Uncle Cill’s Agony Column

I have known women, but none of them came into my life via the dating market. I have never asked a woman for a date.  With such paucity of dating experience to back me, I thought why not set myself up as a Dating Adviser? At least my advice won’t be jaded by experience.

Well, to cut a short story short, here it is: Uncle Cill’s Agony Column.

All ye of experience and inexperience alike, look upon my works and despair. The bible-literate among you might recognize bits and pieces of Micah and Matthew 5 in My Pearls of Pauce Perspicacity. I’m not a bible-literate man, and the biblical bits merely appear to be there, as a matter of pure coincidence, except the italicized parts which are reproductions almost verbatim. To those who are timid of heart, be bold and read on! You have no danger here of losing yourself in genuflecting awe…

My Pearls of Pauce Perspicacity

(don’t I just love PPPs?):
  1. Blessed is the woman who can laugh at herself.
  2. Cursed are women with axe-blade noses, for excepting sliced cheese they just don’t cut it any more.
  3. Blessed are men with axe-blade noses, for when they “go down” they rock the Man in the Boat.
  4. Woe unto men who mourn and from AWALTs seek comfort!
  5. Blessed is the woman who works evil on her husband, and she does it in the morning to feel the power of his stand.
  6. Blessed are women who hunger and thirst after their husbands: for with joy they shall be filled.
  7. Cursed are the women who hunger and thirst after bad boys: for on the taxpayer they shall be dumped.
  8. Woe unto women who spread for entitlement, for they shall be ungainfully employed.
  9. Torn are the wives of righteous men, for they beget the taxpayers of tomorrow.
  10. Cursed are lovers of bad men, for they beget generational hopelessness.
  11. Blessed are the merciful women, for in the End Days they shall be shown mercy by the accursed.
  12. Woe unto the meek, for they shall inherit great hurt.
  13. Woe unto the partner of Big Red, for her lips shall beat his heads to death by the day, by the hour, nay, by the very minute…
  14. Men are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled underfoot.
  15. Settle matters quickly with the woman who is taking you to court. Do it while you are still together on the way, or she may hand you over to the judge, and the judge may hand you over to the officer, and you may be thrown into prison.  Truly I tell you, you will not get out until you have paid the last penny.
  16. Woe unto the man who fawns on the enemy of his brother and turns a blind eye to her persecution of him.
  17. Great are the men who, notwithstanding their pain, fall into the abyss of AWALT for less than an eternity.

Paleaceous Paltry Palaver:

Well as you can see, My Pearls of Pauce Perspicacity became Passages of Pompous Piffle. This was inevitable, given the egotistical nature of my character. (In my own defense, none of those PPPs reached my other PPPs – Predatory Promiscuous Princesses – in level of odiousness)

However, those of you who might be about to launch forth into the world of dating might find some cause for pause in my pithy pearls. Those of you who possess great dating experience might approvingly nod your heads at my purple patches of prose and mutter something along the lines of “out of the mouths of babes and sucklings thou hast perfected praise”.

The Challenge:

Why, come up with some precocious palaver of your own of course! I’ll add the best* ones to the post. [*Note: I shall be the sole arbiter of “best”]

Or, if you’re a Master of Chaos, or of altruistic bent, steer the comments off topic at your earliest convenience…

Posted in Cill, Fun
170 comments on “Uncle Cill’s Agony Column
  1. Yoda says:

    Blessed are women who hunger and thirst after their husbands: for with joy they shall be filled.

    And make sammiches also.
    Always the sammiches.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Yoda says:

    Cursed are lovers of bad men, for they beget generational hopelessness

    SJW types care not.
    Morally bankrupt they are.


  3. jf13 says:

    Amen, and again I say amen.

    re: saltiness and noses

    The protrudingness of human noses has always been a supposed mystery evolutionarily. Speculations about moistening were disproven by actual internal moisture measurements a century ago. Others have (seriously) speculated they were used as breathing periscopes by ancient hominids who therefore must have spent their lives floating on their backs in limpid pools.

    When I was in high school, I was the least timid of all boys (I was a weaponized nerd since before kindergarten), and in front of the biology class I loudly hazarded the accurate guess that the functional reason for noses’ form was entirely sexual. Chaos ensued. Since then, I have shown the human nose to also be an excellent contact thermometer as well as the best non-contact thermal infrared detector of human parts, neither functions of which could be performed by a non-protruding nose, as should be clear but I could explain the physics of heat transfer if needed.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Liz says:

    “When I was in high school, I was the least timid of all boys (I was a weaponized nerd since before kindergarten), and in front of the biology class I loudly hazarded the accurate guess that the functional reason for noses’ form was entirely sexual.”

    “chaos ensued”…
    😀 I can just imagine this.

    I thought humans had a relatively UNdeveloped sense of smell by comparison to most other mammals, though?


  5. jf13 says:

    re: altruistic chaos

    “Out of the mouth of babes and sucklings thou hast perfected praise”. According to the Bible, what God most likes to hear can sound like infantile gibble-gabble.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. jf13 says:

    re: “I thought humans had a relatively UNdeveloped sense of smell by comparison to most other mammals, though?”

    Yes, but that fact isn’t improved by cutting off your nose.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Spawny Get says:

    “Uncle Cill’s Agony Column” is for giving dating advice?

    thank goodness, I thought you had some form of urethritis.

    Liked by 2 people

  8. Padawan says:

    Can’t Laugh At Herself (by Padawan, Poet Laureate 2014 – ?)

    Alas! I have nor hope nor health,
    Nor peace within nor calm around,
    Nor fun in laughing at myself
    The maid in meditation found.


  9. Cill says:

    “Uncle Cill’s Agony Column is for giving dating advice?”
    Damn straight, Unca S 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Yoda says:

    Poem about Big Red it is?

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Padawan says:

    Goodness Nose (by Padawan, Poet Laureate 2014 – ?)

    To get the max, have a nose like an axe,
    And keep your sex life afloat,
    When I say “go down” I don’t mean you’ll drown,
    But rock up “The Man in the Boat”.


  12. Cill says:

    I am not blessed with a nose like an axe, BTW


  13. Cautiously Pessimistic says:

    “At least my advice won’t be jaded by experience.”

    Oh, that’s going into long term storage, along with “Our appeal is becoming more selective.”

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Padawan says:

    “The protrudingness of human noses” (JF13 20 March, 2015 at 3:28 pm) (by Padawan, Poet Laureate 2014 – ?)

    Their snouts afloat like snorkels jut,
    From ponds and liquid places?
    The truth’s in smut, else why say “Cut
    Their nose to spite their faces?”


  15. Yoda says:

    Lots of Uncles around here there are.
    But only one Yoda there is.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. FuzzieWuzzie says:

    About dating coaches, here is PrivateMan’s latest. It’s depressing.


    Men do NOT control the marketplace and bad agents have runit into the ground to the point where men don’t even want to leave the house. This has to be more widespread than anybody thinks.

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Yoda says:

    Men do NOT control the marketplace and bad agents have runit into the ground to the point where men don’t even want to leave the house.

    Any inkling on the other side their is?

    Other than “Peter Pans” and such?


  18. Yoda says:

    Ronin on PM’s site says,

    I think the biggest shock is coming to the realization as a middle aged man is how much of our lives were spent chasing and maintaining tail.

    A waste of resources this is.
    Perhaps put into childcare they could have been?

    Liked by 1 person

  19. Padawan says:

    “Blessed is the woman who works evil on her husband” (by Padawan, Poet Laureate 2014 – ?)

    Up before the sunrise, oh!
    She wastes his morning rand,
    His seed upon the sand does throw
    Barren by her hand.


  20. Padawan says:

    “only one Yoda there is”
    Only one Padawan here too there is, mmH?


  21. FuzzieWuzzie says:

    There won’t be a response, Peter Pan or otherwise. They’ll just sweep it under the rug with male suicide rates being four times higher and workplace death rates at 93/7.
    Thet don’t care. They don’t want to know.

    Liked by 1 person

  22. Cill says:

    Fuzzy, as long as they hold the MSM in thrall, there’s no limit to how much they will continue to get away with. The MSM ignores their excesses and blithely publishes their lies.


  23. Spawny Get says:

    For those who are keeping up with the important UK news.


  24. FuzzieWuzzie says:

    This was linked over at AVfM. It’s pointless to engage these fembots in arguement. This ties in to BBC and MSM.

    I don’t know what to think. The only thing that I am coming up with is don’t contribute to this.

    Liked by 1 person

  25. FuzzieWuzzie says:

    Terrence Popp’s latest and it;s a good overview of MGTOW. What do yout think?

    Liked by 1 person

  26. Cill says:

    Fuzzy, I’ve been tied up on other stuff or I would have answered earlier. I listened to some of Terrence Popp’s video and it’s fairly good, I reckon.

    Here in NZ things have started to change. A man can’t live here without realizing the demand for men is greater than the supply. It’s obvious, in the changing attitude of the women toward men, and the more deferential way they treat us.

    Meanwhile at official level, all the pre-installed feminist crap remains in place.


  27. Cill says:

    I gotta get back to work again. Catch you later.

    Liked by 1 person

  28. Spawny Get says:

    Thanks for the Popp reminder, Fuzzie. I hadn’t watched that until just now. I like Popp, he balances the angry language and the jokes very well. Just my cup of tea.


  29. Spawny Get says:

    Yoda, from that last link
    “For decades, feminists (and their self-loathing male accomplices) have been trying to browbeat men into acting more like women under the premise — false as it turns out — that emasculated men would be better partners and we could finally achieve societal Utopia (or something).

    Read more: http://pjmedia.com/lifestyle/2015/03/19/study-hunting-increases-levels-of-love-hormones-in-men/#ixzz3UyTHnN3k

    I lolled at the self loathing bit.

    Liked by 1 person

  30. FuzzieWuzzie says:

    Spawny Get,
    I think it is because they pereive us all as some kind of defective female.
    Flash of insight: since they see us as defective, they cannot love us and can only hate us.

    Liked by 1 person

  31. Cill says:

    Great are the men who, notwithstanding their pain, fall into the abyss of AWALT for less than an eternity.

    Liked by 2 people

  32. Spawny Get says:

    Cill, I think it’s much harder to climb out if you genuinely haven’t known NAWALTs. And I genuinely believe such guys exist, especially in the younger generation.

    I’ve just watched this documentary (below). I went to uni in the late eighties and I remember feeling outnumbered by the lefty-hard-of-thinking-emo-children even then. I remember talking to a sociology bird I fancied who was vehement in her demands that she was ‘working class’ (with the clear understanding that that made her better and more oppressed). I pointed out she was at university and so wondered in what way she was oppressed… ooh that didn’t go down well. She said she had a grant to be there (so poor background), I pointed out I did too (a partial one by the late eighties). Then she said her parents were working class, so I pointed out that mine had started that way too…never got to bang her. I saw her on friends reunited 10-15 years ago. It was the photo of a single mum with a son, though whether she was or not I didn’t try and find out.

    I had a NATO sticker on one of my folders which caused a passive aggressive ‘why is that there?’ prod from a fellow student. My reply was that I guess not all of us think the USSR was our best friend (in a you’re pretty retarded tone). In my childhood I heard a civil defence siren late one night and I genuinely wondered whether it was the real 3 minute warning (8 minute warning to the Murikans). Clearly it turned out to be a test, but I didn’t know that at the time. Younger people than me don’t have any concept of those days, I don’t think. They’re catching up on feeling the threat of terrorist bombs, so there’s some empathy there. Maybe some understanding that someone calling themselves a freedom fighter must just be a murderous turd.

    Liked by 1 person

  33. Cill says:

    “Younger people than me don’t have any concept of those days”
    No we don’t.
    I guess in my lifetime 1989 was the most momentous year for the world out there. I was a 4YO back then…


  34. Cill says:

    “I think it’s much harder to climb out if you genuinely haven’t known NAWALTs”.
    Speaking for myself, it would be impossible. It has been easier for me, for I’ve known many NAWALTs and I’ve recognized a few of them here as well. Liz, for example.

    Liked by 1 person

  35. Spawny Get says:

    The siren happened when I was…12 or so. Late seventies. So I have to wonder what the silly cunt western powers are doing now in Ukraine trying to stir up Russia by relentlessly push NATO right up to their doorstep (when they swore to Russia that they wouldn’t).

    Liked by 1 person

  36. SFC Ton says:

    That is a wickedly keen observation Fuzzie


  37. Spawny Get says:

    So many of the devout femeroids come across as broken mentally. Check out what hatemongers like Valenti say when put in a different but analogous context.

    http://menkampf.com/ <– is that a cool name for a site about men's rights and feminazis, or wot?
    whaddayaknow, checked out the extension on firefox 'This add-on has been disabled by an administrator.' I think they mean mangina or femeroid.


  38. Cill says:

    In the Ukraine the situation on the ground is not the one being presented to us by the MSM. Ukrainian thugs drive around in Ut trucks looking for things to smash and people to intimidate and beat up. They target Ukrainian as well as Russians there. This thuggery goes on with the support of the government. Corruption is rife. The government is a joke. A lot of Ukrainians say they’d prefer Russian control.

    Liked by 1 person

  39. Cill says:

    What a logo!

    Liked by 1 person

  40. Cill says:


    Liked by 1 person

  41. Cill says:

    OMG that’s gotta be one of the best ever…


  42. Spawny Get says:

    I’ve seen it before, but yeah
    (It was the ‘F’emi Nazi flag of a guy called ‘Roy’ iirc years ago)


  43. Cill says:

    I know you hate cricket but NZ great win yesterday.
    (World Cup being played in Australasia right now)
    I’m not a huge cricket fan either, but NZ is a spectacular team by cricket standards. Good to watch, whether they win or not.


  44. Spawny Get says:

    “I know you hate cricket but ”

    ‘But’ unnecessary it is. Best of luck to ’em. Six Nations is currently playing out


  45. Spawny Get says:

    Yoda, the problem AFAIAC is not where that argument starts, it’s where it inevitably ends up:

    The graphic that quickly follows 7:33 is definitely not exhaustive.

    In a crazy world where every special snowflake makes up their own shit just to underline their own specialness.

    I also suspect that most transgendered people would prefer to pass, rather than continuously underline their personal history…that is a guess because such people aren’t the ones screaming for special treatment, probably just looking to be treated as human beings (which is fine by me).


  46. Cill says:

    “Pearls of Pauce Perspicacity became Passages of Pompous Piffle.”

    I added “(don’t I just love PPPs?)” to my post up there ^^^

    Not obvious before… maybe… not


  47. Spawny Get says:

    I had noted (and approved of) the ambitious alliterative attempts absolutely, absolutely ace.

    Liked by 1 person

  48. jf13 says:

    Ton gave some dating advice on another thread, summarized: be an overtly bad boy.

    Elvis Himself was not at all popular with the girls until he posed the iconic Bad Boy attitude, adopted from James Dean who was not at all popular with the girls until he adopted the iconic Bad Boy attitude, stolen from Brando’s Wild One character.

    Brando had copied from observing, and riding with, a real Bad Boy for a few weeks, although Brando admitted he wasn’t up to the real thing and made himself to play him *far* more emotionally vulnerable and sympathetic than in reality. A brutal vicious thug, when the real Bad Boy rode he rode with two girls one in front one in back. He selected two from his harem and made them service him for the privilege.


  49. Cill says:

    My favorite comment in Yoda’s “Campus consent wars” link:


    “The reason things like this happen is that university bean counters sat in a room and determined that the money they spend paying off innocent men is less than the federal money they would lose by not conforming to the administration’s PC bullshit about rape.

    Until the investigators and the President/Dean of the university are held PERSONALLY LIABLE, this bullshit isn’t going to end.”

    Yup. (which reminds me, where is Tarn? Seriously, anyone know?)


  50. jf13 says:

    I third FuzzieWuzzie’s “defective female” comment at 1:44 AM.


  51. Spawny Get says:

    “Until the investigators and the President/Dean of the university are held PERSONALLY LIABLE, this bullshit isn’t going to end.””


    Tarn is working loooooong hours right now. With another week to go at least.


  52. Cill says:

    Kiss of Death:


    Emphasis mine: “‘I don’t know exactly what happened. He is a constituent of mine, he is a friend of mine, he is a huge talent,’ Mr Call-Me-North-Pole-Penguin Cameron said.
    ‘I see that he said he regrets some of what happened. All I would say – because he is a talent and he does amuse and entertain so many people, including my children who’ll be heartbroken if Top Gear is taken off air – I hope this can be sorted out because it is a great programme and he is a great talent.'”


  53. Spawny Get says:

    Top Gear is getting on a bit, but can still sparkle. I also like the American version quite a lot, but the original is the best.

    Top Gear reaches 300million people round the world (iirc), makes a ton of money for the BBC, pays him peanuts. There’s an 18 year waiting list to attend the recording of the shows. If he leaves / is sacked he’ll be making big money taking the show (under another name) elsewhere.

    They’ve mentioned a few replacement semi-lovies for his role…fcuk off, be serious. The show is Clarkson, Hammond and May…but mostly Clarkson.


  54. Cill says:

    Yoda 21 March, 2015 at 3:16 pm, Spawny at 3:26 pm:

    The SJWs should agitate to make it a crime to own a dick. A dick is irrefutable evidence that male and female are different, which is not to be tolerated. If they were honest, they’d Proscribe Possession of a Prong and enforce it with Penalty for Packing a Penis.


  55. Spawny Get says:

    No pressure lads.

    England v France. We need a 26 point margin to win the tournament…

    Kick off in ten minutes


  56. Spawny Get says:

    Being sung now


  57. Cill says:

    Great great song…

    Liked by 1 person

  58. Cill says:

    Best version of it I heard was by a Pom male choir live in front of me. Made my hair stand up.


  59. Spawny Get says:

    First try at 90 seconds to us (converted), however, it’s currently 8 7 to France


  60. Spawny Get says:

    Holy crap, both sides are up for it


  61. jf13 says:

    The overflow continues.
    “If I want a woman to be more attracted to me, I praise her uniqueness as an individual. If I want to drive her away, I describe her predictable nature as a woman. This has never failed me. Ever.”


  62. Cill says:

    Spawny what’s happening! What’s the score


  63. Spawny Get says:

    🙂 24 15

    Great game


  64. Cill says:

    France 24 England 15?


  65. Spawny Get says:

    Halftime 27 15…half the point gap achieved


  66. Spawny Get says:

    No…Engerland, the smiley is the giveaway.


  67. Spawny Get says:

    41 30. 9 tries so far 61 mins


  68. Cill says:

    Man that must be some game.

    Liked by 1 person

  69. Spawny Get says:

    Final 55 35… wow


  70. Spawny Get says:

    So…the world cup…


  71. Spawny Get says:

    Ireland captain said today’s England performance was best in tournament…high praise. Amazing game.


  72. Spawny Get says:

    So three great games today, now we await the jewel in the crown…England v France…ladies’ 🙄


  73. Cill says:

    Thanks for the updates mate. England are maturing with impressive timing. Strong contenders for World Cup.

    The game was shown on the Rugby channel here, but I don’t subscribe to it. I’m a sports fanatic and if I had 24 hour rugby I’d be tempted to watch it full time. Eng vs France will be shown on sky sports some time in the next few days. The post match reports are already coming out.

    Liked by 1 person

  74. Cill says:

    Keep an eye out for the reports on NZ vs Windies cricket. All sorts of records were broken. The NZ team currently plays just about the most spectacular cricket of all time, they say.


  75. Cill says:

    M just told me I’m subtle, earthy and rich. I’m a truffle.

    Liked by 1 person

  76. Cill says:

    I’m going to be out working most of the day. I’d rather be here having fun with the comments, but the business world doesn’t stop just for me. I’ll be back when I get a chance.

    Liked by 1 person

  77. Spawny Get says:

    “M just told me I’m subtle, earthy and rich. I’m a truffle.”

    Funny, it was the smell that made me think you were a truffle.


  78. Spawny Get says:

    Ours wasn’t the only high scoring game today BTW. Just the best.


  79. jf13 says:

    re: the agony of defeet

    The one time I played rugby, on a beach in bare feet more than forty years ago, I got turf toe (sand toe?) and ever since it healed my right big toe clicked with every step until I destroyed my right leg in an accident fifteen years ago. Along with (evidently dozens of!) other motion quirks making me uniquely recognizable at a distance, despite my best efforts at remaining eminently undistinguishable in a crowd, it was in the past sometimes very useful for identification “you’ll hear me coming”, although extremely unhelpful at other times for the same reason.

    Since the accident my lower leg has been painfully numb with frozen joints, and until recently the toe has been silent. I don’t know what the return of clicking means.


  80. Sumo says:

    It means that they’re coming to get you, Barbara.

    Liked by 1 person

  81. Spawny Get says:

    JF I’ve had some good results with trigger therapy. Really has cleared up stiff muscles. Tennis elbow cured overnight by pressure points behind the collar bone, for example.

    Clicky toe for me means I need more time with an orthotic insert…I have high arches that need stretching out from time to time.


  82. Spawny Get says:

    Plus you get to talk about spending quality time with your backnobber (ii)

    Liked by 1 person

  83. Cill says:

    A noisy great toe? The hell with that. You’ have to give up a mugging career. You couldn’t sneak into your girlfriend’s room without her parents hearing, either, or into the pantry for a piece of white chocolate at night, or both.

    You could discover how many ways a good woman can TLC a great toe, though.


  84. Ummm, I am not even sure what this discussion is about anymore! Lol.


  85. Cill says:

    Why Bloom, it’s about Uncle Cill’s Agony Column. Dating advice, how to cure bizarre sexual idiosyncrasies etc.

    Liked by 1 person

  86. Spawny Get says:

    Backnobber II is the S shaped plastic thing pictured above. Superb for sorting out knots in your back. Though a cricket ball is cheaper


  87. Cill says:

    I could always have a spat with Spawny over who’s going to win the Rugby World Cup, I suppose…

    Then again, it’s bad luck to take on a man with MSGL


  88. Spawny Get says:

    Trigger point therapy can be agony (on topic), but you control the pressure (and pain) yourself. Next day? Robert is your Aunty’s live in lover.

    First time I had tennis elbow the doc told me to rest it. 6 weeks without fondling me boomstick. Second time? Fixed by half an hour sorting out knotted trigger points in my upper back that I didn’t know I had until the book told me where to check. Gone the next day.


  89. Spawny Get says:


    I’ll be watching the world cup. That game was excellent, even though we didn’t win the tournament. The French upped their game against us which made the game epic. Glass 90% full.


  90. jf13 says:

    re: “You could discover how many ways a good woman can TLC a great toe, though.”

    I must commend my wife’s efforts. She would probably say she does it “all the time”, although it often seems to me as “hardly ever” (i.e. 2-3 times a week, about).

    Liked by 1 person

  91. Cill says:

    jf 6 13
    As the owner of an agony column, I’m going with “hardly ever”.


  92. Cill says:

    See how I brought us back onto topic?


  93. jf13 says:

    re: pyramid thingies

    The physical therapist sent me home with a nubby ball, which he suggested I would enjoy after some feeling returned, which took a few years, by which time the ball was long gone (dog, maybe?).

    Currently it takes about 2.0 seconds for the feeling of a stubbed toe to register, which is a slight improvement recently. Several yrs ago I dropped a large can (tin), like 64 oz of tomatoes, from a counter onto the top of my bare foot, making a visible dent in the foot. I picked up the can and put it back, turned, and took a step before falling on the floor from the pain hitting.


  94. Cill says:

    I like the idea of the name JF 6 13
    JF 6 13
    JF 6 13
    JF 6 13

    Damn auto correct won’t let me do it…


  95. Cill says:

    “I’ll be watching the world cup”

    You can be my man on the ground, in consideration for which I’ll arm you with vast inside knowledge and armchair expertise. Then when the cameras are drawn to your MSGL among the spectators, I’ll be able to point to the screen and announce to my mates, “I know that man.”


  96. Spawny Get says:

    The latest edition of that book is much expanded, it’s the one I have, I gave the old one away. If you’re not convinced you could try a second hand copy off of Amazon.

    Most of the trigger points are where the pain is, but not all.


  97. Spawny Get says:

    The crowds flocking to me can get out of hand. I’ll stick to tv, for their sake (they can’t help themselves)


  98. Cill says:

    It would be a rash man that would bet against England at the moment.
    Or the NZ All Blacks.
    For those of you who remain ignorant of the great game, “All Blacks” is descriptive of their uniforms, nothing to do with race. The players are all white, or mixed-race White and Polynesian.


  99. Cill says:

    “The crowds flocking to me can get out of hand”
    What you need is a bodyguard, a minder. Preferably 6’5″ and 245 pounds… Not too expensive either, say 1000 a week? And we’ll make that NZ$ which is a sought-after currency these days. None of this shonky sterling stuff.


  100. Spawny Get says:

    For that amount, I want the full master-blaster service from Mad Max 3, I may let you off wearing the helmet.


  101. Spawny Get says:

    There was a fair amount of yissing from the TMO, I suspect kiwinese infiltration. There was a hellish fine decision made on a French try.


  102. Cill says:


    To change subject, I was out talking to a contractor. The way he talked, he was a whinger. You’d think there was nothing right in his world or the world at large. Everything was damn this or damn that. M said, “Just as well you didn’t win the damn lotto, you would have had to arrange a damn trip to Wellington to collect the damn prize.” The morose contractor had to laugh at that. We all had a good laugh.


  103. Cill says:

    I’m surprised Sumo hasn’t dropped in for some relationship advice…

    Liked by 1 person

  104. Spawny Get says:

    didn’t Choicy say that you guys yiss and no to answer questions?


  105. Cill says:

    Yeah, no, I dunno mate, eh.


  106. Spawny Get says:

    Dunno is Aussie for water closet, I believe.

    Have you watched HouseBound yit? I gave you a link to a low bandwidth version.

    Anyway g’night


  107. Cill says:

    The most noticeable thing about the kiwi accent is the short “i” (as in “hit”) is pronounced short “u” (as in “hut”).
    So “didn’t it” becomes “duddunut”.

    The Kiwi woman’s accent is broader than the Kiwi man’s.

    There are regional differences too. Kiwis from Otago and Southland “roll their Rs” on all words that rhyme with “world”
    e.g. “girrl”
    … but are less extreme on the short “i”

    The regional differences in Australia are greater still. The New South Welshman’s accent is more extreme than the Victorian’s.

    Liked by 1 person

  108. Cill says:

    Sleep tight mate-o.

    Liked by 1 person

  109. Spawny Get says:

    Chuck out @SpawnySpace on twutter. I just found some cool pucs.


  110. Spawny Get says:

    The fembots with the “No! More Rape” banner is cool, but the little girl one cracks me up



  111. Spawny Get says:

    Search for @SpawnySpace then click ‘show all tweets’


  112. Cill says:

    Hahahaha! Little girl looked like:

    Liked by 1 person

  113. Cill says:

    Weekends sure are slow going, like crank-starting an old Model T…
    Only 2 of us here, perhaps only me.
    Eeerie silence in the ether…

    Liked by 1 person

  114. Spawny Get says:

    Must go to sleep soon, but Twitter is funny. Have a look back in my retweets. The gay farmer guy is around trolling again, he cracks me up with some of his stuff. @GodfreyElfwick Not always funny, but not bad


  115. FuzzieWuzzie says:

    One bit of advice about dating that knocke my socks off is that you are starting behind out of the gate by asking for a date. The adviser proposed that dating is beta.
    Is there a way to win?

    Sleep well, Spawny.

    Liked by 1 person

  116. I still am not sure what you guys are talking about…. But just the same I am happy ya’ll are here! Peace. And thanks for listening to my tmi meltdown, much appreciated. I feel ok now w dodging a bullet rather than trying to patch things up. I cannot thank ya’ll enough! I hope I can return the favor someday, somehow. Bloom is always open to advising on how girls think!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  117. Sumo says:

    What am I supposed to be getting advice about….? Or do I need to drop some SumoKnowledge on y’all?

    I just found out yesterday that one of my all rime favorite video games was re-released on iOS, so I’ve been glued to the iPad all day. Didn’t mean to deprive anyone of my presence and rapier wit.

    Liked by 1 person

  118. Cill says:

    I hope it never comes to that Bloom…
    Come to think of it, how do girls think? I’d ask M or Molly, but they’re kinda too close.
    P.S. I don’t expect you to answer that question. I don’t think anybody could.

    Liked by 2 people

  119. @ cill and sumo just the same I am trying to say I would do my best to return the favor!


  120. Cill says:

    “What am I supposed to be getting advice about….?”
    Anything except cooking, bro. except if you read my post you’ll have the answer already…

    Liked by 1 person

  121. You guys (and gals) have been a lifeline for me this past week. While it does not surprise me, I will also never forget it. Thank you.

    Liked by 1 person

  122. Cill says:

    It’s the same with all of us. We’re not usually near our computers in weekends. I’m only here now because I wrote the post. Dead as a dodo until you lot suddenly appeared.


  123. Cill says:

    “Uncle Cill’s Agony Column”
    That title is so damned funny the mere sight of it makes me laugh. Although, Bloom says we did all right in her case…
    The one thing I least imagined myself being, is a relationships adviser. 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  124. Cill says:

    I’m glad we could help, Bloom. I don’t like to see a good person down.

    Liked by 2 people

  125. Cill says:

    I thought it was fairly gallant of me to offer to go over there to suss the guy out.
    Also fairly ridiculous. Sleep deprivation is my only excuse.

    Liked by 1 person

  126. FuzzieWuzzie says:

    Your welcome and it was a pleasure. You’re kind of in the “Our Gang” clubhouse.

    Liked by 1 person

  127. Farm Boy says:

    Bears fit in well in the Pacific Northwest


  128. FuzzieWuzzie says:

    This was linked at another blog and I thought it was right up there with Sharon Osbourne and The View.

    A few years ago, I saw a youtube video of a circumcision. No anethesethic.


  129. Cill says:

    The commercial harvesting of foreskins, eh? Don’t do it to dolphins or seals, they’ve got feelings. Don’t you dare do it to our daughters either. But male humans? Hell they don’t matter, go at it!


  130. FuzzieWuzzie says:

    Cill, I had heard John the Other rant about this but, it is beginning to sink in. The deliberite oversight of someone else’s pain is collossal.


  131. Cill says:

    Oprah wouldn’t apply the labia of circumcised African girls to her face, hell no. The innate bigotry of it – the inherent female ignorance – is brain-numbing to think about.

    Liked by 2 people

  132. Cill says:

    I’m having a party. Too much great sport to celebrate. Wish you could join me.


  133. FuzzieWuzzie says:

    I can forgive consumption of this product if it is in ignorance. What I have trouble wrapping my head around is women being told that foreskins are an ingredient and then seeing them buy iy with greater enthusiasm.
    About all the I know about female circumcision is limited but, I understand that it is done by older women to younger and that men are not consulted.


  134. FuzzieWuzzie says:

    Cill, Enjoy! It does look like that we are holding down the fort.


  135. Cill says:

    Spawny, in NZ vs Windies cricket match, world record 36 sixes, beat the old record by 9.
    “Sixes” – Americans would call them “home runs”. NZ opener Martin Guptil scored record 237 of 166 balls.

    An utterly fantastic match.


  136. Cill says:

    Fuzzie I agree your comments.


  137. @ fuzzie that they could laugh while describing the “anti wrinkle” benifits of that is *way* disturbing. Very. In the state where I live this procedure is no longer covered by insurance, I hope that people are opting not to do it more often. IMHO people are largely ignorent about this issue in the U.S., it just somehow became an automatic “for health reasons” when it’s totally unnecessary. I have two girls so I didn’t face this but I am told many times it is dad who pushes for it, I know my ex would have insisted even tho he could not explain why except “they did it to me, that’s what you do.” 😦

    Liked by 1 person

  138. @ fuzzie I will do a post about this (anti-c) on my blog.


  139. Yoda says:

    Picture of Andrea Dworkin upthread it is?

    Liked by 1 person

  140. FuzzieWuzzie says:

    It would not surprise if it were taken down but, I saw a video on youtube a couple of years ago. The procedure was performed by a nurse without anethesitic. While she was experienced and economical of motion, it hurt that baby A LOT.
    From what I understand, there is little practical benefit It is an extra for the hospital, so it generates some income.
    It will be interesting to see how this will be taken on your blog.

    Liked by 1 person

  141. FuzzieWuzzie says:

    You had the bear going for a while. It was Jabba the Hutt. Whew!


  142. @ fuzzie years ago I interviewed a man who was a leader in the anti-c movement for an article. Prior to that, I hate to admit I also just took it as an automatic “for health reasons” and had never really thought to question it before. I’ll have to do some research, or maybe you know, how did this become the usual in the U.S. rather than the exception? Is it religous or?


  143. Cill says:

    Fuzzy I’m sorry to do this to you but


  144. P.s. since talking to the pro, who backed up what all of you had said, I have slept like a baby! For months now I have struggled w insomnia, maybe another tell I was fighting my spidey sense? Gnite!


  145. Cill says:

    Sleep is like water, under limited supply and ever-increasing demand. Sleep well and have an untroubled night, Bloom.

    Same to the rest of you here.

    From Smiley/Thumped-faced Cill 🙂


  146. FuzzieWuzzie says:

    You’re not sorry. Here’s an effective defense. Caution, use sparingly. Will cause feminists to run for their insulin.


  147. Cill says:

    Classic Fuzzy.


  148. FuzzieWuzzie says:

    That you had to deal with poor sleep all this time, tells me that you were trying to fit a square peg in a round hole.
    I am glad that you are sleeping better.

    Until I saw that clip tonight, I wasn’t that passionate. Seeing all those people laugh got to me.


  149. SFC Ton says:

    I think it’s another gift from.that quack Dr.kellogg…. the dipshit who wanted us to eat more grains to cut out a man’s sex.drive and a whole bunch of other oddities……yankees are strange people who come up.with the strangest ideas…. like the temperance movement, diversity and feminism

    Liked by 1 person

  150. SFC Ton says:

    It’s my belief the Old School church opposed circumcision because it was jewish… lest wise the church I grew up in did.


  151. Spawny Get says:

    Cill, have you seen the match yet?


  152. SFC Ton says:

    use to be a youtube video of Oprah saying how she didn’t give damn about White kids. … that White women love her doesn’t say anything good about them


  153. Cill says:

    “the temperance movement, diversity and feminism”
    The so-called “Progressive Movement”.
    My arse.
    After the American Civil War a bunch of yank sheilas got together in the State of New York and decided now they’d freed the slaves, who to free next? Why, themselves of course. Now we’ve got Feminism. Thanks a bunch


  154. Cill says:

    “Cill, have you seen the match yet?”
    Not yet mate. But I will, I will.
    Middle of the night here. My “quality time”.


  155. Cill says:

    England’s total was their highest ever score against France, while France’s total was only the second time in Six Nations history that a team has scored 30 points or more and lost. That says it all. One hell of a game. You betcha bottom dollar I’ll watch it when it comes around.

    Liked by 1 person

  156. Cill says:

    Congrats to Ireland too. “Never in Ireland’s history has a team done what this one has done – win back-to-back outright titles.”

    Liked by 1 person

  157. Spawny Get says:

    There’s a new post. The comments of which I will be vigilant and short tempered over, just saying. I think that the point made is good, but is open to others trying to take the discussion in directions that I won’t let stand. Caveat commentator…or something.


  158. Spawny Get says:

    Cill, the match before had a big score too, it was a good day for Rugby.


  159. Spawny Get says:

    England had the opportunity in the last match to win the tournament too, but they wasted some. France played really well denying them the required margin. Ireland played consistently better rugby in the tournament overall (or more effective, anyway). I don’t begrudge the Irish the win. England is the team that’s being talked about.

    Liked by 1 person

  160. Cill says:

    Well, not one punter had a perceptive pearl to append to my post. None of you are agony columnists by nature, obviously.

    Liked by 1 person

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