exact subject hard to determine

The what to think thread continues here…

Posted in Uncategorized
348 comments on “exact subject hard to determine
  1. Spawny Get says:

    Comments here…

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Tarnished says:

    Comments, comments, everywhere…


  3. Spawny Get says:

    Ha! My fiendish plot has succeeded


  4. Tarnished says:

    Okay, so…what’s “the best way” thing actually referring to, jf12?


  5. Liz says:

    I’m number five! I’m number five!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Yoda says:

    The only real movie star here I am.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. jf12 says:

    BestWay is I think the largest independent chain of grocery stores across the South in the US of A, but it would be a cool church name.

    I might need another clue.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. jf12 says:

    So, we are in overflow mode.


  9. Spawny Get says:

    “But I think it’s emergent from the soil under the little tadpoley puddle of perched water by the smaller of the camellia bushes, which dogs muddy.”

    Well yes, JF, but that’s just the obvious first, go to explanation. What if we push for a deeper analysis? What about the pottery gnome with pipe which is fishing in the puddle?

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Tarnished says:

    *fake long suffering sigh*

    Jf12, you said “That’s the best way”, but didn’t go into detail about exactly what “way” you’re talking about. 😛


  11. Spawny Get says:

    Overflow, yes. First the load time gets long on mobile devices, then when you get to the second page, the links to comments start failing to work


  12. Tarnished says:

    “What about the pottery gnome with pipe which is fishing in the puddle?”

    Don’t you dare encourage this! 😮

    Liked by 2 people

  13. Liz says:

    “I might need another clue.”

    Scooby-Doo, Where are you? 😛

    Liked by 1 person

  14. jf12 says:

    @Tarnished, I believe you! I just can’t find the relevant comment. From today? On the “I Don’t Think So” thread?

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Tarnished says:

    I swear, Liz…if the Harlem Globetrotters or Abbott and Costello show up, I’m blaming you.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. jf12 says:

    gtg. sry


  17. Liz says:

    Anyone here own a 3D printer? We just ordered one.


  18. Spawny Get says:

    Liz, that’s rhyming slang. I don’t have a Scooby => I don’t have a clue.

    Liked by 2 people

  19. Liz says:

    “gtg. sry”


    Liked by 1 person

  20. Tarnished says:

    Jf12, yeah at about 10:29 SGT (Spawny Get Time).

    But…now I see you’re gone for a bit. I’ll get you next time, Gadget!
    Next time!!!


  21. Spawny Get says:

    Bye, have a great weekend…


  22. Tarnished says:

    No 3D printer here, but I’ve gotten to use one. Oh, and those cool 3D pens!


  23. Liz says:

    Has anyone seen the dialectizer? This thing is fun:

    I have to pick on someone…might as well be Swithy. I’ll do hick first, then hacker:

    “On overflow, yessuh. Fust th’ load time gits long on mobile devices, then when yo’ git t’th’ second page, th’ links t’comments start failin’ t’wawk”

    “ocarflow, yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1~~~~ first tehl 0ad tim egwts long on mobi7e devices, ethn when u gte to th esecpond apge, teh ilnks t0 comments start afiling to wor”

    And Liz is out, too…have a great weekend all. 🙂


  24. Spawny Get says:

    “New Games! Honest guv!

    African Adventure

    Join ‘armony ‘utchins on a trip ter Africa. Spot her frough the bleedin’ challenges of raisin’ funds, right, travelin’ ‘alf-way ’round the bleedin’ world, and survivin’ the African bush! Struth!”

    Not bad. Should be “Spot ‘er”


  25. Spawny Get says:

    Overflow, yes. Yer can’t ‘ave a knees-up wivout a joanna. First the Old Kent Road time gets long on mobile devices, right, ffen wen yer cop to the second page, the links ter comments start failin’ ter work

    Impressed by joanna…pianner…piano


  26. Spawny Get says:

    Not got a 3d printer, sorry.

    Tarn, all pens (outside of images) are 3d. Honestly, the state of ederucashun these days.

    Liked by 1 person

  27. FuzzieWuzzie says:

    Found a link to this at another place.Worthy of consideration. Thereis a chart that knocked my socks off. Sorry that it is written with such positve feminine bent but, the numbers tell the story in a very loud voice.



  28. Spawny Get says:

    Fuzzie, it’s a pity that these creatures don’t read the comments on their own articles. All the clues and solutions are there!

    Good night


  29. FuzzieWuzzie says:

    Spawny Get,
    The author is too invested in blaming men as the source of all social ills.
    Good night to you!

    Liked by 1 person

  30. Farm Boy says:

    From Fuzzie Bears’ link,

    The high percentage of bachelors means bleak prospects for millions of young women who dream about a wedding day that may never come. “It’s very, very depressing,” Crouse told CNSNews.com. “They’re not understanding how important it is for the culture, for society, for the strength of the nation to have strong families.”

    Be on the watch for a future post “Feminism’s War on the Family”.

    Liked by 1 person

  31. Farm Boy says:

    After decades of feminism, Crouse noted that young men are now the ones who set the parameters for intimate relationships, and those increasingly do not include a wedding ring.

    “And I know the feminists just yell and scream if you say anything like this, but time was, girls set the cultural morays, the standards, the parameters for intimate activity. The girls were the ones that set those boundaries. And now it’s the guys who do,” Crouse told CNSNews.com.

    “And it’s doubly terrible because the colleges now are predominantly female. So you have some – up to 60 percent of the student bodies are female. And almost all of them are more than 50 percent female. And so the ratio [of] male/female is out of sync.

    “And that means the girls have to live by the guys’ demands. And that means less romance. They don’t date. The girls, I have talked to numerous young women, lament the fact that they don’t have the opportunity to dress up and go out for an event.”

    So she says that women used to have the power in defining relationships, but now the guys do. But the guys are still not biting.

    Even with the thirst (watch for a future post) guys are still not biting.

    Liked by 1 person

  32. Farm Boy says:

    Perhaps the author should suggest that women as a whole have overplayed their cards.

    Liked by 2 people

  33. Farm Boy says:

    Has anyone seen the dialectizer?

    Does it do Yodish?


  34. Farm Boy says:

    It looks like Spawny is not interested in Yodish

    Liked by 1 person

  35. Farm Boy says:


    Stick around. Your questions will be answered in the long run.

    Liked by 1 person

  36. FuzzieWuzzie says:

    Farm Boy,
    That story is all over the internet. Heck, even Rollo has linked.

    The lament that you quoted at 12:16am, is directly attributable to unrestrained hypergamy. Since all of us are on a bell curve, the more desireable men are going to be far fewer. The arithmetic gives the option of choice to men.
    The question remains, what are their equivelents doing? The answer is in two parts, first, they’re standing by at idle and second, women don’t care.

    Rollo linked this on his most recent post. I saw this months ago on J4G but, it’s worth a second watch.

    While it relates to Black America’s SMP/MMP, which is more extreme than White America’s, it say a lot that applies to all of us.
    Those that would dump on men should consider that we are a nation of immigrants.

    Liked by 2 people

  37. Tarnished says:

    Will do. Just remember that I’ve no horse in the wedding race, if that’s the post you’re doing first. 😉

    Seriously though, it fills me with absolute awe and dismay…Men can seemingly do nothing right. When the Intimacy Ball was in the female court, men were too needy and horny. Now that the Romance Ball is in the guy’s possession, they’re shamed for either not playing or calling time out.

    We joke and kid around a lot here, but I honestly am sympathetic to the situation your sex is in.


  38. FuzzieWuzzie says:

    Spawny Get,
    It may come to the question of not where this happened but, “where didn’t it happen?”
    I am not familiar with UK law but, dereliction of duty to this extent should be criminally prosecutable.

    Liked by 1 person

  39. Tarnished says:

    So when are all us single citizens going to have a Bachelor Tax penalty for not getting hitched?


  40. Yoda says:


    Plant many ideas in FBs head I do.
    But like I told Luke , patience required it is.


  41. FuzzieWuzzie says:

    That was tried during the reign of Emperor Augustus.
    The bachelors were happy to pay the tax.
    As an aside, so often, when government tries to legislate behavior through taxation, there are unforeseen consequences that sometimes disasterous.

    Liked by 1 person

  42. Cill says:

    Sea Change


  43. FuzzieWuzzie says:

    That sounds like it is worth a post. If everything goes down in your neighborhood due to weather, you can still put pen to paper. Would you? I think that we would all like to know what you are thinking.

    For my part, seeing that video again reminds me that just coming into social contact with feminine women is a joy. There is hope.


  44. In other news, Bloom just got the LJBF. I guess better than another divorce. (Dishes fly, meltdown, etc.)

    How many cats qualify as cat lady?


  45. Tarnished says:

    Oh no, Bloom!
    What happened? Thought things were better? 😦


  46. Btw not to make light of this, I am devastated. I wish I had never let my kids believe or bond either. That’s worse than my own pain. But better also now than if it would have happened anyway. I just have to believe there is a bigger plan. Faith. Sucky. Sucky right now anyway.


  47. @ tarn it is hard to explain, he seems to have gotten cold feet from past experience. I cannot blame him, he’s been thru much. But at the same time, I question if he really loved me, could he walk over a very workable issue? Or would he have anyway. I dunno, confused. Not sure what to think. As I said I want to get it, but somehow it eludes me yet…


  48. FuzzieWuzzie says:

    I am sorry for you. To put a light side on it, watch this video. He got LJBFed.

    You’re all right. It’s his cold feet. Right along with Tarn, I thought things were on the mend too.
    Bloom, don’t forget that you are a treasure.

    Liked by 2 people

  49. More tmi… I have done as much as I could to calm his fears and reassure, he seems intent on thinking AWALT. So all I can do it seems is accept it gracefully. He will either get over it or not. I feel I have said all I can say. If it is meant to be it will, I am not going to push it. (Nursing pride, licking wounds, trusting in a bigger picture that I can’t see now, wish I had some #^@$&! chocolate….)

    Liked by 1 person

  50. @ fuzzie not feeling very treasured right now but thanks. This too shall pass…


  51. Btw I am saying this here bc I trust you all, I am not sure I will be able to put this on my own blog until it makes more sense than it does right now, if ever. I may not have done everything right but I really did try. I really thpught that this was it. Sucky. 😥

    Liked by 1 person

  52. Tarnished says:

    I suppose it just seems weird from my perspective since he took the time to wait and ask you out. Cold feet and second guessing? That’s what it sounds like…

    Which doesn’t make it any better for you and your children. It sucks mightily all around.

    Liked by 1 person

  53. Tarnished says:

    Until more gets figured out, you shouldn’t assume it was something you did or didn’t do. There’s a distinct possibility it was just not a level of commitment he was comfortable with. I wasn’t there…I don’t know, and am not placing blame on *anybody*.

    Tomorrow is a new day. See what it brings.

    Liked by 4 people

  54. FuzzieWuzzie says:

    I don’t doubt that you did everything you could.
    Here’s something that helps me when I’m angry.

    I don’t think anything can match saying “Up yours!” with forty bronze Napoleons.
    Thank you for the compliment in considering our company to be safe.

    Liked by 1 person

  55. SFC Ton says:

    Bummer darling…. does your brother still want to make that trade?

    While you will never know for certain I reckon the workable issues wasn’t the issue but something without a work around was. Family court experience, how rarely being a step dad works out etc etc and as the infatuation faded the reality set in.

    After my divorce, my rule was 12 months of decent dating before introducing them to the Ton Spwan. None went that long but that’s another issue

    Liked by 4 people

  56. Tarnished says:

    Actually gonna agree with Scfton’s 2nd paragraph. The potential dangers began to surface without the buffer of attraction getting “in the way”.


  57. Sumo says:

    Bloomer, I know that you’re hurt and this situation sucks, but here’s how The Mighty Sumo views such things – if someone doesn’t want to be part of my life, then I don’t waste any time fretting over them. It’s their loss.

    I feel for you and the wee Bloomettes, I really do. And that in itself is earth-shattering; me having “feelings” of any kind.

    This guy ain’t worth tearing yourself up over. Find another.

    Liked by 2 people

  58. Sumo says:

    Shit, hit post too soon. What I meant to add was “Find another. Or don’t. Just be like me and choose to be awesome instead of upset.”

    Yes, I’m aware that it’s not exactly sympathetic. But I like you too much to offer false comfort.

    Liked by 3 people

  59. Sumo says:

    I should also mention that I don’t think anyone here is offering false comfort; that’s just how I view my own actions.

    Liked by 1 person

  60. Cill says:

    I’m with Sumo because he’s… well he’s not just a badass

    Liked by 1 person

  61. Cill says:

    I retract. Sumo is badass just a fucking good bloke. Don’t knock my block off for saying that bro

    Liked by 1 person

  62. Sumo says:

    Pfft. I seriously doubt I could accomplish that. Drunken assholes, gangbangers, violent psych patients? Sure, bring ’em on. Hard working, back country dudes? I know better than to mess with those guys.

    I’m brave, not stupid.

    Liked by 1 person

  63. Awwww, thanks you guys! The Bloomer ain’t perfect but I also know he could do a heck of a lot worse. He actually wanted to elope months ago but when he revealed he had a prior history of going too fast I purposely slowed it down. I suspect this would have been the eventual result, had we gone ahead. As much as it sucks now, had we eloped it would be far worse right now. I guess I can find solace in that. It smarts, but I will be ok.

    Liked by 1 person

  64. Spawny Get says:

    Sorry to hear that news, Bloom. Having seen some of what you put yourself through online, I have to figure you as serious. As others have said, don’t go rushing to assume blame. There _might_ be lessons to learn, I don’t know, but that’s not always the same thing.
    Displaying real disappointment without publicly saying anything against him is another way to show attractive personality traits to him and others. Once he regains a level head (we do hormones too in such circumstances) there might be discussions to be had. At the same time perhaps other networks will open up when people see you hurt but levelheaded and not lashing out. Men are very sympathetic to nice people hurting, not to modern entitled psychos lashing out as per music videos.
    Be well. My best wishes to the Bloomettes too.

    Liked by 3 people

  65. Yoda says:

    Sad this is.
    Chalk up another one for Feminism’s “War on the Family” we should


  66. Spawny Get says:

    “How many cats qualify as cat lady?”

    You own land, do you not? That’s a lot of cats. I’d hold off of that if I were you. Now’s not a great time to be making such large life decisions. Take it easy.

    Liked by 2 people

  67. Spawny Get says:

    Beautiful music Might have heard it on Manhunter

    Liked by 3 people

  68. Spawny Get says:

    I’ve previously liked to the whole show, but this just popped up in my ubend recommendations

    Liked by 1 person

  69. @ spawney I am not sure about that “what men know that women don’t” bit.
    [SG – it was something that just popped up. Wasn’t saying it was relevant to our conversation. It was a woman saying those things, so…NAWALT?]
    I am not saying none of it is true, but it makes it sound as if women are nothing but a parasite. I am not in agreement with that. Society needs BOTH men and women. If nothing else, men would not build civilization were it not for women. I am not trying to be argumentative, I just think the video misses the yin yang of it, that’s what I mean. Sure men can live wo women. And some prefer to. But are women completely useless? Don’t have consciousness? A self? A purpose? I don’t agree w that.

    Liked by 1 person

  70. theasdgamer says:

    Bloom, sorry to hear about your new status! Men need a lot of comfort for a relationship. Ask me how I know…. (One recent dance partnership breakup and a difficult marriage.) You’ll probably recover before he does. Maybe give him a couple of weeks of you providing comfort to come back. Or maybe he’s not stable enough? Or maybe he sees Dragon Lady Bloom as a great lady but too independent for a relationship to work with him in particular?

    Liked by 1 person

  71. theasdgamer says:

    @ Bloom

    Men need someone to bear kids and call him, “M’Lord.”


  72. @ adsgamer not sure, I have not been doing much comfort game it’s true. I have been trying to be understanding but also have been reeling from my own emotions. Maybe not the best response but I am kind of in shock I guess? I am sure there is much I could have done different. I acknowledge that.


  73. Not doing much comfort game since the cold feet started, I mean. Probably a mistake…


  74. theasdgamer says:

    @ Tarn

    Stop smoking crack

    Don’t tell me what to smoke! (“Don’t tell me what to think.”) P


  75. theasdgamer says:

    @ Bloom

    I’d recommend continuing to be sweet and warm to him without investing in expectations. Provide friend-level sweetness and warmth. Some sammiches, but don’t overdo it, and don’t expect it to turn around. If it does, you’ll be pleasantly surprised.

    Liked by 2 people

  76. @ gamer good advice. I am actually planning on radio silence for 30 days unless he contacts me. I won’t be contacting him or trying to talk him out of it. Not sure what to do with the ring? Guess that will get sorted out w time. Sucky. I am pretty sure he has made up his mind, as it got more real I think he got spooked, and I get why based on what men risk and face. It’s too bad all around.


  77. Spawny Get says:

    “@ spawney I am not sure about that “what men know that women don’t” bit.”

    it was something that just popped up. Wasn’t saying it was relevant to our conversation.

    It was a woman saying those things, so…NAWALT?


  78. Liz says:

    Oh, Bloom, I’m so sorry. 😦

    Liked by 1 person

  79. We are going to have to talk at some point, he has my riding law mower at his house, I have some of his tools here. I dunno, we’ll see. I have to trust in God, a bigger picture, keep on keeping on, learn, grow… Keep my chin up, take it in stride. Throw dishes in private.

    Liked by 1 person

  80. SFC Ton says:

    NAWALT for a short video segment in which she might be driven by attention seeking as any genuine belief in what she said.


  81. Spawny Get says:

    “Throw dishes in private.”
    Yes, a sense of humour and a philosophical attitude right now…

    A thought for the backburner. Is marriage absolutely necessary (especially right now) for either of you? Your daughters must already be very clear that you want it. Maybe they can come to understand that getting remarriage / marriage with kids is tough. Anyway…good luck


  82. Spawny Get says:

    Ton, the whole show is out there. I don’t think she has any feminist friends. I’ll dig it out later


  83. @ spawney he was the one pushing for marriage, not me. Last weekend I told him I was fine with slowing down, not getting married, just date. He said later in the week he felt it had to be all or nothing. I am confused. I dunno…


  84. Spawny Get says:

    Sounds like he is confused. Let him know that when he’s able to talk, you’re ready too. Then give him some space.


  85. Ok i may as well put this out there. This all started w him pushing me to get my child support readjusted and garnished through the state (currently I am paid directly and it’s all current and working fine). He was adamant that needed to happen before we married. It didn’t feel right to me. He gave me an ultimatum. Then all this… I don’t get it.


  86. Farm Boy says:

    He does seem eager to use the power of the state. I wonder what is up with that…


  87. He gave me an ultimatum… I balked… He gave me a week… I looked into it but didn’t follow through with the application…Then all this, I should say. I just don’t get why that was so important. It seemed unnecessarily adversarial to try to up my support right now. I am confused.


  88. Spawny Get says:

    Sense of financial insecurity in marriage for him.

    FWIW, as a man I appreciate you not screwing the last guy over in order to satisfy the next one. He ought to think over what that says of your character.

    Liked by 3 people

  89. I don’t know farm boy. It didn’t make sense to me. I guess a good woman does what she’s told but I just couldn’t. He said it showed I wasn’t all in. I dunno.


  90. You’d think spawney. He makes good money. I do pretty good. We would have been above our bills quite a bit. The current support levels, maybe a bit low but probably $200 a month at most? Again, I don’t get it.


  91. I didn’t want to say all this before but I have really been wrestling w it. I hope it’s not tmi. Or bad talking. I am confused for sure.


  92. Farm Boy says:

    as a man I appreciate you not screwing the last guy over in order to satisfy the next one.

    I was accommodating to my former stepson’s dad. I could sympathize.

    Somebody who wants to bring the full power of the state to bear for no real reason make you go “Mmmm”.

    Liked by 3 people

  93. Farm Boy says:

    Normally it is women who like to utilize the power of the state.

    Liked by 1 person

  94. Spawny Get says:

    If you want the male pov, here’s a place. Seems fine, what you’re sharing. If you don’t share enough there is no point vs tmi. I’m ok so far, no spidey sense tingling

    Liked by 2 people

  95. At least it’s an original reason for him to break an engagement??? She wouldn’t readjust her child support??? Bizarre. That’s all I can say. And it did make me wonder why a guy (and former single dad w primary custody) would ask me to do that when we really didn’t *need* the money. If it was unpaid or totally out of whack, I get that. But that’s not the case. I started to wonder, like ton said, if that was actually the reason or ????

    Liked by 1 person

  96. Farm Boy says:

    And how could one justify a change in the court if there is not apparent reason. Of course many judges just do what women want automatically, but not all. Furthermore, this move could pis off the payer, he could work for the off the books economy, and dare the law to throw him in jail. Which would be bad all around.

    Liked by 1 person

  97. Glad it’s not making your spidey sense tingle Spawney. I truly do appreciate a male (or female) pov on this, from the outside. It just makes no sense to me. It felt wrong in my gut so I couldn’t. 😦


  98. Farm Boy says:

    From the article that Fuzzie Bear linked,

    “Feminism was supposed to bring women happiness,” Crouse said. “But the research shows that women today are much more unhappy then they have been in the past. They’ve ended up with far more opportunities, but their personal happiness is way down.”

    This says it all.

    Liked by 2 people

  99. Maybe he feared once we married the support would get flakey? I could never really get him to say his reasoning.

    Liked by 1 person

  100. Cill says:

    “currently I am paid directly and it’s all current and working fine”

    Jealousy? You give your ex leniency, therefore you must still have feelings for him?


  101. Farm Boy says:

    I would bet that if he took the Myers-Briggs test, he would come out as a J



  102. SFC Ton says:

    Doesn’t mean she isn’t attention whoring Spwany. AWALT is independent from being a feminist…. and if she votes etc she is a feminists.

    Having child supprt done through the courts/garnished helps to protect him. Upping it now means more of the fiscal burden of raising another man’s get isn’t shifted on to the non biological father.This means the revenue stream continues, the biological father cannot/ will not play games with the money when when the nonbiodad moves into the house and that the nonbiodad doesn’t assume any more of the fiscal burden then necessary. The nonbiodad has no need for the biological father getting a decent deal or being on decent terms then the kid.

    Also he use to be a cop so he’s big on the State being involved, using governmental powers, controlling the in group etc etc

    That part seems pretty clear. The rushing into marriage part is….. well the .marriage part is infuckingsane so rushing into it is some other magnitude of crazy.

    Bloom, darling, I know you want a legal marriage but that’s going to be hard trick to pull off. The type of men you want have options and have been through wringer already. A more realistic objectives would be an extreme long term affair that doesn’t put a man at legal risk


  103. There was other stuff, he didn’t like my blog, was jealous, thought I was having some online affair… He was also jealous of my ex and implied that maybe I didn’t want to readjust the support bc we had some secret thing going (totally NOT the case). The more I write this stuff the more clear to me, this is not a good base… It’s probably for the best. I dunno…


  104. SFC Ton says:

    Also Bloom is not airing dirty laundry etc she is fact seeking. Huge difference in tone if she wanted to trash the fella and gossip

    Liked by 3 people

  105. @ ton I do think you are getting what he was thinking, minimizing his risk? As for a long term committed thing w/o marriage, I would actually be fine w that. We all know marriage does not equal commitment (unfortunately.) what I really want is a *life long partner* not marriage necessarily. Although for my kids, as an example… In that case probably not cohabitation.

    Liked by 1 person

  106. Liz says:

    “Maybe he feared once we married the support would get flakey? I could never really get him to say his reasoning.”

    Maybe, but I think you are right about the fact that it would have been needlessly adversarial to go through the state. It DOES seem very strange…and illuminates things a bit. Perhaps he has some debts you aren’t aware of?
    Sorry Bloom, wish I had something more helpful to say. 😦

    Liked by 2 people

  107. Far boy he is istj. And it fits the bill, totally. He is a good honest and kind person. But he’s also no nonsense. He expects stuff to get done. As directed.


  108. Cill says:

    He is jealous, maybe.

    What do you call a man who pays child support? I’ll just call him “payer”.

    Maybe if the child support were done through the State, the payer would have to pay a bit more. Your man thinks you are giving the payer leniency, so you might still have feelings for the payer. Or, child support paid directly might somehow seem like a form of intimacy you are hanging onto…

    In my limited experience, jealousy is the biggest driver of irrational behavior between couples.

    Liked by 2 people

  109. Yes cill I can see how he might perceive that, even if I am not doing it bc of romantic feelings, I am more trying to have a cooperative and smooth co-parenting situation. I can see what ton is saying too, it’s not so much him sticking it to the dad as it is to protect himself from getting stuck. Maybe I was “girl” interpreting the motive as an adverserial one? Mars/Venus?


  110. You guys are great btw, thanks for listening and providing feedback, this is very helpful. I should have said all this sooner! Maybe it would not have come to where it is now… Ak. Anyway, trust God… Faith. Whatever happens is meant to happen. Chocolate. Why do I not have chocolate in my house????


  111. Cill says:

    If child support is done through the State, there’s less “contact”, in a way, between the payer and you? If done through the State, it’s more remote? Your man has already shown himself to be insecure with jealousy…


  112. Meanwhile, in my girl head, I am all spun up thinking he never loved me and other girl stuff reacting all emotionally to the situation. Likely adding fuel to the fire…


  113. @ cill makes sense. Because of visitation I have to see my ex’s regularly and so I work hard for all of our sake, especially the kids, to make all that non confrontational, no drama. Maybe that seems like I am doing it for romantic feelings? But I truly am not. (Ex’s, God that sounds so bad. I am a good person, really…) 😦


  114. Cill says:

    If your man has been burned before, he won’t like you maintaining any sort of contact with an “ex”. I wouldn’t either, if I were in his shoes. Your man might be afraid of total commitment with you, until these “loose ends” are sorted out. He wants it clean as possible. In a way, he’s cleaning house. Fair enough.

