Coping with an Affair


A friend of a friend (I’ll call her “Janet”) is a married woman in her late thirties. Her husband “John” is in his early forties. Through my friend, I have come to know John and Janet quite well.

Both are down-to-earth, hard-working people. Neither of them is the “player” type of personality. They are too transparent for effective flirting. They married in their early twenties and had been loyal to each other and close. Separation or divorce would have been the last thing on their minds.

Most of the time Janet managed the business while John developed the technical side. They employed a number of people including Lance, a man of about 30 who had been with them for a year. Lance filled the role of unskilled assistant and general lackey. John would see Janet and Lance drive by in the company truck and it made him feel good to see her look so carefree. He’d wave and she’d wave lovingly back. He’d never seen her more happy.

John and Janet’s sex life was typical for marriage in the Western world.

Before and during the very early stages of the marriage, Janet couldn’t get enough of him. Since those heady days, however, she’d shown no interest in sex. If he didn’t initiate it there was none. If it had been over to her, there would have been just enough to produce a couple of children, and no more than that. It wasn’t because his style was clumsy or unpleasant; she had been thrilled by it in their single days.

After those initial heady days had ended, John learned not to attempt to seduce her. She would sense even the most unobtrusive, gradual seduction and go cold. If he got as far as touching her, she would shrink away with a shudder. The only way she would agree to sex was when he asked for it bluntly, and then she would consent with a sigh.

Romantic weekends were out of the question. John would suggest it, and friends would offer to look after the children, but Janet always said she couldn’t leave the children in someone else’s care. The transparency of this excuse was not lost on John. She had built up a mindset whereby sex was a chore, the lowest item on her list of priorities.

During sex, he just wanted to get the unwelcome business out of the way with the least amount of fuss. This, plus the absence of any sort of seduction or lead-up to sex, meant there was no fun or adventure or variety in it for either of them. It became the same sex position every time. It was “humdrum”, John told me later. When he tried to discuss what she would like to change, she would shrug and say “Nothing”.

Janet’s indifference almost drove John around the twist with frustration. He began to hate his dependence on sex and see it as the cause of friction between them – friction not of the kind he longed for. He wished his sex drive would go away. And yet, he knew from discussions with other husbands that his sex life was better than most of theirs with their wives, so he accepted a bleak sex life as the norm for a monogamous man.

Otherwise, the bond between John and Janet was strong. He and she were good friends and liked being together. They preferred the company of each other over anyone else. John was the leader, and Janet would defer to his opinions (which were sound). He made all the big decisions for the family, and his judgement was usually good. She talked about him proudly to her friends.

Janet was a “low maintenance” wife. She was happy to make do with an average car and an average house in an average suburb. No need to keep up with the Joneses. No need for flash clothes. The kids were not spoiled. When he decided to upgrade to a flash home and car she was happy because he was happy, more than anything else.

You could say just about everything looked great between them except for one thing: the sex. There was a complete absence of mutually enjoyed sex and shared lust. John was switched on, Janet had switched herself off – and there was nothing he could do about it.

So…

If you’ve managed to stay with me so far, you’re probably thinking yeah yeah, we all know this crap is all leading up to something…

 

THE SHIT HITS THE FAN

Most of the following was related to me by John, and the rest was filled in by my friend (who knows them better than I do):

Janet was in their lounge with one of her female friends, having a glass of wine, when John walked in. Janet looked happy. “We were just talking about us trying for another baby”, she told him. For a minute he wasn’t sure that he’d heard right. A baby absolutely did not fit into their plans. With everything they had on at the moment it was a terrible idea. “What the hell for?” he finally demanded. He was aware that he’d sounded more aggressive than he felt, and that his reaction had offended Janet. The friend excused herself and left rather hastily.

They sat in frosty silence for a while. And then it came like a bolt from the blue, “I have someone who wants me“, Janet said, “and I want him.

He couldn’t believe his ears. “Who?” he blurted.

“It’s Lance”, she said.

“S-sexually?” he stuttered, to which she affirmed that yes, it was very much sexually. “I want him so much it hurts”, she added.

Then she said “It’s a chance for me to have sex I will enjoy”, and he felt as if she’d cut off his balls.

John told me the rest of the conversation was unreal. He heard his own voice asking vacantly “How do you know?”

“Because we talk about it”, she said.

“You talk about sex?”

“Yes. A lot.”

After that, he was too numb to hear the rest of what she said.

The full gravity of it hit him next morning in the cold light of day.

He was stunned to think that here was Janet, a wife who had put off her husband for twenty years, finally decides to get an interest in sex but with another man. He just couldn’t wrap his mind around this. He couldn’t equate it with the love he’d always believed she had for him. If it happened so easily with Lance, why the hell couldn’t she have tried even the slightest little bit with the husband she “loved”? Bloody hell, it was all mental. All she’d ever needed to do was change her damn mindset and he, John, could have been enjoying the sex she so much wanted with Lance. If there was any man on earth who deserved some recompense for all the put-offs and negative sex performance she’d given him over the years, it was him, and not some other bastard.

The unexpected shock of it was what floored him most. He’d had no idea it was coming. He was hurting like you wouldn’t believe, as if a claw had ripped into his chest and torn out his heart, as with hindsight he was already starting to realize this was about more than just sex…

He’d seen something going seriously wrong but hadn’t admitted it to himself. She just wasn’t the playing type, he’d thought, and besides, she was not into sex, right? Wrong. She was into sex, very easily and lustilly into sex, only not with him.

But looking back on it now, he had to admit there had been small doubts in the back of his mind. Small things, such as her waving at him from the truck… Why hadn’t he seen she was a little bit too happy? And the way other men would look at him when the truck drove by, it was like they they were trying to tell him something. Back then, he’d felt total trust in his marriage. I know her better than you guys do, he’d thought proudly. What a fool.

Then there were the bigger things, like when she was coming out of general anesthetic after minor surgery. Her eyes gradually focused on him until she recognized him, then she immediately glanced around the room. “Where’s Lance?” she murmured woozily. She was visibly disappointment that it was only him there, and not Lance. She’d been too woozy to hide it. It had disturbed him deeply for a moment, and then, as always, he’d pushed all doubts aside.

Other things he’d pushed to the back of his mind came to the fore. Comments and behavior that hinted he was no longer Number One in her life, that hell, he’d slipped way down the list. The children rated ahead of him and so did her family and some of her friends.

With the help of a therapist, over the months that followed John came to realize Lance was Janet’s new Number One. From her perspective, her love for Lance was pure, and he, John, was an obstacle in the way of her being with the love of her life.

