This is a common life path trajectory for women. There are several variations. It is all really very simple. And as such, this post will not be long.
In type one, a women sexes up with alphas, gets knocked up, and has a baby or two, Since the alpha in most cases is not willing to marry her, or does not have the money to marry her, she needs to find a man who will provide her with resources. This would be the beta. Typically she acts all lovey-dovey until she gets the ring, and after that all bets are off. This type is often younger than the other type, as they need to find the beta provider sooner, rather than later
In type two, a woman rides the carousel for many years. Perhaps as Dalrock suggests, “She waits such that she leaves as little youth and beauty to her future husband as possible”. And once again, as the alpha has not bitten with respect to marriage, so she finds a beta-provider type to give her children and resources.
Perhaps the provider does not know what was going on, perhaps he does not want to know what is going on, and perhaps it may work out all just fine. But there is a high likelihood that the demons that are suppressed by such an arrangement will come forth eventually. And all, including the children will suffer.
P.S.
NAWALT applies
While I can’t remember where, I think that I got into a bit of an arguement over AF?BB. My contention was that any tactic dependent on deception would no longer be viable once revealed. It is getting to be fairly common knowledge now and, I think the betas and their bux are going to back off.
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any tactic dependent on deception would no longer be viable once revealed
But there is the thirst; furthermore she is special, so stuff does not apply to her.
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Farm Boy,
Because some trick worked in the past, does not mean that it will always work. Men are learning and talking to each other. Then, there is first and second hand observation by those that are younger.
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Fuzzie Bear,
It is just a question of how well it is spreading. There are lots of forces working for it and lots of forces working against it. Kind of an irresistible force meeting an immovable object.
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Farm Boy,
The part that gets to me is the gal choosing to ejoy riding the carousel until the last minute, thaen taking advantage of the a beta’s good will. While she had lots of fun, he sat on the shelf. That frosts my pumpkin.
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he sat on the shelf.
And it was a very hard shelf to sit on. And the women don’t care.
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Well Fuzzie Bear,
You might be right. Men are catching on,
http://pjmedia.com/lifestyle/2015/03/23/men-who-dont-pay/
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Farm Boy,
That is not what I meant. However, Dalrock has addressed this too. As courtship gets extended into infinity, men do get tired of picking up the tab. Then, there is the story that comes out of New York every other year, how a woman goes online dating for free meals.
I don’t think that any guy minds paying. I think most guys don’t like getting played for chumps.
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I think there is more to it than this, as Cill’s pal found in his ppp experiment, I am not so sure these are concious, willing choices as much as they seem to be what’s being sold. Who benifits? The alphas. Not the women who get p and d. Not that they didnt place their bet and lose but… It’s messed up all around.
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Don’t get me wrong, the way to win is to not play. Agreed. and yet Thegame starts way too young. I will teach my daughters this. Stay home. Make cookies. Wait. Sit out the game…
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P.s. I jokingly told my oldest about my plan to build a tower to lock her and sister in until they are godown. Wrapped in dragons. She liked the idea but questioned the dragon part. Nobody seems to be with me on the dragons… (Humph!)
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@ RPG
Who benifits? The alphas. Not the women who get p and d.
As Rollo opines, “Five minutes of alpha is better than 20 years of beta.” Women only whine about getting dumped because they couldn’t get alpha commitment. They don’t regret the sex at all. I know my fling sure didn’t and my college gf wanted sex from me sans commitment because she wanted to marry a doctor and I bailed on becoming a doctor. Women are hot for sex with alphas. Not buying the Feminine Imperative propaganda that women are the victims of alphas.
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* grown
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@gamer that’s true, I saw many a gal grow herself willingly into the fray. I dunno… It’s all just so sad.
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Bloom,
Dragons eat virgins. Bears eat honey.
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Farm Boy,
Dalrock wrote a post on your earlier link.
https://dalrock.wordpress.com/2015/03/23/ms-chivalry/
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Sumo does something else with the honies.
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Excuse me while I curse
this guythe skyLikeLiked by 2 people
Hey, I’ve already been cursed…..with charm, badassiness, and stunning good looks. Do your worst, brother. 😉
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Cricket World Cup Semi Final down to the wire. Live action S. Africa should scrape in.
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NZ win!!!!
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Another scenario there is.
Woman has babies via alpha.
Goes on welfare she does
Betas pay taxes they do
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As courtship gets extended into infinity, men do get tired of picking up the tab.
But fun for women this is.
Women like fun they do.
Not so serious they are.
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“Torn are the wives of righteous men, for they beget the taxpayers of tomorrow.”
Tired of repetition I am.
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Bears eat honey.
This time of year they do not.
But dream of honey they do.
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War on Women this is
http://m.washingtonexaminer.com/think-progress-claims-ted-cruz-is-anti-woman-because-he-supports-a-flat-tax/article/2561911
Support flat tax be does.
Big breasts likes he must.
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@redpillgirl, re: “Who benifits? The alphas.”
Yes. The alphas benefit most from being chosen by the women. But the women MUST be benefitting from being able to choose alphas; hence what ticks women off is that the selection of alphas isn’t numerous enough and isn’t good enough.
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@tasdg re: “Not buying the Feminine Imperative propaganda that women are the victims of [their own choices].”
Me neither. I have zero sympathy for the typical young woman’s lament that “the guys that I keep choosing to have sex with aren’t good for me”. As I’ve said before, my main concern is getting these women to that they *failed* to choose the right guys. It has nothing to do with the wrong guys failing to be the right guys.
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But “right guys” produce tingles not.
Tingles Uber Alles
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getting these women to see that
or
getting these women to admit that
A few years ago I was making this same point, among others, to an audience of several women (and men, but the women were the only ones with interesting responses), and one woman suggested that one reason a girl might tell a guy about other guys treating her bad was to let that guy know he might have a chance if he treated her right. IOW, the woman was claiming that a girl’s crying on her ljbf’s shoulder might be a girl pickup technique.
Naturally all the other women agreed when the first woman suggested it. I, however, said it always felt to me as a man, as a boy, as a male, as a dude, that any girl’s crying to me about her men was treating me as a woman. Moreover, agreeing and amplifying, I asked if they thought I should take it as flirting the next time *they* talked to me about their man troubles. Of course, they immediately saw their folly but for some reason did not direct their righteous anger inwards.
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When a woman undergoes choice paralysis in front of a giant Super Sam wall of shelves filled with hundreds of varieties of peanut butter and winds up at home making faces at her choice, the problem is never that the one that she chose failed to be the one that she should have chosen. The problem is always, always, always that she failed to choose the oneould have chosen.
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re: men on shelves
The thoughts converging they are. Women are lamenting that the good choices that they left on the shelves earlier aren’t remaining on the shelves long enough any more.
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Three links away (dalrock, Mychael, golddigger) Women continue to delude themselves that they are *worth* alpha bux and that *therefore* “f- first bux later” is a reasonable strategy.
“Feel free to push that bill right over to him because, guess what? You’ve already done it. He can at least pay for dinner.”
http://elitedaily.com/dating/sex/why-you-should-always-have-sex-on-a-first-date/
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It’s not true that only women misunderstand everything.
http://elitedaily.com/dating/10-qualities-every-alpha-male-look-girlfriend/974493/
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The thoughts converging they are.
Jedi Mind Tricks use on you I do.
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the good choices that they left on the shelves earlier aren’t remaining on the shelves lonG enough
Like wholesome milk, sour they do become.
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AF/BB consider morality women do?
Or oblivious they are?
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“Equality” they said,
http://thefederalist.com/2015/03/23/stop-equality-mongering-before-it-destroys-us/
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True this is
Likewise, to break down distinct gender roles which have served civilization well for millennia, feminists encourage men and women to base relationships around a peculiar selfishness glamoured by equality. True love—giving yourself for the sake of another—is considered perverse, while living for yourself no matter what it does to your family is considered a virtue.
To provide a relief valve for the predictable unhappiness that follows, feminists sought no-fault divorce laws. These allow any spouse (and through the biased family court system especially encourages wives) to walk out on marriage and family for any reason at all. Feminism also walked hand in hand with the sexual revolution, which chanted equality in order to veil the moral distinctions between the chaste and the unchaste. The obvious result is that our society has refused to teach the virtue of chastity lest the slut feel ashamed. As a result, we force our children to wander an increasingly harmful sexual anarchy without guidance
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@ jf13
The alphas benefit most from being chosen by the women.
I disagree. The alphas are the most desirable for most women that they sex up. With the tilted sexual marketplace where men are devalued by 1 or 2 points relative to women, then a small percentage of women (9s and 10s) don’t benefit as much as alphas.
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@ jf13
@tasdg re: “Not buying the Feminine Imperative propaganda that women are the victims of [their own choices] alphas.”
Me neither. I have zero sympathy for the typical young woman’s lament that “the guys that I keep choosing to have sex with aren’t good for me”.
Fixed your misquote of what I actually said. “guys…that aren’t good for me” translates to “alphas whom I sex up that won’t commit.”
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@ Yoda
But “right guys” produce tingles not.
Tingles Uber Alles
But “right guys” used to produce tingles before the SMV of men relative to women was tilted because men got a tremendous status hit. The FI attacked men through culture.
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re: “But “right guys” used to produce tingles”
I used to think so, but now I’m pretty sure not so. It’s always been the case that betas can sexually please a woman; indeed I define betas as those males who *have* to please females. But being sexually pleased by a man is almost the opposite of getting tingles, I say from deep within my lack of experience of having been a woman. When getting tingles, the female is absorbed in what she can do to please the male in order to get him to be in her.
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@ jf13
Men used to own the resources and women couldn’t get them thru frivorce. Hence, women had to please the “right guys.” The “right guys” had status relative to women.
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re: “Hence, women had to please the “right guys.” The “right guys” had status relative to women.”
Ok. I agree if a woman is externally kept being made to feel like she really really has to sexually please a beta, then she will internally come to feel tingles directed at him.
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@ jf13
And, of course, the naturals used to generate tingles without providing res. So, hypergamy was still an issue. With the higher standard of living, I wonder if the desire for more things like piano and ballet lessons for kids doesn’t also feed hypergamy so that women will tend to branch swing to a higher beta branch. Saw a movie yesterday along these lines. Starred Joan Crawford.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mildred_Pierce
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Keeping in my interpretation of the female role to be the party of “No!”, which is the de-selection aspect of chase-away sexual selection, the female’s actual role is NOT to select alphas but to de-select betas. From that alone, I think, it follows that women would most highly fight against feeling forced to to *have* to do anything pleasing for betas. And from *that*, essentially all female behavior follows.
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Over the long arc of some women’s lives, it isn’t just Alpha fux/beta bux.
It’s alpha fux/beta bux/then back to alpha fux. Buena Vista is the first one who pointed this out to me.
AF from age 17 to 28
BB from marriage until the last kid is more or less independent (mid-40s)
AF from age 45 on
When a woman’s last kid is well on in school (about age 8), then her AF seems to awaken. She has more time on her hands. She doesn’t have to spend a lot of time with hands on motherhood. Her friends are all busy with other things. She is dealing head on with her marital disappointments. She is bored. Her husband has let himself go or is consumed with work or other things. She is losing or has lost attraction for her husband.
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But attract alpha she can?
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Deti,
As much as it grieves my idealistic heart, I have to agreee.
Yoda,
Women 45+ redefine alpha. However, should they choose to go down this road, they had better be good looking. There is a lot more variance in looks at that age than earlier but, they had best be at the top.
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@ jf13
I agree that women have a selective role in mating. However, I think that the current environment is anomalous. If men had their biologically accurate status not artificially held down by frivorce and apex alpha provider laws, I think that women would find betas plenty attractive. Not as attractive as alphas, but enough so that they don’t start looking outside the home.
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@ deti
For many women, AF reawakens 7 years after marriage. Kids are irrelevant. Divorce is frequent.
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@ Fuzzie
I see quite a few attractive divorcees in their early 40s. Was dancing and flirting with one last Sat. She had her high school daughter in tow. P
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Check out who made the front page of Breitbat London
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AF from age 45 on
The “cougar” phase of AF/BB this would be.
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“Check out who made the front page of Breitbat London”
Gah! Put a trigger warning on that thing!
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Not Ardrea Dworkin she is.
A relief this would be
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Pat Condell, a guy who says what he thinks
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In honour of Big Red’s hitting the big time
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re: “from age 45 on”
From age 45 on to what? In my experience essentially 0% of the already low sex drive of post-menopausal women is devoted to chasing men, like needs to be done for alphas. If anything, I think the older the woman the more likely she is to want, when she wants anything, to be passively pleased by a man rather than to please a man.
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oh yeah…trigger warning on that Breitbart thing…
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We really have to hand it to Big Red. She made more a splash in her one public appearance than a lot of fembots have done in a whole career.
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Master Yoda:
“But attract alpha she can?”
I think it’s her ability to attract ANY man that’s relevant here. I suspect there’s a lot of variety here. I suspect there are some cougars who prowl for young good looking men with titanium rods for hardons. (I’ve seen more than a few young men cut their sexual teeth on older women.) I think there are some older women looking for alpha fux who are in truth looking for a man who treats them well and wines and dines them (that’s mostly women who are having affairs and/or in sexless marriages).
It’s a real myth that a woman has no sexual market value once she gets past age 40; that The Wall completely destroys every woman’s SMV. If she’s spent her 20s and 30s taking care of herself, a woman can look quite good well into her 40s. And there are a good number of women who look quite good after 40.
(Note to Farm Boy — a Red Pill Classroom post on The Wall would be good if you haven’t done one already.)
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Women who are past 40 who are going into their second AF phase are looking to recapture lost youth. They are looking to confirm their worth and value as women. They want to be able to look in the mirror and say
“I’ve still got it”
“I can still attract a man and get him to invest in me”
“I can still get a guy to fuck me silly”
“I am still beautiful and feminine and worthy of a man’s attention”
That’s really what the second AF phase is about.
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Validation women value they do.
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“Check out who made the front page of Breitbat London”
Down Fido! Down! 😐
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Forgive me, but I just can’t help myself:
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“Not Ardrea Dworkin she is.”
Big Red isn’t half the woman Dworkers was, but she’s young yet, she’s got time, a big mouth and the
constitutionbody of an ox.LikeLiked by 1 person
Unapealling she appears.
Unpleasant expressions she does have.
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Cill, I can’t possibly hit ‘like’ on that
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Andrea Dworkin, “Head like a chewed mintie” (said my Aussie mate Choicy)
Now Fuzzy, try not to overreact 😉
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Okay Spawny, click Like on that
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“Unpleasant expressions she does have.”
Yoda I think you’re being provocatively rude to BR, so I can’t possibly hit ‘like’ on that.
(I carry a secret candle for her, you know, she keeps burning her own)
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re: second phase AF
The poster child, er, old lady for this phenom must be Robin Rinaldi. At 45-ish she decided to see how many men would like free, er, F. Somehow it took her a whole year to get 12, and only one or two were alpha-ish. Meanwhile her husband Scott left her for a much younger and much much nicer woman whom he has since remarried, while for five long years Robin has been shacked up with the beta who pleased her the bestest.
http://www.breitbart.com/big-government/2015/03/23/bedding-12-strangers-in-a-year-not-surprisingly-ends-18-year-marriage/
So how come her unhappy ending wasn’t trumpeted when they were advertising Wild Oats a few weeks ago?
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Keep that candle away from her. If it triggers Spontaneous Human Combustion? I foresee
magmaflaming blubber flows to shame Mauna Loa / HerculaneumLikeLiked by 1 person
@ Deti I have seen a similar thing, empty nest women getting a divorce. Bad strategy. Really bad. Talk about destabilizing your golden years. I know single women in their 60s, alone, struggling, it is not pretty. Think of more than today they should! (How’s that Yoda?)
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Andrea with a Big Red’s Hair.
Funny that would be.
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(How’s that Yoda?)
All comments should be in Yodish.
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http://order-order.com/2015/03/24/clarkson-to-be-sacked-tomorrow-report/
Top Gear to downshift.
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Break crankshaft like it would be.
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When I’m feeling down, I play “Shut The Fuck Up”. It gives me a furtive discarnate thrill.
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“Andrea with a Big Red’s Hair.
Funny that would be.”
Big Red with Andrea’s hair
Too funny that would be
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Spawny do his artwork upon Big Red he should
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http://www.breitbart.com/london/2015/03/24/the-real-everyday-sexism-is-against-men/
The femeroids at the moment remind me of that scene in Zoolander where the morons were having a gasoline fight.
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Cill, if I get a minute…
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Although not quite of that certain age yet, Jenny Erikson literally thought she would be having lots of alpha, er, dates, after once succumbing to the drunken charms of one while she was married. She found out the hard way that every single one of the many datable men she was introduced to *after* her divorce weren’t good enough for her. She has since justified her complete withdrawal from the SMP more than a year ago as looking out for Thing 1 and Thing 2, i.e. so they wouldn’t think mommy was a slut, but the truth is she could not attract any good enough men. At all. Not even one. Not even part of one.
In contrast, grapevine caveats, Leif carefully emerged from his gloom, first hooking up with an old girlfriend and then about a year ago supposedly, coincidentally with Jenny’s giving up, meeting a younger woman who is much much nicer.
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Cathy Sparks was right on the Phase II AF timeline. Has anyone heard *any* further updates on why exactly she signed a post-nup and is living rather penitently?
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Andrea Dworkin defense.
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Fuzzie, maybe after the mindbleach…you just can’t take chances
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Commenting in Yodish greatly cut down Blooms comment length, it would. Perhaps not bad this would be? Huuuuuummmmmm?
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Bloom not know much except much she does not know. Listen for 800 years then speak perhaps she should? (A test proving her inner will beyond Jedi strength, or more likely not, this would be.)
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Mowed one third of her place she just did, scuffle hoe’d one fifth of the flower beds for tender weeds just sprouting she did. Repeat daily she will. Talking she will not while sowing and reaping. Planning she will be.
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Spawny ban you he might.
Best leave Yodish to Yoda one should.
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Bloom Yodish hilarious it is
Learn it Yoda should
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While Bloom applies herself to things requiring a green thumb they do, much preparation to thoughts requiring sall green homonid syntax will apply.
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Cill, imagine if you saw BR prancing nekkid on yer beach. What fun u cud haf!
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People at under a serious misunderstanding
Alphas don’t need the current dysfunction of the smp/ mmp to bang a lot of chicks. Better suited to exploit the dysfunction? Certainly but it is simply false to assume the old system kept alphas from having a lot of chicks. It kept them and the chicks to a degree of discretion.
Feminism is really for betas who thought they’d get more ass and who didn’t want to do the hard work of keeping feral women civilized. But I get the misunderstanding. Half the man o sphere seem to be stupid enough to damn near worship alphas…. the other half denies the existence of alpha males or tries to run them into the ground. Either way because it helps them feel good.
I read that article about 10 traits an alpha male should seek out…. not written by an alpha male….maybe not even written by a male.
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New post of mine
I’ll work on that one about testosterone soon
https://tonsplace.wordpress.com/2015/03/22/synonyms-and-being-a-bad-boy/
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Looking forward to the T one.
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asd “Cill, imagine if you saw BR prancing nekkid on yer beach. What fun u cud haf!”
I could jump out on her as the Moehau Man (NZ big foot).
Get this: A total stranger once gave me a description of a critter who could only have been myself! He told me about a big hairy wild man who runs around naked on a “deserted beach” in the general vicinity of my place.
Since there’s no-one else for miles around, he could only have been talking about me. Obviously somebody had seen me from a boat some time before, and the story had spread. The wild man was “hung like a horse” – that’s the part that most amused me. Fair tickled me pink, it did. He had no idea he was talking to the man he was describing.
I had some amusing incidents as the Wild Man, who was an Alpha of sorts, in that the ladies sure wanted to meet him. Or should I say some ladies…
It taught me something about women… Or should I say some women.
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I should add, some of the description of the Wild Man was wildly exaggerated.
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So how did Moe make out during the typhoon?
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Could Moe tame Big Red?
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Fuzzie out of focus photos of no man would sell for lots of money, satellite photo access bloom does need?
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* mo man
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Bloom,
I am a little jealous. Why would you want out of focus images of a wild man from NZ when you could have this?
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Yes well, young Miss Bloom, you’re welcome to use my fuzzy avatar photo to scare people out of their pants. Mrs Moehau Man (my a-photogenic old mum) says I have a face that only a mother could love.
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Earlier today I was thinking of offering $10,000 to the person who could successfully introduce me to someone as interested in me as I in them, a life mate. But then I thought better leave that up to God. Money only clouds the situation. I am here, hopefully someone for me is there, and we will find one another. That is my greatest hope. But as I just learned, can’t be hasty…
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In the meantime, kids to nurture, grass to mow, weeds to thwart, a biz to grow, a full and busy life. I am blessed. Not sure why I am focusing on what I don’t have instead of what I do… Woman’s nature, as above, I guess!
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Bloom,
You are lovable. Now, stop worrying about it.
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Yeah, you’d like the company of a good bloke. I realize you won’t likely find one among the MGTOW crowd, but I’m somewhat surprised that a blue piller hasn’t snapped you up. Those foreign jokers are a mystery to me.
Hang on, a thought just struck me. D’you reckon you might’ve been attracted to the wrong sort of bloke?
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In the meantime, while the man upstairs works his thing, I say we sell blurry pics of Mo man. What better do we have to do? 😉 mo man… Let’s us know when you are in position…
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And actually that gal that makes fuzzie shudder, she may pass for a yeti with a little photoshop blur, no???
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the truth is she could not attract any good enough men. At all. Not even one. Not even part of one.
Do you have a link for that?
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Bloom,
That Andrea Dworkin could pass for a Yeti is truly abominable.
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Yes indeed, young Miss Bloom. Could you let me know when to go outside? Should I lie on me back? Mrs Moehau Man (my cosmologically savvy old mum) says a satellite picture of me standing up in only going to show the top of me pate.
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Mo man I like your attitude. We will have to research this sale trite photo op timing more. Stay tuned!
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@ fuzzie yes perhaps that was not fair to yeti’s to say that about ms. D. My apogies to yetis of all names the world over!
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I truly appreciate ya’ll tolerating my yammering’s btw. Much appreciated!
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Apology accepted, young lady, and Mrs Moehau Man (my gracious old mum) accepts it as well. Me Kauri club will stay behind me back… for now.
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Mark a milestone. A broad pinged my package. Dirty dancing with her. A blonde heifer. 32 yo. Tried to set me up with her mama. I told her Rollo’s maxim, “You can’t negotiate desire.”
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@redpillgirl, re: weeds to thwart
A blessed people we are.
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Good to see Moe, it is.
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re: a satellite picture of me standing up in only going to show the top of me pate
The capability of oblique facial recognition is one of those things not entirely discussable. The major issue, of course, is the actual extent of image degradation due to greater atmospheric distance.
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After over a week of no contact, the ex sent me an e-mail wanting to talk about us being friends this Sunday and to pick up the rest of his stuff. When I asked what specifically, he wants to pick up the ring and also the washer dryer set he got me for Christmas/my birthday. (After he put my set out on the curb for free!) What a guy! Grrrrrr.
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Yes well, his prying on your phone records, although serious, was just one symptom of the jealousy issues he won’t own. It’s those jealousy issues that ring loud warning bells. The green monster can only get monstrously bigger unless the jealous man himself urgently seeks to be cured.
Mrs Moehau Man (my experienced old mum) agrees. “Even if he now agrees to treatment”, she said, “his desire to be cured fell short of him being the one who first raised the issue. Let young Bloom”, she continued after taking a sip of her Manuka tea, “not be tempted into closeness while the experiment proceeds. Let her not put herself at risk”.
Be polite. It’s best a reliable third party take the property he requests to a neutral place. Stay away from a middle aged, hyper-jealous man. Time for Head, not Heart.
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Bloom,
I can see coming back for the ring but, the washer/dryer? That’s over the top.
I am sorry this stuff keeps coming up for you.
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Thanks Fuzzie, I actually suspected this was coming about the washer/dryer. (He bought them on credit, I picked out a nice set on sale, he went back the next day and choose different ones three times the price.) It only confirms that I am so glad I did not marry him. I see no advantage in our keeping in touch and being friends now that I am clued into his disorder. This type apparently gets their jollies from “punishing” and “rewarding” others after it is over, cat and mouse, and this is an example. If he were a normal guy, and he had been respectful and caring in his backing out, yes we could be friends. But for me to remain friends with this one, it would only allow him to continue his mind games. I don’t need that.
Gosh, I have learned A LOT in the past few weeks! I am starting to think his real game was to put on this front of providing/protecting me so he could get in close enough to bet everything I have built on some crazy roll of the dice. And if he “lost” who cares, he just walks away. No thanks!
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Bloom, maybe try, “while I would value you as a friend, it’s too painful for little old me”. Brush the ego while backing away slowly. He will be no asset in getting a guy, so you can also request a clean break on that basis too…but thats the second avenue to try as it doesn’t brush his ego.
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@redpillgirl
You giving back the ring nicely when you don’t have to technically, i.e. without making him sue you, should be the exchange he should be glad to make for you letting him throw out your old washer and dryer.
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Agreed Spawney, I think to let him think I am just too brokenhearted over losing him to be in contact is the no conflict way to back away. Play dumb. Any confrontation, even standing up for what most people would consider very reasonable things to ask, will only lead to drama that he will then use to paint himself the victim and make me look the baddie. From everything I have been reading, absolutely no contact going forward is the best route. Best to give him everything, so there are no loose ends, no ties. Staying “friends” would only allow him to keep tabs on and control me, keep me in the wings in case he wants to circle back around, and like Ton said so he can claim “good guy” status. He broke his promises to me and even worse to my kids, why would anyone want a “friend” like that?
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Bloom,
That he chose to upgrade the purchase after you had made your decision is entirely on him.
Keep the washer/dryer. It was your birthday and Christmas rolled into one.
It seems, the more I hear, the worse this gets.
Time for a silly bear video.
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fuck face only wants to be friends to get the ring and washer/dryer back.
ignore him. block his number, email etc and next time no dude meet the bloomettes until he’s hit the year mark
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I already told him he can have it all back. Probably a dumb choice but I just want him out of my life. If all he wants to be friends for is to get that stuff, he can have it. Good riddance!
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^^^^ is why women should not make their own decisions
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Bloom,
Ton has a point. He is going to find reasons to stay in your life.
Best to draw the line at the ring and no more.
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(He bought them on credit, I picked out a nice set on sale, he went back the next day and choose different ones three times the price.)
Likes expensive things on credit he does.
Not good this is.
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True, that was an emotional decision not in my favor. I have already said it, I can’t see how I can go back on that? I don’t want them reminding me of all this anyway. I would rather they be gone.
Of course they could be gone, with the new set I originally picked in their place and several thousand in my pocket — and that’s why Ton said what he said and he is right. That’s how I should be thinking, why am I not?
If you guys can come up with a way for me to say it…and that I won’t feel is stooping to his level…I am all ears.
I feel like an idiot all around, truly. This has been a very hard lesson to learn.
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tell him he’ll get the washer/ dryer when he replaces the older but fully functioning set he put on the street corner
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Did what you told him you’d do and get a third party to deliver the ring and the washing machine to him. A fight will land you exactly where you don’t want to be: constantly reminded of him by his role as the combatant on the other side. It’s not worth it, Bloom. Do what’s best for yourself and your daughters. Think about it: a damn washing machine is not worth it.
I can’t say any more than that on the subject.
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New post is up
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He said he would bring the older washer and dryer set from his house to replace it, I should have added that before. It’s about the same condition as my originals. The set he is taking is a top of the line matching front loader set, red. (Also extra for the color)
I was thinking about him and money last night and remembered what he said a few days after making the ultimatum about adjusting the child support, he said, “I wonder what they will that when we pull up in a brand new truck? Oh well.” Then he kinda snickered.
The guys is a snake, plain and simple. I am getting off easy. He would have run us into the ground, guaranteed. I am better off, old washer and dryer and all.
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“I wonder what they will that when we pull up in a brand new truck? Oh well.”
What exactly did he say?
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Farm Boy, sorry typo. He said, kind of as an aside rather than to me, “I wonder what they will think about that when we pull up in a new truck. Oh well…” Like he thought it would be funny. This was three days before the end…he had never said anything like that before. I think his true self was emerging…I am sure I had only begun to see it.
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He likes his stuff. Even when it is owned by the bank.
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Bloom,
Hard to believe that just a short time ago, this guy was the cat’s pajamaa.
Close the chapter.
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@ fuzzie that’s also classic, they seem “perfect” at first. A very calculated act in fact. That’s why they rush, hard to keep up the act.
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Bloom,
While posting to you here, I am watching “Say Goodbye to Crazy” with Tara Palmatier and Paul Elam.
Yikes!!
I had an errant thought about electronic devices. You need to make sure those are not compromised.
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Trust me I am very much in disbelief myself. And thought I was smarter than this. I really did. In my defense, these types are good at what they do, many people miss it until ot starts to unravel like this. Now I am just focused on no conflict followed by no more contact. Anyway…I feel like an idiot.
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Fuzzie watching that program now, thanks!
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Bloom,
Requested mission accomplished
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Much appreciated farm boy!
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Bloom, it happens to the best of us. Learn whatever lessons there are and move on.
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Dang how I wish all of you could be here on Sunday to meet the ex and be the trusted third party for me! p.s. you guys are great! Thanks again for listening and for the sound advice.
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“be the trusted third party for me”. I thought you had one? Too late for me, it takes me several days to arrange caretakers etc. You blokes in the States, can’t anyone get there to help her out?
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re: third party
Big neighbor dude and wife “for Sunday brunch” and ‘”for help with the washer and dryer”.
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Bloom,
It may be a good idea to keep us posted that day.
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Bloom would JF’s suggestion work in your case?
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I do have several people I can ask, and will. And yes I will also keep everybody here posted that day.
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Cill offers help without a thought for his own safety. Big heart should learn to mind his own safety first.
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This “the M” it is?
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Cill does have a big heart, and of course I would never let him come so far. I have lined up a friend and her ex-Marine boyfriend to be here during all of this tomorrow. For moral support.
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lol that’s more support then you’ll get from a marine
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Hi M
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I was worried, Bloom, when I read back and saw your ex fiancée owns a gun.
Hi Spawny, Cill gives me seven fits at times. He has no fear. He has the warrior gene, and Molly carries it also. Explain much?
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With his height I figured he hit his head a lot…don’t know about Molly.
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@ M I would never ask Cill or any to be in harm’s way. I am not expecting violence, just heartache. Letting go of something you thought was what is was not is never easy. Right now I am feeling so many emotions, ug, But I also know if he wanted this to work, he would be showing that and he isn’t. It’s like opening up a huge package wrapped in beautiful paper and bows only to find an empty box. But I also know this is about him more than it is about me, or how lovable I am, or what my future holds. Best to not be tied to someone like that, as much as I had hoped he was it. The universe intervened, I try to focus on being thankful for that. This probably makes no sense. Despite this, I still believe in love, and I hope to find it yet. Maybe I need this experience to grow to the level where I will recognize the real deal, and not some two bit opportunistic facsimile of.
And Ton, I am not sure what you mean by that but you are on my short list, don’t tempt me to vent my crappy feelings onto you! And I won’t. But trust me, I am tempted.
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Bloom hasn’t done anything to upset the guy, just keep it cool. Regret it didn’t work out. His actions over the washer aren’t angry, just give him the stuff and wave him goodbye. No fuss, no drama.
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M,
It is good to see you among us. The “horse” movies were my idea. If you have seen too many of them recently, it is my fault.
Ton,
Stop making fun of Marines. They do pretty well under Army leadership. I heard how they went through a door in Harper’s Ferry with unloaded rifles a while back.
Bloom,
May it all go off without a hitch tommorrow. It’s good to have a guy around. It takes two strong guys to lift a washer. It’s too much for one.
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Hi Fuzzie, that wonderful charge at Beersheba!
Bloom I don’t know all the ins and outs of your heartbreak and disappointment. I have been through heartbreak too and it’s just so draining it’s hard to chin up and keep going. I didn’t know until it happened to me that “broken heart” feels literally like a broken heart, physical pain in the chest and all. Well my heart is now whole again and having been where you’re at, my heart goes out to you right now. Only time can cure the pain. You’ve had some good advice here, I won’t try to add to it!
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M,
California has two seasons, green and brown. Brown is very long.
Enjoy!
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Fuzzie, wonderful thank you!
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Two hours away, I feel sick 😦 I can do this. I will be ok. It is for the best. I will only imagine throwing dishes at him as he leaves…
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Whoa. I hadn’t been keeping up and just read this.
Good luck Bloom!
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” I can do this”. You sure can! You’ve done tougher stuff than this before. Moehau Man agrees. For a positive booster-shot, just think of Moe’s friendly face and you can’t go wrong. Go Bloom!
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<<< Yes well, the least I can do is proffer my image at this point.
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By the chest hairs, I might say that would be Sean Connery.
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Well, yes, there might be a certain resemblance, although I draw a line at the face.
