Recovering From Frivorce — Part I


What fella hasn’t been frivorced?  It happens all of the time.  Right?  So here is a handy guide for handling this.

First of all, in a true frivorce, the state is is much to blame as anybody.  This is important for the man to comprehend.  It starts with the sense of entitlement in girls and women that the state fosters, with special rules and goodies just for women’s benefit as they proceed from cradle to young adulthood.  Then of course comes marriage, where all of the modern rules are slanted in the woman’s favor, culminating in generous divorce settlements.  When the incentives are there, people will be attracted to them.

Furthermore the state, encourages women’s preferred form of polygamy, serial monogamy.  The system is now constructed for women to make this happen,  Consider the line from the movie Train Wreck, “Monogamy isn’t realistic“.  The movie makes the father utter the line, but in reality, it should be the mother.  For this is what many modern women want, to branch swing from man to man, chipping off some of his resources each time, and having lots of fun and adventures in doing so.  Since marriage is supposedly meant to be a life-time commitment, this behavior just makes a mockery of the entire situation.  But nobody will call women on this.  So if you are a recently frivorced man, and you are blaming yourself incessantly; perhaps you should consider the State’s involvement in your personal problem.

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Posted in FarmBoy, Feminism, Hypergamy, Marriage
73 comments on “Recovering From Frivorce — Part I
  1. Tarnished says:

    Or, just don’t marry.

    Like

  2. BuenaVista says:

    That’s fine, but it’s rather a challenge to focus on political science when someone invalidates your core motivating principles, such as building a family legacy, honoring your family traditions, fathering, being intimate, and being close to people you would die for, without qualm, if it came to that.

    The personal is political, the feminists say. When red pill men start saying that the issue is the government, that’s very fine and dandy. But sometimes the personal is just profoundly personal, and RP men ought not to parrot feminist nostrums about the personal being truly political, because the next step is to start a divorced dad’s study group, where a bunch of hapless dudes talk about how they got hosed in divorced court. Then they hug it out.

    It’s a much, much higher order problem involving life and purpose, perhaps theology. A man’s sovereignty may be attacked by the state, and in fact removed (in many ways) by the state. But the true problem is to sustain personal integrity when one’s primary reasons for living are shown to be elaborate jokes. Ruses, really. It’s easier for us older guys, but the 20-something men are faced with predictable, likely catastrophe. They want to love, but have seen first hand the idiocy of flying into the marital thunderhead. Some emerge, some don’t. They know this. Talking to a congressman isn’t going to change anything.

    Liked by 3 people

  3. Farm Boy says:

    That’s fine, but it’s rather a challenge to focus on political science when someone invalidates your core motivating principles, such as building a family legacy, honoring your family traditions, fathering, being intimate, and being close to people you would die for, without qualm, if it came to that.

    Patience. More to come

    Like

  4. Sumo says:

    What fella hasn’t been frivorced?

    Yo.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    I have never married. That may be the most common reason for never having been frivorced.
    That is not a good sign.

    Bloom,
    This post is timely for your unwanted suitor. He wouldn’t be the husbnad of your SAHM with four kids who has been talking aout fivorce this last year?

    Like

  6. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Farm Boy,
    Monkey branching via marriage may not work anymore. Dalrock noted about two years ago that while women were delayig marriage, men were not getting remarried.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. SFC Ton says:

    I did the divorcing, with cause. Though cause was thrown out to keep it in no fault status. If she is at fault a man doesn’t have to pay so when men file with grounds, no matter how well documented, the grounds are dismissed.

    When she files for divorce with cause the man has to clear his name or he pays extra

    I think the 1st thing a man facing divorce has to understand is the court hates you for being a man and is hell bent on making you suffer because you have man parts.

    As for who to blame
    Yourself for being beta
    Voters
    Politicians
    Pastors
    Teachers
    Parents, her father and yours
    Dumb fucks who thought women should vote…
    Well the blame list is endless but accomplishes nothing.

    Focus on the mission, get money, bang bitches hurt the government, lawyers etc who created and support the system

    I would say blame women but how much blame can you lay on a 9 yearold?

    Liked by 2 people

  8. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    I see it differently than Ton. If women were nine year olds, how could they qualify for driver’s licences? My argument is that they know full well what they are doing and are motivated by greed and meannes in doing it.
    There is only one problem. Men are wise to this. Because of their greed, collectively women have ruined marriage for all.
    I wonder how God will deal with all these frivorcees on Judgement Day?

    Like

  9. SFC Ton says:

    Who says women should drive?

    Like

  10. SFC Ton says:

    But you are correct they know what they are doing, so do 9 year olds. What they don’t generally understand is right from wrong, cause and effect etc etc

    Like

  11. Tarnished says:

    100% Fuzzie.
    Women are adults, and should thus be held responsible for their actions and the resulting consequences.

    Liked by 3 people

  12. Mrs. Yoda says:

    9 year olds

    900 years old I am.
    Still love my Yoda I do.
    Know what I do I do.

    Liked by 2 people

  13. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    I found this earlier today. It’s a little off topic.

    http://www.returnofkings.com/4658/dont-believe-the-lies-about-foreign-brides#!

    I recommend reading it. The author found a Swiss study that is much mor comprehensive than anything I have seen. There the overall divorce rate is 50%. Should men marry Estern European women it’s 15%. Should Swiss women marry foreigners the rate is 80%. WTF?

    I am thinking that frivorce nd attendant bad attitudes may be a Western thing among women.

    Like

  14. SFC Ton says:

    When in history where women considered adults AND it worked well.for.that society?

    We have a historical record that doesn’t support women as adults thing. Including very recent history.

    My dogs can sort of swim but that doesn’t mean their suited for it by nature and Natures God

    Like

  15. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Ton,
    We may have agree to disagree. I believe women have agency and because they do, they are responsible and to be held accountable. If they were as mature as nine year olds, how did the species survive, much less progress?
    Don’t let them sandbag you by playing stupid.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Ton,
    This is a great video. What TFM keeps hammering is that women will do their utmost to avoid responsibility.

    Liked by 3 people

  17. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    I think that out of all that feminism has done to men frivorce has to be the worst and cut the deepest. If the ladies do not put the brakes on this, they will lose the confidence of thier men.

    Liked by 2 people

  18. Tarnished says:

    I believe women have agency and because they do, they are responsible and to be held accountable…Don’t let them sandbag you by playing stupid.

    Yup.

    Liked by 1 person

  19. Tarnished says:

    Fuzzie,

    After watching his video and hearing his explanations, I understand why he did it but his charts for Egalitarianism are wrong. He states that it is defined by:
    -Equal Authority
    -High Male Responsibility
    -Low Female Responsibility

    Also according to his charts, this would create
    -Male Engagement and Frustration
    -Female Tyranny and Apathy

    If it truly were Egalitarianism, both sexes would be in the Engaged segment. There would be Equal Authority and Equal Responsibility. Now…I will agree with him that this has never happened. Egalitarianism has never been a type of society, at least in the West after the 1700s. (Some Native American tribes came the closest.) But just because it has never occurred in anything more than a Personal/Individual sphere, does not mean it should be given a false definition. I postulate that what TFM calls “Egalitarianism” would be better defined as Soft Feminism, as it is illustrating the halfway point between Patriarchy and Feminism.

    I also disagree with the arrangement of his MGTOW chart, as it shows no symbol at all for women (ulterior message received, but women are still doing *something* when men are MGTOW) but as many MGTOW are pro-ghosting or galting, the male symbol should really be in the upper right Apathy corner. The vast majority of MGTOW I’ve known, spoken to, and interviewed are only engaged in society to the point of minimum-average benefit/returns. They are certainly not all the way up in the Engaged sector…

    Liked by 1 person

  20. SFC Ton says:

    When we threatened women a if they had limited moral agency we were a robust and thriving people

    Now we assume women have full moral agency we are a dying people

    I will believe in woman as full moral agents when you provide long last historical examples of such a thing working out

    My position is based on history and observation. Best I can tell, women have full moral agency argument is based on the feelz…. a feminine and craptacular argument.

    Like

  21. SFC Ton says:

    Should say treated not threatened

    Also can any one show a long term successful egalitarian society/ culture/ people? Egalitarianism is based on the lie of people being….well equal. One of the things readyily observable and easily proven false by looking around some

    Liked by 2 people

  22. Liz says:

    Should say treated not threatened

    Was that autocorrect Ton? 😛

    Like

  23. Liz says:

    Yesterday I was typing someone a message on my phone and the thing kept autocorrecting ‘live’ to convert it to ‘love’. It was annoying… “Hey, where do you love?”, “oops, I mean live”,
    “We love near you” ,”Damnit”.

    Liked by 4 people

  24. Liz says:

    I’m going to lick my last post.

    Liked by 3 people

  25. Mrs. Yoda says:

    I’m going to lick my last post

    Give it a kitty-kiss you will?

    Liked by 2 people

  26. Hey now, calling him an unwanted suitor seems a bit harsh. Ouch. No the sahm w 4 kids is still married. This is the guy whose wife frivorced him a year ago after she got promoted, lost a bunch of weight, and hooked up with her fitness trainer. You know, despite her husband and two kids. Then to explain it she blamed it all on him, told everyone he was horrible and deserved it, so naturally everyone clapped and applauded her for her bravery. She recently moved her new love and his three kids into their old house, which she got entirely in the frivorce. To say its shitty doesn’t begin to cover it. As much as he thinks I am the solution to all of this, I know I cannot be. I think the fact that I am one of the few people who even understands what has happened to him is what is attracting him to me. And I do empathize, completely. I hate to think my being standoffish is adding to his pain but I don’t know what else to do? I can’t fix it. It’s not a boo boo one can kiss and put a band aid on and make it right. It makes me feel sick, watching him go through it. Fuck!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  27. Yoda says:

    Change things up sometimes Mrs. Yoda does.
    Kitty-kisses she does give.
    After 800 years of marriage, variety good it would be.

    Liked by 3 people

  28. Yoda says:

    You know, despite her husband and two kids.

    “My personal whims more important than my children’s well-being they are”
    Odd position to take it is.
    Even more odd that cheer it on people would.

    Liked by 2 people

  29. I honestly don’t know how he keeps from losing it entirely 😦 I hope he doesn’t lose it.

    Shitty, shitty, shitty…

    Liked by 1 person

  30. Oh yeah, as if all that wasn’t mean enough she tells him she wishes he was dead! 😦

    Fucking witch! Grrr.

    Liked by 2 people

  31. Tarnished says:

    Bloom,

    Being a red (or frankly, even purple) pill female is difficult at times. Not the level of difficulty that the aforementioned men are going through, of course, but it remains true that we’re in a rough spot. Especially when it’s as horrific a situation as the one your friend is living in…

    He literally sees you as an anchor right now, and you might be one of the few people keeping him from drifting away (suicide, alcoholism, etc). I’m sorry this weight is on you, but you need to find a way to let him know you’ll be there for him but only as a sympathetic shoulder. Frankly, it wouldn’t be healthy for him to be with anyone right now. 😦

    Liked by 4 people

  32. Agreed Tarn. We did have that discussion and it went really well. I think he realizes he wants someone but that he’s not ready for that yet. I am glad I can be here for him and it’s actually probably good he approached me rather than a gal who could have seriously taken advantage of his emotional state. That’s the last thing he needs!

    Liked by 2 people

  33. Yoda says:

    What percentage of divorces frivorce they are?
    Anecdotal evidence of friends and relatives useful it would be.

    Liked by 1 person

  34. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Bloom,
    I am sorry for calling him an unwanted suitor. How should we refer to him”
    The witch had to have this thing planned for a long time. That she wants him dead is a common reaction in these circumstances. Maybe it’s because she doesn’t want his story contradicting hers.
    As to souicide fillowing frivorce, while the rate skyrockets, it’s just not widely seen. Curious in that I can’t think of circumstances that would more conducive.

    Liked by 1 person

  35. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Tarn,
    TFM does good work but it’s all hypothetical and constantly being refined. Farm Boy has pointed out that this work would normally be done in academia but they would touch this subject because of giving offense to political correctness.

    Like

  36. Lets call him… Red. I was putting myself in his shoes earlier today and I felt physically ill. I could see how that could drive someone to suicide. I feel for him, I really do. His ex sounds like a narccist to me, she seems he’ll bent on sabatoging/destroying him. Witch is not strong enough of a word!

    Liked by 1 person

  37. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Bloom,
    Does he know about Tara Palmatier and shrink4men.com? The more I hear about witch, the more I think that he has a bad one.