Her resentment built until she was more concerned about the feelings of her children and family and friends than for John’s feelings. Most of them would not approve of her leaving him, which made her resent him for depriving her of the relationship she believed she was destined for.

 

SO WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT OF MARRIAGE?

It doesn’t matter how secure a relationship appears to be, you never can be sure. You can’t afford to relax. It’s as my dad advised me, trust your partner but at the first sign they’re not honoring the deal, confront them head on. To which I would add… and pray that when that time comes, you don’t have children.

I doubt that the Lance and Janet thing will last for long. Who knows, John and Lance could turn out to be the first and second of many episodes in Janet’s serial monogamy story.

I wonder how many other monogamous men are hooked to women who have the switched off mindset? The answer to that is most of them – if the married men I’ve spoken to are anything to go by.

What on earth is the point of such a mindset? What good can it possibly do? Why on earth would a wife not snap herself out of it?

Dumb, man. Dumb

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Posted in Cill
119 comments on “Coping with an Affair
  1. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    It is curious that there’s lots of sex before mrriage and lots at the beginning but, once the woman is secure in the man’s commitment, it dwindles.
    Reading ths post made ma a little ill. There are checks on John’s behavior but, none on Janet’s.
    I don’t think that there is any way to test for this prior to marriage.
    By the way, not only is Janet wrecking the marriage, she’s wrecking the business. They’re both key.
    Lance won’t last long.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Tarnished says:

    It’s supposedly very typical, Fuzzie…the whole “frisky before marriage, asexual afterwards” scenario, that is. The 5-year mark is where many couples split. Some anthropologists believe this may be our natural mating cycle, and the female is prone to seeking out new genes as soon as the previous child is old enough to not require constant care. Which, if one thinks about it, 5-6 years old pretty much fits that definition.

    I’m not fully convinced of evo-psych explanations for all aspects of human mentality, but if this is true it would make some sense. Unfortunately.

    One thing that also should be stated is that women usually get into affairs emotionally, then sexually. For men, it’s usually the opposite. First sex, then emotions. For a few men, it’s not even full-on sex even at the beginning…it’s a fulfillment of a need to just be appreciated and cherished.

    What a sad world we live in.

    Liked by 3 people

  3. I have seen women do this too and am not sure why it happens. A woman very much can get so wrapped up in everything else she doesn’t conserve energy for physical connection and starts to see it more as a chore than something to enjoy. How sad. Women who are in this slump can and should take steps to increase the lust for their hubby rather than look to someone new. Lance will just be the new John in time, and she’ll lose interest again. It’s not the guy here.

    Liked by 4 people

  4. SFC Ton says:

    Marriage is a contract designed to transfer wealth and power from men to the state via women.

    The proper response to an unfaithful wife is joy; joy that you, the man, can escape the soul crushing institution of marriage.

    Once a man becomes familiar to a woman he becomes a beta, her vag dries up and the rest unfolds at whatever pace her hamster drives things. Best defense is to always keep her in th out group, make her earn everything, almost every time

    Liked by 1 person

  5. blurkel says:

    This was a very uncomfortable read for me, as there is so much expressed as problems between the couple that I actually lived.

    I almost wish my wife would find a fling. She then might not be making life difficult for the rest of us.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. BuenaVista says:

    “One thing that also should be stated is that women usually get into affairs emotionally, then sexually.”

    Good stuff, and very au courant. But, total and complete bullshit. Please detail your portfolio of first dates with women, which inform your pronouncement, and straighten me out.

    Women today fuck attractive men immediately. It’s hilarious that a woman wants to pronounce on how women behave with men they’re attracted to. Exactly who is interested in this B.S.? Right. Feminist progressives.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Tarnished says:

    Blurkel,

    Wouldn’t it be better for you to find a side-lover? At least then you’d be partially cared for by someone who’s into you for you, rather than what resources you make.

    Liked by 2 people

  8. Tarnished says:

    Chill, BV.

    I never said I had personal experience with this. The only information I have comes from the psychology and science magazines/books I read. Which are also not always 100% correct, I’ll readily admit. I’m hardly going to defend this position if yours is vastly different. *shrug*

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Choicy says:

    Cillo if I change a few words here and there, I know the couple in your story, mate. And another couple as well, and another and another and another. You are describing most of the couples and ex-couples I know, mate. You’re right, these sheilas are as dumb as donkey drops.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. BuenaVista says:

    That’s fine. Probably the thing to do then, prior to making unilateral pronouncements, is say, “I read it in a magazine, no idea if it’s true, but the magazine said …”

    Like

  11. SFC Ton says:

    It is a lot easier to take someone seriously when they don’t sound like a feminist or a self proclaimed guru selling snake oil…. I mean self help books for women

    Liked by 1 person

  12. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Tarn,
    I have heard from a few sources that psychology is heaily diominated by feminists. To add to that, while I can’t remember where I saw it, there was a post on how only thirty nine percent of the surveys/tests were confnrirmable by reproducing them. I would reccommnd taking anything they say with a spoonful of salt.

    Liked by 4 people

  13. Choicy says:

    You two dingoes are boring the bejeezus out of me. I for one have better things to do than sit here reading your crap, which is a pity because this is a good post.

    Liked by 2 people

  14. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Choicy,
    I’m a bear, not a wild Australian dog!
    It’s well past time for a bear video.

    Liked by 3 people

  15. Tarnished says:

    I have an announcement to make:

    Most of what I talk about regarding relationships is not, in fact, from personal experience. Instead, it comes from books, magazines, documentaries, surveys, listening to classmates, listening to relatives, listening to friends, reading other people’s personal experiences on reddit, forums, and…blogs.

    Kinda like this one.
    Where, apparently, everything that a few people say outweighs all the other sources combined. For reasons!👍

    Fuzzie,
    It would depend on the source. Everyone has some biases, but the hope is that scientific peer reviewed papers get put through enough different researchers that they are *mostly* eliminated. It’s likely impossible for it to be exact though, this is true. I agree that the statistics I quoted above are possibly incorrect or out of date, and welcome any recent studies which state otherwise.

    Liked by 3 people

  16. Tarnished says:

    Fuzzie…love the video!

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Yoda says:

    Seems like a big market for Bear back scratchers there is.
    Scratch each others backs perhaps they should.

    Liked by 3 people

  18. Tarnished says:

    Now, I’ll fully admit to being snarky above. So very snarky…

    But it gets really frustrating when I say “I have personal experience with X” and am told straight out that I’m wrong, or confused, or looking at everything with rose-colored glasses. Yet when certain other commenters say “I have personal experience with X”, suddenly they’re the end all, be all.

