These days it is commonly understood that marriage is an egalitarian proposition. Everything is equal, except that women can have babies. And maybe the fella is expected to earn at least a bit more. But other than than that, it is all even steven. So how well is that approach working out? Not so well, it would seem.
Many of these marriages enter into the Egalitarian Death Spiral (EDS). It starts out with the fact that if both are equal, how will decisions be made? Perhaps some complicated and confusing system can be worked out, but it will be just that – complicated and confusing. Mistakes will be made, and frustrations will set in. Maybe the rules will be revised, often adding more complication in an attempt to maintain the sense of egalitarianism.
Of course we all know that with a man and a woman, if it said that share the decision making, then she is really the one in charge (I dare anybody to come up with a counter example). Because deep down, she wants the fella to be in charge, and if he isn’t, she feels compelled to take charge for her own security’s sake.
So attempting to patch things up to maintain this balance does not work in the long run. It is like trying to push similar poles of magnets together; the harder one pushes, the more they try to shoot sideways. Sometimes this all happens fast, and sometimes it happens slow (the death spiral), but for very many, it does happen.
So what to do? Probably you all know.
How to educate and sell it? That is a bigger question.