Self-Sabotage


Recently Commenter Buena Vista stated,

If a woman secures a man she considers ‘alpha’, implied is that she locked down a man out of her league. She’s just scored! in a game one might call relationship arbitrage.

One common response to her lingering disbelief and insecurity, then, is to immediately ring-fence the man. After all, she didn’t think she was going to get him, so she’s going to wonder how she’s going to keep him. It doesn’t occur to her that a man chose her as well, for reasons of his own, and that he’s capable of honoring his own decision and commitment.

(And there’s some massive projection operating here, because female hypergamy, she fails to realize, is not inherent to male mate selection. Just because she will trade up or out if bored, if she has the opportunity, doesn’t mean the man will. Obviously it’s just the opposite, with men.)

Women with a habit or legacy of relationship-wrecking, through promiscuity or simple emo-psychological pathologies, offer a more challenging form of mate-guarding. She’ll accuse the man of disloyalty, running around, will say “You don’t love me!”, will deliberately sabotage her own stated objective (monogamous intimacy).

In essence, she will be so unpleasant as to dare that man to jump her ring-fence. This is shit-testing raised to operatic levels. Quickly the man will be reduced to “Yes, dear”/”happy wife-happy life” mode if he a) doesn’t split; b) doesn’t know how to put her in her place; c) has children and assets to protect from her partner, the government; or d) blindly cares what the culture thinks of him, and that culture says that if he puts a ring on it, he’s consigned to a life of har-har self-deprecating misery in his man-cave, when he’s not pulling her wagon until he croaks.

The only women I’ve ever met who do not practice this form of relationship sabotage are those with admirable, strong fathers who sustain reasonably healthy relationships with their mothers. Since the dawn of feminism, obviously, the number of families with healthy parental dynamics, like that, are fewer and fewer. On the first date, the majority of women over 30, talk about the “abusive” or “dishonest” nature of their prior men and fathers. This signals that they are claiming the enhanced status of a lifelong victim, irrespective of how well their lives have gone, and that she views each man she meets as intrinsically unreliable and potentially predatory.

The self-sabotaging woman who does succeed in destroying her relationship or marriage with a man she considers an “alpha”, often will consider herself, then, an alpha widow. And she’ll go full Medusa in her efforts to destroy him, under the behavioral impulse that is “If I can’t have him, no other woman will either!” Cue the tearful claims to police/courts/employers/friends of abuse and deceit.

The above describes some path(s) to women’s self destruction.  I am sure that readers can think of mare.  But a larger question is: Why do women engage in behaviours that destroy their own relationships?

Let us consider some possibilities,

I.  They just can’t see the fact that their behavior leads to failure

Ia.  They are unfamiliar with behaviors that might lead to success

II.  There are just too many pitfalls that people rather easily fall into

III.  There are no longer any curbs on their behavior

IV.  Emotions are now allowed to drive all

Let us consider these in detail

They just can’t see the fact that their behavior leads to failure.  Let’s face it, women are not really encouraged to think rationally.  So if one want to know what to do in general, and does not want to be bothered with careful consideration of the matter, what should they do?  The answer is obvious: do what others are doing and do what is popular and fashionable.  So women go careening down the tracks, heading for disaster.  If only the tracks led to a place that wasn’t a disaster…

They are unfamiliar with behaviors that might lead to success.  But of course.  Following pop culture and the latest trends is time consuming.  Thinking about what to do is hard.  Still, one should not expect everybody to think deeply.  Good answers should be provided.  For men, that is a big reason for the existence of the manosphere.  But where can women look?

There are just too many pitfalls that people rather easily fall into.  This is always true.  The bible states as such.  It is the fallen nature of mankind.  The nature that one is supposed to work against.  And for whatever reason, women sure do seem to have lots of pitfalls.  Perhaps this perception is due to the relative nature of the fact that men are not allowed to indulge in as many.

