I think that for boys, setting the standard by example is the best teacher of all. To the extent that this wisdom is old hat, it is wisdom of the ages for boys. The difference is, it’s not verbally compiled. There’s no written list of rules passed down through the generations specifically for boys. I don’t believe there needed to be. The good role models were sufficient. The good role models still would be sufficient had not feminism, the most unnatural force of all time, arrived on the scene to destroy gender in general and the bogeyman Patriarchy in particular.
In this post I’m talking about my parents and relatives on my mother’s side. I’m not talking about relatives on my father’s side, or in-laws. I’m speaking for the descendents of my maternal Great Grandmother only.
SPEAKING FOR MYSELF AND THE REST OF THOSE MALE DESCENDANTS:
We grew up in stable homes with both natural parents in nuclear families. We had the role models of our fathers and 3 generations of men alive in my time. Also, from the examples set by three generations of women, we grew up knowing what the effectual woman talks like, acts like, and (most crucially of all) treats men like.
We had a lot of exposure to females all through our lives. Most of us grew up with sisters, but those who were sisterless shared a lot of interaction with female cousins and their female friends. We had an easy familiarity with girls at school. Girls used to approach some of us for personal advice. To me this was no more strange than giving advice to my sisters.
We saw nothing special about girls. Although the system tried to hammer the inferiority of boys into us, we knew it was false. Some of us got into strife with feminist teachers and had to be home-schooled by parents.
We are bored by most women. It’s not easy for people to humiliate or fool you when they bore you. I’m not being arrogant in making these statements, any more than it’s arrogant to say the average quality of Western women is low. That’s why women keep looking at us, wondering what we are seeing. They also want to be the one who is with us – to be “validated”.
HOW DOES THIS HELP OTHER MEN OUT THERE?
Unfortunately, not much. I’d doubt that an instruction course could instil the confidence that comes from “role models” in men. A man is either lucky enough to be born into a conducive “role models” environment, or not. Less and less boys are so lucky these days.
We are very aware that few women measure up to the standards of our female relatives. That’s the reason why at the age of 30 I’ve only had one relationship (an extremely good one) that goes beyond sex, and why my married male relatives have selected wives for successful marriages.
In Wisdom of the Ages for girls the authors said men are attracted to the family because they see successful relationships in it. For the same reason, women are attracted to the men of the family – and they tend to be the right sort of women.
SO WHAT EXAMPLE DID THE MEN SET?
Just the old stuff we’ve always known about. Masculinity, confidence, loyalty, affability, integrity, dependability, consistency, leadership, rationality and reason, strength and respect.
THE FINE HAND OF WISDOM THROUGH THE AGES FOR GIRLS
The post Wisdom of the Ages for girls was not an exhaustive coverage of the wisdom handed down. For example they did not mention their rule that a wife should not interfere with a husband’s male space or resent his time spent with his friends. Nor did they mention their selection guidelines.
The qualities a woman should look for in a Man include good masculine role model.
Also, the women knew very well the power of beauty and conspicuous healthiness to increase the number of men to choose from. The desired qualities for a male mate certainly included healthiness and the kind of rugged masculinity that passes feminine good looks to female offspring. I don’t know the scientific explanations for it, but in my family it amuses the hell out of me to see one example after another of ultra rugged dads with ultra feminine daughters.
Thus the female generations did their utmost to give their daughters every chance, in passing down beauty and healthiness along with advice. And did they succeed? Well, the proof of the pudding is in the eating.
I’m sure some of you will have realized that Wisdom of the Ages for girls set the scene for sons as well. In selecting the fathers, the mothers ensured the right role models for the sons.
MY DAD’S 5 PRINCIPLES OF SUCCESS:
- The deal. A good deal is one where both sides win.
- Application: Honor a good deal as you honor your life.
- Trust: Trust your partner to apply #2
- Vigilance: At the first sign of breach of #3, confront it face to face.
- Peace: Don’t hold a grudge. Let it go.
In business and life, including marriage, he has done well out of applying those principles.
MY OWN PARENTS
Mum is very feminine in appearance and mannerisms. Dad is the opposite extreme (masculine). Yet in a lot of ways my parents are actually very much alike.
To take just one example: my Dad spends no time observing animals. His interaction with them is matter-of-fact. If they are there in front of him, he’ll enjoy their company, if they’re not, he’ll neither miss them nor spare them a thought. The irony is that animals just love my Dad, with his direct, “larger than life”, no nonsense personality. After thinking about it, I was surprised to realize that my Mum vis-a-vis animals is identical to Dad. She’s just a lot more more fluffy and cooey about it.
Both are natural leaders. Mum has run her own businesses employing hard outback men who would throw themselves on the fire rather than let her get hit by a spark. They love her because “she is a lady.”
Dad leaves most of the decisions around the house to Mum. Dad’s leisure room and home office and workshop are exclusively his. Dad has taken charge of the outside, including the garden sheds and garage. Mum chooses the furniture. Dad chooses the car.
Mum made the decisions for us when we were little and throughout our periods of dependency. However in the big discussions (our education, support for career choices) Dad took over. To put it figuratively as well as literally, he decides which country we live in while she decides which house.
I remember an occasion when Mum pestered Dad until he’d had enough. He suddenly roared out “Right, that’s it! You’re outta here.” He then turned to Mum and announced in a falsetto Enid Blyton voice, “You may come back. But only if I like you. And I’m not sure that I like you yet.” In spite of herself, Mum had to laugh. It was impossible to be mad at my Dad for long.