In the comment thread attached to Alpha Widow Society, fuzziewuzziebear introduced an article from the UK’s Daily Mail which presented some “fabulous gals” complaining that men aren’t queuing up to sweep them off their feet into a life of Happily Ever After. Considering that one of these “fabs” brags that “part of my work is teaching young girls that sex should be a reward for men who put them on a pedestal“, what rational man would involve himself with such an aged and entitled princess? [Emphasis mine]
Married men -who had been led all of their pre-marital lives to believe that if they held off on sex while young, they could expect that a wife will later provide it- don’t necessarily get any regular post-matrimony sex if they had. One wife who clearly isn’t taking care of her man complained that her obviously insecure and unattended husband was being a bully by putting a “hug toll” on her as she moved about their home. “Sometimes I just don’t feel like giving hugs,” she whines.
The response I found incredibly inappropriate. “…you cannot continue to feel as if your own home is the equivalent of Checkpoint Charlie.” [Ask Great-Grampa about Cold War Berlin, kiddies! Or read this.] The advice continues to promote the idea of physical violence in response to what is clearly a bit of over-exuberant marital play: “…perhaps it’s time for you to establish a “knee to the balls” tax in response to the “hug tax”.
Dear Prudence is hereby invited to commence her bravura interpretation of La Monica’s Harmonica as originally performed in the Clinton Oval Office, with yours truly as her supporting cast.
But news has reached me that it isn’t just the women of a certain age who miss the male attention they once or still eschew. It is also the college coed deeply enmeshed in the modern hook up culture – and men are to blame! Quelle Suprise!
Reina Gattuso, a Harvard senior majoring in literature and gender studies, wrote a regular column for The Crimson called “Four Dollar Wine Critic.” In one post, she wrote about how she drunkenly accepted a sexual proposition during an intoxication soirée. Morning-after regrets prompted her admit that “I feel weird about what went down” and question what she calls “power imbalances related to sex”.
Because young women feel that “not having a super-exciting, super-positive sex life is in some ways a political failure”, there is a growing belief among them that “the [sex] game remains rigged”, promoted by “male sexual entitlement”.
I will be the last to defend the boorish behavior which too many collegians –especially the fraternities– display toward their female companions. But where are young men to learn better ways to interact with females without keeping them neutered and celebate in the Friend Zone for their own protection?
I just wrote about the over-protective father threatening young men with bodily harm for getting too familiar with his little princess. Porn takes some experience to work out which parts of it have real value in relationships and which are fantastical elements unsuitable for normal human interactions. Honest sex education drives the religious types insane, and even if it were allowed, just how do the young safely experiment with what they learned?
I don’t have any answers to offer to these questions. But the demand that young men “just get it” without such resources expects far too much. Maya Dusenbery, editorial director at Feministing, says young women on college campuses keep asking how they can get guys to get them off. She admits, somewhat sotto voce and to her “great feminist shame” that after a decade of sexual activity, she very often still doesn’t get off. And she lays this obligation to satisfaction on her male partners:
“What I want is not for me to have that burden. I want one of my male partners, who are wonderful men who care about me, to have just once been like, ‘No, this is unacceptable to me. I’m not going to continue to have sex with you when you’re not getting off!’ And I can’t imagine that happening.”
In other words, she doesn’t want to take ANY responsibility for her unsatisfying sexual experiences. He MUST solve her problem and rescue her from it!
Australian radio host Heidi Anderson decided to take a proactive stance toward improving her own sexual satisfaction. She took a six-week ‘O Bliss’ program hosted by Sexpert -and ‘orgasm goddess’- Layla Martin, intended to teach the use of the mind alongside exercise to “reach climax”. Anderson admits that she didn’t necessarily achieve orgasmic Nirvana:
I felt disappointed and frustrated. After week one’s exercises I went straight on to the private forum to share my horrible first attempt. Many women could relate.
She does later admit to achieving some beneficial results: learning about her own body, mind set, and probably her preferred sexual stimuli, so it wasn’t all loss – and not a single complaint about it all being men’s fault!
Now as a man, I cannot put down a woman who attempts to make sex a better experience for herself, because it also improves things for her partner. I won’t imply that she’s a slut for wanting to enjoy sex more. I think this is a fine use of the energy too many women alternately expend attacking men because they don’t “just get it” when it comes to sex and females.
But at least in Oz, some women are taking matters into their own hands, so to speak. Call it “a weird Aussie craze” if you must, but I’d rather interact with a woman who knows something about what she likes sexually and isn’t afraid to express it to her partner in a clear, non-judgemental, and desirous manner.
This phenomenon is even popping up in a slightly different version in the Land of the Spawny Git! Earlier this year, a new activity emerged in the UK known as “orgasmic meditation“, which is described as “Men Who Stroke Women’s Genitals For The Purpose Of Helping Them Meditate”. The article doesn’t go into any detail about whether the recipients of such attention show any appreciation for the effort of their “strokers”, but some of the comments at the post indicate that men are OK with this practice:
…from a guy’s perspective, if you gained expertise and became skilled at it (honestly, who gets THAT much practice on a regular basis?), then that’s all you should really need. Hell, I’d put “achieved ultimate mastery of the clit” on my friggin’ resume, or on my wall next to my degree.
Ask and ye shall receive. No man ever attained skill as a lover without a willing, eager, and INVOLVED partner. Listen to your body and [confer with] your guy. It isn’t a sin that he requires practice and feedback, explicit as well as implicit, to gain expertise. Don’t sit in judgement over either him or yourself. Instead, approach your time together as an opportunity, rather than a task. (That’s something that’s rather difficult to do when it feels as if you’re on the clock.)
But the last word has to go to yet another commenter:
So does this mean that women really don’t know how to masturbate?
So it appears. THAT is ALSO the Heinous Fault of Vile Men – right, ladies?
As long as women deny any responsibility for themselves and their undeveloped and unrequited sexuality, women will increasingly live without partnered sex. That number is likely to grow as long as their daughters follow the same stiflingly non-libidinous danse macabre and drive otherwise-suitable men away.
And thus men will remain the target of opportunity for misdirected feminine blame and anger. No wonder sexbots and AI make investors drool! [Bro Cill! Link via New Zealand’s Dominion Post]
I extend this information to young college men in the hope that they recognize that fraternization with females you hardly know (biblical-style reference to sex pun partly intended) is becoming a route to disaster. I was young once, and despite not being very successful at dating, I remember the drive to make the attempt. You have two basic choices: take what you get once you choose a woman, or wait for the unicorn. Those who took what we got wish now that the unicorn was more appealing then. A pink fluffy unicorn dancing on rainbows is much preferred over a hateful harridan slicing your life away in strips in divorce court – or worse: risk having to adopt her persona when rooming with Bruno and Bubba after a rape conviction.
As the ancient Crusader told Indiana Jones, “Choose wisely.”