I just located my Social Security statement for last year. Seems it got filed away in the Big Box Which Catches All Bills Once They Have Been Paid. I located it looking for something else, but that isn’t important right now.
I noted while scanning it that next year marks my 50th year rendering unto Caesar, and I pondered what I have to show for it.
- I have a wife who contributes about 15% of the income yet expects to control 100% of it.
- I have four adult kids, three of whom have completed their bachelor degrees while the fourth is in process. Three of them still live under my roof and sup at my table. The other is married and supports my two grandchildren with her husband.
- I own a house outright that I can’t afford to maintain much less upgrade. At least I can cover the property taxes without burden.
- My vehicle will be seven years old in March, with almost 200,000 miles on it by then. Yet every week I get approached by dealers to trade my truck in on another six years of debt.
What I don’t have is a secure retirement.
I have no idea where any savings I might have are secreted, and I better be ready for a fight if I ask about it. Besides implying that I don’t trust my distaff half, I would be interrupting the fifteenth repetition of the day’s five major news stories. I can make no plans to use any such funds for repairs or upgrades on the house as I don’t know what she has planned for it. After all, she says what’s hers is hers and what’s mine is hers, and my wishes are insignificant compared to hers.
I believe I’ve said before that I can relate the day, date, and time I knew I was making a mistake remaining in this relationship. Every day since, every additional minute, the awareness grows of how deeply I blindly buried myself into familial servitude in trade for empty promises.
Words are important, but they must match performance. I could tell you that I was once a good musician, but unless you heard me perform, you’d have no way to gauge my veracity.
It is thus in domestic relationships. In the past, a man had to take a daring chance committing to a woman he really didn’t know on a day-to-day basis. He only saw her on her best behavior used to receive guests.
Today, there is no good excuse for a man to do this, yet we men still allow women to tell us things they don’t really mean – and believe them without proof. We let them dazzle our eyes with their beauty so that we don’t see their plans for us. We hear their pledges of troth so that we don’t hear what they say to others about us. We don’t take note of what they do to advance these plans at our expense, for we trust. This is all vital for their plans for financial support though a life of labor to succeed.
Young and single men of today, I address you. Don’t trade your masculine birthright for a mess of feminine pottage. Inventory yourself, and examine what she expects you to leave behind before you set forth with her. Know her by her actions, for her words are not likely true. Take note of what she does for you, and whether you had to ask her to exert the effort.
It’s not what she looks like or sounds like that determines a good match. It’s what she willingly does for you that matters.