable — including open relationships, including swinging.”
His defense of his position isn’t a strong one: “[Cheating] might just be about having sexual desires met. Not because you failed to love, not because you don’t respect your partner.” Doesn’t he understand that men only get access to the Golden Vagina when he gives up everything he has, especially his freedom? There is nothing in the marriage vows which directly address sex. It’s merely assumed that there will be some. It’s also not defined how much is “some”.
One respondent -usurping her man’s given name as part of hers- declares “A woman’s biology tells her to mate with the strongest most virile man but we’re not designed to toss a man over when we’ve found a ‘superior’ mate.”
I’d love to hear her explain the myriad of AF/BB tales abounding across the Internet!
Leigh Newman wrote a piece not featured on It’s Not You, It’s Men -but still presented by OWN- which takes a more realistic and non-gendered look at sexual relationships. Of her five “tips”, the only one I accept unquestioned is her fourth: Lesson #4: Don’t Excuse Bad Sex
There are times in life when sex is bad — and so many different ways in which it can be bad….No one in their right mind will insist that these are indications of a wonderful relationship. But they are also “every once in a while.” They are not “every day.” They are not “every week.” And they are not the “once-a-month” sex that you acquiesce to because after a while, it’s just so uninspiring or uncomfortable that you give up on the activity. No matter how handsome, funny, honest, smart, kind and sexy a partner is, bad sex isn’t something that you can live with it.
Fix it or face up to the possibility that you may need a new partner.
Sounds like the blame is laid at his feet, doesn’t it? And the Cock Carousel commences rotation once more as Oprah’s portfolio grows!
So what to do? My opinion is expressed by two commenters, one replying to the original:
OP: “Affairs don’t start in the bedroom. They start with a conversation.”
Reply: “So never, under any circumstance, talk to anyone.”
The same applies to bad marriages. If you ignore women, you can’t get into trouble of the sort you will regret the rest of your life – something I know all too well.
I wish that the following tune was more gender-balanced, but I agree with the basic sentiment: