Nobody Wins


Blurkel in his last post described how his wife treated him.  She claimed the money and the power, even though he did the work.  This is an example of zero-sum mentality.  The idea is that there is only a fixed pot of “goodness”, and if the other party has some of it, then I don’t.  I can’t speak as to how his marriage started out, but it has devolved to this.

Blurkel loses and his wife wins.   Or does she?  She is obviously resented by Blurkel.  And he hints that at least some of the children are on to her game.  Through my experience, I have noticed that when people don’t have to put up with selfish manipulative older women, they don’t.  There is a good possibility that people will tune her out of their lives.  She would still have money, but would that be enough?

One reaps what one sows.  Though sometimes it takes a while before it happens.  Would it not have been better to have built a win-win marriage?

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Posted in FarmBoy, HowTo, Marriage
51 comments on “Nobody Wins
  1. Tarnished says:

    Would it not have been better to have built a win-win marriage?

    Yes, but many people find it difficult to think this way. For so much of our history as a species, a win-win scenario was seen as…and in some cases, probably was…a zero sum situation. This has translated into our personal lives in the form of spouse vs spouse.

    Obviously this is ridiculous, because a couple who work together as a team, or at least towards the same goal in their own way, is definitely stronger than one where all the onus for success is placed on a single set of shoulders.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Yoda says:

    probably was…a zero sum situation

    Guys play well as a team they can.
    Team winning zero sum it is not.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Yoda says:

    a couple who work together as a team, or at least towards the same goal in their own way, is definitely stronger than one

    Especially if complementary talents they do have.

    Liked by 4 people

  4. Tarnished says:

    Especially if complementary talents they do have.

    Correct. It’s like how males had the superior strength to hunt and bring home the protein, and women had the superior ability to differentiate colors and smells to gather the carbs/vitamins of nontoxic plant foods. These complementary paths of evolution made it possible for our species to get adequate nutrition and feed an entire tribe instead of a family at a time.

    Guys play well as a team they can.
    Team winning zero sum it is not.

    True. Women can also, and this supposedly why they care more about what the group thinks…dissent creates a lack of efficiency.

    But re: zero sum, I was thinking more of the times when it was team vs team, not intra-team fighting.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Yoda says:

    Women can also, and this supposedly why they care more about what the group thinks

    Women much poorer team players than men they are.
    Care about group think they do because on out-group they want to be not.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Tarnished says:

    For the majority, yes. 😦
    It equals social death, which was a real potential death sentence way back when. Nowadays it lays the foundation for movies like Mean Girls or Bridesmaids. Blech!

    Liked by 2 people

  7. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    I think the zero sum thinking may be recent. In the past, husbands an wives had to work together for mutual benefit. I think the culture of male bashing we live in now has made women feel relatively superior. I think that it also has transformed cooperation into competition. This is not good. There is one more thing, that government has put a glass floor under women, in the form of welfare, has gone a long way to making men optional.

    Farm Boy,
    I have to second you predition for the future of Mrs. Blurkel. It will be sad and she did it to harself.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    I wanted to copy and paste Det’s comment from the “Words Arre Cheap” thread. It is direct and to the point. While I know Blurkel has seen it, this is for people who haven’t.

    Blurkel:

    Let’s see. You are married to a borderline nutcase who controls all the money, has threatened to kill you, and probably doesn’t have sex with you either.

    Even in CA, it’s not worth it. It’s not relevant even a little, but were I you, that married would be over. I’d live in a studio apartment alone before I lived with a woman who threatened me with death. Fuck that shit. You accuse me of rape? Done. You threaten to kill me? Done. You take the money I earned? Done. I’ll take my half of the marital assets and be on my way, thank you very much

    Liked by 2 people

  9. Farm Boy says:

    I think the zero sum thinking may be recent. In the past, husbands an wives had to work together for mutual benefit.

    At least during the Patriarcy

    Like

  10. Farm Boy says:

    There is one more thing, that government has put a glass floor under women, in the form of welfare, has gone a long way to making men optional.

    “Provider Types” you do mean.
    Hot men who create tingles, not so much

    Like

  11. One of my favorite books, which I have read at least 10 times and although while short is so packed w knowledge it still seems new every time, “The Mastery of Love” by Don Ruiz, says this occurs in love because people make the mistake of thinking someone had to have the upper hand, and the other the lesser, in relationships. Or in other words, each believes the other “gives” love rather than seeing each brings self love and thus the ability to love w/o bartering to the table. As he puts it someone becomes “the dealer” who doles love out, and someone becomes “the junkie” looking for some scrap of a “love fix” no matter how small or diminishing. Aka zero sum. Once this dynamic emerges, it’s an eventual death spiral, according to him. The solution? To love oneself enough to reject any less than win-win love. Easy to say logically, surprisingly rare when rubber meets the road. I recommend this book highly, I would reread it right now but I keep giving my copy away so I will order another.

    Red pill advocates may balk at this idea but all I can say is read the book then let’s discuss, I am not nearly capturing all he has to say about all this!

    Peace!

    Liked by 3 people

  12. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Last night, I was afraid that I was being paranoid about Fossh’s websites. I wasn’t.

    http://www.returnofkings.com/70273/rok-rvf-subject-to-persistent-ddos-attacks#!

    While I don’t approve of his revolving doerr lifestyle, he is a good proponent for antifeminism.
    The fembots have escalated.

    Like

  13. Yoda says:

    RPG,

    Write post about that you should

    Liked by 2 people

  14. Dragonfly says:

    Love that Bloom.

    The dealer and the junkie would make for a toxic relationship… if love is for selling or profit or gain, then it is not really love at all. You can’t be a buyer of love. And you can’t be a seller of it.

    It can only be given.

    Liked by 2 people

  15. Tarnished says:

    Bloom,

    Excellent advice from that book. It’s one of the things that turns me off to red pill thinking…although I understand the concept behind it (forcing the woman to continuously “chase” the man for scraps of affection so she doesn’t get comfortable in the relationship), I do not think this is a healthy lifestyle either.
    Neither choice is. I much prefer the one your book recommends!

    Like

  16. SFC Ton says:

    Sometimes you win by folding and walking away from the table

    In this case Blurkle will win about 3 days after he walks and his head space and timing starts to adjust

    As for a win win marriage. .. Eve wasn’t happy in the garden of eden. Generally speaking women have to “lose ” to win but due to their natural born insecurities they cannot really do that

    Like

  17. SFC Ton says:

    Blue pill marriage is all about win win marriages… how well is that working out?

    Feminism is supposed to be about win win too, how well is that working out?

    Reality is there ain’t no such thing. Everything every interaction has a someone coming out on top and someone who is not

    Like

  18. Yoda says:

    Generally speaking women have to “lose ” to win but due to their natural born insecurities they cannot really do that

    If taught, women operate win-win they can.
    But these days they are taught not.

    Liked by 2 people

  19. Yoda says:

    Blue pill marriage is all about win win marriages

    Lose-lose like Blurkel’s marriage blue pill marriages are.

    Liked by 2 people

  20. SFC Ton says:

    By women losing I mean they have to give up what they are taught, the power games etc and lose at those things for them to be happy. It’s the whole fried ice thing

    They want to be in control but taken care of etc at the same time. It’s one or the other

    Like

  21. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    The whole fried ice thing. That has to have caused a lot of sane men to retreat to a quiet place to scratch their heads. There is no solution. Added to that, they want tingles. Any man who can induce tingles will not put up with foolishness. What to do?

    Like

  22. @ ton I especially would like to hear your take on the book. I double dog dare you to order/read it. 🙂 it’s a short book, quick read, but lots packed in there. The above does not begin to capture it. And for what it’s worth, I get what you are saying as well. It’s kinda the gave the cake and eating it too, thing. Women can’t have it all either…agreed.

    Liked by 1 person

  23. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    I am a sad bear. It may be the the absence of Cill and the Down Under Crew but, there is also the nagging understanding that men are operating at a terrible disadvantage in the culture. Applying the zero sum reasoning, this does advantage women who are abusing it. I don’t know what men should do. It would be nice if we had some advice from a higher power.

    Like

  24. I am sad too fuzzie. I agree. I don’t know what to do about the messed up way things are except to try and be and do different from all that. It’s a drop of water in an ocean I know but it’s a start. Hopefully if enough of us drops gather it can make a difference. I don’t know how everyone can’t see this all makes no sense!

    Liked by 1 person

  25. Nobody wins equals nothing for anyone. 😦

    Liked by 1 person

  26. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Bloom,
    We need som hope. I think seeing a prominent feminist publically embarasssed would help.

    Like

  27. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Maybe a bear video would help.

    Liked by 1 person

  28. Just woke up with this though, pehaps some of this can be attributed to the old fallacy that men “have it all” and the misguided idea that them not “winning” somehow makes that “fair” or something? False reasoning I know, but for example if a prominent feminist does topple, what’s likely the first rallying cry? “It’s the ebul patriarchy at work, again!”

    Liked by 2 people

  29. Btw men never have “had it all” but try telling the average woman that. Pffft. Good luck!

    Liked by 2 people

  30. Tarnished says:

    Any man who can induce tingles will not put up with foolishness. What to do?

    Don’t be foolish.

    Btw men never have “had it all” but try telling the average woman that.

    The grass is always greener on the other side.

    Liked by 1 person

  31. SFC Ton says:

    There are solutions Fuzzie. Real problem is folks will not adjust to the reality on the ground.

    Bloom that’s all any of us can do

    Liked by 1 person

  32. Btw Liz I think I met your friend at Rollo’s! Yeesh. Whatever dude… 😉

    Like

  33. Omg Liz I could soooo f with that guy, but I won’t. 😉 (putting on the froggy helmet and mittens while you are out, hope you don’t mind, lol.)

    Like

  34. Don’t….engage…with…rollo…guy

    Ak.

    Don’t.

    La la la (what a wanna be alpha tard!)

    Ok I am done. Whew.

    Like

  35. That is rollo comment guy, to clarify. Rollo otoh is a true alpha (swoon!) good thing he’s married or I might not be able to resist!

    Like

  36. SFC Ton says:

    LOL yea Rollo is the arch type of the classic bidness alpha

    Look the red pill is about truth, and adjusting your life to the truth/ reality of the world, seeing the world as it is and dealing with the world as it/ people how they are.

    Being not red pill is about shying away from the truth, trying to live in the realm of how you want the world and the people in it to be vs how the world and people are

    That’s where the clashes come in around here; that’s why Fuzzie gets sad etc. It’s also why men get used up and dumped, hypergamy doesn’t care and rules the vast majority of women. Men, if they want success, happiness etc in the smp/ mmp need to rule over hypergamy, and then still.understand the likely gop of failure

    Really it’s the Classic Stoic life for men, just tend to focus on the man vs women part, but red pill thinking and social skills will improve every aspect of a man’s life.

    Liked by 1 person

  37. On second thought Liz, I think the wanna be alpha yard is a feminist troll trying to act like an alpha. I simply cannot explain the sheer level of stupidity otherwise.

    Whew ok I really am done.

    Perfect example brw of how while things here may at times seem heated, it’s actually pretty darn civil. Even with a bunch of alphas in the room (which one would expect to get sometimes, somewhat, a wee bit testy) So please don’t go everyone! Where else can I comment wo being attacked by a faux alpha/feminist troll??? :/

    Liked by 1 person

  38. * tard
    Ok I really really am done. Bc it’s not about me. Oooommmmm….

    Like

  39. Yoda says:

    Real problem is folks will not adjust to the reality on the ground.

    A big reason here I am.
    Educate I must.
    The Dark Side everywhere but is.

    Liked by 2 people

  40. Yoda says:

    The grass is always greener on the other side.

    Everything green on Degoba it is.
    Not really so good this would be.

    Like

  41. Yoda says:

    The pilot survey — initially developed by the Justice Department’s Office on Violence Against Women and conducted by Rutgers — generated responses from nearly 11,000 Rutgers University-New Brunswick students. In the report, “sexual violence” has a broad definition that was based on materials developed by the White House Task Force. The definition ranges from remarks about physical appearance to rape and other forms of sexual assault.
    The most startling finding in the Rutgers report: Nearly one in four undergraduate women (24 percent) told researchers that they were victims of some form of sexual violence before they ever set foot on campus.

    Like

  42. SFC Ton says:

    A .357 does a pretty good job of combating rape. Gave her one when she started high school/ dating and has never once reported feeling afraid of men

    Course I generally do not recommend arming women.PMS is bad enough already

    Like

  43. Cautiously Pessimistic says:

    But hey, since you have a daughter, what the hell. 😏

    Like

  44. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Yoda,
    The author of the article from the Atlantic shouldn’t worry. It’s only boys who will be prosecuted for sexting. Even if the the girls are fully participating, Even if he only recieved the txt. It’s all on him. If ever you needed an example of selective enforcement, you have it now.

    Like

  45. Yoda says:

    New post there is.

    Like

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