    Liked by 1 person

  115. Lon Spector says:

    I think that RET (Rational Emotive Therapy) is the most effective therapy around.
    It’s originator, the late Albert Elias, “borrowed” his ideas from Bhuddism and other
    “Eastern” ideas. “God,” doesn’t play a role. The bottom line is that misery is caused
    by desire, and once you stop insisting on specific outcomes, you can be happy
    regardless. Like someone who was asked: ” Do you really believe that “All you need
    is love?”
    His response, “Well you have to know where your next meal is coming from.”

    Liked by 1 person

  116. Cill says:

    FB, where is your latest post? I’ve been flat tack preparing for Cyclone Pam, supposed to hit us today or tomorrow. Between sporadic visits to SpawnySpace, I seem to have lost one of your posts.


  117. Farm Boy says:

    I have been leaving the weekends alone. I normally start the week by posting early in the morning Patriarch time.


  118. @ cill cleaning house, likely so. I am not sure where it leaves us, he seemed pretty fed up, but if and when we do talk, I will keep this and all everyone has said in mind. Very helpful. Much appreciated. Cill, batten down the hatches and hope the storm doesn’t do you any harm!

    Liked by 1 person

  119. Cill says:

    Which is your latest post, though. “Progress”? I thought there was a later one. Maybe at the ripe old age of 30, I’m slipping into my dotage…


  120. Cill says:

    From the other side of the Pacific, and from a position of total ignorance, I think jealousy might be a recurring issue. I could be completely wrong.

    Liked by 1 person

  121. Liz says:

    “Maybe at the ripe old age of 30…”

    Anyone who makes this statement should be beaten severly. 😛

    Farmboy’s last topic was Privatized gains/socialized losses…but Swithy posted something about merging here from there (at the ripe of age of I’m not going to say what, I don’t know enough about tech to understand how that works). 🙂


  122. Cill says:

    Hey, is that your photo, Liz? Wow


  123. Cill says:

    “Privatized gains/socialized losses”
    Yes that sounds like the post I thought I’d lost.


  124. Liz says:

    Thank you Cill, yes. 🙂


  125. Yoda says:

    From Degoba for FB I did post.
    The translation of time messed up it was.
    How to fix we know not.

    Liked by 1 person

  126. Yoda says:

    Liz join Feetwood Mac she should.


  127. Cill says:

    Hiding her light under a bushel she has been. MmmmH?

    (Sorry Yoda, I’m doing your job here for you, mate)


  128. Cill says:

    “Feetwood Mac”??

    Verde eyes skewed they are.
    Resemble Stevie or Christie she does not.
    Nix to Nix, say you should.


  129. Yoda says:

    Hair style fit it would.


  130. Spawny Get says:

    I’m going to have a look at the time issue now. It had slipped my mind


  131. Spawny Get says:

    “(at the ripe of age of I’m not going to say what, I don’t know enough about tech to understand how that works)”

    Ripe old age…you…hush chile

    Liked by 1 person

  132. Yoda says:

    Post away one should


  133. Spawny Get says:

    “Swithy posted something about merging here from there”

    The problem was that FB’s post was published with a date in the past. So it was the latest post. but it wasn’t on the front page. I fixed that, or patched the issue, by making it front page sticky. (about to look at this)

    A separate issue was that Molly’s thread was very long. As posts get long (up to a page length of 500) the load time goes out and mobile devices have bandwidth/memory issues. Then when it flows into a second page the links to comments stop working (or used to – they may have fixed it). Because of these two issues I made this overflow thread.


  134. Spawny Get says:

    Fixed the date, I think. That post is now on the front page on merit (not stickiness)


  135. Cill says:

    Expand Liz’s avatar I cannot
    Frustrated I am
    Expand to fill my screen I want it to do.
    (Too old to appreciate it men like Spawny are)

    Liked by 1 person

  136. Cill says:

    BTW cure for Yodish virus I seek.


  137. Yoda says:

    Why cure you do seek?


  138. Spawny Get says:

    First try to England 4mins in


  139. Liz says:

    Best to keep the image small, Cill.

    Illusion of youth= few pixels. 😛


  140. Sumo says:

    Illusion of youth = Asian genes. 😉

    Liked by 2 people

  141. FuzzieWuzzie says:

    You’re not supposed to think that way about married women. When a thought like that pops into your head, you’re supposed to ask if she has any single friends.


  142. FuzzieWuzzie says:

    I wish that I had known about the child support issue earlier. It’s a big clue. He’s worried about what happens if your relationship goes belly up. He could be on the hook for his stepchildren.
    There is something else and it’s big. You would not be just getting married, you would be forming a partnership that involves your business, house, and all the details. This would get complicated in a hurry and would be over the ability of a family law court to deal with judiciously.
    In the meantime, you need to heal. Try not to think about it. Watch bear videos.


  143. FuzzieWuzzie says:

    To use Bloom as an example, there is a greater lesson for men here. Our Bloom is good looking, personable, and out in the public’s eye. She should be having the best opportunities crossing her path. Since it is a heck of a lot easier for a motivated woman to find a motivated man, the process should work. With this beau, it didn’t. I think that it is safe to say he still shell shocked from previous experience.
    If our Bloom is running into difficulty, what chance for regular guys?


  144. Thanks Fuzzie, trying not to dwell on it but it’s been on my mind all day. I already sent him a text asking him to reconsider and saying I get it now and I hope we can talk and work this out. No reply yet. I am not going to pester further. (I hope!) Even though I am contemplating going to his house after my biz. closes and beg him to forgive me. Or what do you guys think? Yes? No? Wait? Beg?I wish I had asked you guys about this before, it makes total sense and I was reading that all wrong, but I am really worried it is too late now 😦 Maybe Bloom blew it by being headstrong. I do think he has cold feet from before, as do I, and I think this is a lot due to that but I am not sure I didn’t blow it by misunderstanding and getting defensive and being resistant instead of “getting it.”

    Liked by 1 person

  145. Tarnished says:

    No begging, dearheart.
    You sent a text, said your piece, and have shown that you’re an emotional adult…There’s a fine line between “I want to be with you and make this work” VS “I’m going to keep pestering you to make a rash decision because I’m needy”. (Not that you’re necessarily thinking this way, but that is how it could come off.)

    I sympathize with the pain you’re experiencing, but let the wound heal for a bit before ripping off the bandage of time apart.

    Liked by 2 people

  146. Spawny Get says:

    I must have missed something. Forgiveness for what? I’d still be seeking an understanding of what his issues are. As a genuine wanting to understand. By all means explain your thinking and feelings. But forgiveness for what?


  147. Cill says:

    Fuzzie I have no designs on Liz. Definitely not. Not a bit of it. O no-no-no-no-no-no. Not even if it was handed to me on a plate. I only act badass when Sumo sets a bad example (or Spawny of course).

    Anyway, Liz would flee from me unless I approached her backwards with a sack over my head…


  148. Also @ Fuzzie, when I said it was financial what I meant was once I fill out the application, it has to go through all the cogs and so my support will stop until that gets worked out, possibly a month or more. I don’t have that handy in reserve, and I need it to pay bills, so that’s another reason I hesitated. I shared this with him, as well as my concerns about backlash and fallout. He was by that point pretty firm on all of it, not empathetic. He was on the verge of some big steps like selling his house so I think he was looking to see if I had skin in the game, he said he did not feel supported bc I didn’t get it done. We’re both scared of crossing some points of no return. Can we count on each other? Will we each be there for the other? Are we in this together? Forever? Will one or both of us get the shaft in a divorce? Can we TRUST each other? Add the business to that, the property, kids, etc and yes it gets complex really fast. I wish I was 21 and had nothing and he had nothing and no baggage and this was easy, I really do.


  149. Sumo says:

    Ignoring my prior comments, perhaps the Bloomer-Wooer is pushing you to have child support funnelled through “the state” as a way of protecting you and the wee Bloomette? As a former cop, I have no doubt that he has witnessed many child support arrangements fall apart; perhaps he wanted to spare you from that?

    Or maybe he’s jealous. I’ve been there; it makes you do some messed up shit.


  150. Thanks Tarn, I am obsessing, I will admit it. Darn girl brain! When this started happening his withdrawl and cooling off triggerd my fears also. IN a way I wonder if this is what you guys were talking about, a man can’t show weakness? Cause I sensed his fear, and then I got afraid, too. Our communication has not been good in this super alert mode we are both in.


  151. Sumo says:

    I only act badass when Sumo sets a bad example (or Spawny of course).

    Corrupting the minds of innocent youth. Everyone needs a hobby.

    Liked by 1 person

  152. @ Sumo I think it is all of the above, concerns about him getting stuck, me getting stuck, and also jealousy. That has been an ongoing thing, our first couple argument happened when I caught him snooping thru my phone (and found nothing) about a month or so into the relationship. He said something the other night that revealed he’s done that since. I have nothing to hide but I also think that it’s just rude. I never look at his, or anyone’s phone. I am sure being a former cop investigating is something he just does. But I politely told him I get it he’s been hurt, I am not a cheater, if he has concerns please *ask* me, don’t snoop. It came up again last night, he asked about a text from a number w a diff. area code, it was my babysitter’s iPad. I showed him, handed him the phone, he looked at that then started like a little kid I swear frantically going through message thread after message thread, I asked for my phone back nicely twice, then quietly started counting 1, 2, 3, 4… and he gave it back. All this in a local brew pub. That was actually where it ended, I said I was not ok with the suspicion stuff (he’s never found anything bc there is nothing to find) and that I really needed him to look at the jealousy thing, he said Ok well LJBF and I was stunned, said I wasn’t sure I could do that anytime soon. I went to go pay my tab (I bought) and when I turned around he had already walked out 😦 Blech. I wish I could push rewind…


  153. Cill says:

    “Anyone who makes this statement should be beaten severly”

    I wouldn’t mind!

    (hell’s teeth I better tone this down. Fuzzie is right, she >is a married woman FFS)


  154. Sumo says:

    Bloomer, to quote my boy Ton, that’s Beta As Fuck. Insecurity to the Nth degree.

    In your shoes, I’d be counting my blessings.

    Actually, in your shoes, I’d probably be counting my blisters. Fair certain I have bigger feet than you.


  155. @ Spawney forgivness for being and acting like a girl, being all emotional, thinking he didn’t love me, thinking he had ulterior motives, for not doing what he asked, being a brat at times, defensive, assuming…all of it. Any of it. 😦


  156. When I am hurt or scared I tend to get defensive and act like a little red hen, all puffed up and yip yip yap finger wagging (not good, I know, cringe.)


  157. Really Sumo? I feel like I f’ed it all up.


  158. Farm Boy says:

    Perhaps he was testing if you would submit.

    And doing so in a heavy handed way.

    And maybe that was part of the test


  159. Spawny Get says:

    Hearing that in isolation, I wouldn’t be chasing. It’s clear you know him far, far better than I do, but that’s not great behaviour at all. At the very least I’d want a good explanation of his behaviour. I’m not sure that I know what a good explanation would be.

    I won’t go further as I don’t know either of you well and him not at all. But…


  160. Not been real good about the submitting thing Farm Boy, I will own that. When I get emotional I get like I said, defensive and all finger wagging. I probably could have put some sugar on all that and gotten further…

    Spawney what part, the phone snooping? I have been concerned about that just bc of the lack of trust it displays, not bc I have anything to hide. I have been understanding bc I know he has been cheated on more than once. But yes, I wonder why it continues too…

    I just want to find someone to love who loves me back. So we can snuggle up like little happy bunnies forever more. Why is that hard? Meh!


  161. I’d even bring sammmiches! Waaaaaa…..

    Ok sorry, I will try to collect myself here.


  162. Farm Boy says:

    So where would it end with this fella? It would probably be something. Fires to put out.


  163. Farm Boy says:

    Well Bloom,

    There is still a bear around here.


  164. Cill says:

    Phone snooping? This makes me think of my earlier comment – there might be an ongoing jealousy issue with this bloke. Jealousy can eat people up, subject and object both.


  165. Sniff, you guys are awesome. Farm Boy, you are a good wing man! Molly might beat me up with her toes if she hears of this… (Gives a big group hug and leaves a huge pile of sammiches, cookies, homemade potato salad, baked beans, and a big jug of lemonade with some whiskey on the side for Ton and BV.)


  166. Cill says:

    To which I would add a jug of my Draught Down Under Ale (as long as I’m not wearing a kilt)


  167. I have never said this, but the first night my fiance walked in and I could tell he was giving me the IOI, I came in and sent in and proposed to Fuzzie!


  168. Liz says:

    “Really Sumo? I feel like I f’ed it all up.”

    Bloom, I don’t think you did anything wrong.

    In your position I would have asked for the phone, waited silently until he gave it to me (rather than counting quietly), put it in my purse and paid the bill, told him it probably wasn’t going to work out, and left.
    When emotions run high, it’s basically impossible to think clearly though (unless you’re trained to, like Ton). How many times in life do you look back and wish you hadn’t done that/said that/wore that? If you’re anything like me, it’s a LOT of times. You can’t walk on eggshells with a life mate. You can’t live your life that way, even if you love a person and respect them very much.

    I’m so sorry Bloom 😦
    …It IS a lot easier when one is young and there aren’t any real responsibilities or adult considerations. Your man doesn’t sound so much different from the way mine was when we first got together. He was insanely jealous, and I did have to tell him I was going to leave if it didn’t stop. But neither of us had ever been hurt, nor did we have any money or adult responsibilities. I think Tarn is right, in her advice above.

    Liked by 3 people

  169. Spawny Get says:

    ” have been concerned about that just bc of the lack of trust it displays,”
    Yes, that’s my only issue. If I thought there was something to find I wouldn’t be talking to you. To be brutally frank.

    If I mention submission it’s only as far as Captain gets the final say over First Officer because he has the final responsibility (in nautical matters). They’re both reasoning adults, maybe their strengths lie in different areas, maybe (hopefully) he’s the most generally competent if he’s the captain. But I’m a guy, I don’t know what it is to be female. I like femininity, doesn’t mean I always understand it.

    That behaviour isn’t part of what I’d see as being part of a healthy relationship. It sounds like he’s got big trust issues that he needs to work through. That’s not really helpful within a team. A really great first step would be to have in depth discussion about that with you.

    But I’m not a marriage guru and I haven’t read your posts on the relationship.

    Liked by 1 person

  170. theasdgamer says:

    @ Liz

    Now you’ve gone and removed all the mystery…my policy is never to comment on a woman’s looks unless she’s in my bed. More policy–Married women are still not on my menu. Flirting is only playing with the food, not ordering it, of course. So, I’m the minefield locator in the no man’s land between boy scout and cad.


    When emotions run high, it’s basically impossible to think clearly though (unless you’re trained to, like Ton).

    Not sure about this. Men can wall off their emotions–at least I can. I “go English” (become cold & calculating) and figure out what’s best for me. I figure that’s what most women do anyway. That’s how I came to the conclusion that I was going through a breakup and that helped me figure out what I needed to do to facilitate a beneficial conclusion.

    A breakup without sex is very “meh”.

    I saw one of the “other woman’s” girlfriends at the venue I was at last night. I have to assume that she was a scout, though she was interested herself. Hence, I need to plan for a new contingency.


  171. theasdgamer says:

    @ Bloom

    Not been real good about the submitting thing Farm Boy, I will own that. When I get emotional I get like I said, defensive and all finger wagging. I probably could have put some sugar on all that and gotten further…

    Sobbing when you’ve been injured by your man is very submissive. “I’m hurting.”

    Now on the mateguarding issue. Ask him what he expects you to do in regards to mateguarding yourself. And agree that without suspicious behavior which violates those expectations that you all should trust one another.

    @ Liz

    I have never been jealous of Mrs. Gamer, insanely or otherwise. If she hadn’t been mateguarding herself, I’d have found new playmates.

    Liked by 2 people

  172. Spawny Get says:

    “go English”

    I thought putting English on something was putting a spin on it. Not entirely playing cricket, don’t you know?

    I seem to remember comments on a blog about English character being very chilled out right up to when we’re not. Not saying I bought into it, but I’d like to, maybe. Don’t make the decision in anger, but tap the adrenaline when you’re going to do something about something.


  173. theasdgamer says:

    @ Spawney

    Don’t make the decision in anger, but tap the adrenaline when you’re going to do something about something.

    English in planning and Celt in the plan’s execution.


  174. Liz says:

    Not sure what mate guarding (or lack of) has to do with (said) jealousy.
    I’m not going into specifics, but there was no reason whatsoever for my husband’s jealousy. He stopped it, and then outgrew it after we were married, fortunately.

    Liked by 1 person

  175. Sumo says:

    Full agreement with Lizard. It doesn’t sound like you did anything “wrong”; while I kinda sorta agree that a certain amount of “submission” is required to help a relationship run smoothly, that doesn’t mean that I have to get my way all the time. More like my hypothetical partner is able to recognize and go along with me when I’m right about something,even if she didn’t completely agree, just as I’d like to think that I would be able to do the same if she were right about something.

    Was he entirely right to insist on the issue of child support? Can’t say, but the major problem I have with the phone snooping thing is that he told you about doing it past the time that you caught him. Coming from an LE background myself, I get the desire to find out if something shady is going on, but I would never be pathetic enough to let a girl know I was doing that unless it was being presented as evidence in divorce proceedings. Not only is it self-destructive to your frame, it’s just sloppy investigative procedure. He couldn’t find any dirt (because there was none to find), so he tried to intimidate a “confession” out of you?

    If this sounds like I condone the “snooping”, well….I do. Within reason. If my aforementioned hypothetical girl came home smelling like cologne that I don’t wear, or if she suddenly ends any intimate contact with me, or a host of other reasons that would indicate that something is going on, then yeah – I’d start looking in to it. However, I’ve gotten a pretty good read on Bloom’s character over the year or so that I’ve been interacting with her, and I doubt any of that applies here.

    So yeah, beta as fuck, mindgame behavior. Scrape him off, girl.

    Liked by 1 person

  176. theasdgamer says:

    @ Liz

    there was no reason whatsoever for my husband’s jealousy. He stopped it, and then outgrew it after we were married, fortunately.

    He alpha’d up.

    Still, it makes sense to look at self-mateguarding expectations early on in a relationship. If a man realizes that a woman is mateguarding herself properly, that will alleviate disloyalty fears.


  177. Liz says:

    theasdgamer: “He alpha’d up.”
    I guess?

    “Still, it makes sense to look at self-mateguarding expectations early on in a relationship. If a man realizes that a woman is mateguarding herself properly, that will alleviate disloyalty fears.”

    Of course, behavior is very important. That’s how character judgement assessments are made. But…speaking for myself, back then, there was never a girl more square in general or less interested in “playing the field” than I.

    Liked by 1 person

  178. Sumo says:

    back then, there was never a girl more square in general or less interested in “playing the field” than I.

    And this has changed now…..?


    You have to admit that you walked into that one, Lizard.

    Liked by 1 person

  179. Liz says:

    Lol! Damnit Sumo, NO it hasn’t changed. 😛

    But that was all in the short time before we were married.
    Furthermore…I’m not longer square! I’m incredibly cool and hip and…um rad now. 😛


  180. Yoda says:

    Cill purchase before the storm he should,


  181. See, I should have been telling you guys this stuff all along. All such wise observations! The phone snooping did bother me, it slipped out accidentally Sumo when he asked about something that I knew he only would have known had he looked at the phone. But yes, made me wonder how often that was happening. Last night, it was just blatant. I handed him the phone so he could see for himself the one number he questioned was just the babysitter, but when he started flipping back and looking thru ALL the messages, well…I agree Liz, that was my gut reaction, ahem…that’s not ok, give me my phone. Seriously??? I guess I second guess myself, think I somehow did something “wrong” that I could have done otherwise or said better or something… and (speaking of issues) maybe I need to look at that. Spawney, it’s a shame you are MTGOW because it sounds like you have it figured out. Quite reasonable. It is interesting that my initial gut reaction when the fiancee showed up that first time was to propose to Fuzzie! It was later that he came back and asked me out. I did catch the first boquet tossed at a wedding last summer you know…hummm…

    Liked by 3 people

  182. Spawny Get says:

    It’s easier being reasonable when you have no intention of getting involved again. I’ve only had one major scare in fifteen years…the damn hormones! Thought I was too old mature, but a pretty face, sweet temperament…damn.

    Liked by 1 person

  183. Liz says:

    It’s really hard to be reasonable/rational when emotions are involved, Bloom. I’m not, and I like to think of myself as more rational than average.

    theasdgamer: “Now you’ve gone and removed all the mystery”

    The mys…huh? OH! You think this is my normal face. No, no…there’s still plenty of mystery. For the photo, I took out my nose ring, the lip plate, ten piercings around my cheeks and mouth, and of course, removed the long neck coil of my tribe, the “giraffe people”. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  184. Spawny Get says:

    You did good work filing down the horns too.

    Liked by 3 people

  185. Liz says:

    Night night Swithy. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  186. FuzzieWuzzie says:

    I had no idea of the jealousy thing until I returned to the thread. While I realize that he has been burned in the past, it doesn’t apply to you. Walking out without a proper goodbye? WTF?
    You’ve left a text. That’s enough for now. In the near future, all the possessions need to go to their respective home. I think the ediquette is to return the ring before the wedding.

    Does you’re mentioning your proposal twice mean that…

    We all want a sweetheart to love us back. And yes, we’d all make lots of sandwiches to make that happen.
    You’re more than all right for thinking that way. That is what makes you a unicorn in this SMP/MMP.

    finally, it’s his jealousy. He has to deal with it and you don’t deserve it.

    Liked by 4 people

  187. Farm Boy says:

    You did good work filing down the horns too.

    That would probably be lots of work.
    Maybe twice as much as it would be for Tarn.

    Liked by 3 people

  188. FuzzieWuzzie says:

    Your avatar is very attractive but, as a single boy bear, I can’t go there.
    Spawny’s comment reminds me that you must hae edited out the glowing red eyes too. 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

  189. Farm Boy says:

    Corrupting the minds of innocent youth.

    That is feminism’s job, not yours. They might not like you muscling in on their territory.


  190. Tarnished says:

    Take this for what it’s worth, if anything, but the whole “going through your phone to catch you in a lie/cheating” would be a gigantic red flag to me.

    My love and I know how to access each others phones…coincidentally, we independently chose the same security pattern, just mirror image. However, we never use the others phone without asking, and we certainly never go through emails, texts, search histories, etc. In 9 years, there has been no breaches of basic privacy, which is how it should be.

    He is the only man I’ve ever shared sex with, but more importantly my vulnerabilities, goals, strengths, and fears. Although he has shared sex with a decent amount of previous women, he claims to have not been with anyone else as long as me, nor told them all the things I know. I believe him, as I’ve never been given reason not to.

    Point is, what you’re after should be at least on this same level, if not even stronger. Mine is a child free, no shared debts, non-cohabitation, sexual friendship. You are basically the opposite, and have so many other responsibilities and potential ups and downs it makes my head spin just *attempting* to think of them all. If I have 100% trust in my FwB situation, you and yours need 150%+.

    I’m not trying to hurt you by saying this, but I wholeheartedly agree with our resident badass kitchen ninja, Sumo. You probably dodged a bullet here, and should give more ursine-esque people a try instead.

    Liked by 2 people

  191. SFC Ton says:

    The more Bloom has shared the less certain we can be of anything expect for this; he is/was a dishonest agent. No point in wasting time and energy trying to figure out those kind of people. Learn to spot there tells so you can exile them quickly.

    Liked by 4 people

  192. SFC Ton says:

    Also Liz dropped some serious knowledge; when dealing with people and life, their actions say more about themselves then about us but for some reason people, White people, have been brow beaten into assuming it’s all our fault and not the other person’s dysfunction. Out come independence helps a man offset that. No idea what works for women

    Liked by 2 people

  193. Ton can you elaborate on “spot the tells?”


  194. Spawny Get says:

    Cill says all okay

    Liked by 4 people

  195. Tarnished says:

    Scfton is likely referring to the small words or actions that gives away someone’s true personality. Most dishonesty isn’t so obvious at first. There’s no red flags or neon signs right away, just things that seem…off.

    Like a girlfriend who casually mentions that she thinks the secretary in your office is cute, when (to your knowledge) she’s never visited your building. The high school boyfriend who confronts you about talking to “another man” in the hallway hours earlier, when it was a 5 minute conversation regarding a project. Or a fiance who lets it slip that he knows there’s a different number in your phone…

    All subtle signs of insecurity, snooping, lack of trust/confidence in your loyalty, etc. What’s scary is that examples like these aren’t rare, and they show that your SO is essentially playing at being a private investigator, following you around but not announcing their presence till it suits them. Trying to dig up (usually nonexistent) dirt and hoping to trap you in a lie. Don’t waste time or energy with people like this. They take jealousy to an unhealthy level.

    Liked by 1 person

  196. @ tarn I see. I could learn to pay more attention to those feelings. I tend to second guess my judgement or rationalize spidey sense away. The first time I caught him snooping in the phone, I felt it. I have felt the mistrust or veiled accusations, the random questioning as if trying to trip me up and “catch” me in a lie. I suppose knowing I had nothing to hide I attributed it to his past and have been understanding about it while at the same time calling it out as not ok each time. But it persists. With reflection I am not so sure “tolerating” it has been a good choice. Here’s why: for instance with this latest two plus weeks of on again off again, when we talked Thurs. he mentioned in passing that he wondered if the reason we were arguing was because someone I dated years ago was possibly in town and I was picking fights so I could have “free time” to be with him? I was floored, it was so rediculous. But what I am trying to say is the jealousy makes a handy mental “go to” to explain to himself why the relationship isn’t working, instead of focusing on the actual reason (the ultimatum about the support, etc). I don’t know if I am saying that clearly… I really value and respect people’s private spaces and believe we all need them. I have all my life never kept a journal but wanted to for this very reason: someone always snoops in it. I would love to be in a relationship where even if my journal was laying out on a table, they had enough respect for me (and themself) to not look. To trust.

    Liked by 1 person

  197. Another thought I have had is you know how they always say people worry about something bc they are doing it (or could do it) themselves? Maybe that’s what you and Ton are saying too, that people who worrying you are a liar or cheater or dishonest are actually that themselves?

