Caught up in the blowback?


I had a long day yesterday, and so when I read Tarn’s latest post – Being Gender Dysphoric In The Manosphere I recognised her pain but I didn’t really know how to respond publicly. Even now, as I write, this feels a little rambly. I might make this part of a series of posts, see how we go.

I think each persons reaction to her post will be very much affected by that person’s experience, their point in the red-pill taking process and just may be – age. Missattempts (a male commenter on Tarn’s blog) says (with some re-formatting and a spelling correction to help those unfamiliar with the terms)

I think that the only guys that might appreciate and comprehend your ideas are the OLDER MGTOW’s like Spawny Get and Francis.
It’s simply not realistic to expect that the typical “incel” or social outcast, can appreciate or understand where you are coming from. For many, it’s a non stop “pity party,” and it’s ALWAYS the other person’s fault. To, them you are the “enemy,” and couldn’t possibly understand their plight. Or why in the heck don’t you offer yourself up to them to alleviate their pain?
Oh wait, you did contemplate doing that, but you couldn’t bring yourself to do it.
From the film “Cool Hand Luke,” “It’s a failure to communicate. Some men you can’t reach.”

As an older more maturerer man with distinct MGTOW instincts, I think Miss raises a few fair points there (while going too far on others). My divorce was something like fifteen – twenty years ago in the UK after a short marriage without kids. I was in my early thirties. It wasn’t very expensive (around $5k in total) or a protracted legal process (Neither of us saw the inside of a courtroom). I had been supporting her financially for around five years in total, but she didn’t get to gouge me when the relationship died, she didn’t really try to very hard. You might consider it a ‘starter-marriage’ in some ways. A term that I saw only recently, but recognised immediately. The process was very painful for me, but compared to the modern tales I read? Just a bump in the road. From that point on I regarded myself as what I’d now call mostly-MGTOW, though it would take around a decade before I came across the term MGTOW and the manosphere.

My MGTOW is a determination, not a red-button that others can push. If that makes sense? It is not lightly held and it is not an open wound to be prodded. I think maybe that my age is a factor too. Even given the chance to reproduce (which has never been a strong urge, though it could have happened if that marriage took another route) I would not want to. I would be too old as they grew up. I don’t like the way the future is shaping up. If I had kids now I wouldn’t really know what to tell them (particularly boys, but not only boys).

I have kind of a disconnected view of society. I’d like to see it do well. I don’t think it is going well and I think that the future is worse. I look at the ‘leadership’ that the world has and…Spawny isn’t impressed. To put it mildly. In addition to leadership by the least inspiring types imaginable, we also have too many idiot ideologues spouting their tired SJW (Social ‘Justice’ Weasel) tropes, engendering hatred just so they can panhandle (or they genuinely have severe mental issues preventing them from seeing the people around them as more than caricatures to be hated or exploited). My main ‘hope’ may sound far from hopeful, but it’s that after this has all crashed, the people left can rebuild something better. In that world men will be the builders once more, respected for their skills. Women will be perfectly able to do what they can actually do. No more double standards, if a she can do the job as well as a he? You go for it. Equal pay for equal work. Quotas and AA will be gone. Why? because they are BS luxuries that will no longer be viable. All the race baiters and gender baiters will be gone too.

When I met Tarn it was on JustFourGuys, I think, about a year or so ago. My immediate reaction was along the lines of ‘wow, what an interesting point of view she has’, so I read some of her blog and emailed her. In every exchange of views I have found her to be very male in outlook. I have never talked to her, but as far as I can tell Tarn is exactly what Tarn says she is; A Male mind in a Female body. The friendship that resulted is a friendship of two males. Given the age gap there’s an element of old git man – young man, may be even uncle – nephew, at least from my end. I don’t dispense wisdom so much as offer a point of view from the other end of twenty more years of experience. Tarn takes or leaves what she wishes.

Why was my reaction to Tarn like that? A number of factors, I think:

  • My MGTOW is a cold thing. Not concerned about what others think. An attitude also helped by my INTJ self, I think. People think all kinds of crap. I don’t take that as a threat to my model of reality. I feel myself to be rather well grounded in reality. I could wonder if Tarn’s claim was real without any threat to my reality, and came to the conclusion I’d find out, because if it was accurate, then what insight she’d have.
  • I’m old enough to remember before the dam broke and released the tidal wave of PC diarrhea. Back before a claim of special snowflake selfness was an attempt at some very weird form of empowerment. These days victimhood is a badge to be proudly claimed by the victim of nothing but an emptiness of self and a craving for attention, it used to be that victim was an unfortunate thing to be. I’m clear that there are genuine victims of reality in amoung the clamours for attention from the strange attention-addicts that we all see around us. I could believe Tarn without having to believe in pan-sexual, otherkin, multiples and all those new manifestations of special people looking for special snowflake identities. If I was growing up now my bullshit deflectors would be far harsher and hair triggered than they actually are. Want to claim you’re a special multiple including otherkins and stellar formations? go right ahead, but leave me the hell alone because I ain’t buying, nor am I giving. Go sell it elsewhere. Maybe my INTJ deathstare stops many special people even raising their specialness in my presence? If so, you guys need to practice. This place (the manosphere) is INTJ central
  • I think things are worse now for men and boys. They legitimately have more anger at the misandric bullshit they suffered growing up. I recognise their right to be angry, but I don’t often share it. I don’t see anger as useful to me very often, or what I want to do; Spread the red-pill to my brethren (and whichever sisters can take it) and encourage them to go their own way towards a better life for them. Screw the gynocratic system, live for yourselves.
  • So I can understand that some of my brothers don’t want to let a female bodied person into their male-spaces. I understand because there is a huge history of such entryism going wrong. The first women in to a male space likely want to experience the male atmosphere, but then the ‘me-too’ women push their way in…and start complaining about the tone, and the decor, and the fact that the male atmosphere gives them bad-feelz every now and again. If men just changed this little thing…and that little thing…and…blah blah…the list of changes will be endless until the institution dies. I suggest you check into how well Atheism+ (warning – funny) is doing right now. They went through this process.

