Blurkel recently pointed out this post.
Don’t get me wrong; I love my kids and would do anything for them. But I love my husband more.
When I share this with my mom friends, it’s usually met with outrage and total shock.
Putting aside our own needs for theirs is practically a requirement but I’m sorry, I’m just not buying it.
But, to some, the concept that kids would ever come second seems ludicrous.
And I get it. There’s no question that the bond between a mother and child is unbreakable. But I view my investment in my relationship with my spouse as one that is beneficial to our family as a whole. Prioritizing my husband’s needs decreases our chances of getting divorced; it also increases the probability that our children will remain in a two-parent home.
I strongly believe that modeling a healthy relationship for our children sets the foundation for how they form bonds when they get older. In my opinion, my husband and I are the first example of what being in a happy marriage is like. Our kids learn how they should treat their future significant others (and what they should expect in return) by watching us.
I think that raising them in a home with parents who clearly love and value one another is key to their growth. For me, this means putting my husband first.
In a few years, our son and daughter will leave our home and when they do, I want to celebrate a job well done with my lover — not sit in a quiet house with a person who has become a stranger as a result of years of quietly drifting apart.
Let us expand and amplify upon this. First, consider the typical fragility of the husband/wife relationship. Parents will always love their children, but each other? Perhaps not.
Now consider what is good for the children. A two parent home with involved parents is a start. So if one wants to do right by the children that they love, they should put in the extra effort that is perhaps required to make their relationship strong. With respect to their children, the investment here might have the highest payoff (perhaps by a large amount).
But look at what often happens. A mother’s attention is on the children, stacking on more activities (soccer (football to non Americans), softball, music, etc.) or attending to every aspect of their activity (i.e. helicopter parenting). And when she is not doing these things, she is out making money. What gets left out?
Probably the children do not really need all of the attention, and perhaps she does not need to work as many hours. And maybe the time saved could be invested elsewhere with a resulting long term benefit to the children. But could this be made to make sense to modern mothers?