    Liked by 2 people

  38. Good recommendation fuzzie! I will share the link! He is in therapy w a great guy. That’s helping him a lot. I also explained the narcissist to him but I don’t think he really understands what he’s up against. It scares me for him. She found out he’s been helping me out to keep busy and she got jealous. That triggered a bunch of stuff that ended up w him getting booted out of Mr. smiths. He’s currently couch surfing and has slept a few nights in his car. Now she won’t let him see the kids bc “he’s homeless.” He just started a new job and she actually talked Mr. Smith (also probably a narcissist) into calling his boss trying to get him fired! Luckily his new boss is incredibly supportive and knows the type. Despite all this Red has impressed his boss so much he promoted him to shop manager! How Red holds it together I don’t know but he is.

    Liked by 3 people

  39. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Bloom,
    I am impressed with Red too. What is working in ihs favor is that this stuff is not unusual. It would not surprise me if Red’s boss has been down this road before.
    I think it will be dat by day for him for a while.

    Like

  40. Yes fuzzie this is sadly all too common. I agree re day to day. Red is a jolly happy go lucky guy, oddly enough. Very resilient, thank God. I don’t envy him. I have advised him to get off Facebook and stop up all ways news of his life could get back to her. She is super well connected to powers who be. Scary. His new job and soon to be new place are a few towns away, out of her range of influence. Hopefully that helps.

    Liked by 1 person

  41. JDG says:

    Bloom, I think your friend needs the council of wise men. Are there any around that he could get to know? He may develop deep intimate (as in more than friends) feelings for any woman who spends time with him at this point.

    Liked by 3 people

  42. JDG says:

    The circle of the sammich:

    Men need sammiches
    sammiches need women
    Women need kitchens
    kitchens need houses
    houses need men

    Liked by 2 people

  43. Cill says:

    What’s Kitty-kisses, precious?

    Liked by 1 person

  44. Cill says:

    Not on top of the scalp, one would hope?

    Liked by 1 person

  45. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Bloom,
    With all the good qualities that can be attributed to Red, it is a wonder that Witch dumped him. These good qualities will see him through. There is an old saying about living well is the best revenge. I want him to live well and get revenge.
    Another thought. How did he lose his original job? Was that courtesy of the Witch? That he has to go some distance to find another due to her sabotage is telling.
    It seems to me that a lot of these frivorced men are just fine. With all these women dumping perfectly good men, the social costs are mounting.

    Liked by 2 people

  46. Mrs. Yoda says:

    What’s Kitty-kisses, precious?

    Known to humans as “licks” they are.

    Liked by 2 people

  47. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Cill,
    At a guess, they would be similar to doggie kisses, which is a dog licking you in your face. Kitties have smaller sandpaper tongues.

    Liked by 2 people

  48. Cill says:

    Mrs Yoda sandpaper tongue she has, mmmH?

    Like

  49. Yoda says:

    . It would not surprise me if Red’s boss has been down this road before.

    Suspect this also I have.
    Doing complaints pre-emptively a big red flag it is.

    Liked by 1 person

  50. Cill says:

    Gave Mrs Y a Neg I just did.

    Liked by 1 person

  51. Mrs. Yoda says:

    Mrs Yoda sandpaper tongue she has, mmmH?

    Useful it is
    when burn Yoda’s toast I do.
    BLTs good they must be.

    Liked by 3 people

  52. Mrs. Yoda says:

    Gave Mrs Y a Neg I just did.

    Sonny Boy 900 years old I am.
    Seen everything I have.

    Liked by 1 person

  53. Cill says:

    The witch’s lies could come back to haunt her. A friend of mine was 30 before he chanced upon copies of his mum’s petition for divorce. The affidavit contained statements which he knew were complete lies. Allegations of DV against his dad, and of his dad abusing my friend.

    My friend told all and sundry it was a pack of lies, and now his bitch of a mum is stricken to find herself estranged from her children. My heart bleeds.

    Same happened with a couple of my aunts. My heart bleeds.

    Liked by 2 people

  54. Cill says:

    The affidavit was in separate DV proceedings, I should have said.

    Liked by 1 person

  55. Cill says:

    Hard to neg a 900YO it would admittedly be.
    Pushing up daisies a 900YO usually is.