    Liked by 1 person

  198. SFC Ton says:

    I live by instinct, that small still voice or whatever term you want to use but mine screams. Kept me alive more then once but modern folk like to dismiss intuition, that cave man voice that operates on the primitive

    Liked by 3 people

  199. Tarnished says:

    I believe this actually works 2 different ways. Most say precisely what you’ve stated here; Namely, that those who constantly claim their SO is dishonest/cheating are doing so themselves. This is a definite possibility. However, in listening to men and women discuss this, another option bubbles to the surface…that of abject vulnerability. In your instance, it sounds like the 2nd one. Your fiance doesn’t sound like a cheater, but he does sound like he thinks you have a lot of options, quite possibly ones that are “better” than himself. Thus, he’s not giving away tells of his *own* infidelity…he’s letting his fears of personal inferiority get in the way of trusting you. As Fuzzie and others have pointed out, even as a single mother you have a lot going for you! Your SO could very well believe he’s “not good enough”.

    Does this make sense? You are the one actually interacting with him, so I could be way off.


  200. Spawny Get says:

    Calling all KIWIS. From Cill

    9 meter seas, Pam 150 km off East Cape.

    Official Warning:
    Expect 160 km winds or more, damage to trees, roofs, 120-200mm rain
    Air NZ international flights delayed
    Army despatched to E Cape to cope with emergrencies

    Civil Defence advice:
    Aucklanders, people at Whangaparaoa to “work from home” today.
    Stay off roads – winds, debris

    Reports from my family and friends:
    “Waterfall” on Northern Motorway near Albany
    Some surface flooding auckland

    From me (CILL):
    In NZ, weather always settles down between 1 a.m. and 3 a.m. Always happens. False sense of security. Now after 3 p.m. storm in east N Island starting to ratchet it up.
    IMHO Worst is still to come

    “Comment” this for me mate in case Kiwis are watching. I get this info before anyone else. (From radio contacts around the coast)

    More to come.

    Liked by 2 people

  201. Tarnished says:

    This is one of the few times I’ll agree with the common manosphere trope of “The woman should do the chasing”. The male ego generally relies on being needed…if you have so many potential suitors, options, etc. that you don’t *need* his presence, he may very well reach the conclusion you don’t *want* it either. If an egalitarian relationship isn’t possible (or desired by the partners in question) then the woman really should be making sure to give little reminders to her man that he is both wanted and needed.

    Liked by 1 person

  202. Tarnished says:

    Be careful, Cill!

    “…modern folk like to dismiss intuition, that cave man voice that operates on the primitive.”

    This exactly. Whether it’s our hindbrains picking up on subtle changes in the environment, or our subconscious realizing someone’s body language is highly dissimilar from their words, one’s “spidey sense” shouldn’t be ignored. When the hairs on the back of my neck prick up “without reason”, 99% of the time it means there *is* a reason, but it hasn’t reached my actual mind yet. It’s a safety switch, and as scfton says, too many chalk it up to superstition.

    Liked by 1 person

  203. Spawny Get says:

    I’ve made a new post for Cill’s news as he says he’s ahead of the media news (via nautical radio updates). It’s short on comments so should load fast. And provides a single place for people to look


  204. SFC Ton says:

    9 meters? Where’s my long board?


  205. Spawny Get says:

    I’ve done decompression stops at 9m (30ft)


  206. Spawny Get says:

    Think you guys are going to love this. Sargon used a plugin to change Jessica Valenti’s actual newspaper articles into Naziesque propaganda

    “I just used the link in the description to change any instances of “women/feminist” to “Aryan” and “men” to “Jew”, and it reads like something Hitler wrote. That’s because Valenti is a disgusting bigot.”

    It’s been fun watching him turn to the red-pill over the last year or so.

    Heil Clitler!

    Liked by 2 people

  207. I see tarn and yes I do see what you are saying and he’s even said very similar. He is a really great guy with so many good qualities. I wish he could see that, trust that. He’s shortselling himself, and damaging the relationship, by thinking he’s not “good enough”


  208. SFC Ton says:

    LOL The 30 ish foot wave I caught was by accident. Surf was supposed to be 10-15….. I was paddling out; she was rolling in; wave 1 Ton 0

    Liked by 1 person

  209. SFC Ton says:

    Short selling themselves is what betas do
    Natural as breathing it is


  210. My logical and emotional sides are at odds. My logic says red flags, run! My emotional side wants to try to patch things up and make it work. Another red flag has been him saying it’s “all me.” That the relationship is ending because I didn’t do this or that. He’s taken zero ownership of the jealousy and other stuff. My logical side says “if someone is going to break an engagement because I didn’t file the support modification paperwork or do this or that then it would be an unstable and conditional relationship/marriage and likely end in dovorce or be constant putting out fires like fb said.” My emotional side says “call him and promise to do it, if I do what he wants we can make this work, it can work, these are just growing pains, don’t read too much into it.” 😦 the urge to try to make it work anyway, despite the red flags, is really strong. I am much more afraid of the unknown path, that’s something I need to look at. This same ignoring flags thing to preserve the relationship has led me astray before, big time.


  211. Weird epiphany I always attributed the spidey sense to emotion but it’s telling me to do the opposite of what the emotion is saying, interesting…. Hummm… Sorry, thinking out loud here…


  212. Tarnished says:

    “the urge to try to make it work anyway, despite the red flags, is really strong.”

    For the love of all that is good, Bloom, don’t ever do this. My mother did in both of her marriages. In the first, it ended up with her in the hospital with bruises, cracked ribs, and a gash on her forehead. In the second, it ended up with me living through 7 years of abuse via my stepfather.

    I do NOT believe your fiance is like my father or stepfather, but it would still be foolish to ignore the red flags. At worst, you probably would only have to deal with constant insecurities and accusations of disloyalty…but ask yourself this: Is that the life you want for yourself and your kids?

    Liked by 1 person

  213. Spawny Get says:

    Strictly my opinion, FWIW.

    Ask him to explain why those things are important to him. Until he can give calm, clear, coherent answers to those issues / behaviours…don’t give ground. Don’t apologise for doing the right thing by past partners, something he should see as a good character trait, one of value to him too.

    You are very interested in playing your part in a solid marriage, but you feel a solid marriage is based on reason as well as love. Please help you understand what he needs, why he needs it, so together you can be a better team (lead by him? or just team – your call)

    My marriage ended when I realised that I couldn’t make her happy (SHE had to make herself happy). Add in that I had no intention of my happiness being held hostage by her feelings:
    a) not my style anyway (no one way flow in a marriage)
    b) her parents’ marriage was terrible for her dad. I warned her ahead of time about this.

    First Officer is still bound by honour even if the last say goes to a worthy Captain.

    Perhaps he feels his emotions got away from him, it might be better to engage his rational side.

    I don’t like what I’m hearing, but you know him better and it’s your life.

    Maybe Ton in low gear (training his rookie squad, not in action) can give insight into team building. Currently Mr Bloom is sucking at it in some areas, it seems. He’s not inspiring confidence.

    Liked by 1 person

  214. Spawny Get says:

    “I always attributed the spidey sense to emotion but it’s telling me to do the opposite of what the emotion is saying, interesting”

    FWIW, bloke down the pub internet said
    Man brains and lady brains are wired differently. We have much better connections from front (human) to the old reptile brain. The instinctual responses come from down there, with the human brain trying to work out post-hoc WTH is going on fear/laughter/hunger etc. Men’s frontal lobes get more data from below. Lady brains are better wired across the brain. Which some speculate is why males are better at blue sky inventing / thinking but maybe less good at articulating what we are thinking.

    Left brain does logic/thinking/speculating less hindered by right brain trying to tie those thoughts into pre-existing words. But when left brain is done it has a poorer connection to the right brain that drives communication.

    Some might say that was off-topic…Spawny scorns such thoughts.

    Liked by 3 people

  215. Farm Boy says:

    Short selling themselves is what betas do

    It used to work out OK for them. The evil Patriarchy.


  216. Farm Boy says:

    Don’t apologise for doing the right thing by past partners, something he should see as a good character trait, one of value to him too.

    I would see that as good character, but not all would. Perhaps one could use this as a test..

    Liked by 3 people

  217. Tarnished says:

    “I am much more afraid of the unknown path, that’s something I need to look at.”

    Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
    And sorry I could not travel both
    And be one traveler, long I stood
    And looked down one as far as I could
    To where it bent in the undergrowth;
    Then took the other, as just as fair,
    And having perhaps the better claim,
    Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
    Though as for that the passing there
    Had worn them really about the same,
    And both that morning equally lay
    In leaves no step had trodden black.
    Oh, I kept the first for another day!
    Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
    I doubted if I should ever come back.
    I shall be telling this with a sigh
    Somewhere ages and ages hence:
    Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
    I took the one less traveled by,
    And that has made all the difference.

    -Robert Frost

    I have this poem framed and hanging in my foyer, along with some of my other favorites. It reminds me that there are many paths to take in life…some dark, some brightly lit, some foggy and twisted yet full of potential if only you keep walking it. I don’t fear the unknown. I embrace it as yet another adventure that comes from the simple act of living.

    Liked by 1 person

  218. Farm Boy says:

    with the common manosphere trope of “The woman should do the chasing”.

    I am not sure how common that trope is. I do not think that guys want it to go that to that extreme. They would be happy if she did some of the work.

    Liked by 1 person

  219. Farm Boy says:

    Namely, that those who constantly claim their SO is dishonest/cheating are doing so themselves.

    Projection, thy name is woman.

    When a woman starts acting odd, and is accusing you of doing something that you clearly are not doing, then it is time to suspect that she is doing it.

    It happens with guys also, but not as much


  220. Tarnished says:

    “I am not sure how common that trope is.”

    Hardly ever.

    Diehard tradcon sites?
    All the frickin time.

    It’s one of the reasons I cut down my manosphere reading/commenting. I think more along the lines of “both should work at the relationship”.


  221. Farm Boy says:

    I see what they did their with Jessica Valenti. The Carmina Burana was powerful and fitting. It was even Nazi inspired music.

    I wonder how many tears of men she believes it requires to wash away her sins.


  222. Yes good points tarn and spawney. I don’t think he would be abusive to myself or my kids, it’s more as you describe tarn the constant not trusting, plus like Liz said living on eggshells. Not good. My emotional side says if I just do or say or be the “right” thing, I can balance the imbalance and the relationship will work. My logical side knows some of this is on his side of the fence, that he is the only one who can balance those things just like I am the only one who can balance/change/heal/cope with my things. Then there’s the added complexity form my childhood, my father dying when I was two, my mother being lost in grief and depression I in many ways lost her too. When something like this comes up, all that also comes back up and so I do all I can to right the relationship so I can stuff the abandonment/loss boogy monster and all the grief and pain associated with it back in the box. When I can’t, and a relationship ends, I feel as lost and adrift as if I were in the center of a howling emotional storm (ironic I am experiencing this as our kiwi mates are bunkered down in a real storm.) those feelings are almost unbearable, and confusing as they are suppressed emotions that are from before I even had language or an ability to understand what was happening. I lost my dad at the height of my Oedipus stage, he was the love of my life, and then he was gone. My mom said I always knew when he was getting off work somehow and I would wait by the door. I continued to wait by the door for months after he died, hoping he would come back, not understanding where he had gone or why. Maybe I am an alpha widow, at the age of two. Anyway tmi but all of these emotions come back with every failed relationship. Every broken promise to be there for me. It’s like reliving it all over and over again. Desperately wanting a different outcome, but somehow never achieving it.

    I did hear from the fiancée, by email, he’s bringing my lawn mower and other things to drop off sometime today. I will give him his things and the ring. When he gave me the ring he also gave my daughters each a necklace with a aquamarine topaz, to symbolize December, the month we became a family and for them to wear at our wedding. I will be giving those back too. They represented promises. Now they represent broken promises.

    Yesterday I felt like I wanted to die, just to stop feeling all this. I would never do anything to harm myself, I promise, but this is so difficult, I cannot even put into words how hopeless it all feels. I picked up and kept going when my last partner left, running the biz, taking care of 5 acres, single parenting, paying for it all. It almost killed me, and it did put me in the hospital bc of exhaustion. I don’t know how I can do that again, rise to that again, but somehow I have got to because its the only choice I have.

    Sorry probably tmi. I am a wreck. Like Liz I also struggle with anxiety which makes coping with stuff like this all the harder. I just spin and spin…yuck.

    This too shall pass…but it sucks right now.


  223. Liz says:

    “Projection, thy name is woman.

    When a woman starts acting odd, and is accusing you of doing something that you clearly are not doing, then it is time to suspect that she is doing it.”

    I’ve noticed this too.

    Liked by 2 people

  224. Farm Boy says:

    Diehard tradcon sites?

    What precisely is a diehard tradcon site in your book?

    Liked by 1 person

  225. Liz says:

    I’m so sorry, Bloom. 😦
    Please take care of yourself.
    You can and will get through this, because you are a strong person and your daughters need you.

    Liked by 5 people

  226. Tarnished says:

    Ones where the author or the majority of commenters openly mock the concept of a female-led or egalitarian relationship. Or ones that actually shame MGTOW as being “Peter Pan men”.

    This is an animation of a children’s story by Shel Silverstein, but it might give you something to think about. Sometimes we need to remember that finding our missing piece *might* not necessarily make us happier.

    Liked by 1 person

  227. Cill says:

    Bloom, he won’t own his jealousy issues. He went through your phone records. If you continue with this man expect more of the same, and worse. When it comes to the wellbeing of yourself and children, err on the side of caution. Bail, Bloom.

    Liked by 1 person

  228. @ tarn I have that book, bought it many years ago. Mine seems to be a bit different as far as the storyline but same general idea. Thanks. I will be ok. Probably all over the place for awhile, but hopefully instead of seeing this as a loss or failure if we don’t work it out, I will see it as a gain and growth and *not* choosing something despite my spidey sense saying otherwise. Listening to the spidey sense, even if at the time it “doesn’t seem logical.” Trusting that in time, going in the direction of the spidey sense will avoid pain and danger and instead take me where deep down I have always longed to go. And also realizing that place lies within me, not in some external missing piece.


  229. Farm Boy says:

    Ones where the author or the majority of commenters openly mock the concept of a female-led or egalitarian relationship

    Why don’t you give a link or two.

    Liked by 1 person

  230. Farm Boy says:

    Well Bloom, perhaps it was for the best. I am guessing that you would have to been continually putting out these fires as they arose. Maybe it would be worth it. Probably not.

    Liked by 1 person

  231. Tarnished says:

    “Why don’t you give a link or two.”

    Nope. Not gonna risk offending any potential readers. I’m sure if you Google “traditional marriage blog” or “benefits of patriarchal marriage” you can find some links though.

    “And also realizing that place lies within me, not in some external missing piece.”
    We have a winner! 😀 🎉👍😀🎯


  232. SFC Ton says:

    While I doubt there has ever been a large number of apex alphas I also doubt the alps to beta ratio has ever been this out of whack. Not only in regards to men at large but the ratio of alpha to beta within an individual male

    Always choose reason over emotion. Always. Your reason maybe wrong but your emotions are much more likely to be wrong.

    Female lead or egalitarian anything should be mocked.

    I would say tradcons are not part of the manoshepre; they are part of the feminine imperative

    Liked by 1 person

  233. As I think on this, it was when I sensed his insecurity that my sense of insecurity started as well. So I do think that at least in a traditional male/female relationship, this is important. Liz reported it was when her man was able to help her take herself emotionally in hand about fears re: a college test that she bonded to him, was able to trust in his leadership. Not to say tarn your egalitarian doesn’t work for you. And I think many men have also said they would prefer that, if it worked w a woman like myself or Liz. But it doesn’t. I don’t know if that means a man can never show or share weakness because if so I agree that isn’t fair to him, being a human subject to down moments/illness/bad luck. And maybe with time, like in liz’s case where the relationship is well bonded, a man can reveal more of this. A man sending the, “I’ve got this, don’t worry” is a very soothing signal, at least for me. Just as it is in a leader, even if that leader doubts the win in battle, knows the odds are against, he must not show that to the troops. Instead he needs to make them *believe* and then even against the odds they can win. I am not sure this makes sense. My fiancé saying, “this is going to work and we are going to make it” even despite his concerns would have settled me down. But when he showed doubts, I felt doubts. I don’t know a lot about horses but I think there is an analogy there. The horse whisperer guy, he was able to get scared and flighty horses to settle because they saw him as their lead and as their lead he was sending the “it’s all ok” signal. So I agree w what Ton is saying. It doesn’t have to be abuse of power to be leadership. Abuse of power leads to rebellion. Leadership is about respect, choosing to follow. If that makes any sense?

    The fiancé replied he wants to drop the stuff and pick up his when I am not here. Interesting…

    Liked by 3 people

  234. FuzzieWuzzie says:

    One of the things that ran through my head was the thought of women seeking advice from other women about relationships. It does seem to descend to “dump him” pretty fast. I don’t think that we did that here for you. Snooping in your phone crosses a boundary of privacy and demonstrates a lack of trust. Somehow, I think this is a symptom and not all of it.
    You did your best. He did his. What is getting to me now about all this is that it should have worked. While you both have had failed relationships, he hasn’t recovered. His ex-wifes did a good job of ruining him for anyone else. Not that they would care or, more likelt, take joy in exercising that power.
    I am sorry for you and the Bloomettes. What I would do would be to eat pizza and watch some movie to take my mind off it all.

    Liked by 4 people

  235. This all said being a particularly strong woman, and one who spooks easily, I probably need more of this type of dynamic than most. In the horse whisper scenario, I am probably the one others have given up on, the one who needs a true horse whisperer.

    Liked by 1 person

  236. FuzzieWuzzie says:

    Exchanging property without both parties in attendance is a risk that could lead to pointed fingers later. It would also leave property unattended. Bad idea.
    He’s probably afrad to see you face to face.

    Liked by 2 people

  237. @ fuzzie agreed, I don’t mean to vilify him. He has been thru much. Even this morning I extended to offer again to postpone this decision, get some counseling, explore the issues, see if it’s something we can work through. It’s up to him now, at the moment he is not showing interest in that. I can’t grovel. And I won’t. I need to leave it alone. Pizza and a movie, that’s a better route. Maybe man from snowy river? The horse whisperer?

    Liked by 2 people

  238. Tarnished says:

    “Not to say tarn your egalitarian doesn’t work for you.”

    It’s not for everyone, certainly. And if I’m honest about it, I make the majority of decisions, planning, and paying. It is a matter of ability and personality type, not necessarily chromosomal/gender based. Each couple needs to determine what’s right for them…not anyone else.

    “This all said being a particularly strong woman, and one who spooks easily, I probably need more of this type of dynamic than most.”

    There is no shame in admitting this, or in recognizing that any relationship you get into should have more dominant partner.

    I like Fuzzie’s advice. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  239. Spawny Get says:

    “I don’t mean to vilify him”

    errm I’ve seen this happen. IMHO that’s not what you did. You haven’t painted a good picture, if you feel that’s a fair portrayal…I think you should move on. But having said that, you know him better than us, so it still is your decision to make. I made suggestions on how to address what you have described.

    Can you picture a marriage under the conditions that you have described here?
    If not, what has to be changed, or understood (and changed)?


  240. Spawny Get says:

    Well done Fuzzie @6:54pm. Great stuff.


  241. Sumo says:

    Just as it is in a leader, even if that leader doubts the win in battle, knows the odds are against, he must not show that to the troops. Instead he needs to make them *believe* and then even against the odds they can win.

    You nailed it, Bloomer. Being a leader means taking charge of a situation, and doing your damnedest to ensure that those following you have the confidence necessary to do their jobs.

    This ties in with the whole “men don’t have/show emotions” thing that has been discussed in other threads; those who have been charged with leading others HAVE emotions, but they know that because they’re responsible for the well being of their subordinates, they can’t afford to show them.

    ‘Tis much the same in relationships. In order to keep women feeling safe and secure, a man needs to project confidence and competence at all times, even if he’s having doubts. It’s not macho/alpha bullshit, as the fembots would claim, but a responsibility to care for your loved ones.

    Liked by 1 person

  242. FuzzieWuzzie says:

    I haven’t seen The Horse Whisperer. Here is my suggestion

    You may want to hold ont to your little one during the scary parts. There is also the sequel, Return to Snowy River, that is almost as good.
    Pizza and Root Beer for all!

    Liked by 1 person

  243. Cill says:

    I haven’t been following here but I hope you’re okay, Bloom. I don’t know what you decided if anything but whatever you do you’ll give it your best shot. You’re a battler. In situations like this don’t make any big decisions for a while unless you have no choice – and with your head not your heart. I wish you well, Bloom.

    Liked by 1 person

  244. Cill says:

    I meant to say don’t make any other big decisions for a while unless you have no choice

    Liked by 2 people

  245. jf12 says:

    re: “that’s the best way”

    Ah, I found it. It was in the pre-overflow appendix. I quoted you there saying you chose aspects of your appearance strictly because it made him happy. And I was congratulating you on making that choice for the right reason.

    I also used the word dictionarious correctly.

    Liked by 1 person

  246. Yes Fuzzie, I agree, he is going to drop off my stuff. I think I should wait to give him the more valuable things in person, so there can be no allegation that it did not happen or got taken or whatever. Good idea.

    Liked by 2 people

  247. Tarnished says:

    Fair enough, though it’s not a one-way street. I wear female clothing and keep my hair waist length because he likes it (even though I’d rather cut it extremely short). In exchange, he is trying to lose weight to be healthier and always keeps himself clean shaven since I dislike facial hair of any kind.

    The best relationships have both partners willing to make the other happy when possible. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  248. Tarnished says:

    “I also used the word dictionarious correctly.”


    Liked by 1 person

  249. jf12 says:

    @redpillgirl, re: “if he really loved me, could he walk over a very workable issue?”

    Nope. Sorry he seems to have skittered for good.


  250. Spawny Get says:

    Play nicely or play elsewhere


  251. Yoda says:

    Like in death of family member,
    best thing to do stay busy it is.


  252. theasdgamer says:

    Too bad Liz is shy about her piercings. Wondered about tail piercings. Hmm. I feel an attack of impending genius coming on. Tail, magic marker, and a game of darts. Spawny, do you think that heaving darts at the tail of a young damsel could ever catch on in a pub? The darts could have very short needles on the nose.


  253. Spawny Get says:

    I’m trying to picture it, would there be prizes? The peeps love prizes, they do.

    Liked by 1 person

  254. Spawny Get says:

    New post there is…


  255. FuzzieWuzzie says:

    Considering the time, I hope that the exchange went well.

    So your FwB is clean shaven. It’s nice that girls have different tastes. That leaves opportunity for furry you-know-whats.

    Don’t kidk Bloom when she is down. That’s just mean.

    Liked by 1 person

  256. Spawny Get says:

    Fuzzie, hence my 9:50 comment. I left the comment that caused it up so that it was understood in context. That was it.

    Liked by 1 person

  257. jf12 says:

    @Fuzzie, was no kidk, was not mean.


  258. jf12 says:

    @Spawny Get, re: nicely.

    Presumably it is the curtness or something of my comment, but I believe it to be good advice as well as well intentioned. Bloom asked the relevant question, probably rhetorically.


  259. Sumo says:

    FWIW, I’d didn’t read that comment as “mean”.


  260. FuzzieWuzzie says:

    I really like Bloom. At this time, best to be supportive. If you had no malice then, you have my apologies.

    Liked by 1 person

  261. Just happened to be a few minutes late leaving, crossed paths with the ex-fiancée as I was going out the door. He would not even look me in the eye. Not sure what that is about, but I am pretty sure it’s done.


  262. Cill says:

    “He would not even look me in the eye”
    The more challenging the situation, the more he should look you straight in the eye. He should speak to you as well, even if just “Gidday”.


  263. FuzzieWuzzie says:

    About his not looking you in the eye. I am not sure what is up with that.
    I am so sorry. There is something going on and we may never know what it’s all about.

    Liked by 1 person

  264. Spawny Get says:

    I’m defending the atmosphere on my blog. I’m very happy that Bloom felt able to share and start a discussion here that I hope she found helpful. Bloom has clearly earned the good will of many, but it’s not about Bloom per se. Anyone that I trust here would receive the same consideration.

    I’m not in a hurry to ban anyone, but I find having to fish for attacks in deliberately (imho) obfuscated intentioned comments boring. I didn’t start a blog to be bored, or tbh, to spend much time moderating comments. I’ll just start putting commenters in the sin bin, and getting out again is when I feel like it. The more you bore me, the more arbitrary I’ll get.

    While I have immense doubts that all women are attracted to jerks, I am damn sure that I’m not. So I would appreciate a little more care over the tone, so I can go back to enjoying reading your comments at face value. Nobody else is triggering this response from me. Can’t we all just get along?

    Liked by 3 people

  265. Cill says:

    Yep to Spawny there. Obfuscated stuff makes me want to go elsewhere.

    Liked by 1 person

  266. Spawny Get says:

    He should have looked you in the eye and suggested you two talked it over calmly – at some point – soonish. During that discussion he would have explained his recent behaviour, you’d have been as understanding as you felt was reasonable and then you both could decide whether there was any future. It would have to be one shell of a good explanation of what happened and why it wouldn’t happen again, if I were you. Just saying. But you’re a big girl, it is your call.

    I’m glad you’re holding it together, it all helps show your character to the community…and to the next guy…or the current bear.

    Liked by 1 person

  267. Sumo says:

    Spawny, brother, I have no intention or desire to ruin the atmosphere on your blog; I hope you can believe that.

    I have a direct and blunt manner of speech; I absolutely don’t mean to be hurtful or demeaning to anyone. If the hammer needs to be dropped on me, by all means – drop it. I will understand and accept it.

    Liked by 1 person

  268. Spawny Get says:

    I’m still pissed that Molly isn’t here tbh. I liked her about the place. She added to the community without demanding more than the basic courtesy that a guy should be able to expect. And she fed the bear.

    Liked by 2 people

  269. Spawny Get says:

    May I draw your attention to my statement above, vis; “Nobody else is triggering this response from me”?

    I’m not fussed at feathers ruffled on females due to a male tone. That tone is what females visiting here should expect. The women here all have a track record of not taking impersonal comments personally. Afaiac that’s their price of entry.

    I know some guys are pissed off by past treatment, I understand that and so do the women Maybe blow off steam somewhere else and come here for the therapeutic atmosphere? I’d understand that. Hell, I do that.

    Only one person may not have gotten through the argument a few days ago, that’s all I’m saying. I did not enjoy that argument.


  270. Spawny Get says:

    It’s definitely not you Sumo. Trust me. Relax, quaff something alcofrolic to honour Cill’s good luck.

    Liked by 1 person

  271. Spawny Get says:

    Good night again.


  272. Sumo says:

    I appreciate that. I truly do.

    I also know who I am and what I sound like, so again: if my ass needs to be kicked, then kick it. I will accept it, and more than likely thank you for it.

    Liked by 2 people

  273. Cill says:

    Sumo , bro, you are definitely not the obfuscating type

    Liked by 1 person

  274. Sumo says:

    AND, at this time, I’ve had drinks in honor of Cill, Molly, Roy, Biff, and even a few for little Meddy. And now I should go pass out. Night all.

    Liked by 3 people

  275. Cill says:

    Pass out well bro


  276. The not looking me in the eye thing triggered my spidey sense… Listening to it. And thanks again to ya’ll for listening to me, and for the sound advice, encouragement, and well wishes. Glad I can feel safe to do so. You guys are swell! Gnite from the west coast.

    Liked by 3 people

  277. One thing I forgot to say earlier, I saw a really interesting documentary on the man to horse whisper movie was based on. As a child, from age 3 or so, he performed tricks on horseback in a traveling show, standing on the horse as it galloped around and such. Turned out his dad was beating him wi an inch of his life behind the scenes, forcing him to do it. He said that’s how he learned to help horses, bc he knew fear himself, and he refused to train them by “breaking” them or other cruel methods. In the end he made peace w all that, turned lemons into lemonade by teaching others how to manage horses w gentle leadership. He met a real nice lady and they were happily married. It was a good story, hard to hear of his early experiences, but very inspirational how he had overcome. Ok gnite!


  278. http://abcnews.go.com/Entertainment/buck-real-life-horse-whisperers-story-abuse-finding/story?id=15421784

    Guess I remembered some of that wrong, he was six when he was doing the horse stunts. Still pretty young. The documentary is well worth watching if you get the chance.


  279. Spawny Get says:

    The not meeting your eye isn’t necessarily bad in itself. It might be that he feels shame for acting like a dick, though identifying what behaviour that he feels guilty over is a conversation to be had with him.

    Not adulting-up and say, “Let’s talk (at some point), I feel we should clear the air like adults”. That’s a major problem to me. I can’t see how he would explain himself, but he should try (as should any adult – feminism for the win; Women should be adults too and treated equally. Well…that’s what they say. Must be what they do, right? LMAO)

    Liked by 3 people

  280. Liz says:

    Aren’t you part Irish, or something, Cill?
    Your serious drinking day is tomorrow! 😉


  281. I agree Spawney, there wasn’t a lot of communication about what was bothering him until the ultimatum. I really do think a lot of this is about his fears of another failed marriage more than it is about me specifically, although there are things I could have done better and I admit that. The issues he had with me (talking just my stuff here) seemed very workable to me, and I was/am very willing to try and work them out, go to counciling before we make a big decision, and have voiced this to no avail so far. I do hope at some point we can have a talk like you say, for closure if nothing else. I don’t quit on relationships easily and take commitment very seriously. It puzzles me how others can just suddenly end something without really trying to look at, discuss, and attempt to solve the problems first. And of course I am questioning myself, is it me, what did I do, what did I miss, etc. I know that’s pointless but I find myself going there nonetheless, as well as having to resist the urge to call and plead with him to change his mind. That’s the emotional side talking, I know, just wanting these feelings to stop rather than bc that’s truly in my best interest. And doing so would likely not help, probably would lead to more rejection and pain. So I am laying here awake asking myself “now what?” I know I need to take steps to take care of myself, use this as an opportunity to build a better Bloom, not let it derail me. The feelings are so overwhelming and cycling back and forth between feeling ok and acceptance and then feeling desperate to get him back, make this all go away. It’s probably going to take awhile. I truly appreciate all of you listening to me, I will try not to be tiresome about this. I know also I need to shift my focus from what I can’t control (him) to what I can (me). And to heal a very broken heart. I was so excited about our future, hard to accept that’s probably not going to happen. 😦 and maybe in time I will be glad it didn’t, right now it’s too soon to see that.

    Liked by 1 person

  282. theasdgamer says:

    @ Spawney

    For prizes…kisses have been done before…maybe panties as a souvenir to take home to the missus or hang on the wall in the den? Or maybe you get to dunk your unfavorite polly in a tank of suds. Camoron, Blairingatcha, etc.


  283. Spawny Get says:

    “I really do think a lot of this is about his fears of another failed marriage more than it is about me specifically,”

    I think so too. FWIW.

    I’m not saying there aren’t lessons for you to learn, I am saying that there might not be. I do not know enough to say which is true. But that doesn’t matter imho because you probably do. Learn any lessons that exist and then drop the rest…says the INTJ older man GHOW.

    TBH it sounds like you played your part (maybe imperfectly, but to a large degree) in making it work. You showed character in not screwing over ex’s, at least without him giving good reasons why it was the ‘right’ thing to do. I have to say that I like that in you.

    It takes two to tango, I believe Gamer can confirm this.

    Liked by 2 people

  284. theasdgamer says:

    @ Spawny, RPG

    I suspect that RPG’s ex-fiancé got cold feet after he saw all the potential changes in his life as well as additional risks. Probably used to batching it. Probably not a Bloom thing at all. He probably just wants distance in order to make it easier for Bloom and himself.

    Doing same thing now with my ex-dance partner, although in her case it was her married status that was the main issue. Just going ghost. Removing all hope of a reconciliation is kindest. Not easy to do, either. No explanation and no dilly-dallying about. Maybe friends again after the feelings have diminished. (By “ex-dance partner” I mean that I will greatly limit the no. of dances I will do with her in the future when I go back to the venue.) In my case there was nothing overt to discuss, so just going ghost was the thing to do. Other women have asked me about my absence from the venue and I just tell them that I need a break.

    Liked by 2 people

  285. Liz says:

    Swithy: “TBH it sounds like you played your part (maybe imperfectly, but to a large degree) in making it work. You showed character in not screwing over ex’s, at least without him giving good reasons why it was the ‘right’ thing to do. I have to say that I like that in you.”


    I agree with Swithy. And I think you’re right about shifting the focus from what you can’t control to what you can. But that will take time, because your heart is broken and it has been such an awful emotional rollercoaster for you. So sorry, again, Bloom. 😦

    Liked by 1 person

  286. Liz says:

    “Aren’t you part Irish, or something, Cill?
    Your serious drinking day is tomorrow!”

    Intended to say Sumo, up there (don’t know about Cill’s heritage, nor do I know if they celebrate St Patty’s Day). 🙂


  287. True spawney, I will probably never really know, easy to look back and think “if only this, if only that…” If I had done all he asked this still might have happened. Maybe as much as this hurts now, it would have been far worse later? He wanted to expand my business a lot, and take on a lot of debt to do that. I wasn’t comfortable with that. I wanted to live a happy low stress life, let the business humm along, do our jobs, but not have work or my biz consume our life. To fix up the house but not to the total overhaul level he wanted to (again on debt). Maybe those differing visions would have led to just more and more strife? Maybe he would have maxed us out to the point of collapse, then left? I will never know. He’s very goal driven and a hard worker, I don’t doubt he could have done it, but like I told him I wasn’t sure I could handle the stress and risk of that aggressive plan. So maybe that would have done us in anyway? Who knows. I do believe things happen for a reason, maybe I need to take comfort in that and trust better days are ahead. I hope I do find someone someday and we can build a life together, I would like that very much. Of course I need to heal first, not rush into something new. But maybe in time… I hope. I am a relationship person, even with all the risk.

    Liked by 2 people

  288. Spawny Get says:

    “that aggressive plan”

    I wonder if he had in mind that he had to add to what you had in order to prove himself…back to someone else’s comment about insecurity.

    “that aggressive plan” doesn’t address the phone stuff though, or not directly


  289. Liz says:

    He sounds like he’s kind of a person of ‘passion’ and probably had a vision he wanted to follow through with even at great risk. Then again, he might just have a gambling problem…or a lot of undisclosed debt.
    Hard to say, I don’t know him. I wouldn’t feel comfortable with large amounts of debt either. In any partnership, you have to have a say in something like that…not just accept a huge gamble and large debt, even if one “dreams big”, it’s not the season in life to risk it all when there are young ones in the home.
    But, I don’t know the situation, and I don’t want to speculate.


  290. alana says:

    Hi Bloom, I’m sorry this has happened to u. 😦 Though we haven’t chatted much, it’s clear u’re a nice person who’d make a terrific life partner to the right guy.

    I have to say that, honestly, the secretly looking thru ur phone–more than once, even after u told him not to–is a red flag IMO. I’ve limited dating history, but FWIW the only guy I dated who ever did smthg similar (repeatedly peering at my phone msges as I typed, even after being told not to) turned out to be the worst person I’ve ever known. He harrassed and threatened me for a full yr after I broke up with him, to the point I had to make a police report and secretly ordered pepper spray from the US! (It’s illegal in my country)

    Like some others here pointed out, and I wrote smthg similar on the J4G website a few mths back, there’s generally some projection going on. Such guys are not necessarily cheaters, but they aren’t the best guys either. Pple tend to see in others what they see in themselves. And it’s not just insecurity per se–which alone isn’t necessarily a very bad character trait IMO–but he made a choice to act on it, betraying ur trust in the process…I’m not comparing ur ex-fiance to my ex, he’s probably an angel in comparison, like u said he has other good qualities. But IMO the phone-snooping is a bad sign.

    As for the other things, like the child support thing, I agree with those who said those are not really the causes of this breakup. I hope it gives u some comfort to know that u behaved decently, maturely and with dignity when confronted with these issues. U did pretty much the best that anyone could. But rationality will not be able to totally stop all ur emotional pain now, that takes time. 😦

    Liked by 2 people

  291. Yoda says:

    I wanted to live a happy low stress life, let the business humm along, do our jobs, but not have work or my biz consume our life.

    On Degoba, little do I have.
    Little do I need

    Liked by 1 person

  292. alana says:

    P.S. I don’t wanna pour cold water on any hopes u still retain of a possible reconciliation. None of us are perfect and we do have to accept some flaws in our partners; pple just differ in which flaws they consider dealbreakers.

    Liked by 2 people

  293. @ Spawney and Liz, he’s actually very logical and methodical, he’s not super passionate in a hot head way, not a big risk taker. Although there is a side to him that maybe is, like in the past, the seat team and all that, he said he was an adreneliine junkie then but has mellowed with time. He said he wanted to make all my dreams come true. I told him my dream was to feel safe, loved, to have a happy family. I could t see where all that money to do that would come from, it would have taken $500,000 or more to do all he wanted to do. I don’t think we would have qualified for all the loans, even with his job. And yes, once it was done, we could have done weddings every weekend, two a weekend, plus have the place hopping otherwise, and yes that would (hopefully) have more than paid for it all. But it would have been all consuming too, lots of stress for a brand new marriage. Months ago when he first mentioned all this I did the math in my head, it didn’t seem possible. Recently he’s been getting bids for windows, roof, insulation, etc. and I think he started to see it too. Maybe he felt he couldn’t do it and couldn’t admit that? Or he maybe was annoyed at my hesitations. He wanted to go, go, go and I need the big picture, to know where I am going, before charging ahead. There were several pieces of the plan that were still unknown, like if buying the 10 acres next door was possible, so charging ahead without knowing the full picture seemed preemptive. Anyway, personality differences. He did mention in his last marriage, she had a home, he fixed that all up, they sold it, he built a 4,000 square foot place on a hill overlooking the river. He mentioned she did all the money, watched the bank account daily. Maybe she had to? Her parents also put money into the house, over $125,000 plus the bought the land and built w the money from selling her place. so she kept it in the divorce and he says he did not get his share of the equity after doing all the work. He has a good job, makes three figures, but he is also spending all of it, little to show in savings beyond retirement. Bought his house at the top, so maybe $30,000 there. Owes more on the land rover than it is worth. Finances everything instead of paying cash. He had an rv when we met but sold it shortly after. He wanted to get a new truck ($50,000), a new tractor ($25,000). Plus all the rest. But he also wants to retire in 10 years. I couldn’t fogure it. I am like Ton in that I believe in pay cash or you don’t need it. Live below your means. I do have some debt but not much compared to most people. The biz has some debt, but I have more than enough in inventory to move soon to clear that. Again thinking out loud here, trying to figure all this out. I think we would have run into trouble over these differences, too.

    Liked by 1 person

  294. Thanks Alana. I agree the snooping is not ok. I mean maybe he could look at that and understand why and with counseling we could work thru or at least clearly examine the personality differences, then decide. I would like to try, even just for the closure and feeling it was a conscious decision if it turned out we couldn’t. Right now he is showing no interest in that. Takes two to tango, as was said before. Time will heal the emotions. It’s helping me immensely actually just to write it all down.

    Liked by 1 person

  295. Liz says:

    “He said he wanted to make all my dreams come true.”
    Aw. Oh, wow…I think I’d have been a goner at that. And I’m not even much of a romantic. He sounds like a very good guy, in many ways.

    “I am like Ton in that I believe in pay cash or you don’t need it. Live below your means.”

    Me too, Bloom. Money matters are really important, and seeing at least partially eye to eye on that stuff is crucial. My husband and I have different “money styles” (he was always closer to the way your guy is), but not anywhere near that different.

    Liked by 1 person

  296. Yoda says:

    Lack of stress from lack of debt a big lifestyle enhancer it is.

    Liked by 4 people

  297. Liz says:

    “Lack of stress from lack of debt a big lifestyle enhancer it is.”

    Yes, the road to hell is paved in “want it now” and “pay for it later”.

    Liked by 3 people

  298. FuzzieWuzzie says:

    Thanks for telling us about your differing philosophies about debt. That would have become a problem later. As it is, he hasn’t taken on a nickel in leverage. You would be working your tails off to cover half a million.
    His story about building the big house and seeing nothing for his sweat equity is telling too. Emotionally, he couldn’t afford to go down that road again.
    Warren Buffet had a thought about leverage, or buying stocks on margin, “good investors don’t need it”.


  299. theasdgamer says:

    @ RPG

    With your ex’s plan to change your business, sounds like he saw some of the same problems that I did and he wanted to take control and get you to rely more on him and his energy. Not saying that his approach would have necessarily been a mistake.

    The green-eyed monster thing with the phones sounds so beta and is unattractive. Better to find that out early.


  300. Spawny Get says:

    Took ’em long enough. Why did they think he’s widely called Bliar in the UK?

    Mr Blair is seen as a divisive, hopeless figure who has “no credibility” with any of the negotiating parties trying to resolve the now seemingly-permanent impasse between Israel and its Palestinian neighbour as well as wider problems in Syria, Iraq and Iran.

    Frankly all sides just rolled their eyes at the mention of his name,” the official said, as it was reported that Mr Blair was being “eased out” as head of the Quartet, a loose group that comprises negotiators from the UN, EU, US and Russia.

    Rumours that Mr Blair was being asked to resign have been current in diplomatic circles for some time. They were confirmed on Sunday night by The FINANCIAL Times. Mr Blair’s office has declined to comment.

    Officially the Obama administration has been publicly supportive of Mr Blair, with officials describing him Sunday as a “valued partner in trying to bring peace to the Middle East” but in private the same former officials were scathing.

    Plenty of people still believe Mr Blair should be put on trial for his role in taking the UK to war in Iraq. Others would rather he took responsibility for allowing this country to be swamped with millions of new arrivals from the EU.

    Ultimately Anthony Charles Wynton Blair is as much the hopeless herbert of global diplomacy as he was UK prime minister.

    It’s just that now the rest of the world understands this fact.

    Wanker. Utter fucking traitorous wanker. Just my opinion of many, many people.


  301. Spawny Get says:

    Blimey, serious accusations. I’d heard the name Miranda used, but not why.

    Liked by 1 person

  302. jf12 says:

    Gives new meaning to the term Miranda warning. “Just a heads up, buddy. There’s more to her than meets the eye.”

    Liked by 1 person

  303. Ok this is so weird, I decided to go for a walk to clear my head and help so something to improve my mood. I was going to walk a few laps around my property but something called me over to that 10 acres. I decided to walk a loop around it instead. As I walked I noticed what seemed to be running water, and so I followed it to the head of what seems to be a spring. The property, and empty hay field, has been plowed for years, so I bet the creek has been plowed under (people don’t like to admit they have a creek as it can trigger all sorts of regulatory mumbo jumbo.) As I continued my walk on this glorious warm sunny day, I felt a presence. The universe, God, whatever you want to call it. Love. Abundance. And suddenly I could see it all so clearly, my fiancee and others who I thought were trying to pick on me or control me or criticize me (him, friends, family) — they have all been trying to do nothing but help me. And I have been so stuck and mired in a stagnant swamp of lack of faith or hope due to past pain and betrayals and hurts that I could not even see it. I realized all those people love me and want nothing but for me to succeed. But they can’t help me if I don’t help myself. They have stuck by me and loved and believed in me when I didn’t love and believe in myself. It was like a light went on, here I am standing at a waterfall with a teaspoon instead of a bucket. It’s all been right here all along! I know this probably sounds new agey or something and I am not that at all. But I do believe there is more to this than this, and that we are all here for a reason and are all part of something bigger, all connected. So regardless of whatever happens with me and the fiancee, he has actually given me a very powerful gift through this experience. I can see it so clearly now, what I need to do. I can’t believe I did not see it before. Or maybe it’s because I haven’t slept more than a few hours since Friday and I am loopy and need a nap! Hopefully not. Actually, probably both. OMG another Bloom derail moment, thanks for coming along for the ride, show’s over folks, put a dollar in the hat!

    Cookies anyone?

    Liked by 2 people

  304. FuzzieWuzzie says:

    I think that you may be healing but, you should turn in early tonight. Aside from that, I couldn’t make much sense of your comment.
    Yes, people love you. Smoe of them are here.

    Liked by 3 people

  305. @ Fuzzie yeah, maybe lack of sleep! I guess you had to be there. Short versions: I realized today during a walk that no matter what, I am going to be ok. 🙂 And I am loved and don’t need to be afraid. I just need to get up and show up and the rest will take care of itself, one day at a time.

    Liked by 4 people

  306. FuzzieWuzzie says:

    You do need some sleep! You mentioned that the ten acre property had its own spring. Why would that be a problem? Normally, it would be a benefit.


  307. Cill says:

    Lack of sleep plays tricks. I know this directly.

    Liked by 2 people

  308. Cill says:

    There must be something I can do to help. Maybe I should go over and meet this bloke, and see if I can suss him out.

    Liked by 1 person

  309. Spawny Get says:

    If you borrow a fur coat from Fuzzie you could pass for Bigfoot. Just think what that’d do for Bloom’s tourist trade. Three way split of the loot sound about right?

    Liked by 1 person

  310. Spawny Get says:

    I’ll settle up with Fuzzie for the coat rental.


  311. Spawny Get says:

    Liz, was there a ‘geek’ setting on that dialect site?

    Liked by 1 person

  312. Yoda says:

    Pounds sterling or European funny money?


  313. Spawny Get says:

    We could get you dressed up as Boo-boo, I’ll do Yogi and Alana can be Cindy-bear. As mastermind of the operation I have to be Yogi, as clearly I’m smarter than the average bear…
    Dollars, I reckon.

    Liked by 1 person

  314. Spawny Get says:

    What’s the exchange rate on Aldebaran Dingleberries these days?

    Liked by 1 person

  315. jf12 says:

    Leave it to me to drag it back on topic.
    “does it generally take longer for us to believe something if a woman tells it to us than it would if a man told us the exact same thing? Definitely!”
    “I’m both smart and sane, so I don’t actually say any of this aloud.”
    That must be because he needs to change to trust women more. Obviously it can’t be because women need to become more trust-worthy.

    Liked by 2 people

  316. Yoda says:

    “does it generally take longer for us to believe something if a woman tells it to us than it would if a man told us the exact same thing? Definitely!”

    Men at fault they are.
    Universal this is.


  317. Cill says:

    “If you borrow a fur coat from Fuzzie you could pass for Bigfoot.”

    Funny you should say that. A few years ago, there was a small circle of people who liked to think of me as a local bigfoot because of my height and reclusive lifestyle and I didn’t go to town much back then so my hair was long. Some women came out in a boat with cameras. They didn’t know which beach I’m at, so to throw them off and have a bit of fun I tracked them up the coast to a deserted beach before letting them catch a glimpse. When they cautiously came ashore I leapt out at them with a roar. Man it was funny, they scattered like rabbits in a weasel’s den.

    Liked by 4 people

  318. FuzzieWuzzie says:

    For you to get to Bloom’a house would involve a very long boat trip. Getting past the Columbia River bar might be the most dagerous part. However Spawny’s ideas sound great. We all show up, have lots of fun, and, hopefully, hopefully don’t eat Bloom out of house and home.

    Liked by 2 people

  319. Cill says:

    Actually I was serious when I made my suggestion. I feel like doing something instead of just sitting around yakking about it

    Liked by 1 person

  320. Chateau Bloom is always open to good friends and great discussions about the meaning of life, love, and the road less travelled… Although some advance notice is always appreciated 😉 that said, there is also something to the element of surprise! It’s been some time since a Bigfoot sighting around here, I bet we could sell the blurry photos for a bundle!!! 😉


  321. And yes the Columbia Bar is one of the most dangerous passes in the world, be safe if you do!!!


  322. Cill says:

    I’ll check it out


  323. I could show you a barn built in the wilderness with nothing but an axe, a Victorian farmhouse that looks like a gingerbread house, chickens, an old growth tree with a smile face on it, two more old trees with a thick metal cable between that has been there so long the bark has completely engulfed it and shows no bump, an old broken pocket watch and other random metal bits found around the place, a dog so ugly it’s cute, a black cat that really does have 9 lives, two rasquelly Bloomettes, a beautiful valley, a seemingly impossible dream, and many tales of things happening that are near miracles, the story of two pioneer homesteaders who made it thru thick and thin. Chateau Bloom is a special, special place! I treasure it.


  324. Farm Boy says:

    New post is up


  325. Cill says:

    Does the man like boats, Bloom? I’m trying to work out a viable line of approach to the man.


  326. FuzzieWuzzie says:

    Your Chateau sounds wonderful!

    Liked by 1 person

  327. But now we turn our attention at chateau bloom to the annual tradition of building the perfect leprechaun trap…. Maybe this year 😉


  328. cill the man…. My fiancée or ???? Not sure I am following….


  329. Cill says:

    Your fiancée. If I go over to speak to him, I’d need a viable line of approach.


  330. FuzzieWuzzie says:

    Why would you want to trap a leprechaun? They can think and may be more dangerous than dragons.

    Liked by 1 person

  331. Sumo says:

    I am highly amused at how quickly the term “Bloomette” has caught on.

    Liked by 2 people

  332. Spawny Get says:

    just a thought.

    Bloom’s intended marriage has failed without her being at fault. She’s handling it calmly in public, doing the decent thing by not doing the finger pointing. So, even if the relationship doesn’t come back, Bloom comes out of it showing NAWALT behaviour, showing the potential next guy that she was loyal, calm, honest but the the guy backed out for his own reasons…THEN this 6’5″ Kiwi shows up out of the blue looking to interrogate the guy ‘for Bloom’.

    I’m not sure that’s the message Bloom wants sent… 😉

    I think Bloom’s got this one covered, mate.

    Liked by 1 person

  333. Cill says:

    Fair enough. I was trying to think of a concrete way to help. The bloke would like me from the get go. Men do, as I’m a man’s man. I thought if I broke the ice with the guy, took him fishing on my boat, man talk, you know… find out where he’s at for Bloom…

    You’re right. Not one of my brighter ideas.

    Liked by 1 person

  334. Cill says:

    Actually it was a damn stupid idea. One of my “lack of sleep plays tricks” moments.

    Liked by 2 people

  335. Spawny Get says:

    Once the pressure is off, and it was major pressure, it’s fine to let the thoughts play with themselves…

    I didn’t see any threat in what you said, but the scenario might be misread by the good town’s folk. There is a downside to your physical presence, unlike my BTMSGL where I simply have to carry a shitty stick around to discourage the ladies that are driven beyond reason (I can’t blame them, it is the natural response after all)

    (and…just thought I’d allow Bloom to relax)

    Liked by 1 person

  336. Lol Cill, I appreciate the thought, but I do think Spawny is right. The fiancee will have to figure it out without us. His loss.

    Liked by 1 person

  337. @ fuzzie the leprechaun trap is a harmless endeavor. We dig thru the recycling for boxes and such. This year’s trap is a tissue box on its side, on top of a cardboard lid for the base. We festooned that with markers and such, then added a little rock path up to the door, a grass clipping lawn on both sides, then leaves and pine/cedar branches draped about. Plus a pile of M and M candies for good measure. This morning there is no leprechaun (drat! Foiled again!) but he must have visited because there is a handful of coins left behind plus several camellia blossoms! Happy St. Patrick’s Day! 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  338. Spawny Get says:

    BTMSGL, for the uninitiated, being of course Better Than Movie Star Good Looks

    Meaning, self-evidently that (quoting from above)

    “unlike my BTMSGL where I simply have to carry a shitty stick around to discourage the ladies that are driven beyond reason (I can’t blame them, it is the natural response after all)”

    is teh funny

    Liked by 1 person

  339. theasdgamer says:

    it’s fine to let the thoughts play with themselves…

    Somehow, brings images of Tony Blair to mind….not a pretty thought.


  340. Spawny Get says:

    Just picture him in the dock at the Hague.


  341. theasdgamer says:

    @ Spawney

    Just picture him in the dock at the Hague.



  342. Spawny Get says:

    furrymuff (fair enough)


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