A haven for POOOOFF (People Off Of Obtrusively Overt Forced Flatulence)


(in the acronym, “Person” can be substituted for “People”)

[Actually the only reason for this post is that the previous one was getting too big and slowish to load ๐Ÿ˜‰ ]

Much has been made of the Fart-Rape culture.

“Ashleigh Ingle a proud feminist and an anarchist argued that because of patriarchal gender norms women were not allowed to release gas in public because of menโ€™s unreal expectations of women to be clean and feminine. Furthermore she articulated that if a woman was to fart in the presence of a man and the man responded by farting louder than the woman, than that would be rape.” http://thewaterpipe.wordpress.com/2013/12/22/can-a-fart-be-misogynist/

GOAL:

We provide a fart-removed zone. Although the Fart-Rape culture is an opportunity for a man to experience and be sensitized to the horror of rape, the experience of a woman must necessarily be worse because her senses of hearing and smell are superior to a man’s
(http://www.bogus_link_to_bogus_feminist_research_bogusly_showing_women_are_superior_every_which_way).

In a fart exchange, therefore, the man must inevitably lose. He will be adjudged to be the rapist. It is true that the assault to the senses is almost equal between the genders. However, by the fact that she is ever-so-slightly more victimized by her senses, she is absolvedย of responsibility and he is rendered absolutely culpable.

Our environment removes the sound and aroma so that the fart cannot constitute rape.

In our experience there are two types of people: those who will admit to past episodes of unbridled flatulence and those who will not. The former are POOOOFF, the latter are non-POOOOFF, simple as that.

RULES FOR THE NON-POOOOFF:

You may enter provided:
You respect that this is a haven for POOOOFF.
You are the inviteeย ofย a POOOOFF.
You do not attempt to approach, communicate or engage with POOOOFF in any way.
You make your presence here as brief and unobtrusive as possible.

You are welcome here if you respect these rules. Please feel free to take a POOOOFF promotional pamphlet from the stand by the Exit door.

The hell with the rules (which were taken from Womyns Centre rules for men) . Just come on in.

Symptoms of POOOOFF:

  • Hollow cheeks (from sucking in air during a “burner”)
  • Flattened facial features (a recidivist victim of “door-slammers”)
  • Watery eyes (a recidivist victim of “soup-coolers”)
  • Hair that projects backwards from the face and head (a recidivist victim of “pinex-rippers”)
  • Puffy cheeks (from holding back giggles and warbles during a “tickler”)
  • Swagger (know they can empty a crowded bar in 20 seconds max)
  • Walk with clenched butt-cheeks (an habitual victim of “follow-through”)
  • Haggard facial expressions (from the harrowing experience of throwing “blue flamers”)

HOW DO WE ACHIEVE OUR “FART-REMOVED” ENVIRONMENT?

There are Fart Trousersยฉ for hire and changing rooms for rent. (This is a non-profit organisation, but we needs must defray the costs of lease, insurance, commercial cleaning, and thousands of air freshener cannisters. And of course, there’s also the research and development cost of the Fart Trousersยฉ).

Our Fart Trousersยฉ are our secret technology. No-one may enter these portals without them.

So come in and relax without fear of inadvertently raping or getting raped here!

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I dwell near Moehau Mountain in the rugged Coromandel area. I am refined and artistic and bang bones together for rhythm. I belong to a rock group called The Banging Boners (all drummers). We are looking for a vocalist, preferably a female Moehau Man. Tune and lyrics all one note, all one word in rhythm with the Boners.

Posted in Fun
62 comments on “A haven for POOOOFF (People Off Of Obtrusively Overt Forced Flatulence)
  1. Cill says:

    It’s just as well you deleted the rules or I wouldn’t qualify to be here. I’m only here because the previous post was getting pretty big.

    Like

  2. FuzzieWuzzie says:

    There is a problem with all this reasoning, it doesn’t take dogs into account. How can thid be made into a gendered issue when a whole ifferent species can cause trouble.

    Like

  3. Moehau Man says:

    That’s a good question Fuzzie. My worst rape experience was being violated by a lion. He sort of peeled back his lips and screwed his eyes tight and emitted a stench that would outlive religion. I believe this is called cross-species fart-rape.

    Like

  4. Moehau Man says:

    And in response to Cill’s sanctimonious comment, us blokes have all been guilty of fart-rape at some time in our lives, if we’re honest.

    Like

  5. Spawny Get says:

    BenKhaziGate…whatDifferenceGate

    Like

  6. Cill says:

    This is a case where we should remain off-topic throughout. Otherwise we’ll never get off of the Khazi toilet humor.

    Like

  7. FuzzieWuzzie says:

    Moehau Man,
    A few days ago, I saw a documentary on Neanderthal Man. Scientests are reasonably sure their diet was 85% meat. Thinking of your lion experience, I hope that the caves of Neanderthals had high ceilings.
    P.U.

    Like

  8. Cill says:

    The Republicans had the Clintons over a barrel with Whitewatergate. Bill might have been innocent but Hilary was guilty as sin. Then typically, along came the morals, the Star Chamber, which took over completely. Ironically Monica and co. let Hilary off the hook.

    Like

  9. Moehau Man says:

    Yes well, I tend to stroll outside and point the old fundy downwind before I let rip, young Fuzzie, otherwise Mrs Moehau Man (my keen-nosed old mum) tends to object,

    Like

  10. Cill says:

    I can imagine Spawny living in an oldish place with high ceilings. Enough room to swing a bat (he’s sure to be a cricket fan).

    Like

  11. Moehau Man says:

    Well I happen to think it would be a grand idea to harvest the flatulence of all living things except sharks and yeast. We need the former for the bubbles in spirit-levels and the latter for the bubbles in beer.

    Like

  12. FuzzieWuzzie says:

    Moehau Man,
    You are a good son to your Mom.

    Cill,
    What tore it for me with Hillary was her contention that women are the primary casualties of war. That is unconscionable.

    Like

  13. Cill says:

    I wonder how much Hilary would now push the feminist agenda as a candidate in an election. She’s fairly canny.

    Like

  14. FuzzieWuzzie says:

    Cill,
    Hillary is just too much. She failed to get the nomination for candidate for President in 2008. It may be even tougher for her today.
    At a guess, the person most likely to be our next President won’t come forward until late 2015.

    Like

  15. Cill says:

    That’s very interesting. Is Hilary not the favorite for next President?

    Like

  16. FuzzieWuzzie says:

    Cill,
    Even in my blue pill days, it was plain to me that Hillary was too divisive. What a Chief Executive needs to do is build consensus.

    Like

  17. Cill says:

    What time is it there, Fuzzie? Here it is 1753 hours on a bright clear still afternoon. I love this place. The sea is like the sky, it’s never the same twice. It’s quiet. No traffic, no voices, no background murmur of town or city. It’s clean like a world 20,000 years ago.

    Like

  18. FuzzieWuzzie says:

    Cill,
    It’s just after midnight here. Beddy-bye time for bear. Winter is starting and there is snow on the ground. It’ll be gone in a couple of days. Winter is good in that it’s quiet. When Spring comes around and I can open the windows, my neighbors serenade me with lawnmowers.

    Like

  19. Cill says:

    See you tomorrow F. Wuzzie Bear

    Like

  20. Cill says:

    Hell’s teeth this is still so f*cking funny I can’t let it go:

    In Los Angeles I am.
    Land of fruits and nuts thinking it does affect

    (attributable to yoda btw)

    Like

  21. I assume that beans and chili are on the menu.

    Fartology

    “IDGAFart.”

    “IFIYGD”

    “Barking spiders”

    SBD (silent but deadly)

    A struck phosphorus match will eliminate local sulfurous odors.

    Like

  22. Spawny Get says:

    Cassoulet is a viable option for those of a Gallic bent.

