In the small hours of the morning Dog wakens me with a growl. I immediately get up. Dog never growls without good reason. I keep him close to me as he leads me to the cliff. We stare down into the darkness. The sea is calm. The sea can never be as still as a lake can be. There’s always a faint swishing of water on the sand. I hear a sound that doesn’t belong. Something is moving steadily and stealthily down there.
I take Dog back to the house. He knows I’m going to lock him up and he hates it. His instinct tells him to protect me. He had a hard early life from organized dog fighting, as a result of which he could be dangerous with people. I don’t want him to get hurt either. So I shut him indoors and ask him to be quiet.
I load a shotgun. The down side of living in a secluded paradise is the remoteness from civilization, the police, and people. Not too long ago I had a showdown with a criminal gang who wanted to make my paradise their bitch. An experienced sailor, a big powerful boat, and a remote location far from the law would be tempting assets for a criminal gang, especially if they take over by a squat-and-don’t-pay method.
I creep back to the cliff, then along the top keeping out of sight from the sea. Without going into the detail, I make my way to the bottom at the end of the bay where I keep my boats. I’m invisible from the sea here. I make for a viewing position and look out.
The beach is empty. I hear the stealthy movements again, much closer now. Then I find myself gawking at what I see.
A woman in silhouette is emerging from the sea. As she walks closer into shallower water I see more and more of her. She’s naked under the moon and the stars. I mentally try to shake some sense into my head, not because there was an intruder but because of the nature of the vision. If I was a painter who paints with his eyes, I was looking at my own personal picture of ultimate sexiness. From average-width shoulders into her small waist and out with the flare of her hips, and the thighs decreasing in fullness all the way down – a long way down – to her slender knees…
And the way she moves is like the most alluring sirens in 5000 years have given her personal instruction. She turns and I see the glorious swell of her breasts. She’s so hot my jaw aches.
She’s calm and confident in her movements. She’s a peaceful part of the night. There’s no threat here. It’s like there’s a sign saying “Do Not Disturb”.
I go back to the house. As soon as I open the door Dog runs to the edge of the cliff and stands stiff, one front paw slightly raised. Finally he appears to satisfy his mind as to something, and returns calmly. Ten minutes later I hear a small motor quietly moving a boat out to sea barely above idling revolutions.
M and I had a serious talk, as mentioned in my earlier post (https://spawnyspace.wordpress.com/2015/02/09/the-ppp-and-the-other-woman-should-i-marry-her/)
Afterwards the mood was lighter during this exchange:
Me: “You’ll be happy to know we have a new attraction here.”
M smiles. “From the sea?”
Me: “Yes. Something that came up during your absence.”
She waits expectantly. I can see her wondering what sort of whale or other sea life I could be talking about.
Me: “Are you going to guess what it was?”
She then asks these questions one after the other: “A new Orca pod?”, “A Great White?”, “A Seahorse?”, and after each question I answer “No. More exotic than that”, until I can see she has given up.
“A mermaid”, I say, and she realizes what I’m getting at, and blushes.
I knew it was M all along of course. It’s not often you see a woman look so much better naked than in a bikini. In fact never, in my experience. That’s what threw me the night I saw her emerge from the sea.
Should I Marry Her?
My options Are:
- Non-marriage co-habitation
- Friend With Benefits
- Just sex
- Platonic friends
- No contact at all
- Shift to a non-feminist country and marry
I almost didn’t post on this subject. It was quite a few weeks before I warmed up to the idea. I didn’t expect to receive so much valuable input on my first post about “M” and me: https://spawnyspace.wordpress.com/2015/02/09/the-ppp-and-the-other-woman-should-i-marry-her/
It really has helped. My discussions with friends in person has not done as much. It’s difficult to go one place IRL where there will be such a diversity of opinion. The other advantage of blog comments is, they are just naked words. No bodies or sounds or scents to distract me. I’m a naked word man.
My Feelings For Her
So far I’ve dwelt on M’s feelings for me. Now I’ll try to deal with my feelings for her.
The physical attraction:
There was never any doubt as to the effect we had on each other. Her face would flush slightly, her voice would become softer without losing volume. She’d laugh real easily, and her eyes would sparkle and flash and she’d move her head more, exposing parts of her neck and throat. The whole effect was Tingles, pure and simple. There’s no mistaking it when you see it.
As for her effect on me, well, with her it was more visual than sex appeal usually is with me. She has the body from… well I’ve already described it haven’t I.
The emotional attraction:
I’m led by the head. The heart is very much there, but the head is its minder.
- Somewhere in Tarn’s blog I mentioned the importance to me of woman’s character, the impact it has on me. M ticks all the character boxes. I’d love her to bits if I allowed myself to.
- Nature gave me a powerful need to produce children. That’s my default status. Feminism, the biggest anti-nature force the world has ever known, has placed unnatural risks in my way. I’d rather be dead than allow the State forcibly to remove me from my own children. If push came to shove, I would not go gentle into that good night. There’s a lot at stake with me + woman = children.
- She has made her position clear: Marriage is her goal. Anything else such as FWB would be a stage toward that goal. Feminism has made it impossible for me to marry. Heart breaking events in my life have proven it to me. M’s end goal is incompatible with my position.
1 + 2 + 3 = option #6: No contact at all
This is my position on the face of it.
M is a woman who, from where I’m looking, is that nearly non-existent thing, the Unicorn. To lose her would be to lose something of great value and possibly the best thing to happen in my life. Basically I love her already but have not flicked the switch. Another way of putting it is that if we went our separate ways I would not be heart-broken.
The reason I don’t want to marry is that in a feminist country a man in marriage is a slave. At best I would live as an honorary free man at the sufferance of a woman who could put me back in chains any time.
Data on marriage does not fill me with optimism: http://www.statisticbrain.com/marriage-statistics/
Statistic Verification Source: CDC, National Survey of Family Growth Research Date: 1.1.2014 Marriage rate 6.8 per 1,000 Divorce rate 3.4 per 1,000 Percent Currently Married by Race and Sex: White Men 44 % White Women 51 % Black Men 32 % Black Women 26 % Hispanic Men 43 % Hispanic Women 45 % Probability of first marriage surviving 10 years: 0.66% (1 in 15)
What am I doing here:
I’m interested in talking it through with the good folks of Spawny Space. If you ask me questions here, I’ll discuss them with her (as long as they are pleasant of course). She is very anxious to talk to me and has made herself available to meet me or speak to me by phone any time.