50 Shades Got It All Wrong


After attending to family business, I’m back in the breech. My thanks to those who expressed condolences.

Hollywood is desperate.

Movie after movie is essentially the same as the one which preceded it. The same sets of characters are recycled, repackaged, rebooted, re-imaged, rewritten, and redirected. It’s as if there isn’t enough bravery to attempt to do something new.

UNLESS . . .

The movie breaks new ground in showing something salacious as a distraction.

Remember all the hype about Sharon Stone flashing the camera in Basic Instinct? Now one can see much more flashed on The Red Carpet this coming Sunday at the Oscars. Flashing in a movie is SO passe.

Imagine, if you will, a typical Hollywood studio office, with two executives pondering what moves they can make to restore profitability, and diminishing the need to go to the state for a taxpayer-funded subsidy (Really!):

What can we (read: Hollywood studio execs) do to pull people in without having to do a good movie and risk being too cranial for the viewing public?

Full Frontal Nudity? Been done to the point that people expect that.

Societally-deviant relationships? Been doing that since I Am Curious Yellow, if not before.

Simulated sex? Not with so much of the real thing available from porn sites.

What about we get kinky? Bondage has worked since horse operas were popular. Tie a wench to the rails and wait for the train! It stirred many a metabolism.

Except that we can’t use trains. Too many fools seem to think they are harmless toys and might try this themselves. John Landis almost lost his ass misusing a helicopter filming Twilight Zone, and killing three people doing it.

How about we peek at the world of BDSM? It’s got sex, bondage, power games. We could make the dom a wealthy billionaire and the sub a virginal college student . . .

THAT’S IT! Call in the writers! Get me a treatment STAT!

And so, yet more titillating dreck is shovelled in front of the proles who have little enough real excitement in their lives, who are willing to shell out real money in trade for pretend experiences.

People in the promotion business should be reading up on this social marketing phenomenon. It’s so wrong, and yet they made it into a blockbuster. People’s lives are so drab that they are willingly misled into visiting a world which really doesn’t exist despite all the real-life trappings used -Helicopters, sailplanes, high-rise penthouses, limousines- to amuse and entertain two people who can’t possibly be real while having an improbable relationship.

50 Shades should have been a MGTOW classic, a guy with all the money in the world who could do anything he wanted any time he wanted once the daily business needs were attended. He would have more hot women than he’d know what to do with throwing themselves at him, the ultimate alpha of their dreams (read: rich). He could pump them and dump them, and others would line up for their turn. Why does he instead spend his time stalking a mousy kid with no overt sexuality with an eye toward completely controlling her life?

I don’t see any MGTOW taking on the full-time control of another human being. He’d have enough to do with keeping his own life managed. And if he’s a billionaire, he has to keep his business operating or the fairy tale ends – FAST!

What this movie is really about is a male-supremacist. A guy who has no life, who doesn’t have it together enough to become wealthy, who couldn’t attract a woman with a fist full of Franklins in a Nevada cathouse. You know – a loser like this. But you wouldn’t make a killing on that tale.

I read a comment on a New York Times comment thread regarding 50 Shades. The writer proposed changing a few things about 50 Shades, demonstrating by doing so that the story was really about the man’s money turning on the readers, and not the kinky sex. Swap billionaire for cross-country trucker, swap the college student for a truck-stop tart, swap the toys for a strip of used mudflap, and swap the playroom for the camper perched on the back of the truck:

Almost Heaven, West Virginia!

Now doesn’t THAT make for a bodice-ripper!!!! Smell the flapjacks burnin’ while the pages are turnin’!!!

I’m going to go WAAAAAAAAY out on a narrow branch, and suggest that most people aren’t smart enough to figure out how they are being played by this movie. Women all want to think that they could become an obsession for a rich man, even if they have to put out. Men might think that if they got a bit physical in the bedroom they’d get more of the kind of action they crave. Both are doomed to serious disappointment. (One such whines here, blaming everything EXCEPT herself.)

I’m watching to see if this is one of those movies which fades fast after the first week and word-of-mouth has made the rounds. But the damage it’s already done will resonate for quite a while, as those misled into attempting similar deeds discover they aren’t made for it and blame everyone but themselves.

That’s my 2 cents’ worth.

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Posted in Blurkel, Movie TV Review
35 comments on “50 Shades Got It All Wrong
  1. Farm Boy says:

    Sorry Blurkel, I did not see that you had posted. I would have held off if I had known.

