Have you ever wondered how a woman sees you, Bro? What she’s looking at, and how that vision appeals to her? Despite what we might want them to see, they really don’t care as much about how we look as how they will benefit from keeping us around – and whether you are worth the sex that will require.
One of my Bucket List goals is to leave behind a warning to young men regarding their interactions with women, and to understand how they are kept ignorant about the motives of the women who entice them with (generally) empty promises in an attempt to trade Something (lifetime economic support) for Nothing (“sex anytime you want it!”). My mate Cill said he was going to use some of my comments from my last post in his attempts to aid the effort with young men he knows. I thought it might be wise to add to the knowledge base.
Your looks ARE important in attracting her attention in the first place, but she quickly shifts into evaluating two things about you: how ambitious you are, and how much you are likely to earn. Both usually have to rate highly as this is what determines your status, something upon which women place great importance. The higher her economic and social status, the fewer men who qualify in meeting her standards and who are to be allowed a sniff of the Golden Vagina. And for too many, that is the extent of the sex you will likely receive once the honeymoon ends if not prior.
Let’s say you are out, and you see some young hottie who clearly holds high standards about her value -and maybe merits them- preening herself before an Alpha Bad Boy, only he negs her and rejects her. Is that your opening to approach her? Not according to Geoff MacDonald of the University of Toronto! In a study published in Social Psychological and Personality Science, he found that you are only looking to get your balls crushed:
Rejection by an attractive man actually led women to socially distance themselves from [someone she sees as] an unattractive man, even when he offered acceptance….A possible reason for this effect, MacDonald says, is that “being affiliated with an unattractive man would make those women feel like that’s the kind of man they ‘deserve,’ [i.e., she’s not as high status as she tried and failed to be] which puts their larger social goals at risk.”
No Sir Galahad rescuing the damsel in distress for you, Sancho Panza! So how do you avoid the hurt and public pain this embarrassing error will cause you?
In the Art of War, Sun-Tzu advises that “If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles“, yet young men throughout history have not known nearly enough about women before engaging with them. The resultant scars are numerous. Women count on this male ignorance, for it provides the advantage they need to conquer a man and take everything he has for herself and any offspring she decides to generate.
Sucker! So much for that even break!
This is not a new concept. In fact, one of the great novels, Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice, opens with the sentence, “It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife.” A truth universally acknowledged among women looking for a lifetime of support, that is, for the members of their social circle all evaluate each other’s possible choices before any of the choices are even aware that there has been a selection. This selection had to have become a traditional practice long before Austen’s novel was published in 1813, otherwise how did she arrive at such a startling premise with which to initiate her story? Women love this book, and seem to feel that it represents an accurate approach to successful gender relations.
Guys tend to really despise this book. Yet if my feminine sources are honest, there is much for young men to learn about how women view them in such books no matter how boring in relation to playing video war games. In the War Between The Genders, men are seriously vulnerable to counterattack from those women they approach blindly through their poor reconnaissance, and thus don’t know that women tend to only see men as an economic means to a comfortable lifestyle end. These under-prepared men fail to heed Sun-Tzu, and become captives in defeat. They become among those whom Thoreau derided as “living lives of quiet desperation“.
Yet, it may be that some of these victorious women don’t consciously realize exactly what they are doing, for the process has clearly been deeply ingrained in Western feminine culture for a long time – as evidenced by Austen’s premise. These young women just do as their mothers did. They will succeed, and the end justifies the means. Aware men could thus evade their clutches:
Your grandparents’ version of a rave.
The motivations of the genders differ in the mate selection process. For instance, in May 2014, Concordia University released a study which found that men and women select mates using a very different set of criteria. Men tend to fall for the external appearance of women, a visage which is carefully crafted to camouflage her real self from the unsuspecting male. We all know what trouble that leads to!
– Black Canary, by warrenlouw. If this is copyrighted, I’ll remove it.
Males get stuck on looks, and the lower head is thus available for mind control. Women on the other hand, use the points of “parental investment theory” according to one of the study authors, Gad Saad, PhD. The “parental” word is the tell. Her focus is on breeding, and not on the father of her intended children – and she hasn’t yet become pregnant by him (in most cases). If she’s looking into selecting a breeding partner, she’s done with Alpha Phux and is ready for Beta Bucks. Think of the recent news regarding Bristol Palin becoming pregnant by Dakota Meyer -even though they had just met- as the example. Her tactic was no different than that of the Taliban action which won him the Medal of Honor – an ambush.
It is thus with most young men. They have no idea that the sexy hottie buttering him up and fawning over his SMV is intending to take all he has – his name, his game, his fame (if any), his cash, his stash, his freedom, his hobbies, his control, and all of his choices. It all becomes hers as part of the promise she extracts from him to provide for her and “his” children. His role is then to reliably plod after that dangling carrot and bring home all it delivers in trade for the honor of being the “head of the household” (No title has ever been more of an oxymoron!), at least until he drops from the exertion. Then the life insurance payout had better be hefty! How else will she live in the style to which she has become accustomed?
But young men learn this too late, after the rings and the ceremony and the I Dos. It happened to me, and it happened to all of my friends. I don’t want to see it happen to my sons or their friends, not that everyone will be saved from making foolish choices. Some will merely dance mindlessly to “That’s The Way I Always Heard It Should Be” just like their mothers raised them to do.
In an effort to reveal to young men open to learn from the experiences of us old dogs about how women think about men, I located some relevant comments from famous women. One comes from actress Hedy Lamarr: “Every girl would like to marry a rich husband. I did twice.” She was supported in this attitude by the infamous Zsa Zsa Gabor, whose family thrived on taking rich men to the cleaners. Zsa Zsa once said, “I am a marvelous housekeeper; every time I leave a man I keep his house.” Great-granny firmly believed in such comments, and emulated them to the best of her ability!
Today’s young woman, however, has an additional demand her ancestors did not tend to care about: sexual satisfaction. For every older woman who claims “Sex is highly overrated” there are at least two younger women who insist otherwise. Cosmopolitan‘s Patti Greco just declared in a review of the GRRRL Power flick Magic Mike XXL, “…guys were put on this earth to please women…“. Entertainer Nicki Minaj maintained to a Cosmo interviewer, “I demand that I climax. I think women should demand that“. Minaj’s imposition was reinforced by Amy Schumer in Glamour Magazine: “Don’t not have an orgasm. Make sure he knows that you’re entitled to an orgasm“. Great way to catch a dick, Amy!
This “Men MUST Please Me” attitude might be an attempt to ward off the drudgery of the marital condition women sometimes mindlessly seek so avidly. Poet Sylvia Plath once expressed, “So I began to think maybe it was true that when you were married and had children it was like being brainwashed, and afterward you went about as numb as a slave in a totalitarian state.” All one needs to understand about this comment is contained in her rant against her father in her poem Daddy: “Daddy, I have had to kill you. You died before I had time–” In her poem, she’s blaming all men via her expired father for her chosen and sorry domestic existence. It has to be a man’s fault, for it sure as hell can’t have been her making a mistake! Plath might have benefited from a conversation with Actress Lauren Bacall, who once averred that “Most women use more brains picking a horse in the third at Belmont than they do picking a husband.” Based on the recent rash of infant murders by their too-young and totally-not-ready-for-prime-parenting-time fathers (and some mothers) here in the US, one might make a case that this observation still applies.
The most cynical comment I found in a very brief search comes from English author Angela Carter: “What is marriage but prostitution to one man instead of many? No different!” This comment clearly expresses the disdain for the male desire for sex which is exploited to satisfy the feminine quest for financial gain, the goal which Jane Austen used for the plot of her novel 200 years ago. Once a woman has achieved that matrimonial objective, she has little incentive to indulge his desires anymore. She holds the ring and the license, and the law will back her if there is a dispute.
Need proof that his needs are of no concern? How about these comments from married Average Joes:
Lee Chapin · The Ohio State University: “Works for awhile, then tapers off and disappears. She got what she wanted.”
Christian Aragon: “Men get tired of wanting, needing, and desiring with no fulfilment.”
Geoff Elliott: “Maybe some husbands are so tired of being turned down for sex that they simply give up and quit asking.”
Eric A. Milliner · Richmond, Virginia: “I hope my son never gets married. It’s simply not worth it.”
Young men might well benefit from such comments, and these open and honest exposés from famous women which precede them, but they are far more likely to heed the experience of another man closer to their age. Rollo Tomassi is one such man who examined his own life in detail to see where he might well have gone astray. In his That Was Then post, he says many things today’s young men would be wise to understand. A brief sample:
“There was a time when I was in my late teens to right before I was 21….a dangerous time for young men feminized and conditioned to put women’s imperatives, ambitions and support above their own….he is at his most eager to please while she is just coming into realizing what her sexual market value peak can leverage for her. Don’t assume that this leveraging is strictly based on securing things for herself, but rather what her impulses are leading her to.” [emphasis mine]
Feminized young men: It’s just one of the social problems caused by the Industrial Revolution and the rise of Office Capitalism. Men just aren’t home much to raise their sons. The Job demands the bulk of their time.
The mothers have far more time with the scions of the industrious, and rarely surrender that chore to their male partners even when their own time is tight. After all, he doesn’t know how to raise children any better than he knows how to do anything else without his wife telling him repeatedly how it’s to be done! She might as well just do it herself – as usual! He gets the leftover time slots to try to have a relationship with his offspring, and if he’s lucky, he doesn’t have to overcome the disdain for him that his children pick up from their mothers. I’m very sorry to report that this disdain was the norm in the neighborhood where I grew up. No matter how good a job he did bringing home the bacon, it was never enough and he’d just have to do better next time.
While Tomassi uses “impulses” in describing feminine behavior, it’s my opinion that he means what I suggest above, where I say that women tend to do what their mothers did without any active examination over what they are doing – or why. And, as a recent survey conducted by AskMen.com reveals, they have plenty of suckers out there to exploit as women choose. One such exclaimed, “I’m happy when she is happy. Women are such wonderful creatures. It’s all about letting her know she is worshipped.”
Any woman who marries such a “man” bolts within two years – and he won’t know what hit him when she does.
There is a long list of reasons why Real Men should not let their sons blindly get wed to women. Real Men teach their sons as much as possible about women so that the sons can either make an informed choice and be able to spot the unicorn in a herd of heifers, or to avoid them entirely. If awareness happens early enough, they can see what Dad goes through with Mom for years (as my sons did) to illustrate the point: There is a cost to every benefit, and unless these balance, it is not a good deal to enter. So don’t.
There are some women who now see the folly of the marital condition: “I lived what a lot of other people thought was a picture-perfect life. I had the kid, the second home and all of the trappings we, as women, are taught to desire….I probably shouldn’t have gotten married. It’s a tough realization, but what’s done is done….I didn’t really need all of “those things.” –Lisa Schmidt She left her marriage with a fair amount of swag and still claims to love him – despite divorcing him. She wouldn’t have done it any other way.
There need to be more men who see this danger, and to see this prior to getting ensnared in Charlotte’s Wedding Web. It costs dearly. Sometimes fatally. Ask Sylvia Plath.