    Like

  23. Spawny Get says:

    May only work in a few countries

    Like

  24. Spawny Get says:

    and there’s more

    Like

  25. Spawny Get says:

    And the farting sketch

    Like

  26. Spawny Get says:

    Frank Hovis – Taxi!

    Like

  27. Cassoulet is a viable option for those of a Gallic bent.

    Mine isn’t bent, Gallic or otherwise. Ta-dum.

    Like

  28. Spawny Get says:

    Cassoulet allows you to tear cloth with a pleasant, herby aroma. You might find yourself fetching the duvet from the corner of the room a few times through the night but at least you can imagine yourself sleeping in a rustic farmhouse rather than a chemical warfare research gas chamber. Chaque a son gout.

    Like

  29. Spawny Get says:

    Is Frank Hovis too much for the Murican palate?

    Like

  30. Moehau Man says:

    “A struck phosphorus match will eliminate local sulfurous odors.”
    Yes well, Mrs Moehau Man (my homebody old mum) has implemented that solution many times.

    “This is a case where we should remain off-topic throughout.”
    With this blog owner?
    Muahahahahaha! ๐Ÿ˜ˆ
    Get real.

    FWIW Of course Frank Hovis is too much for the American palate, Spawny! You know it!

    Like

  31. Spawny Get says:

    So you can watch the videos then?

    Like

  32. Moehau Man says:

    “Mine isnโ€™t bent, Gallic or otherwise. Ta-dum.”

    You know, I don’t believe I have ever dropped a bent one… until they hit the pan of course.

    “So you can watch the videos then?” With a fixed grimace, yes. ๐Ÿ˜‰

    The video you intro’d as “And the farting sketch” was the one Mrs Moehau Man (my ribald old mum) liked best. She’s still watching it BTW.

    Like

  33. Spawny Get says:

    Cheers to Mrs Mohau

    Like

  34. FuzzieWuzzie says:

    Off topic but , genuine good news.

    http://www.cotwa.info/2014/11/in-wake-of-indictment-of-college-sex.html

    For how long have they been waiting to write a post like this?

    Like

  35. Spawny Get says:

    New post up, but it’s UKIP and UK politics…I understand if you prefer the atmosphere here.

    Like

  36. FuzzieWuzzie says:

    Terrace Popp outdoes himself with this one.

    Like

  37. Yoda says:

    too much for the Murican palate?

    Americans strong constitution they had.
    Undermine it liberals do.

    Like

  38. Yoda says:

    I understand if you prefer the atmosphere here.

    Atmosphere here odorous it is.

    Like

  39. Spawny Get says:

    Fuzzie, GREAT video. Thanks for the link to it.

    Like

  40. Cill says:

    Spawny, that’s refreshingly good news out of Sweden.

    Fuzzie’s cotwa article: My great Uncle is a Barrister. In my teens I used to talk to him and go into his library. He gave me “Concept of Law” by HLA Hart, and introduced me to the old “Hart – Devlin” debate. He explained to me that great Jurisprudence is not being written any more. He didn’t say so, but I now suspect it has been suffocated by feminism. Jurisprudence represents the patriarchy in it’s heyday, you see. It’s about a gazillion times more intelligent and advanced than Gender Studies.

    Independent intelligence is the greatest threat to feminism. As your link shows, there’s still a residue of it in the law. It’s small, but it’s there, and growing.

    Like

  41. FuzzieWuzzie says:

    Spawny Get,
    This video has got to make all the fembots furious. I hope that they do not escalate as they did with Danger and Play.

    Like

  42. Cill says:

    Yoda, I for one would be interested to know, have you experienced “past episodes of unbridled flatulence”, and if so, what was the effect on your environment? Were Padawans impacted?

    Like

  43. Cill says:

    (From the beginning I have suspected trauma in our Padawan’s past)

    Like

  44. FuzzieWuzzie says:

    Cill,
    It may not be feminism that has corrupted the law alone. A lot of it may be political orrectness.
    Having Alan Dershowitz chime in I hope is the death knell. He is a law professor and represented the Nazis when they wanted to march in Skokie. Ill.. While he is Jewish, along with most of the residents of Skokie, he felt that the right of free assembly and the Constitution came first.