    Like

  2. Farm Boy says:

    Blurkel,

    Together we knocked that unpleasant picture off the front page.

    Like

  3. FuzzieWuzzie says:

    This whole Fifty Shades thing has lead me to the larger question,
    Do women want to be alpha widows?

    Like

  4. Tarnished says:

    50 Shades is not, contrary to popular belief, about BDSM. It’s actually about abuse and using money as an aphrodisiac.

    Which is just sad.

    Like

  5. Yoda says:

    It’s actually about abuse and using money as an aphrodisiac.

    Chicks dig it they do.

    Like

  6. Yoda says:

    Do women want to be alpha widows?

    Yes the answer would be.
    Five minute rule applies it does.

    Like

  7. blurkel says:

    @ Farm Boy

    No worries! I think there’s room for us and more on some topics.

    @ Fuzzie

    Alpha widows are what women are hard wired to seek. This has been proven through several paths taken by psychological researchers. Women capable of learning from their mistakes find the best guy possible for them instead.

    @ Tarn

    There is an embedded linnk from The Atlantic regarding how the BDSM community denounces 50 Shades as accurate. I felt that information was too important to leave out.

    Like

  8. Tarnished says:

    Blurkel,

    I saw that. Thanks for adding it. Such things need to be clarified and corrected before people actually get hurt.

    Like

  9. Spawny Get says:

    How about this peach?
    ‘My man is a loser’
    http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2166934/

    “My Man Is A Loser is a full-featured comedy about two married guys who employ their single playboy friend to help them get their mojo back to save their marriages. During the ensuing adventures, things start to backfire leaving the wives to wonder if the new versions of their husbands are worse than the old ones.”

    “The story starts with some promising comments on the fate of husbands at the hands of their wives, but it endlessly repeats the old Jewish joke on this issue (that husbands — even those who do well at work — are brow-beaten at home. You know the kind of thing: ‘Why do all Jewish husbands die before their wives? Answer: Because they want to.’). And as the plot develops this theme becomes increasingly tiresome, boring and, indeed, nasty, until you begin to yawn when each predictable scene follows another: nagging wife, misunderstood husband; men are from Mars, women from Venus; etc. etc. And then the soppy ending you saw coming after the first five minutes. I’d give it ‘One’ star but maybe it deserves three if only for some of the acting and editing.”

    Like

  10. Yoda says:

    Women capable of learning from their mistakes find the best guy possible for them instead.

    And then resent him forever they do.

    Like

  11. Yoda says:

    the BDSM community denounces 50 Shades as accurate

    If accurate it is,
    why denounce they do?

    Like

  12. Tarnished says:

    I think Blurkel meant to say “inaccurate”, which it certainly is.

    Like

  13. Liz says:

    ” The writer proposed changing a few things about 50 Shades, demonstrating by doing so that the story was really about the man’s money turning on the readers, and not the kinky sex.”

    Yes. Exactly so.

    As a side note (since, it’s okay to go somewhat off topic here), I was noting to my husband yesterday about two people who are near and dear to me, who would be absolutely perfect for each other, if they reversed genders.
    One, my nephew. He’s a musician (guitar, singer)/high honors college student with full scholarship/hard working guy with extremely good looks.

    Two, the daughter of a friend who is a pre-med student. She’s an amazing musician (piano), virgin at age 20, very very good girl…smart, funny, insightful, traditional values AND she’s absolutely fucking loaded. Parents are rich. We’re talking about a very nice, rich, clever, witty, genius who is going to be a doctor, and she’s from a good family.

    But if I tried to set them up….my nephew would be insulted. She’s not pretty. If she worked and worked to make her body smoking hot, she’d be passable as a butterface, but never good enough for him.

    I noted this to my husband and he said, “turn this around…and imagine a very very good looking guy who has no ambition and very very stupid…what does that do for you? Nature isn’t fair. We’re animals.” He’s right, of course.

    Like

  14. Liz says:

    Of course, it does bear mentioning that a man would be called shallow if he (honestly) rejected a woman who has everything else going on with the exception of her looks.

    But everyone would understand if the woman said, “He just has no ambition/is too stupid/doesn’t get it/ accede to my needs…yadda yadda”.

    Like

  15. Yoda says:

    Shallow he would be

    Like

  16. Yoda says:

    Men always expected to be productive they are.
    Never change this will.

