The Road Not Taken


Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

As a follow to Cill’s post, here is a guide to getting the girl.  Two paths will be described; the reader’s can judge their merits.

The first approach is mostly about posing.  Act the part of an edgy guy, or maybe even a “bad-boy” (confidence is the key, and for goodness sake never be boring), and girls will be yours.  Some of them might even be marriage material (but probably not).  Furthermore, as one often becomes what they act like, one might actually become a bit of a bad-boy.  Since these types of men are more often than not unproductive members of society, women as a whole can never admit their true desire for them.  But women like them all the same.

The other approach is to become a capable man (maybe even awesome); a man with a mission in life.  And then invite a woman to come along for the ride (and do this with outcome independence of course).  This approach is more difficult, but it is invariably better for the man, the wife, the children and society.

Which to choose…

NAWALT applies.  Not all women go the bad boys,  But lots of them do.

Advertisements
Posted in FarmBoy, Marriage
84 comments on “The Road Not Taken
  1. Farm Boy says:

    Of course there are other possible paths. But these contrast different philosophies.

    Like

  2. Liz says:

    The other approach is to become a capable man (maybe even awesome); a man with a mission in life. And then invite a woman to come along for the ride (and do this with outcome independence of course). This approach is more difficult, but it is invariably better for the man, the wife, the children and society.

    Yes. This.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. SFC Ton says:

    Why should men give a fuck wives, society and kids that aren’t his? Kind of stupid to care about wives and society since neither give a shit about men.

    Also I don’t see where there is much difference between the to options expect one plays into the feminine imperative. To the hilt.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Farm Boy says:

    A man should be awesome for his own sake. If she wants to go along for the ride, that is her choice (if he will allow it). He does not need to cater to her.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Farm Boy says:

    kids that aren’t his?

    But what if they are his kids?

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Farm Boy says:

    Though if a fella is truly awesome, then he probably would have more to lose in a frivorce.

    A poser bad-boy type probably would not have so much to lose.

    Which to choose…

    Like

  7. FuzzieWuzzie says:

    Taking the second path may be better in that it preserves a man’s dignity. That should ount for something.
    Feeling a litle down, maybe a bear video?

    The point is that, after a while, you don’t want to go to town anymore.

    Liked by 2 people

  8. FuzzieWuzzie says:

    I am still feeling a little sad. Here’s another bear who doesn’t want to go to town.

    Happier bears living somewhere else.

    Like

  9. FuzzieWuzzie says:

    I am sorry. I did not mean to duplicate Trampoline Bear. I meant to link this

    Like

  10. Striving to be one’s highest self vs. playing to the lowest common denominator just seems like a no brainier to me.

    Why under live, regardless if it “pays off” or not?

    Chances are though it does pay off in a life well lived.

    However I have found few strive to reach their highest self, so it can leave one on a path with far fewer travelers to run across…

    Liked by 1 person

  11. … But then those fewer travelers are also interested in being their highest self.

    And taking the path less travelled also means missing most of the “standard” experience, which I see as a bonus. I have regrets in life, but not that I didn’t do the ons club scene in my youth. Glad I skipped it!

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Tarnished says:

    Excellent choice in poetry, FB. I think I’ve seen this one before… 😉

    “And then invite a woman to come along for the ride.”

    This is the better of the 2 choices. If I’m on my bike and he’s on his, but we both independently decide to take the same path…Well, then each of us is on the path we desire and the travels will be that much more enjoyable.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Sumo says:

    I have regrets in life, but not that I didn’t do the ons club scene in my youth.

    I regret that. Since I’ve been perusing the ‘sphere, I’ve realized exactly how much ass I could have tapped in my 20’s, if only I hadn’t bought in to that “be a nice guy” bullshit.

    Talk about the path not taken….

    Liked by 1 person

  14. @ sumo, I get that… For a guy. For a gal, I would not recommend it.

    Like

  15. FuzzieWuzzie says:

    It may not be good for either gender and for the same reason- it makes relationships cheap.
    This deserves more thought.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. SFC Ton says:

    Again, better path for.who?

    And if it pays out, how can it be “under living”?

    Like

  17. @ fuzzie I would agree.

    @ ton I suppose that is somewhat of a spiritual or metaphysical or whatever one would call it view I am taking there. I realize that not all would agree, but I believe that Mother Theresa, for example, spent her days better than Madonna (the singer). Madonna clearly got laid more, and profited materially more, possibly enjoyed it more, and may be more widely recognizable but of the two, which would you consider did more with her life?