    Like

  45. Cill says:

    Fuzzie, political correctness for sure. To me, political correctness, Feminism, Progressive Movement, are all limbs of the same beast.

    Like

  46. Liz says:

    What about farts thrown in the presence of deaf, olfactory impaired women?
    If the rape fart happens and no one can hear it or smell it, was it really a rape?

    In other related news, not only do plane fart rapes happen, scientists actually support it!!!

    http://www.nydailynews.com/news/world/scientists-support-breaking-wind-airplane-article-1.1265744

    So many possibilitiesโ€ฆwhy can’t I get paid to make a study like this?
    It goes on to say in the cited obviously high caliber published medical journal article, that the women’s farts are the more deadly of the two.

    Like

  47. Cill says:

    “womenโ€™s farts are the more deadly of the two”
    They should pay more fart tax then.

    Like

  48. Yoda says:

    Yoda, I for one would be interested to know, have you experienced โ€œpast episodes of unbridled flatulenceโ€

    Irrelevant this is.
    Small I am.
    Little I eat.
    Miniscule gas I produce.

    Like

  49. Yoda says:

    Cheese-head Spawny is.

    Like

  50. Spawny Get says:

    I’m not the green one…

    Like

  51. Cill says:

    We should lobby for compulsory Fart Trousersยฉ (Pat. Pending) on planes. A Fart Trouserยฉ does utilize carbon filters, I’ll reveal that much, but otherwise my lips are sealed.

    Like

  52. Cill says:

    Cheese-head Spawny is โžก Iโ€™m not the green one โžก green cheese โžก moonie โžก whakapohane โžก ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚

    Like

  53. Liz says:

    Cill, you could probably sell that idea to the company that makes Depends, disposable adult undergarments. ๐Ÿ˜›

    Liked by 1 person

  54. Spawny Get says:

    Charcoal bung, that’s all it takes. Luxury versions could be lubricated with lip salve.

    Like

  55. Cill says:

    I’d furtively lube a fembot’s bung’ole with menthol (heh heh heh)
    Give ‘er a secret tingle.
    Or how about carbide after she’s had a feed of rhubarb?
    Yeah! Carbide plugs for fembots! A good use for obsolete fembots: Use ’em to illuminate coal mines!

    (when my dad was a mischievous young chap he put carbide in girls’ chamber pots at a “bible class camp”. The tents all lit up almost simultaneously, he reckoned. Group think. They kicked him out.)

    Like

  56. Cill says:

    What’s the most intelligent thing ever to come out of a fembot’s mouth?
    Einstein’s dick.
    (you probably all heard that one already but I had to repeat it sorry)

    Like

  57. Moehau Man says:

    Yes, well, Kiwi speech tends to end with a rising terminal as in “whakapohanEE?”. I’ve also heard it pronounced FOKapohane. Me sensitivity to foreign tongue is the reason why I added the superfluous “Of” after “Off”. This is so Americans will understand it, since they tend to say “off of” instead of “off”. They would say “Moe is the son off of Mrs Moehau Man” (me mum).

    Like

  58. theasdgamer says:

    Ignarting: Using farts as a combustible exhaust

    This was popular when I was in college.

    Like

  59. theasdgamer says:

    @ Cill

    Painting Nitrogen Triiodide on the ladies’ toilet seats is also amusing.

    Like

  60. Cill says:

    Ohh man? That’s cruel. Next fembot convention in my part of the world, I’m gonna bribe the hotel cleaning staff to paint seats with Nitrogen Triiodide. Donations to a worthy cause will be gratefully received.

    Like

  61. Cill says:

    theasdgamer re “Ignarting”

    We all belonged to a “Blue Flame Club”. I told the only slightly exaggerated story of Plum Duff somewhere else on this blog. Here it is:
    https://spawnyspace.wordpress.com/2014/11/15/feminists-dont-have-to-be-your-audience-feminists-are-over/comment-page-1/#comment-3220

    Like

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