    Like

  17. Yoda says:

    She’s an amazing musician

    Use “amazing” not.
    Shallow it does sound

    Like

  18. Liz says:

    “Use “amazing” not.
    Shallow it does sound”

    Prodigy she is. Learned to play like a concert pianist without any lessons, solely by ear, she did. Amazing the correct word, it is.

    In the past I might have used the word ‘special’ but corrupted the language has become.

    Like

  19. Yoda says:

    “Amazing” a word that twentysomthing women do use.
    “He was just amazing”
    “My friends are amazing”
    “That restaraunt is amazing”
    “That sex was amazing”

    Yoda can talk like you if desire he does.

    Like

  20. Yoda says:

    But he does not.

    Like

  21. Liz says:

    Use the word amazing if you want, Yoda. I’m not going to complain and police your talky.

    Like

  22. Yoda says:

    Misunderstand you do.
    By “talk like you” non-Yodish I do mean.
    “Amazing” is issue not.

    Like

  23. Liz says:

    Lol! Got it.
    Sorry I misunderstood Yoda. 🙂

    Like

  24. blurkel says:

    @ Yoda

    Resentment seems to be part of the modern marital arrangement. I believe it has to do with the female version of what males discover after they’ve wed. But they are more of a societal bloc than men are, and get away with blaming men for proposing to them in the first place, forgetting that they said yes and agreed to marry.

    As you’ve said many times, Wise One, they don’t take responsibility for their actions. Just another reason why men should MGTOW and not attempt to be Christian Grey and dominate the life of a woman. She will defeat him somehow.

    Like

  25. blurkel says:

    @ Yoda

    I need to replace this aging laptop! Lots of typos slip through.

    The original comment was intended to say that the BDSM community does NOT believe that the movie portrays their activities accurately, and they are concerned that people who already don’t understand what goes on will become even more confused and spiteful.

    Like

  26. blurkel says:

    @ Liz

    Your tale of two who YOU see as being a perfect match -even if the genders need to be reversed- is why Western societies no longer abide by the arranged marriage. You already know he’d not like her, even though he’d not give her a chance due to her looks.

    A Saudi husband recently divorced his wife upon her removing her veil at the end of the marriage (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2837721/Saudi-husband-tells-bride-wants-divorce-wedding-seeing-face-time-photographer-asked-pose-pictures.html#ixzz3JNdH6oRj). I can see where the practice of arranged maarriages there could come to an end if enough of these fiascos occur.

    But if a woman really wants to marry, she can find someone to marry her. Just look at the new Governor of Oregon, a married bisexual woman whose husband had to see past her very plain looks to agree to the wedding. (http://www.lgbtqnation.com/assets/2015/02/Kate-Brown.jpg)

    She clearly tries hard to make what she has work, but few men I know would like what they see enough to put a ring on it.

    Like

  27. blurkel says:

    As a musician myself, I agree with Yoda. “Amazing” can apply to someone whose entire show is a lot of flamboyant movement or other stage tricks (see: KISS). “Accomplished” is a much better term to use which shows respect for the musician’s training and practice.

    Like

  28. Cill says:

    I’ve added a new post “I GENUINELY PORKED A PPP!! (Predatory Promiscuous Princess)”

    Like

  29. Yoda says:

    Resentment seems to be part of the modern marital arrangement

    Expect much she does
    Never get it she receives.
    Problem this is.

    Like

  30. Yoda says:

    Just look at the new Governor of Oregon

    Fifty shades of Brown she would be.

    Like

  31. Liz says:

    “Your tale of two who YOU see as being a perfect match -even if the genders need to be reversed- is why Western societies no longer abide by the arranged marriage. You already know he’d not like her, even though he’d not give her a chance due to her looks.”

    Lol! But she has an amazing…*cough* excuse me, really…er, great personality, blurkel!
    And she isn’t actuall deformed, just…chubby and kind of homely. But, yeah, in a nutshell….you’re right. Genetics are kind of destiny.
    I think of this every time I see a picture of Tory Spelling.

    Like

  32. Yoda says:

    amazing

    Use that word again you do.
    Jedi you will be not.

    Like

  33. Yoda says:

    My Man Is A Loser

    Translates to “My man gives me tingles not”

    Like

  34. blurkel says:

    Whether true or not, Master Yoda, there are times to restrain one’s inner urges. They tend to offend those who don’t have any at all.

    Like

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