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Liz says:

    (Deida, David. “The Way of the Superior Man.”):

    ”Imagine that a man must go off to war. He hugs his woman good-bye. She is crying.
    “Please don’t go,” she begs.
    “You know that I must,” he answers.
    They look each other deeply in the eyes.
    “You know that I love you,” he says to her.
    “Yes. I know. And I also know you must go,” she replies, and another gush of tears bursts from her heartbroken face.

    He turns and walks out the door, to his necessary destiny, as his woman, full of pain and pride, watches him disappear. This exaggeratedly dramatic scene captures a profound energetic principle: Although your woman seems to want to be the most important thing in your life, she actually can trust and love you more if she is not.

    A man’s highest purpose is his priority, not his intimacy. Your woman knows this. Deep inside, she really wants it to be this way. The woman in the scene above would actually feel strange if her man suddenly said, “I’ve changed my mind. You are more important to me than the freedom of mankind. You are the most important thing in my life, and I don’t care if my service to humanity is needed elsewhere, so I’m staying here with you.” Even though part of her would feel glad, a deeper part of her would feel deflated, emptied, let down.

    And yet, as her man leaves the door to accomplish his mission, she cries, wishing he didn’t have to[…]”

    Like

  19. Tarnished says:

    “I have regrets in life, but not that I didn’t do the ons club scene in my youth.”

    I’m not upset about missing the club scene. Sounds far too packed and noisy for my taste.
    But I do wish I could make myself have casual sex. There’s a lot of people I could help feel pleasure and intimacy, were I so able.
    And since I’m never getting married or having kids, my N wouldn’t matter to anyone…

    Like

  20. Liz says:

    Club scene at 215:

    Think I’ve been to that sort of club about five times in my entire life. Probably spent an hour there each time. Sucked my will to live. Wish I could have those five hours back. I’d spend them doing something far more fun and productive like…picking my toes or something.

    Like

  21. jf13 says:

    re: “Not all women go the bad boys”

    Not all women properly go after awesome men either. And of those women who do bother deciding that an awesome man is the one for her, almost none are worth the awesome *man’s* efforts. What is she doing to show herself worthy?

    Like

  22. jf13 says:

    “Be so awesome that you don’t even have to hunt unicorns. Unicorns will pursue you instead.”

    The worst possible advice ever.

    Like

  23. Yoda says:

    Many perspectives here there are.

    Like

  24. Yoda says:

    Perpspectives depend perhaps on view of legal environment they would.

    Like

  25. jf13 says:

    I have never ever not once observed a woman being specially keen to follow a man who invited some woman, any woman really, to follow him, and didn’t particularly care if it was her. “Eh, you’ll do, I guess, maybe.”

    Like

  26. Yoda says:

    “Eh, you’ll do, I guess, maybe.”

    So that he would not.
    Imply that he might

    Like

  27. Yoda says:

    Men must strive.
    Women just need to be.

    Like

  28. Liz says:

    “I have never ever not once observed a woman being specially keen to follow a man who invited some woman, any woman really, to follow him, and didn’t particularly care if it was her. “Eh, you’ll do, I guess, maybe.”

    That’s true. Does the ‘eh, you’ll do, I guess, maybe’ bit make men keen to latch onto those women?
    I wouldn’t know. I assume there’s a reason you said this. Inquiring minds, and all that.

    Like

  29. jf13 says:

    On the other thread Liz mentioned “My husband was a lot more desireable to women when we started dating, and has been so since we’ve been together. It was not that way (as much) before. He has to notice, it’s pretty obvious.”

    Given my unexperiences (all them untaken byways), I assumed, nay I had the feelz, that the women were teasing moi, specifically to rub their untakeability in, only *after* I couldn’t be takening them. It’s irrational, surely, but as I said this is what pair-boding does to men’s mentalities.

    Like

  30. jf13 says:

    re: “Does the ‘eh, you’ll do, I guess, maybe’ bit make men keen to latch onto those women?”

    It was what I was aiming for, out of a scarcity mentality. I’m not *recommending* it, just saying how it was.

    Like

  31. Liz says:

    “Given my unexperiences (all them untaken byways), I assumed, nay I had the feelz, that the women were teasing moi, specifically to rub their untakeability in, only *after* I couldn’t be takening them. It’s irrational, surely, but as I said this is what pair-boding does to men’s mentalities.”

    Thanks for explaining, jf13. That’s very interesting, and it makes sense that some men would interpret it that way. I don’t think all men would though. Probably depends more on personality type (and I don’t mean jerk versus un-jerk, more like INTJ versus ENFP).

    Liked by 1 person

  32. Cautiously Pessimistic says:

    I would only consider the beta bucks path (path two) to be good advice with two additional warnings: Never get married, and never have kids. Otherwise, you might as well choose path one (conscience permitting) because you get more value for less effort.

    Like

  33. jf13 says:

    re: “depends more on personality type”

    Experimentally the “oxytocin vs distance” researchers claimed it only depended upon relationship status. Related studies claimed pair-bonded men felt threatened by the imputed ebul intentions of women who approached too close, but only if the women were attractive enough. Again, to repeat, the men did not report feeling that their attraction to the other women was a threat to the relationship, but instead the menz feelz were that the other women were deliberately trying to cause relationship problems by their being attractive.

    Like

  34. Liz says:

    Could you link to those experimental studies again, jf13?

    Like

  35. Tarnished says:

    “Men must strive.
    Women just need to be.”

    Only if they are happy being leeches, or don’t particularly care about their job/respect of peers. Otherwise, a female must work harder than her male counterparts to prove she is capable and dependable. Tis the result of Feminism, this.

    Liked by 1 person

  36. jf13 says:

    “Oxytocin Modulates Social Distance” etc. and articles referencing.

    Tarnished put the cart before the unicorn by stating any touching was fine as long as “everybody” was comfortable with it. The experimental studies on gender differences in interpersonal touching comfort have been conflicting.

    Most have found that within “in-group” (cooperative situation), men are more comfortable initiating touch, and women are more comfortable receiving touch. Both genders are more comfortable getting same-gender in-group touch. But both genders are much more uncomfortable getting touched by “out-group” (competitive situation) men, including both intentional touch and accidental touch.

    Like

  37. Liz says:

    “Oxytocin Modulates Social Distance” etc. and articles referencing.”

    Thanks. According to the Journal of Neuroscience report I’m assuming you’re referencing, this only applies to the “first encounter” with said attractive women. THere’s nothing whatsoever to indicate these men don’t ever notice that women are attracted to them, nor did it mention the men who did notice were incapable of falling in love.

    Like

  38. jf13 says:

    A recent reference, available online, is
    Preckel Katrin, Scheele Dirk, Kendrick Keith Maurice, Maier Wolfgang, Hurlemann Rene. 2014. Oxytocin facilitates social approach behavior in women. Frontiers in Behavioral Neuroscience, 8, 5153.

    Females treated with oxytocin were nicer to, behaved as more attractive to, and approached closer to strange males. In addition, females treated with oxytocin approached closer to attractive males.

    Like

  39. jf13 says:

    Todd Shackelford and others have recently suggested that sexual conflict explains pair-bonded men’s behavior. It is in women’s overall interest that a pair-bonded man avoids correctly noticing that an attractive i.e. fertile strange woman is making herself available.

    Like

  40. jf13 says:

    AFAIK nobody has provided an explanation outside of sexual conflict for the fact that pair-bonded females feel less threat from strange males, and attractive strange males especially, than single females.

    Like

  41. I dunno that I would say a guy who builds his value or does something with his life is necessarily automatic beta bucks?

    The whole red pill meme that ONLY alphas have any chance w women is exaggerated, IMHO. Beta doesn’t automatically equal repulsive untouchable only good for a paycheck. Some women actuly like guys who care about them!

    Liked by 2 people

  42. Plus I think the alpha beta thing is somewhat fluid. A guy could be alpha in one setting but not in another.

    Or it could change over time. The high school state quarterback champ may be alpha at 18, ten years later he may be a run of the mill grocery store clerk. Meanwhile the average joe beta in high school might be a lawyer or doctor ten years later.

    Liked by 2 people

  43. Liz says:

    Wasn’t oxytocin supposed to be the female anti-female-libido-chemical to avoid incestual pairings? This according to you, jf13…if I recall correctly.

    Like

  44. Liz says:

    Furthermore (getting back to that first study) since the reaction and result pertained only to completely unknown attractive females during FIRST meeting, I’m not sure how that’s relevant or coorelates to practical reality. You sure didn’t imply that “only men capable of loving” don’t notice female interest “at first”…you implied they NEVER notice it for any reason and ALWAYS ignore it. What a waste of time this is. What the fuck am I doing with my life? Going fishing.

    Like

  45. Liz says:

    Revising the above: You didn’t imply it, you stated it. You actually said its’ physically IMPOSSIBLE for a man “capable of loving” to notice.
    There. NOW I’ll fish.