There are no longer any curbs on their behavior.  We all know about this.  The manosphere is rife with examples.  Here is a sample: Hypergamic Combat.   The list is long.  Commenters can add to it.

Emotions are now allowed to drive all.  “I emote, therefore I am.”  Apparently a large segment of women are addicted to emotions and the drama that follows.  If a reader disagrees with this, let me know.  Oddly enough from a girl’s perspective, it doesn’t really seem to matter if it is positive or negative emotions experienced.    Negative emotions seem to be easier to create on average, so that is where women go.

Are these self-sabotaging women a victim of themselves?  Do they deserve sympathy?  Should the Government set up a program to address these women?   As always, what to do?

 

NAWALT applies of course.

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Posted in FarmBoy, Feminism, Hypergamy, Marriage
39 comments on “Self-Sabotage
  1. Tarnished says:

    On the first date, the majority of women over 30, talk about the “abusive” or “dishonest” nature of their prior men and fathers. This signals that they are claiming the enhanced status of a lifelong victim, irrespective of how well their lives have gone, and that she views each man she meets as intrinsically unreliable and potentially predatory.

    Stupid this is.
    NAMALT applies, it does.
    Individuals people are.
    Judge one based on actions of another  ridiculous it is.
    Generalizations both hurt and help they can…judicious in their use one should be.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Yoda says:

    Yoda virus outbreak there is.
    Code Green!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Tarnished says:

    Oddly enough from a guy’s perspective, it doesn’t really seem to matter if it is positive or negative emotions experienced.

    One of the most confusing songs, ever, precisely for that reason:

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Yoda says:

    Coming from Tarn, “If you know what I mean” I know not

    Like

  5. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Buena Vista had a lot to say yesterday. One of the points that got my attention was how women can only see themselves as wholly positive contributions in a man’s life when most of them are liabilities.
    That is quite a disconnect.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Yoda says:

    Self-sabotage stupid it would seem.
    As if women shared genes with Jar-Jar they did

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Tarnished says:

    Good lord, man.
    That’s harsh.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Yoda,
    Is Mrs. Yoda out of the house? Are you hugry for a sandwich but can’t quite make the way she does? It’s all right. She is probably missing your soup.

    Did something happen in real life to ake you angry?
    I can say that I am feeling a little that way myself and I can’t point to a source.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Yoda says:

    But Jar-Jar always lucky he was.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Yoda says:

    Normal I would be.
    Self-sabotaging women a curse on the western world it is.
    A luxury good it does seem.
    One that we can afford not.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Tarnished says:

    Jar-Jar wasn’t lucky. There’s no such thing as luck. He was a Force user, and a highly manipulative one at that…
    http://www.buzzfeed.com/isaacfitzgerald/darth-jar-jar#.ofZ5E03ZX

    Like

  12. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    We need a bear video.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Thanks for the link to my blog as a place women can go, I am very honored! 🙂 What BV has to say is very powerful. I have seen this in action many times, sadly. How to change it…. that is less easy to answer but I will ponder and see what I can come up with!

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Also, sadly there are far too few places women really can go for information on men ad relationships beyond the main stream media. Before stumbling across the red pill myself, I believed a lot of that garbage myself, to my own detriment. Then I found therulesrevisited.com and the manosphere and it was like my eyes were opened. It all made so much sense, why had I never heard anyone say all this before? Most relationship “advice” aimed at women is pure projection garbage, only making the problem worse. Men are not the enemy, nor are they inherently evil or out to get us, if women can start changing that mindset alone, that would be a big help.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Bloom,
    No nonsense sites for women are likely to be thin on the ground. They dgo and go quickly. They also attract a lot of infighting amoung women.
    Keep telling the girls to not hate men. That is fundamental.

    Liked by 2 people

  16. Spawny Get says:

    “One of the most confusing songs, ever, precisely for that reason”
    She’s a terminatrix.

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Tarnished says:

    That is great, Spawny!
    I have to share that with my friends! Or I would, except quite a significant portion of them are Democrats…

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Tarnished says:

    Most relationship “advice” aimed at women is pure projection garbage, only making the problem worse.

    Following the “golden rule” before anything else is how I’ve always done things. If the “advice” in question didn’t reflect how I’d like to be treated by an SO, then there was a very safe assumption that he wouldn’t like it either. And since part of showing you care for another person is by treating them kindly, it didn’t make for a logical progression to do otherwise. 

    While schools don’t need to push a particular religion’s agenda, I do think that by eliminating prayer/meditation/quiet reflection time in public schools we have done a disservice. We should have some type of general morals/ethics class to pick up the slack…but for the most part, we don’t.

    Liked by 3 people

  19. Yoda says:

    We should have some type of general morals/ethics class to pick up the slack

    Much of Jedi training this would be.
    Anakin and “forgot his name” from the new film missed it they did.
    Apparently teen angst terrible it can be.
    Guard strongly against it we should

    Like

  20. Yoda says:

    But Jar-Jar always lucky he was.

    Napoleon always looked for lucky generals he did.
    To bad Jar-Jar was available not

    Liked by 1 person

  21. Yoda says:

    Wonder how much self-destructive behavior due to “projection misjudgements ” I do

    Like

  22. Yoda says:

    Most relationship “advice” aimed at women is pure projection garbage, only making the problem worse.

    “Projection garbage” true it might be.
    But “turn manipulation up to 11” another explaination for style of advice it might

    Liked by 1 person

  23. Yoda says:

    Sweden self-sabotage it does,

    Sweden has a feminist foreign policy. What does that mean? First some background. Sweden, a country of about 9.6 million people, is home to 700,000 Muslims. About 7% of the population.

    Many people in Sweden now feel that if Sweden can recognize Palestine, why not do the same with Western Sahara, a disputed territory unilaterally annexed by Morocco 40 years ago? Does such a decision not jibe with the “feminist foreign policy?” Or could it be that Morocco is a Muslim country, and that the feminist Wallström does not want to offend countries such as that? Certainly not after a debacle in 2015, when Wallström labeled Saudi Arabia a dictatorship with medieval laws and oppressing women. This statement before Parliament came as a reaction to the sentencing of Saudi blogger Raif Badawi to ten years in prison and 1,000 lashes, on charges of “insulting Islam.”

    Many Swedes at the time were pleasantly surprised by Wallström’s statement, and thought that maybe this “feminist foreign policy” thing was not so bad after all. In the Muslim world, however, her statement was met with considerable anger. The Organization of Islamic Cooperation, OIC, wrote on its web page: “In her remarks, Ms. Wallström degraded Saudi Arabia and its social norms, judicial system and political institutions.”

    What Wallström apparently failed to grasp when she attacked the Saudi justice system, is that it is based on Sharia law, the Islamic judicial system. And one does not criticize this with impunity, as a Foreign Minister should know. So, instead of sticking to her original arguments, which were, of course, factually correct, wild panic erupted at the government offices. Wallström’s Press Secretary, Erik Boman, hurried to claim that his boss had not meant her statement to be construed as any kind of criticism of Islam. “We have the utmost respect for Islam,” Boman said. “Sweden values its good relations with the Muslim world.”

    http://classicalvalues.com/2016/01/feminist-foreign-policy/

    Liked by 1 person

  24. Tarnished says:

    But “turn manipulation up to 11” another explaination for style of advice it might be

    At what point did manipulation begin to be seen as better/just as valid as honest communication between the sexes? Or has it always been thus for segments of the population, and it’s simply that we hear about it more now due to Teh Interwebz?

    Liked by 1 person

  25. Yoda says:

    At what point did manipulation begin to be seen as better/just as valid as honest communication between the sexes?

    Blurkel maybe comment he should

    Liked by 1 person

  26. Spawny Get says:

    Just watched the three and a half hour star wars force awakens. 210 minutes? For a 120 minute film?
    I was so excited I stopped to read emails and surf a few times.