    I get that I’m only 31.
    I get that I’m naive in some things or have trouble understanding how other minds work, especially when they are manipulative actions since I don’t think that way.
    I get that I’m not a man, or a mother, or married, or even really a good example of womanhood whatsoever.

    But I don’t live in a tower hidden away from the world, and I’m hardly an unintelligent, wet-behind-the-ears, blushing, 16 year old. I can accept that what I know from my own life is different than what others know from theirs…sometimes extremely different. I just find it ironic, to be expected to take everything someone else says at complete face value, when my own comments are condemned every other turn unless they are in agreement/deferring to other’s knowledge. It’s not as though I’m trying to get any lurkers or fellow commenters to smile and nod and say NAWALT. That would be foolish and stupid, given the horror stories we have here.

    It all honestly comes off as a twisted game, rather than an attempt at any real understanding between individuals. Maybe there is no desire for understanding? That would actually explain a lot…And if this is so, then please state it outright so I can stop trying to empathize with others while getting zilch in return.

    Now…
    I’m frickin tired of this, so here’s a video of a kitten petting a pig to sleep. I’m going to go make myself some dinner.

    Liked by 3 people

  19. SFC Ton says:

    Women cheat because of the feelz is more of the women good/ men bad blue pill/ feminine imperative covering fire designed to mask the ugly nature b of women and hypergamy. The intelligence on psychology per review and what not makes hobos more reliable then phd holders….. well givenot the amount of progressive indoctrination during school the hobos are likely more reliable on any non math topic then a PhD holder.

    Like

  20. SFC Ton says:

    Awwww the hurt feelings report…..

    Sound like a feminist get treated like c one; want to be taken serious have an opinion worthy of serious consideration

    Like

  21. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Tarn,
    I liked the video. A little cute helps.

    Guys,
    The Red Pill Philosophy is not gospel. It’s evolving. As we learn more, it wil change. To ge there requires open discussion.

    Liked by 1 person

  22. Tarnished says:

    Fuzzie,

    👍👌👏👏🎉🎊🎈🎆🎇🎯🍻

    Liked by 1 person

  23. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Tarn,
    I don’t know how many you can stack on your unicorn horn, so I will give you three bean, rice, and veggie burritos.
    🌯 🌯 🌯

    Liked by 1 person

  24. Choicy says:

    I come back expecting to see interesting discussion and here’s the same joker still sounding off. SFC Ton you’re sabotaging a good post. The other thread is slowed down 133 comments and still getting comments because you make it fucking boring here.

    Tarn is one of the three originals of this blog and you will always find her here and if you don’t like her what the dickens are you doing on this blog?

    I have to go back to earning a living and I hope things have improved when I come back.

    Liked by 3 people

  25. Tarnished says:

    Aw, muchas gracias, Fuzzie! You must be a highly dexterous bear, to be able to properly fold burritos. Yum! 🐾🐾
    Oddly, I have neither burritos or cookies (which I’ve seen bears enjoy as well 😉), but here’s some donuts. 🍩🍩🍩🍩
    One for each paw, as you and our prismatic friend would say. Speaking of which, where is Molly? I’ve not seen her nor Cillhouette lately. 😦

    Choicy,
    Have a good day. Don’t let any wombats sneak up to eat your toes. 😉

    Liked by 3 people

  26. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Mfs. Yoda,
    I have seen this video but, this is in captivity. I think the author of that post had it right, they teamed up while they were very young for mutual survival. My gues is, they’ll split up when the female wolf finds a mate.

    Liked by 2 people

  27. Tarnished says:

    In far more related topics, I’ve noticed more and more young men (even as youthful as 16) are beginning to think closer to MGTOW ideals. One of the youtubers I’m subscribed to…Adam Man…is a bit older now, but in one of his early videos he said he was still in high school. Others, like the very well known Barbarossssaa, also started making their MGTOW clips when they were young.

    Where are our boys learning that girls are potentially dangerous? Is the biggest factor schools? Peers? Mass media? Observations of relatives? Or…what?

    Liked by 3 people

  28. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Tarn,
    Doughnuts! Yum! Thank you! I don’t know what Molly is up to but, I will hazard a guess. I have heard that she has a boyfriend.

    Liked by 2 people

  29. Tarnished says:

    At least he is almost certainly a good man, Fuzzie. Definitely not a former PPP chaser, yuck!

    A good man for a good woman. That’s how things should be. 💙

    Liked by 2 people

  30. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Tarn,
    There was a gal I met On OkCupid that I never got to see in person. She only lived 1900 miles away. Wd spent a lot of time on the phone. Her son was in the last year of high school but refused to go to the prom. In third grade, he was sweet on a girl and would do anything for her. She told him a big fat lie about some other guy and he went into white knight mode. H can’t trust women. To add to this, he must have seen all manner of stuff go down in the meanwhile.
    I think the most most motivated MGTOWs must be young. They have seen too much in too little time.

    Liked by 2 people

  31. molly says:

    Fuzzie Canute W. Bear
    Wink wink (heh heh)
    I’m off on to a rendezvous!!
    VA-ROOOOM lol




    Liked by 1 person

  32. Tarnished says:

    That’s what I fear. Not that boys/young men aren’t automatically giving women a chance…quite the contrary, it’s very smart to wait and watch someone’s actions before making a decision to associate with them. No, I’m concerned that our boys are growing up too fast and without stability. This, in order to combat the misandric culture they find themselves in.

    And yet even then they are mocked for being “Peter Pan” men. Pshaw. As though becoming an underappreciated draft horse is a sign of adulthood? Hardly…

    *yawn*
    I’d like to continue this conversation tomorrow. It’s past midnight for me, and I prefer to not turn into a pumpkin. 🎃

    Liked by 2 people

  33. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Tarn,
    I think that has been Moolly’s biggest obstacle. To add to that, I understand that she is high SMV, that means that she has to compete with a legion of lesser SMV women for her equal.

    Mrs. Yoda,
    I am sorry for take so long to respond. You gave me an idea for a new occupation not for the faint of heart-ber masseur. I think it might be a better idea to let them rub against trees.

    Like

  34. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Nolly!!!! Thank you for the hamburger!

    Tarn,
    Young men have to be very cautious. About the Peter Pan syndrome, isn’t that femspeak for “Man up and marry me!”> It’s what she wants, when she wants it, never mind what he wants or thinks.

    Liked by 1 person

  35. Spawny Get says:

    Great post. Worthy of a great discussion.