    Like

  56. JDG says:

    Ain’t no sammich when she’s gone
    The bread gets stale when she’s away
    Ain’t no sammich when she’s gone
    That kitchens empty far too long
    Anytime she goes away

    Lack of sammich time is wrong
    Gives the hamster room to play
    Ain’t no sammich when she’s gone
    A plate with no sammich is just plain wrong
    Anytime she goes away

    Liked by 2 people

  57. Cill says:

    It’s comforting to know that one can still burn toast after 900 years.

    Like

  58. JDG says:

    I can not only burn toast, but rice. And not just rice, but minute rice.

    Liked by 2 people

  59. Sumo says:

    Thanks a lot, JDG. Now I have Bill Withers stuck in my head.

    Liked by 1 person

  60. JDG says:

    It’s a catchy song.

    Like

  61. Liz says:

    Mike just told me an erotic story. The water maid showed up. It was Kate Upton and she calculated the water bill wrong (“I messed up on the math, tee hee” said she). The actual cost was only 17 dollars per month, so I got all the money back from years of paying exhorbitant water fees.
    Oh, yeah, that did it for me. He knows how to push my buttons.
    (this probably only works on cheap women…cough, excuse me, fiscally conservative women)

    Liked by 3 people

  62. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Liz,
    I can see how that may be a fantasy for you. You have said that you cut the checks in your household.

    Cill,
    So many lies are told in family court and DV claims have to be rife with them. There may be more than can be feasibly prosecuted. If your friend believes in God, maybe justice will be seen at that level.

    Yoda,
    Farm Boy has reported that, where he works, men who hadn’t yet been frivorced are the exception. Women have blown it. For the tactic to be effective, it has to be unusual enough to be a surprise. Not anymore. It has been overused to the point where it’s de riguer.

    Like

  63. Jdg, yep I have noticed that already and will suggest male companionship. Good idea! I can see he literally is lost, wanting somewhere, anywhere to go each night. He’s very vulnerable. Like tarn said, as great of a guy as he is, he should not be getting romantically involved w anyone at this point. I have had this talk w him and have gently been pushing back, also not wanting to make him feel further rejected or injured.

    Like

  64. Male narccists are no fun but I have to say women narcissts take it to a whole other level of scary evil! Shudder….

    Like

  65. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Bloom,
    The best thing he could do is get a roommate. First, he’ll have to save money for potand pane, etc.. Seconf, he won’t be as lonely.

    Liked by 1 person

  66. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Before I forget. Garage sales, thrift shops, and Cragslist. Whatever it is, it just needs to work. He doesn’t need a matching eight place setting of dishes.

    Liked by 2 people

  67. SFC Ton says:

    Regarding ex wives who wish their ex husband’s were dead; that’s women for you. He no longer serves a purpose to her so he might as well be dead. He’s a burden now, like a lame horse, best shot and forgot.

    Like

  68. Sadly ton seems to be how she views him. F’ing incredibly lame and sad. I think he’s going to be better off in the end, rumor from other sources says now that she and her beau are living together w their 5 kids between them, things are already wearing thin. She’s regaining the weight, looking tired. Her kids are hip to the deal and despise her, cant wait to be w dad. Grass maybe wasn’t greener after all!?!?! Not that anyone wins there but… She’ll see. I did my best to warn her off this path a year back. It’s a cold cruel world.

    Like

  69. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Bloom,
    It is likely that she will do it again to the new beau. She may even try to reconcile with Red.

    Liked by 1 person

  70. Fuzzie hopefully Red is smarter than that but I have seen stranger things.

    He mentioned the other day he used to do volunteer fireman and missed it so I suggested that might be a good thing to do, for himself. And it would get him around mostly other guys and keep his empty evenings busy. I said “go for it!” 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  71. fuzziewuzziebear says:

    Bloom,
    That sounds like a good idea. Anything that takes his mind off of it.

    Liked by 1 person

  72. Tarnished says:

    The best thing he could do is get a roommate.

    Failing that…which doesn’t sound likely, since idk the guy and I’d still probably be comfortable letting him crash on my couch…he should get a pet. Not a large, needy pet like a dog. He has enough on his plate without having to care for a pack animal. Maybe a rat, they are incredibly easy to tame and are very friendly. It’s important that he find someone to spend time with, as newly single men don’t typically have the same social circle to fall back on as women do, and are therefore at a higher risk of depression.

    Liked by 1 person

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