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It is true. Moe does have real hair on top
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Bloom said “Earlier today I was thinking of offering $10,000 to the person who could successfully introduce me to someone as interested in me as I in them”
Well (ahem) may I put myself forward? One glance at my photo will reassure you that I’m a sensitive soul, which is the reason why I postponed my offer until now.
My Gravitar profile says it all:
“I dwell near Moehau Mountain in the wild Coromandel area. I am refined and artistic and bang bones together for rhythm. I belong to a group called The Banging Boners (all drummers).
We are looking for a vocalist, preferably a female
Moehau Manforeignor (human). Tune and lyrics all one note, all one word in rhythm with the Boners.”For the reward, my bank details are:
Bank: Moehau Grand Larceny Bank,
666 Kauri Club Street,
Mount Moehau 666
Account number: 666-666-666-666-666-666
Mrs Moehau Man (my prudent old mum) says a direct credit would be preferred to a
chequecheck😉 😉
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P.S. Bloom, when we’re an item you can take all the blurry photos of me that you like. I’ll pose like Michelangelo’s David.
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P.P.S. I’ll toss in a cave as part of the deal.
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He is here, taking back my, I mean his, Christmas/birthday washer/dryer gift, engagement ring, and necklaces he bought for my daughters to symbolize us all becoming a family. They were to be worn at our wedding. He spoke to me as if we are mere acquaintances. Who does this??? Oh yeah, I man I am so glad I did not marry!!! What a cad!
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Apparently, the concept of “gifts” means something very different in the U.S than it does here in Canada…..
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There’s a lesson to be taken out of it, for me at least. A man should never make a promise unless he knows he will keep it. Hell, I knew this anyway, well and truly. Nope, I just don’t get this guy. He’s a mystery.
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Well, it is done. He’s gone. We talked some but it was the same, he says this is all my fault, I did not do enough, fast enough, and he got tired of it. Yep, all me. I just wasn’t jumping thru the hoops fast enough or high enough I suppose. Not cool. Not love. Not a healthy way to approach a marriage. It hurts right now, is a huge disappointment, but I am pretty sure with time I will be glad I am not in a marriage based on hoop jumping.
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Glad he’s done.
Can I ask just one question (after this one)?
Why do you care what that fuckwit thinks about anything?
Wave the jackass bye-bye and forget all about him.
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I did not do enough, fast enough, and he got tired of it
Much more than sammiches he did require.
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@ spawney I am not sure why I am still feeling like this is a loss? Illogical. Maybe it’s the loss of what I thought it was, that I had found it only to realize no, not it. I do hope I find it someday, the real deal. I would like that very much!
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Bloom,
You are taking this as hard as I would were I in your place.
This is not good. To be honest, I am afraid to put myself out there because I don’t think that I could forgive myself for another fail.
This is the the end of it? He can’t come back for more?
Knowing you, you have your sources. You’ll know how the story ends with him and you can close the chapter.
In the meanwhile, I know what you are going through.
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It’s a loss of belief in someone you had given your trust, and a loss of trust that such happiness exists. Full recovered is possible. I’ve seen it happen.
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The reason I asked my question & made that recommendation is that I found it helpful in the past.
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All’s well that ends.
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“Full recovered is possible. I’ve seen it happen.”
He’s talking about me and he’s telling the truth. It does happen. 😉
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I am not sure if any recovery will happen if Moe gets involved.
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Spawny the Beneficent shares knowledge
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Dave Call-me-mong rides in to rescue marriage and his party’s election chances
Cameron pledges to ‘expand’ tax cut for married couples in bid to win back disgruntled Tories
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I’ll be ok, I sure appreciate all the caring thoughts, I really do. You guys are great! May we all find whatever it is we seek. It may be rare, but it is out there.
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I could have made a carer out of bailing marines out of the shit. Don’t get me started on how fucked up.their officers and staff work is but you have my email. Use it
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WWWD What Would Winston Do?
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Bloom,
You’re all right. Woulld that it had all been different but, that isbeyond your control.
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There is a new post
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Bloom, my first comment looks out of context and I’d like to explain. I was actually reacting to a comment made on the 16th March: (https://spawnyspace.wordpress.com/2015/03/13/exact-subject-hard-to-determine/comment-page-1/#comment-14483): “There must be something I can do to help. Maybe I should go over and meet this bloke, and see if I can suss him out.”
It wasn’t until today that I heard what went on at Cill’s end back at 16th March. He was planning ways of meeting your ex fiancé in an non-confrontational manner. He has already used up more than nine lives – more like nineteen. I hope that puts some perspective on my original comment!
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Pfft…”non-confrontational manner”. Apparently I need to work on my bad influence mojo.
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Sumo you are bad. You are badass bro.
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Maybe, but I’ve never dispatched a living tank with a knife. That puts your badass cred a few levels above mine.
You just need to be more of a bastard when dealing with people. 😀
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You set Hunter Cill loose upon the world? You are One.Bad.Man… knuckle bump from wee Meddy BTW.
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