    Liked by 1 person

  46. Cill says:

    “Going fishing.”
    Precisely what I’ve just been doing Liz. I can recommend it. Sometimes the actual catch of a fish is beside the point (pun intended)

    Liked by 2 people

  47. Cill says:

    (A point is a promontory into the sea) It can also be the end of a bluff.

    Like

  48. jf13 says:

    re: “Wasn’t oxytocin supposed to be the female anti-female-libido-chemical to avoid incestual pairings? This according to you, jf13…if I recall correctly”

    No, that’s simply time. Time is all it takes (e.g. 2 years honeymoon period).

    Like

  49. jf13 says:

    re: men in love

    Men in love also think that their one woman is made a lot more attractive relative to other women by virtue of familiarity. But men in love *don’t* think that strange women are made less attractive; apparently it’s hardwired in men to rate random women correctly instantly.

    As I said, I believe that the specific brain deception involved in pair-bonded males’ oxytocin experience is that random (it’s not just “first time”, merely unfamiliar) women aren’t attracted to him because he’s not pair-bonded with them.

    Like

  50. jf13 says:

    re: internal alpha vs beta

    As far as I’m concerned it could be simply brain chemistry *such* *as* but not limited to oxytocin sensitivity that determines whether a man CAN fall in love. I’m not sure why that would be controversial, nor am I sure why it would invalidate the usual game advice to avoid falling in love by having multiple women.

    Like

  51. Liz says:

    JF13: ”I’m not sure why that would be controversial…”

    You don’t understand? Let me help you with that.

    You have asserted that my husband is both a jerk, and also incapable of being in love with me. If you’re not sure why that might come across as insulting, you should really brush up on your social skills. It’s actually possible (and incidentally, more effective) to convey some of these ideas in such a way that you don’t come across as a social irritant.

    (Apologies to Swithy and everyone else. You have my word I’m dropping this now)

    Liked by 1 person

  52. jf13 says:

    Frost’s rather petty triumphalism of “ooh, I’m so glad I wasn’t quite as conformist as 80% of people because I took the 20% road” resonates not at all with me. Being different to be different provides zero motivation to me. I have no FOMO, neither of the cliff that 80% of the lemmings jump from nor from the other cliff of the 20%. If I really thought this particular little woodsy intersection could be all that interesting, I would have camped out right then and there and explored all of its environs in totality. Spending the vast majority of my time offroad.

    Like

  53. Off topic: After feeling pretty ok with the break up I am for some reason having a weak moment (but I am not acting on it). This emotional roller coaster sucks. Remember Bloom? Jealousy? Questioning? Lack of trust? Pushing things too fast? Uncomfortable w/ the debt plan? Ultimatums. Taking back gifts. Telling you it was all your fault. Showing not a shred of remorse or emotion…. Think girl, think! Someone who LOVES YOU and WANTS YOU TO BE HIS WIFE would ***NOT*** do that!!!

    Cookies of betrayal and regret anyone? 😦

    Liked by 1 person

  54. Talk about a road not taken… but I know in time I will be at peace with it. I mostly am, this just kinda hit out of the blue. Aftershocks. I need a kick bag.

    Liked by 1 person

  55. Cill says:

    Well remember Moe, who for a small consideration of $10,000 was prepared to toss in a cave as part of a wedding deal? He tells me the offer still stands, and his bank details remain unchanged.

    Liked by 1 person

  56. Liz says:

    I’m sorry, Bloom. 😦

    Maybe…try to substitute something positive to try and get your mind off of the negative? I recommend running, that’s helped me through a lot of frustrations (have a bad tendon in my foot now and haven’t been able to run in months, and I’ll tell you, I relied on that running…nothing like a runner’s high and the sort of meditative trance that comes with getting a good stride).

    Good luck, Bloom! You can get through this. You’re in the hard phase now.

    Like

  57. Cill says:

    He tells me he has fashioned a new Kauri club, which he is keen to christen “Regret Eraser”.

    Like

  58. Liz says:

    Cill and M sittin in a tree…kay eye s s eye n gee. 😛

    Liked by 3 people

  59. Liz says:

    Is Moe M’s dad? I can’t remember this one…might have missed it.

    Like

  60. Yes, tell us more about this Moe character… to clarify would the club be used on me when I have regret, or on the ex?