    Mary Sue done gone ruined it. I know that I knew the story already, but damn, there was no tension in the movie at all. Darth Emo was just a rerun of Anakin but with added temper tantrums. Mary Sue was true to type. Black friend zone kid was alright, but he was always the sidekick to little miss I can do everything.

    Not impressed. I would ask for a refund, but… 😉

    Liked by 3 people

  27. Tarnished says:

    Blurkel maybe comment he should

    Blurkel is very wise in such topics. Which is unfortunate, when one considers it.

    Liked by 3 people

  28. Spawny Get says:

    John Wick…made me happy. Enjoyed that.

    Pixels…how far in do I get before I fall asleep?

    Liked by 1 person

  29. Spawny Get says:

    Damn…the arcade games…the memories. Never liked Q*bert, or whatever it was called. Or the centipede thing

    Like

  30. Spawny Get says:

    Farm Boy…check yer email.

    Like

  31. Yoda says:

    A new post there is

    Like

  32. Farm Boy says:

    Spawny,

    I did. Thank you sir.

    Liked by 1 person

  33. BuenaVista says:

    Feminism and its spin-off elements (government subsidy of single motherhood, virtue signaling in respect of pathologies such as surgical “transgender” transitions, government destruction of fathers, the collapse of education for boys, the new Hollywood culture of femme-warriors in a world where we actually need real (male) warriors, sexualized everything, the celebration of obesity as “healthy and beautiful”) are really core reflections of postmodern thinking.

    While postmodernism is most easily recognized as an expression of value-less relativism, its elements are as deep as the sea in our world today. It is easy to recognize postmodernism’s denial of any reasoned, objective truth (i.e., the denial of two millennia of accrued western civilization in favor of a capricious, ironic and ultimately nihilistic view of existence). It is easy to see its descent into tyrannical impulses, such as the current campus (the center of postmodern culture) efforts to bury rights of free expression (because words are not words, merely reflections of power structures; therefore compelling speech that offends must be suppressed, criminalized, and eliminated; it is not speech that reflects thought or truth, but simply the discrimination and violence against disadvantaged classes of people).

    But there is another aspect of postmodernism that reflects, I think, the impulse to destroy that is a common attribute of feminists. That is its celebration of personal autonomy. In the postmodern world, in which truth is just a manifestation of unjust power (and powers), in which such notions as loyalty, honor, commitment, humility, and the subordination of the self to the abstractions of faith are just ironic punchlines to be lampooned, the postmodern, feminist woman achieves self-expression and self-actualization in exploding the very relationships she says she desires. No postmodern admits to either a higher order of faith, or even the higher order of a faithless reason, as introduced in the Enlightenment. So when a postmodern woman finds herself in love, she simultaneously reviles love as a form of oppression. And unfashionable, uncool oppression at that — because love and affection put the lie to the ironic posturing of the postmodern. So she blows it up, or more likely, just cycles between spasms of arbitrary rage and expressions of gratitude for discovering the real point of existence — love, faith, and charity.

    Again, that’s because if she doesn’t, she is no longer feminist, is no longer a hip postmodern, is submitting to the historical bigotry of heterosexual living.

    I find it remarkable that this construct appears to work for both secular and religious perspectives, though the theologians would say no Enlightenment rationalist could possibly understand the beauty of earthly love infused by God.

    I hope the above isn’t turgid. I have been reflecting on the impact of postmodernism on society for the past few days and my thoughts are immature.

    Liked by 3 people

  34. BuenaVista says:

    TL;DR version: since personal autonomy (capricious, emotion-based, context-free, ahistorical personal autonomy) is the grail of current mainstream society, personal integrity and power (in the objectively weaker sex) are realized via tantrum.

    Oh well.

    Liked by 1 person

  35. […] the commenter quoted in this post reveals, many of the problems women bemoan in relationships aren’t caused so much by men, but by […]

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