    Society has been pushing this female entryism on men at every single opportunity where advantage to women (real or fantasy) has been perceived by fembots and other misandrists (male and female). MGTOW is pushing back against that. Tarn is caught up in that. I actually truly believe that she is a friend to men. She offers unique perspective. Her blog shows that she walks the walk as well as talks the talk. She seems very honest, exceptionally honest to me. Objective with a colour-wash of optimism and compassion. Look at Tarn’s ‘rant‘, even that is the rant that a younger idealistic guy might write when his open honesty is rejected. That is the reaction of a blue-pill guy getting LJBF’d by a woman that he genuinely liked, genuinely was a nice-guy to, was following the script handed to him by society – ‘being himself’. There are a lot of guys here that will recognise the reaction she shows in that post, because they’ve been in a very similar position themselves in their past.

    I consider her a real friend. I see her as an asset to MGTOW, but I understand the MGTOW reaction. I think that they’re wrong in this specific instance, but…they have a right to be wrong. The constant pushing of gynocentrism has generated blowback in the form of harsh rules designed to protect the last male spaces (except for dirty and dangerous workplaces that feminists see no value in invading).

    I’m sorry that Tarn, a friend of mine, has been caught up in that. Tarn does not deserve to be.

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    Posted in Tarn, Why
    6 comments on “Caught up in the blowback?
    1. Emma the Emo says:

      ” I see her as an asset to MGTOW, but I understand the MGTOW reaction. I think that they’re wrong in this specific instance, but…they have a right to be wrong. The constant pushing of gynocentrism has generated blowback in the form of harsh rules designed to protect the last male spaces”

      I agree on that one. I often think about this, and wonder what I should really think about the “nastiest” of the manosphere sites 🙂 On one side, I think “They can be so unnecessarily mean”. On the other side, I realize they are necessary for things like freedom of speech, and for honesty. Someone has to let tone-policing SJWs and government officials know that tone isn’t everything. And polite measures are not enough anymore.

      Unfortunately some well-meaning people get caught up in this. That blowback was never meant for them. I think the answer is not to take it too personally, and avoid visiting the blogs that only add negativity to your life (you can’t help those people anyway, unless they have a donate button and you’re absolutely itching to help financially).

      Liked by 2 people

    2. Spawny Get says:

      Thanks for the comment, Emma. If only the world was one where goodness was rewarded and badness failed.

      Goodnight from me

      Like

    3. Cill says:

      This is a great post. The reason I support Tarn is personal. It’s because her posts and comments helped me a great deal.

      Tarn’s gender Dysphoria is not something I think about much. It’s there, it’s intriguing, but I seldom think of it when reading her stuff or commenting. Since most if not all people refer to Tarn as female I do too for no better reason than that it’s easier than having to explain why I refer to Tarn as male. When interacting with Tarn’s mind, though, I am interacting with a man of about my own age.

      Any supporter of MGTOW who can help a man to the extent that Tarn helped me is an asset to MGTOW. It was during this time of knowing Tarn, that I “settled in” as a MGHOW. By “settled in” I mean confirmed myself as something more than just “single and not looking”.

      This was important.

      It helped me in dealing with people, women in particular, to be able to say “I am a Man Going His Own Way. I am a part of MGTOW.” My family and extended family understand it to this day. So do my friends. They now know what MGTOW means and they respect it and they respect my position with regard to it. Anyone who has been in a similar situation will understand what I’m saying here. The label “MGTOW” is of extreme importance to some men. May the meaning of it never be diluted. Tarn is one who understands this.

      I don’t want to go into details of ways she has helped me. It’s too personal. She won’t even be aware of half of it. My point is, she is an important friend of men. No-one but a significant friend of men could have delivered the particular help I needed. There were several aspects to this, one of which was simply that I was able to refer family, friends and women to the site tarnishedsophia. They saw a significant site that was led by a significant guiding intellect with wide knowledge of the subject. They saw wisdom and understanding of men. Anyone who will look at Tarn’s works objectively will see her this way.

      Liked by 2 people

    4. Spawny Get says:

      Thanks for the comment. Any of that you want to make into post(s) please do so. How you were helped, how the term MGTOW aided some rellies to understand you better…all good

      Like

    5. Tarnished says:

      “She won’t even be aware of half of it.”

      That’s how you know you truly helped someone. If you really lend a person assistance, you don’t need to know how much it aided them…only that you did.
      Thanks, Cill.

      And thanks to Spawny for making this post.

      Liked by 2 people

    6. Spawny Get says:

      No problem, I wrote what I thought. Took some time to write, however.

      Like

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