    Haven’t got time to monitor tone, have got time to delete comments that piss me off. So, I will.

    I, ‘we’ (the majority here), get that Tarn’s honest description of her thoughts and reality don’t match your experiences with women. I/we understand that Tarn is atypical…highly atypical of women. As I have said, I find that reading Tarn as she describes herself, a guy in a female body, what is written is highly believable. Do not read what Tarn says as claims for how women think. That’s not what she claims to be saying. Forget the vaj, listen to the mind.

    Tarn has taken the shit sandwich of her body/mind mismatch, her abused by men childhood…and she’s making the best stab at life she can. I have all the time in the world for that.

    Stop making personal attacks. I don’t want to see them against anyone. Stop shitting up the tone of my blog. I will defend it. I haven’t got time to be polite about it. I won’t edit comments, I’ll just delete them.

    And thanks Choicy, for clearly(?) stating the views of many. Cheers for the bonzer comments, cobber. Something like that…probably…maybe…

    Liked by 1 person

  36. Spawny Get says:

    Recipes and uses for quince requested. Given my last comment, no need to keep ’em clean and polite…about me.

    Bramley apples too.

    Uses not requiring much time now preferred. Bung ’em in a shed / freezer…ideal

    Liked by 1 person

  37. Why women have affairs… From what I have seen in real life over a 30+ year span (not me, but people around me) I have seen the “emotional first” affair, the alpha fux affair, the old lover returns affair, the boredom affair, the random one night’ers affair, the cougar cub affair, the “i got married too young and missed out” affair, the “I want out and I know this will make him leave me” affair, and in my observation such as they are, most common the branch swing affair. All of the women had some “good reason” why she “had to” do it. Poppycock.

    Liked by 3 people

  38. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Bloom,
    There are no curbs on behavior. With no fault divorce, it doesn’t matter. It’s corrosive and sickening. I am still reovering from the revelation that fifty percent of the women on Tinder are in relationships. They tried to explain it away as “window shopping” As Norman Shwartzkopf said, “bovine scatology”.
    What these women don’t realize is that, while they are scewing it up for all women, They will end up trading down.

    Liked by 1 person

  39. Cill says:

    Yeah it’s disappointing.

    SFC Ton. It couldn’t be more obvious you’ve got your groupies here, a couple of men and a couple of women. The rest of us couldn’t give a rat’s arse. Piss off.

    Liked by 1 person

  40. SFC Ton says:

    Fair enough enjoy your blue pill circle jerk and white knighting for the voice of feminism

    Like

  41. Tarnished says:

    Fuzzie,
    About the Peter Pan syndrome, isn’t that femspeak for “Man up and marry me!”
    Perhaps when coming from an individual woman. But it’s even worse, as the MSM has latched onto this term and is now using it to describe any man who is in the young adult age range (25-35) who enjoys their bachelorhood and has no plans to marry. http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/6127308
    From the article:
    Getting ahead career-wise is not an objective nor is the idea of a mortgage, a car lease, or any type of relationship commitment.
    In other words, if you’re a man who has a comfortable job that pays your bills, but don’t want to deal with the rat race of extra hours at the grindstone and fighting for promotions, or need to be driving this year’s new vehicle model every year, you’re a Peter Pan. Likewise if you “avoid commitment” aka don’t want marriage. It’s just more shaming language towards MGTOW, without using the term.

    Bloom,
    All of the women had some “good reason” why she “had to” do it.
    I still think the *only* good reason to have an affair is if your spouse denies you sex/intimacy on a longterm and consistent basis. Most other “unhappiness” issues can be solved by working together as a team to find and implement a solution.

    Spawny + Cill,
    Thank you, mates.
    All I want is for there to be no double standards. There’s enough of that in the real world that we shouldn’t have to deal with it online. I’d prefer to talk in general terms…as was attempted above…then discuss if/why X is wrong than to just be all out accused of being a feminist. That stops the discussion, when it really should keep going.

    I think it also gets forgotten that different areas of the US are more prone to repetition of certain ideologies and “quotes” that are basically considered truth. My line above regarding the “men cheat for physical reasons, women cheat for emotional ones” is so oft repeated in my corner of the woods that I could stand on a chair at work and shout it out to the entire customer base on a busy night…and very few, if any, people will disagree with me. Men have said it (including my male friends, some of whom dealt with girlfriends/wives who began cheating or preferring the company of other men), women have said it, philosophy, biology, and psychology teachers have said it. But I’m not wedded to the idea! It could be wrong, or only correct in a minority of the population. Maybe it is a point of view completely foreign to the areas where BV and scfton live…we should discuss this difference, not just try to shut down the thread. What’s the point of a blog where no one talks?

    Liked by 1 person

  42. Spawny Get says:

    “men cheat for physical reasons, women cheat for emotional ones”

    I’ve heard that too. But I don’t doubt that there are women that are just horny as well.

    Especially ones looking at a bad boy (Ton. No disrespect intended) who radiates that he’s only up for shagging. I can quite believe that that’s his experience. It seems that BV’s women seem to be putting the shagging upfront (date 3) too. Whether he is seen as a target for waving sex at him to end up with access to his cash and emotions, or just a shag for a shag’s sake…over to BV. I have no expert knowledge.

    So, I don’t disagree with Ton on such women existing. Or your statement as a general description of women. From that I might expect a discussion, which would be fine. It’s only the personal stuff that I have no time for.

    Liked by 2 people

  43. Tarnished says:

    Me neither. That’s why my statement said “usually” since that’s what people (in my area?) are most likely to say.

    Perhaps some of the difference could be due to the type of woman involved? BV tends to talk about his flings as being very well educated, worldly, well traveled, and with a lot if finances at their disposal. I can easily see such a woman being interested in a weekend shag, then flying back home to her “real” life.

    But what of the tired, middle class woman who works 30 hours and then cares for the kids/home while her husband works 60 hours and is never in the mood to do family/couple stuff due to rest deprivation? I can see her looking around at work and seeing single guys who actively want to spend time with her and an emotional connection being made, which then eventually translates into a sexual one.

    It’s obvious this is not always the case though. Just look at Cill’s post! Either the woman was being super manipulative and only pretending to still be emotionally connected to her husband, or she lost sexual interest in him, friend zoned him in her mind, then found a sexual replacement. Regardless, I’m not condoning any of it.

    Liked by 2 people

  44. Mrs. Yoda says:

    So how cope with affair one does?
    “Get over it” answer would be?

    Liked by 1 person

  45. Mrs. Yoda says:

    Perhaps not have affairs one should.
    “For the children” for sure it would be.

    Liked by 2 people

  46. Mrs. Yoda says:

    The new man exciting he would be
    Until boring he does become
    But really change he did?

    Liked by 3 people

  47. Mrs. Yoda says:

    Women serial monogamy they do like
    because provider they always do have

    Liked by 3 people

  48. Yoda says:

    ! Either the woman was being super manipulative and only pretending to still be emotionally connected to her husband, or she lost sexual interest in him, friend zoned him in her mind, then found a sexual replacement

    Assumes cognitive awareness this does.
    Not always true this is.

    Liked by 3 people

  49. Yoda says:

    in my observation such as they are, most common the branch swing affair

    The ultimate in serial monogamy this is.
    Past providers, present providers – what is to like not?

    Liked by 3 people

  50. Yoda says:

    Getting ahead career-wise is not an objective nor is the idea of a mortgage, a car lease, or any type of relationship commitment.

    Impled that about “future fitness for family” this is.
    Fancy BMW lease not particularly useful for this it is.

    Liked by 2 people

  51. I didn’t see the deleted posts or really get what all was going on there. I do agree that Ton and BV are seeing the smp from a different angle and are seeing in some ways the Tinder smoked front line of the smp. Those reports may not match everyone here’s experience but they add a lot to the discussion, I think. Not that I am taking sides or saying whatever got deleted was ok, I didn’t see it. But based on Choicys response I am guessing it was heated.

    I enjoy all of the commentary here and would hate to see anybody leave. Not to sound like a dork here but can’t we all get along?

    Liked by 4 people

  52. The thing gals like the one mentioned in the blog should realize is that a guy like Lance, would he marry her? Be there for her? From what I have witnessed, the relationships post divorce are rarely as committed as the marriage was. Getting her groove back on w John as soon as she started feeling attraction to someone outside her marriage would have been the better route than blowing things up just for some “fresh” new sex. Granted the sex life described between the couple long before the affair was clearly inadequate. Why couples slide into the “roommate” mentality I don’t know but the couples w an active sex life seem happiest and most connected.

    Liked by 3 people

  53. Spawny Get says:

    I do like the diversity of opinion. I don’t appreciate the attacks following the diversity. There have been no deleted comments so far

    Liked by 4 people

  54. Yoda says:

    I do like the diversity of opinion. I don’t appreciate the attacks following the diversity.

    Agree with this I do.
    Sentient beings should make it personal not.

    Liked by 3 people

  55. Tarnished says:

    Not to sound like a dork here but can’t we all get along?

    That would be fantastic, but would also require people to understand that their experiences aren’t always going to match up with what others have gone through or live with.

    Much like how Liz and I have different opinions about various topics since we obviously have different relationships, educational backgrounds, jobs, religions, and ideas regarding marriage/kids. Yet for all these factors, we’ve never once accused the other of some hidden agenda or gone at each others throats for having a separate ideology. Instead, have calm debates and usually agree to disagree, because we both know we’re probably not going to change any minds, but at least further discussion can be had once you have an understanding of where the other side is coming from.

    It’s entirely possible to think someone is utterly wrong, and still be polite and empathetic of their stance.

    Liked by 3 people

  56. Tarnished says:

    I miss Liz a bit, actually…Hope that she’s enjoying her time away though! 🍻

    Liked by 1 person

  57. For those of us here who have personally experienced a partner having an affair or who have lived in this type of marriage, it’s a sore spot I am sure. I’d rather not be divorced. Although that said were I still married and under the same conditions I can only imagine how bad things would be by now. Life isn’t perfect now either, of course, but it’s a lot better than being in the relationship above w someone who doesn’t care to fix it or won’t even admit a platonic marriage is a huge problem.

    Liked by 2 people

  58. Yoda says:

    So how cope the fella should?

    Liked by 1 person

  59. Perhaps what rattled some cages was the off used justification for affairs (maybe they were even told that themselves) being raised, not who said it. People delude themselves into justifying the affair, and often while at the same time being highly critical or fault finding of their unsuspecting spouse at the same time as another way to justify why their spouse “deserves” to be cheated on. Perhaps the man will say it was physical attraction that made him do it, or the female will say emotional attraction, but what the red pill says is they didn’t “have” to do anything. It’s blue pill to lie to oneself and others. It’s red pill to say, “no you just wanted to fuck around and you didn’t care about your vows.” The woman above says her “feelings” made her do it. But instead of exploring those feelings, she should have cut off all contact w lance and searched her soul how she could reconnect w her husband. It’s doubly cruel while she was running around w Lance, she betrayed and abandoned her ONE. That’s the problem, what she does w her feelings, not her supposed emotional connection to another. When married its true from time to time you will feel attraction to others. Not acting on it is the proper response.

    Liked by 3 people

  60. Cope w what Yoda? A platonic marriage or an affair? Or? Not following…

    Like

  61. Yoda says:

    Based off of title I am.
    Cope with affair it does ask.

    Liked by 1 person

  62. Choicy says:

    2:30 a.m. in the great southern land so this digger will be meeting the mattress straight after this. Cillo is an action man and none of us could understand why he spent time online in the first place.

    I know him well, the finest man I ever met. No disrespect to the rest of you, he is the reason I came here and I have no interest if he’s not here.

    We live with our choices, my mates.

    Liked by 2 people

  63. molly says:

    I hope y not right Choicy! This blog was good for Cill at a hard time. I like him to stay here. He’s very busy. Only 1 comment on his own post is unusual tho. I’ll find out okay? 🙂

    Liked by 4 people

  64. Yoda says:

    “Just goaded your boyfriend into commiting scuicide you did.
    Where now will you go”

    Answer follows it does,

    his death, Carter became a self-proclaimed advocate for mental health.

    She organized a fundraising tournament in Roy’s memory and posted on Facebook and Twitter about her attempts to save her boyfriend’s life.

    “Even though I could not save my boyfriend’s life, I want to put myself out here to try to save as many other lives as possible,” she wrote on Facebook.

    Liked by 4 people

  65. SFC Ton says:

    Sabotage? Really? Geez man I am sure you can do better then that

    Bloomed nailed the cheating thing. Everything else is rationalization and trust me after 5 years in a sexless marriage I came up with every rationalization there is but at the end of the day it’s just smoke and mirrors.

    The middle class woman described by Tarn sounds a lot like the military wives who have strange jizz leaking out their baby makers before their husbands are wheels down in Iraq etc. I would think it’s men who get wrapped up emotionally 1st, for a variety of reasons but mostly because that route would catch them off guard. Where women would think lust is beneath them so they wouldn’t get caught up in that

    There are a shit ton of red pill why she cheated, validation is one of them but even that come down to she wanted validation from some alpha cock vs her beta husband

    Also in that same line, women cheat on betas or men they see as betas an betas are all about trying to have that emotional connection bullshit.

    Anyrate, any way you cut it, the women cheat because they are emotionally unfulfilled is feminine imperative to cover the bad behaviour of women. Church it up some, keep women from looking so bad

    I realize most of y’all have no experience with someone not totally soaked in progressive and feminist thought but that don’t change the tactically reality on the ground.

    Spawny, why would that be offensive? I am on the AF side of the AF BB equation; I get their best at a reduced cost. It’s the BB where a man should be offended

    Liked by 1 person

  66. Cill says:

    “I realize most of y’all have no experience with someone not totally soaked in progressive and feminist thought but that don’t change the tactically reality on the ground”

    You have no idea.

    Liked by 1 person

  67. Cill says:

    You haven’t answered Choicy’s question “Tarn is one of the three originals of this blog and you will always find her here and if you don’t like her what the dickens are you doing on this blog?”

    Liked by 1 person

  68. Spawny Get says:

    Putting the issue of sniping at Tarn aside, nothing you say offends me. That’s why some of your comments get liked. Ones that don’t get liked, I usually agree with much of them, but then you add something I can’t reach.

    Liked by 1 person

  69. Yoda says:

    New post there would be.

    Liked by 1 person

  70. Tarnished says:

    Cill,
    I hope you stay. It wouldn’t be the same without you. I have an idea…I just won’t read anything by scfton or BV, since most trouble starts when I disagree or state a different opinion. If I don’t respond, this problem is eliminated.

    Spawny,
    Same here. Heck, I’ve given both of them likes in the past, when I agree with their position or think they said something thought provoking. There’s just a lot I can’t agree with, that’s all. Nobody’s opinion is “word-of-god”.

    Yoda,
    That girl is a bitch, pure and simple. If souls exist, hers is clearly rotten, even prior to the Muchausen by proxy shit she pulled on that poor boy. I’d go so far as to call her a c*nt, but she obviously lacks both the depth and warmth thereof.

    Liked by 1 person

  71. blurkel says:

    This thread’s Book of Comment Responses.

    @Tarn

    Wouldn’t it be better for you to find a side-lover? At least then you’d be partially cared for by someone who’s into you for you, rather than what resources you make.

    As someone who makes Shrek look like Spawny, the odds of that aren’t good.

    I say “I have personal experience with X” and am told straight out that I’m wrong, or confused…

    This I get. I stopped participating in arguments with the distaff half because this is the approach she will take to prove me wrong and Herself correct.

    I’ve noticed more and more young men (even as youthful as 16) are beginning to think closer to MGTOW ideals….Where are our boys learning that girls are potentially dangerous?

    Based on what I’ve seen and heard, parental clashes eventually lead young men to believe there is no hope for any marriage, so why get into one? I’m seeing signs that young women are getting to this same conclusion.

    @Bloom

    Why couples slide into the “roommate” mentality I don’t know…

    Here’s my conclusion based on personal observation and experience. Most women enter matrimony to establish a nest for spawning. There are only so many eggs she wants to hatch, and very few breeding women are insane like Michele Duggar. Once this number is reached, She’s likely to not care if she ever again has sex, and her hubby’s bedroom skills aren’t going to matter. What he does is of little concern to her, as long as the money flows in, and he doesn’t expect sex from her.

    Liked by 3 people

  72. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    It took me an hour to compose this comment and my ISP ate it. I’ll try again
    We need to chill out..
    When things at work would get me down years ago, I would go home with Rambo II. At the ime it was released, it was very popular in Lebanon. While the Christians and the Muslims were fighting, they would take time off and go to the theater, on alternate days (I hope). At the climactic monents, they would let loose with their AK_47s into the ceiling.

    I think that a lot of this stems from women circling the wagons to defend the feminie imperative. It’s a herd defensive mentality and men don’t have it.

    Just today, I saw a comment from SSM about how she will no longe comment on manosphere sites. She hd a very successful Christian antifeminist blog up for two years and it’s where I started commenting. It was co-ed.

    From a general standpoint, I think men are suspicious of women commenting because they will defend the female impreative.
    To get specific about Tarn, she is honest, sincere, and open to new viewpoints. She has not nor doe she condone making men miserable.

    BV and SFC Ton,
    The Red Pill doesn’t come all at once. A better approach may be “that way doesnt work too well, this way is better”. No malice. There is an old saying about catching bees, though why antone would want to catch them is beyond me.

    Liked by 2 people

  73. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Cill,
    I hope that you stay. Thinking back to the hurricane that hit you, we were all on pins and needles withg for your reports. While we may never meet in person, you have made good friends here.
    About that post with only one comment, I don’t remember it too well but I think there were two other threads going along with it that were on fire. I don’t think there was anything wrong with your post.

    Blurkel,
    That is a very sound theory. She has whats she wants. Never mind what he wants.

    Liked by 3 people

  74. Liz says:

    A friend sent Mike an image today that I had to share.
    And of course, I’ve read the above.
    I like everyone here very much and it would make me very very sad if anyone stopped posting.
    If I come back on the 10th and find we’ve lost posters, I don’t know what I will do. But it won’t be pretty. I might go on Pimpin’ ma hoe strike. Or I might go into Pimpin’ ma hoe overdrive. Or, I might just post pictures of mimes.
    I might grow so physically ill that I actually 100 percent do whatever I say I’m going to do and go into super-compliant mode. This would be a different, less lively, more jaded Liz. I might even remove my froggie helmet. That’s right.

    Until then, a salubrious palliative:

    😀

    Liked by 5 people

  75. SFC Ton says:

    Is it some unwritten rule here not to challenge what is is said? Tarn gets challenged the most because what she says is the most ridiculous. She is free to respond but never comes up with an argument some other progressive or feminists hasn’t already said and since it’s always from a progressive frame, her arguments are counter to reality

    Like

  76. SFC Ton says:

    To quote you Cill “piss off”

    Like

  77. Tarnished says:

    Hi, Liz!

    I don’t want anyone to leave either. It would just would prefer if some discussions were more polite and less snarly. I’m won’t kiss any ass just to get a verbal pat on the head from a “alpha”, but I will listen to their viewpoints. Some I agree on, some I think are only true for part of the population, some I think are mostly wrong OR could have other explanations…which are not necessarily “progressive” ones. I’m sincere about my beliefs, thoughts, and experiences which are decidedly Purple-Pill. This is much farther along the spectrum than nearly everyone else around me, other than a few friends and male customers.

    Liked by 1 person

  78. Tarnished says:

    Blurkel,

    Lol. I honestly doubt you are as bad looking as all that. Perhaps it just seems that way, given the lack of intimacy, acknowledgement of attractiveness, and sex in general you receive. My love makes disparaging remarks about his weight and body from time to time, and it’s semi-difficult to get him in a sexual mood when these thoughts are in the forefront of his mind. I wish he could see himself as I do, which is always masculine, beautiful, and sexy.

    Once this number is reached, She’s likely to not care if she ever again has sex, and her hubby’s bedroom skills aren’t going to matter.

    How does one turn asexual? 😕

    Like

  79. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    SFC Ton,
    How long were you a Sergeant? As such you had to supervise and instruct. You don’t trash your subordinates, as much as you can you encourage. The carrot is better than the stick.
    I think that Tarn is open to discussion if it comes fron a “this way is better” perspective. Try mot to get personal.
    Make amends with Cill. He has friends in Australia, like Commenter Hannah.

    Like

  80. Sumo says:

    Ah, strife and conflict. It’s like sitting down to dinner with my family.

    Like

  81. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Sumo,
    Are you sure that you’re not Sicilian? I worked next to a family owned and operated Italian restaurant. You wouldn’t believe the yelling that came out of that place before they opened for business.

    Like

  82. BuenaVista says:

    Cill, speaking about groupies etc.: Name names, pal.

    Spawny, requesting my next contribution: I’ve avoided Tarn’s trolling because you asked me to. Now you want to put everyone on notice that discussions may not criticize so-and-so. Well, it’s your blog. What do you want? You want me to contribute, but you don’t want me to violate someone’s pretensions? Cool. Lay it out so I now what the rules are.

    Perhaps you could post a list of people whose utopian, undergrad opinions may not be ridiculed, and another list of people whose opinions must be deleted. That would simplify matters.

    I have no opinion about anything, because I’m sensitive and caring and couldn’t possibly know what it is like to be Bruce Jenner. I just want everyone to get along. Dissent is so last century.

    Like

  83. BuenaVista says:

    Group hugs are bullshit, Fuzzie. Every time I go to church someone wants to hug me. Why should people make “amends” when they simply disagree? Does disagreement and dialectical discussion require smarter people to make “amends”? Why is that?

    Liked by 1 person

  84. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Buena Vista,
    As a bear, I like hugs. We;re famous for that. My human persna likes hugs too.
    As for Tarn, the Red Pill doesn’t come all at once. She’s learning so why be harsh when you could be kind?

    Like

  85. BuenaVista says:

    Well, that’s a non sequitor. Identify “harsh.”

    This is stupid. You’re not a bear, and I am not someone who attacks people, I only attack opinions. If opinions may not be attacked, fine. Post the rules. “So-and-So has opinions. Agree with them.”

    This whole thing is stupid. Some of the people here are interested in conversation, discussion, and argument. Others post GIF-sadnwiches, or something. I’ve been here for the discussion, but now I learn discussion must not laugh at absurdity.

    Liked by 1 person

  86. Cill says:

    “I’ve been here for the discussion”
    No you haven’t. You’re here to preach the gospel according to Saint You and to jump down the throat of anyone who blasphemes against your holy word. Fair go, I can’t stand the sound of you any more.

    Like

  87. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Buena Vista,
    I like being a bear and as to the GIF sandwiches, isn’t it all right that we have a little innocent fun around here? Good grief, I don’t think the Puritans took it that far.
    As for defining “harsh”, I think that you are being needlessly argumentitive. A mark of intelligence is being able to put onself in another’s shoes. I have heard that Abraham Lincoln was very adept at this from Shelby Foote. You have to have more than a little of this in you. Please consider the other other person before you click “post comment”.

    Like

  88. Omg seriously. Everybody just please stop. Let’s not have another j4g meltdown. Look I just celebrated my not getting married, plus am at the high point of my season stress wise and it’s back to school tomorrow. Not that it’s about me but for my sake can ya’ll chill out and carry on like all this was said but not said. Agree to disagree? For anyone who has personally lived this post, it’s just a raw subject, hen e the bigh emotions. Let’s not take it personally, any of us ok? The world kinda sucks. But you guys are all alright in my book. Peace.

    (Wheels in a fully stocked bar cart and another loaded wit sAmmiches, chips, salads, and cookies.) help yourselves!

    Liked by 2 people

  89. Truly there is no cause for us to be at each others throats or for any to leave. And I am not saying this to defend any in particular, or not to. Like Liz I would miss any voice here. So please let’s just all chill….

    Cookies, anyone?

    Liked by 2 people

  90. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Bloom,
    Got any Root Beer to go with that?

    Liked by 1 person

  91. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    I have tried to acess Return of Kings twice today and it won’t come up. At first, I thought this was due to using Internet Exporer 9. They have been warning me for weeks that they would no longer support IE9. I just tried with Google and all I can get is a screen shot of an out of date homepage. I may be being paranoid but censorship on this level is unprecedented.

    Like

  92. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    People,
    While his youtube channel is still up, his blog, Roosh V, and its Forum are dow, offline. I tried IE( and Google for the blog and only Google for the Forum.
    Something’s up.

    Like

  93. Spawny Get says:

    “Or, I might just post pictures of mimes.”

    Enough with the unspeakable threats…

    Liked by 2 people

  94. Spawny Get says:

    Blurkel, if you ever want to compare looks…come visit. Some laughs will be had. Genuine offer.

    Liked by 1 person

  95. Spawny Get says:

    Fuzzie, I had problems with a commercial site last night – timed out before rendering anything. It’s fine this morning.

    Like

  96. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Spawny Get,
    It may have something to do with it being the First of September yesterday. Wait and see.
    I do like him for his antifeminist rants and when he goes off on smartphones.

    Like

  97. blurkel says:

    The Book of Replies Part 2

    @Tarn

    I honestly doubt you are as bad looking as all that.

    Ah, would that more women might consider me so! Without such kindness as you offer, life would indeed be bleak.

    How does one turn asexual?

    By openly being what one has hidden in pursuit of motherhood. Women will put up with all kinds of bad to generate that bundle of joy, which is why there are many women with one child, and a very angry and uncooperative child support provider chained to the court between them to keep it flowing.

    @Cill

    SFCTon regularly says things that could anger me if I allowed it. When he does, I follow the maxim that begins “If you can’t say something nice…” I’ve been on too many blogs -including one which had an international following as this does- where the sniping and backbiting got so out of hand that it all splintered and wrecked a good thing. My suggestion us this: if you feel the steam rising, vent it before you answer. I’d hate to lose contact with you, as you make many wise observations and get me thinking.

    @Spawny

    Blurkel, if you ever want to compare looks…come visit. Some laughs will be had. Genuine offer.

    It’s a date, mate!

    General note: when the New York Stock Exchange has a bad day as it did yesterday, the entire Internet goes wacky. What bandwidth we normally get to use gets gobbled up so that the investors can do their panicky trading. Things tend to calm down about 10pm Pacific Daylight Savings Time, and then sites like RoK which are based on relatively slow foreign (to USA) servers are again accessible.

    Liked by 3 people

  98. @ fuzzie I just tried and couldn’t access either, either. I got a strange redirect screen I have never seen before…

    Liked by 1 person

  99. Tarnished says:

    Ah, would that more women might consider me so! Without such kindness as you offer, life would indeed be bleak.

    Unlike the women in the OKcupid survey, I don’t find 85% of men to be below average in attractiveness (or whatever the crazy ratio was). I tend to think most people have *something* attractive about them, and that most people are at least average to slightly above average in looks. I also know that I’m not a beautiful or hot member of the species myself…I’d go with “pleasant looking”.

    By openly being what one has hidden in pursuit of motherhood. Women will put up with all kinds of bad to generate that bundle of joy

    “All types of bad” really shouldn’t be a phrase associated with ltr partnered sex…

    Liked by 2 people

  100. “By openly being what one has hidden in pursuit of motherhood.”

    I know I am kind of an anomoly but I never really had an overwhelming urge to have babies. I do have two wonderful kiddos and love them to pieces but my entire being and relationship choices were not driven by procreation. I am on the very upper edge of baby making age now, but am as interested in a man and having a physical relationship w one as ever, babies or no. And really at this point sans babies would be just fine by me. Unless *he* really wanted a baby. Lol! 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

  101. P.s. I can’t believe the things I admit on the Internet! Lol.

    But it’s true! Babies are a lot of work, honestly. I never had an illusions they would somehow complete ME or that it would be about them loving ME. Even from a young age, I realized having babies meant a giving up of self for many years that one should not enter into lightly. And if unwilling to give up that part of self, should not enter into at all.

    Liked by 4 people

  102. Tarnished says:

    And I obviously don’t want babies, even though they love me and I’m very good with them. 😛
    There are women out there who honestly think that if you don’t have kids, you’re not a Real Woman ™. That’s their choice of course, but it is a little strange that they thint their *entire* identity as a female is tied in with pregnancy.

    What were your relationship choices driven by, Bloom? I have a hard time putting mine into words.

    Liked by 1 person

  103. Also something many women (in kuding myself) lose sight of while in the early years post baby is that the relationship w her man still needs to be primary, above the babies. Otherwise it leads to disconnection and possibly the end of that relationship. Child support is no substitute for a partner. Not even close… I would be the last person to glamorize single parenting.

    Liked by 3 people

  104. I like boys Tarn. I have always found them fascinating. I like male energy and kindof feel at a loss wo it. I am also a sucker for love. A sap, really! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  105. @ blurkel I agree w Ton even if you don’t leave your marriage, there’s a lot of living left to do. Giving oneself up is a choice. A choice I would not reccomend. I hire musicians you know!

    Liked by 2 people

  106. Choicy says:

    I will catch up with Cillo IRL in the not too distant future. I think you have seen the last of him here my mates. I know him well. For Cillo it’s not the end of the world, he has a heck of a busy work and social life. As for me, my friends laugh till they almost faint when I say I comment on a blog.

    Which means this is the last you will see of me here too my mates. I said before, I came here because the finest man I know was here and I’m not interested otherwise. It was fun for a long while for me. Goodbye my mates.

    Liked by 1 person

  107. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Choicy,
    I don’t know if you will come back to se this but, I want you to know that you, as well as Cill and the whole Down Under crew will be missed. I will especially miss Molly. She’s cheerful. If I said anythig that gave offense, I apologize. If you do see this, please pass it on.

    Liked by 3 people

  108. Tarnished says:

    I second Fuzzie’s comment. I will miss all of you if you leave never to return. You *all* add such wonderful voices, and yeah…we may be silly at times, but the world is harsh. This blog is not an entirely serious place. It was originally made to be Invite Only. A fun place for some of us to joke, and talk freely, and have good discussions without dealing with the rabble on my/other blogs.

    It is different now.

    Liked by 2 people

  109. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Blurkel,
    Thanks for the tip. I had no idea that online trading used so much bandwidth and could disrupt the internet.

    Bloom,
    Thanks for double checking.

    Like

  110. BuenaVista says:

    Fuzzie, quote my “harshness” — so I know what you’re talking about.

    I have been a mentor, nurturer, supporter, draft horse my entire life. I was taking care of my siblings at age 6. I know how to do it.

    So let’s go down and define “harsh.” Does “harsh” mean “You’re a bitter man” or does “harsh” mean “I don’t want to think about the hard truth of that?” or does harsh mean “stop expressing your opinion, we don’t know how to respond?”

    I’m just curious how I’m “harsh.” I’m not harsh here either, except that I expect an example or two of “harsh harsh harsh” — before being personally impugned.

    Getting up at 4 to lift, must close.

    Liked by 1 person

  111. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Tarn,
    *sniff*

    Like

  112. Dragonfly says:

    Tarn, I know this is probably late commenting, but for what it’s worth… I didn’t really set out to be a young mom or married young. I always saw myself working and being single until probably my mid to late twenties… and motherhood always scared me somewhat. I was afraid I wouldn’t be a good mom, even though I had a great role model. I had fantasies of being grown up and single, living anywhere I wanted, renting a little house, having girly dishes lol.

    But having my first child, everything changed. It’s not that they complete me or anything, but sometimes when just sitting at our dinner table and seeing my babies and (on my husband’s off nights and he’s there) I just feel overwhelmed with so much happiness and gratitude. But I never imagined that I would live this life. I never EVER wanted to be a “stay at home mom.” Go figure.

    Like

  113. Dragonfly says:

    So you never know! …. Life can change so fast, plans can suddenly become derailed. And then you’re living a life you never expected.

    Like

  114. Cautiously Pessimistic says:

    A little closer to home than I’d like, Cill. My bright spots are I didn’t have kids, didn’t mix finances, and if she has an affair I’m (morally) free to divorce. So I’ve got that going for me.

    Liked by 2 people

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