    Like

  61. (I would not be ok were it on me, but I may gladly pay a round trip airfare from NZ if he would use it on the ex!) Kiddding… kinda…

    Like

  62. @ Liz, I have never been too much of a runner I don’t have a runner’s build, more hourglass, too “bouncy” but maybe I just need better gear. But walking helps a lot, I have been doing a lot of walking.

    Liked by 1 person

  63. Moehau Man says:

    Yes well, the briefest glance at M and me would make it pretty apparent I’m not M’s dad. I will admit to her being a fine specimen for a Kiwi sheila though. As Mrs Moehau Man (my keen-eared old mum) said just now, “I once overheard Cill’s father say in a line up of conventional beauties she’d stand out like a bonfire among bar heaters

    Like

  64. Liz says:

    OH!
    YOU’RE the Moe he’s talking about. LOL! My apologies. 🙂

    And I definitely think M is a keeper. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  65. Moehau Man says:

    As to the Kauri Club, when it comes to corporal punishment I administer it sparingly to women and liberally to men. I am at heart a compassionate and caring sort of bloke. I did shed a tear once, you know, when I stole a pair of jeans and caught my prepuce in the zip.

    Liked by 1 person

  66. Yoda says:

    Being different to be different provides zero motivation to me

    Good sentiment this is.
    Being different to be correct good it would be.
    Being different to be truly innovative good it would be.

    Liked by 1 person

  67. Yoda says:

    Yes well, the briefest glance at M and me would make it pretty apparent I’m not M’s dad.

    Lack of body hair giveaway it would be.

    Like

  68. SFC Ton says:

    This is once again a topic where woman’s $.02 is pretty much worthless.

    I regret being faithful to my ex wife. The return on investment was less then 0. Which is why the path 2 is such a terrible idea…. unless making yourself awesome implies not the steady, rarely laid Eddie version but the balls to the walls life of high risk living and masculine sovereignty. Course once you hit the Sovereign Man level you realize how little the world has to offer you

    Liked by 1 person

  69. Moehau Man says:

    Ah, yeah, Farm boy, I’d like to suggest methods that haven’t been used in the foreign world for about 40,000 years… I’ve never known them to fail to persuade Moehau Man females. However my methods might seem somewhat unempowering to your foreign female readers.

    Like

  70. Farm Boy says:

    New post is up

    Liked by 1 person

  71. Farm Boy says:

    However my methods might seem somewhat unempowering to your foreign female readers.

    That is going to be a problem, is it not?
    Once women get a power, they will never give it up

    Like

  72. FuzzieWuzzie says:

    Bloom,
    You are weaning yourself off an addiction. In this case, it’s psychological. So, it’ll take even longer.
    In a sense, this speaks well for you. You are not a “monkey branch” girl.
    Watch a movie with lots of horses. It can’t hurt.

    Liked by 1 person

  73. FuzzieWuzzie says:

    Yoda,
    A while back, you linked to a news story from Cook Co. IL about a taxi driver held in jail for four months on a false rape allegation. Lucky for him he recorded a conversation with his accuser.
    It was a while ago but, another taxi driver in Edmunton, Alberta was accused by four women he was taking home from a night of clubbing. Lucy for him he had the cabin camera rolling. They wanted to cheat him out of the $12.50 fare.
    Do you think that it will be hard to hire taxi drivers?

    Like

  74. Sumo says:

    It’s “Edmonton”, silly bear.

    Like

  75. FuzzieWuzzie says:

    Sumo,
    That’s what I get for trusting to memory. Thank you for the correction.

    Like

  76. FuzzieWuzzie says:

    Sumo,
    I never heard how that ended. Did police prosecute? Had they chose to do so, it would have been open and shut and all of it handed to them.
    My guess is that the just let it slide.

    Like

  77. FuzzieWuzzie says:

    Sumo,
    Thanks. Given that so much time has passed, they let it slide.
    Disgraceful.

    Liked by 1 person

  78. Cautiously Pessimistic says:

    @Red: “I dunno that I would say a guy who builds his value or does something with his life is necessarily automatic beta bucks?”

    If you want to say that a man who builds up his life and then gets married/has kids shouldn’t be seen as just beta bucks chump, we’ve got no argument. But in this culture and legal climate, a man who does that is setting himself up for unhaaaappiness and the destruction of his life’s work.

    Liked by 1 person

  79. jf13 says:

    re: beta bucks

    Clearly the way to be “correctly” awesome is not to build yourself into an awesome better beta. Learning how to better serve women leads to a very lousy life.

    Liked by 2 people

Comments are closed.

%d bloggers like this: